Text of "I Want to Tell the Rules" by Yue Yunpeng

Yue: Thank you, thank you all, I love you too. As a crosstalk actor, you have to study everything. Sun: That is. Yue: The most important thing to study is the rules. Sun: Laws and rules. Yue: Of course, let me ask you, did you laugh while studying? Sun: Smile, Yue: Smile, have you studied smile? (laughing) Sun: We say this is a joke, not meanness, you know. Yue: There is a difference between laughing and being mean. Sun: What’s the difference? Yue: This is a laugh. (laughing) Sun: What about being cheap? Yue: (cheesy) Sun: Hey, you are laughing so cheaply, I tell you. Yue: I made you laugh. Sun: Don’t be ridiculous. Yue: We were joking just now. There is no big or small thing on stage, but there are rules off stage. Sun: That’s right. Yue: For example, when we talk about cross talk, in the simplest form, we have many rules. Sun: What are the rules for our cross talk? Yue: Three years of study. Sun: Yes. Yue: Two years of service. Sun: This is cross talk master and apprentice. Yue: I have been studying with my master for three years, but my master cannot accept payment. Sun: Eat the master and live with the master. Yue: My master never accepted any money. Sun: That’s that. Yue: Everyone, I haven’t received any money. Sun: You, you don’t have any plans. Yue: Two years of service. Sun: Yes. Yue: All the money I earned in the past two years has been given to Master. Sun: I am going to serve as a teacher and hand it over to my master. Yue: Leave it all to Master. Sun: Doesn’t your master not charge money? Yue: Two years of service and three more years to live. Sun: How do you talk about two longevity? Yue: May festival, August festival, Spring Festival; two birthdays, master’s birthday and mistress’ birthday, and you have to go home to see master and mistress. Don’t go empty-handed, take more things. If the price is less than 2,000 yuan, he can't get in. If the price is less than 2,000 yuan, he will let the dog out. Oh my God, the Tibetan Mastiff bit me. Sun: Wait a minute, here you are, here you are, pay attention, pay attention. Yue: Oh my God, I said too much. Sun: It’s a bit much. Let’s put it this way, if a disciple goes to wish his master a happy birthday, even if he says that he doesn’t know his master’s family, he is not a good disciple. Yue: I know my master’s family. Sun: Do you know Master’s family? Yue: Of course I know him. Sun: If you didn’t know him, how could he be bitten by a dog? Yue: It scared me to death. There are rules. Sun: Yes, yes. Yue: In TV series, there are more rules. Sun: What are the rules in the TV series? Yue: The hero said to the heroine: "Wait for me and get married when I come back." Sun: Yes. Yue: The male protagonist will definitely die. Sun: I can’t come back. Yue: Either I can't come back or I die. Also, when you cough in TV dramas, you just need to cover your mouth with a handkerchief. Group: blood. Sun: As you can see, there is blood when you cover it. Yue: You have a TV at home. Sun: You don’t have a TV at home? Yue: There is blood. Sun: Blood comes out when I cough. Yue: Yes. Make a show. (Cough) Sun: How does your body look real? Yue: Look, there is blood. (Looking) No, I can't really cough up blood, I'll die here for a while. He was still watching eagerly. Sun: The acting was unreal. Hey, no, do we have to cough up blood? Yue: This is a rule. You can't break it. Sun: Cough something else and let me see. If you change, you have to cough up blood. What’s the point? Yue: Another one? Yes, yes, yes. You cough something else, and I'll listen to see what's there. Yue: (cough) This is QQ. Sun: Who asked you? Is QQ like that? Yue: Cough out my dentures again. Sun: This doesn’t look good. Yue: Just perform it and it’s over. Sun: Yes, yes. Yue: For example, in TV dramas, when a seriously ill patient wakes up, do you know what to say? Sun: I don’t know. Yue: I'll give you a show. Sun: I just love performing this. Yue: For example, let’s say I am seriously ill. Sun: You can tell. Yue: I have been in a coma for several days. (Performance) Sun: Are you happy when you wake up from a serious illness? Yue: That’s right, eldest sister. (Laughing) (Rolling eyes) (Performance) Sun: What do you want? This is it? Yue: water. . . . . .

Remember it? Sun: It’s true, it’s true. I’m telling you, I usually wake up and ask for water. Yue: Yes, I need water. Sun: We are serious, what about something else? Yue: One more time. Sun: Let’s do something else. Let’s do something else. Yue: (Performing) Sun: What do you want? This is it? Yue: Selfie. . . . . . Even taking selfies. Sun: I want to take a selfie. Yue: Right? For another example, in a TV series, if you were chopped by a knife, right? Sun: Wait a minute, I will be chopped with a knife? Yue: I'm going to die soon, oh my god. Sun: Why was I chopped with a knife? Yue: You admire me so much. Sun: Who told you? Yue: All you earn is money to die. Sun: Don’t do that. Let me tell you, a big tree attracts the wind, and the bigger a tree is, the more people will chop it down. Yue: (looking at Guo Degang) Kill me. Sun: Why did you rush out? Yue: I have a big hand. Sun: It’s easy to do it. Yue: If you say, I was hacked. Sun: Yes. Yue: I'll run over here. If you ask me who the murderer is, I'll die immediately. Sun: Will you die if I ask who the murderer is? Yue: TV dramas are all like this. Sun: Are they all like this? Yue: Of course. Sun: I really haven’t observed this. Yue: Let’s put on a show. Sun: I also performed. Yue: For example, I was chopped with a knife. Sun: You were chopped with a knife. Yue: I'll run over. Sun: OK, OK. Yue: Wait for me. Sun: Why are you going? Yue: Wait a minute. Sun: This one was chopped off at the back. Yue: (appears) Sun: Well, this actor, let me just say this, just cut it like this. After death, you can just go back. You can still come to the front of the stage and cut it like this. This knife is too big. Yes, it hit me in the face, you know. Yue: Isn’t this possible? Sun: This is too big. I don’t have time to speak. Change it. This knife is too big. Good guy, you can get out after being cut on the face. This vitality is so tenacious. Yue: (appears) Sun: This is totally dead, you know. Why are you dying now? You know, you don’t have time to come out. Don't be like this, Zha won't have time to come out now. Hey, it won't work if you stab the heart. If you stab the heart, you will die. Yue: Let’s tie it here. Sun: Prick there, go down and pierce it here. Running, I ask you, running back, "Who is the murderer?" Yue: Murderer, fierce, fierce. . . . . . (Death) Sun: Okay, okay, get up, you will die if you ask this question. Yue: Yes, you must die. Sun: Well, let me ask, how about you reveal the murderer? Yue: No. Sun: If you tell me, we will make a sequel. Yue: Has the plot changed? Sun: It can’t be changed. Let’s fight the murderer. It’s good to have a martial arts scene. Do it again, to avenge you. Yue: OK. (Tie the head) Sun: Why do you have to die here? (Sticks neck) I can’t ask. Prick and prick. I had to run back and asked myself: "Who is the murderer?" Yue: "The murderer, fierce, fierce, fierce, Guo Degang." Sun: "Who?" Yue: "Guo Degang, Guo Degang, the important murderer said three times." Sun: "You Why did you recruit him? "Well, why did you recruit him? Yue: What does it mean? Sun: Nonsense, you didn’t see him staring at you. Yue: These are all rules. Sun: These are the rules, so what other rules are there? Yue: For example, in the TV series, no matter where your head hits, you will immediately lose your memory. Sun: Amnesia after hitting your head? Yue: Yes. Sun: I really haven’t observed it. Yue: Let’s put on a show. Sun: I suffered amnesia. Yue: For example, come. Sun: What's wrong? Yue: If you knock it, you will lose your memory. Sun: If you knock it, you will lose your memory. (Knock) Sun: Who are you? Yue: I am your father. When we were young, you and I fell in love. Later, she divorced that man, and we formed a new family. You were sick when you were a child, and I gave you the wrong medicine, and you grew up like this. Sun: Wait a moment! I remembered. Yue: You can’t remember. Sun: I remember. Yue: You have lost your memory. Sun: Then how can I remember it? Yue: I can only remember it after bumping it again.

Sun: Did you remember it after you hit it again? Yue: Is it the rules of TV dramas? Come again. Sun: Come on, come on. (Knock) Sun: Who are you? Yue: I am your father. Sun: I remember, I remember, I remember. Yue: Why can't you act like this? Sun: Nonsense, I am suffering the loss. Yue: Also, in the TV series, after the male and female protagonists quarrel, there are many people in the crowd and on the street, but the two people never see each other. Sun: This romantic movie? Yue: Yes. Let's put on a show. Sun: How to perform? Yue: After our quarrel, we wanted to meet on the street, but we couldn't. Sun: Find the other party. Yue: Yes. Sun: When a man and a woman fall in love, who will be the man? Yue: I’ll be a man. Sun: Who is it? Yue: Because I have masculine energy. (Boosting) Let me be a girl. Sun: It’s what everyone expects. Yue: Because I have feminine beauty. Sun: What do you have? Yue: I have them all, okay? Sun: Then let me be a man. Yue: You take the male one, I’ll take the female one. Sun: We had a fight. Yue: Let me give you some instructions. Sun: Put on makeup. Yue: Yes. Sun: I dressed up as this woman and we had a quarrel. After that, I had to go find him. What is this? Yue: With the headscarf, I have to look like a woman. Sun: Oh my god! Yue: (wearing a headscarf) Sun: From the side, it looks like a broad bean. Forget it. Yue: Why? Sun: I’m not looking for you anymore. Yue: How beautiful I am, and how white I am. Sun: Okay, okay, aren’t you taking it home to have a rest? Yue: Then we have to find him. You know, we have been in love for many years. Sun: It’s been many years. Yue: I will give birth to your child soon. Sun: Hurry up and play some love background music. Yue: Get ready, start. (Song of a Hero) Yue: What are you doing, hero? Please rob sex, don’t rob wealth, just rob sex. Sun: Stop it, stop it. Yue: What music is this! Sun: Isn’t it love? Has love been deleted? Love. Yue: There are no rules for playing this music. start. (I don’t know what it is, but it’s not a love song anyway) Sun: Stop, stop, stop, have you ever had love? Yue: This time, is this love? It's time to make a vow. Sun: Love songs, do you know how to fall in love? Yue: Start. (My Love from the Star Theme Song) Yue: Stop! Sun: This is, this is. Yue: Oh. . . . . . Sun: Start (My Love from the Star Theme Song) Honey, where are you? where are you? . . . . . . (Meet) Sun: You shouldn’t be able to see me when I get here. Yue: Nonsense, how can I not see you when you look like this? He alone can bear the weight of four people! Can I not see you? Sun: Let me tell you, don’t talk about me. Even if the elephant passes by here, you can’t see it. This is the rule. Yue: Is this a rule? Sun: Neither of them can see it. Yue: Do you have to be invisible? Sun: Right. Yue: Come again. (Music) Where are you? . . . . . . (Meet) Yue: Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here. How did you see me? Sun: You've been wriggling around like a worm for a long time. Can I not see you? Yue: Do you know if you can’t see it? Sun: According to this rule, neither of you can see the other? Yue: Can’t see. Sun: Come on, come on. (Music) Honey, where are you? . . . . . . (Meet, pretend to be blind, two springs reflect the moon)