Ten tips on how to strike up a conversation with a stranger? What should you say after saying hello?

In the same way that the first glance creates a good visual impression, the words you speak should also sound comfortable. The tongue is like a sign hanging on the door, either saying "Come in, welcome" or "Get out of here, don't bother." If you want to make the person you're talking to feel welcome, you have to be good at talking.

My purpose is definitely not to just teach you to talk and end it. The real purpose is to make you active and talkative, and to be persuasive when communicating with others. However, to achieve this goal, the first step is to learn the art of small talk.

Tip 1: Match the other person’s emotions

Before opening your mouth, sample the voice of the person you are talking to to test his or her emotional state. Start by mentally analyzing the voice sample you obtained to see if the person is happy, depressed, or grumpy. If you want others to listen to your ideas, you must first match their mood and tone, maybe just for a moment.

You must have had this experience. When attending a party or banquet, someone introduces you to a new friend. You shook hands as usual and made eye contact... Then, your learned and rich stomach suddenly became empty, and the operation of your brain also "squeaked" to an emergency stop. You desperately try to squeeze out some interesting topic to fill the awkward silence. But no matter how hard you try, it's still in vain, so your new friend ran away quickly.

We all hope that the first words we speak will make people feel witty, wise and meaningful. We also hope that the people listening will immediately appreciate our wit. Yet the point of the chat is not the specific facts or the wording, but its musicality, its melody. The purpose of chatting is to make people relax, and the sounds we make from our mouths must have a soothing effect, like a cat's "meow", a child's "hum", or a hymn. Therefore, the first thing to do when talking is to match the other person's mood.

When a master communicator talks to others, he will grasp the personality of the person he talks to and coordinate with them, just like singing to the music of a music teacher. If you want to successfully start a conversation, the first step is to match the other person's emotions, at least in the first one or two sentences. When chatting, you have to remember that music is music, not words. Is the opponent's tempo fast or slow? Follow his beat. This is what I mean by matching the other person's emotions.

Tip 2: Passionate flat movement

Are you worried that you don’t know what to say at the beginning? Don't be afraid, 80% of people's impressions of you have nothing to do with what you say, and it almost doesn't matter what you say in your opening remarks. No matter how flat the content is, as long as you say it with a normal heart, a positive attitude, and enthusiasm, it will be easy to attract people.

1. The best opening remarks when meeting someone for the first time

Once I attended a party and saw an old man surrounded by a group of eager listeners. With a smile on his face and constant gestures, he clearly captured the attention of the entire audience. I leaned forward to hear what this charming man was talking about. I walked into his audience and stood there for a minute or two. I was really surprised by the comments from the audience. They said: "His views are very ordinary. Everyone knows it. What he talks about is really boring." However, this man talked about the most ordinary content with great enthusiasm, so the crowd was deeply attracted. This proves that the most important thing is not what you say, but how you say it!

People often ask me: "What is the best opening line when meeting someone for the first time?" "Anything is good." It really doesn't matter what, as long as it puts the other person at ease and sounds sincere, that's enough.

2. Ordinary content can also promote friendship

Mr. Hayakawa is a university trustee, a U.S. senator, and an excellent language expert. He is of Japanese descent. The American, he tells this story, proves the value of what he calls "uncreative speech."

In early 1942, a few weeks after the outbreak of World War II, rumors abounded that Japanese spies had infiltrated the United States. Hayakawa was waiting for a train at a train station in a town in Wisconsin for several hours. He noticed that the people waiting for the bus around him were looking at him with suspicion. Because of the war, people also paid special attention to his appearance. Hayakawa wrote: "A couple with their children stared at me. They seemed extremely nervous about applying and kept whispering to each other."

How did Hayakawa handle this situation? He said something not too original to put the couple at ease. He said to his husband: "It's too bad that it's so cold tonight and the train is delayed."

The man nodded in agreement.

"I continued to tell him that it must be very hard to travel with a child in the winter and the train time is not accurate." Hayakawa wrote, "The husband agreed again. Then I asked him, the child How old is the child? He seems to be very well-behaved and brave, and is more sensible than other children of the same age. He also agreed, with a smile on his face this time, which relieved the tense atmosphere.

”

After talking for two or three words, the man asked Hayakawa, “I hope you don’t mind asking you a question. You are Japanese, right?” So what do you think the chances are for the Japanese to win? "

Hayakawa replied, "My guess is probably similar to yours. After all, our only source of information is newspapers. However, in my opinion, Japan is short of coal, steel, and oil...how can it defeat a highly industrialized country like the United States? "

Hayakawa continued to describe: "What I said at the time was not an original idea, and it was not verified. It's just that many radio announcers have been saying the same thing for weeks, and it sounds familiar, and he happens to be on the right side, so he quickly agrees. "

The man immediately agreed with Hayakawa's statement and was obviously relieved. He continued: "I hope your family will not be in Japan when the war is going on. "

"They are all in Japan," Hayakawa replied. "My parents and two younger sisters are all there. "

"Then do you have any news about them. "The man asked.

"How is that possible? " Hayakawa replied.

After saying that, the couple showed worried and sympathetic expressions.

"So, you can't see them or talk to them until the war is over. Are they in contact? ”

The conversation did not end there, but the result was that within 10 minutes, the couple invited Hayakawa, who might have been a Japanese spy, to visit the city where they lived when he was free. , went to their house for dinner. This was all because this smart scholar chatted with them candidly, and his words were very common and not original. Experts who are good at communication know that the most appropriate and comforting opening remarks should be like this. What Hayakawa said is the same, don't be too special, or even ordinary, but that doesn't mean you can be indifferent. Hayakawa speaks with sincerity and enthusiasm, but you still feel uncomfortable approaching strangers. Too sure? Now let's take a detour and temporarily put aside the overarching principle of meaningful communication. I'm going to teach you three quick tips for making friends in any environment - and then I'll teach you another one. 9 techniques to make small talk rich in content.

Tip 3: Taboo: Naked City

Every time I am asked this question, “Where are you from? "Never answer in just a few words. It's unfair to challenge the other person's imagination. Do your homework first, see what interesting things or features there are in your hometown, and provide clues to the other person, so that the conversation between the two can be more interesting. The line won't be broken. When you get the other person's playful and witty response to your bait, you've already left a good impression on the other person that you're good at conversation.

You shouldn't be so stupid as to be naked. Go talk to strangers? In the same way, I hope that when you encounter two questions that must be answered when talking to strangers, the answers you speak will not be too vague and the other party cannot extend them. These two questions are "you" Where are you from? ” and “Where are you employed?” ”

When most people are asked these two questions, when they answer, it’s like throwing a cold steak on someone else’s plate, saying a geographical name or job title, and then shutting up. It’s all about talking.

People who meet you will of course ask, “Where are you from? "If you give him a short city name without embellishment, "Oh, I'm from Cangzhou City, Hebei Province" (or some place they have never heard of), the other party will probably not be able to squeeze in except a blank stare. Unless the other person is a professor of Chinese geography, there is no better way than to rush to find a topic. If I just say that I am from Changsha every time, what kind of reaction can I expect from others? ”

So, remember to follow human nature and do yourself a favor. Remember, when answering this question, don’t end it in just one sentence. Answer “Where are you from?” "When you ask this question, put some gasoline in the other person's tank and some food in the feed trough. At least provide some material for the other person to chew so that the conversation can continue. You just need to add one or two more sentences, saying that it is or about you. The city where you live is enough - talk about your experiences and observations - so that the other person can enter into the conversation.

A few months ago, I was walking on the campus of the Party School and there was someone sitting on the grass. The MM above attracted my attention. She was carrying a cute puppy. She always looked up and looked around, and then lowered her head. It could be seen from her expression that she seemed to have something unhappy that needed to be vented (haha, because). She is a beautiful woman, so I paid special attention to her. Preliminary analysis shows that she should be a gentle, introverted, and emotional type of girl, which is the type I like. The strategy is to adapt to the other person's emotions and communicate with them in normal language) Since After thinking about the strategy, of course I took action immediately

"Hello, your puppy is very cute and he looks very well-behaved. "I spoke.

"Hello, yes, it is very obedient. " she answered.

"What's its name? "I teased the puppy and looked at her and said.

"What do you think, it is a boy? " she replied.

I immediately thought about it, reminding the male puppy, nouns commonly used to describe men, handsome man, handsome boy, handsome boy...

"Is it called handsome boy, cute and handsome?" After eliminating the highest and lowest among the three answers, I answered.

"You are awesome, you guessed it right." She started to smile a little.

"Thank you." "Handsome guy, do you know where your mistress is from?" I continued.

"Haha~ I'm from Harbin." Her smile slowly bloomed, but at this time she threw a frozen steak to me.

I must defrost and digest this steak quickly. My mind immediately spun rapidly: Harbin? Is there anything special or famous about it? Is there anything that could be used as an interesting topic? Unfortunately, although I got 100% in geography, I gave the paper to others to do. . .

As a result, we looked at each other for a minute, and I found that I really couldn’t find a topic to make a fuss about. I only knew that Harbin was in the north, so I had to turn to the snow~~~ It’s the north anyway. It should snow more. Of course, this was actually a bit of an escape, and as a result, I ended up not triggering any interesting conversations about Harbin. The skills increase from one decision at the beginning to several skills that can be used appropriately to make the conversation continue happily.

When fishermen fish, the baits used by fisherman for skullfish and bamboo shoot fish are completely different. Obviously, in conversation, your conversation bait should also be adaptable when faced with simple shrimps and sophisticated whales. Everything depends on the person you are talking to. So, how do you find introduction materials? You can go online and type in the name of your hometown, or be more traditional and flip through an encyclopedia—both sources provide rich bait. It’s also a good idea to read about history, geography, business statistics, or discover some interesting anecdotes about local customs and people.

Tip 4: Taboo: Glossy titles

"Where do you work?" When this must-have question appears, you may think, "I am a doctor", "Teacher" Answers like ", "engineer" are enough to trigger a conversation between the sexes. But to a person who is not a doctor, teacher, or engineer, what you say is meaningless words, just like a pen without ink. You have to enrich your content so that the listeners have something to chew on in their minds. Otherwise, the other person will quickly quit and it would be more fun to go get a cup of coffee.

New friends often ask, "Where do you thrive?" (We'll discuss whether this is an appropriate question to ask later.) Now, let's take a look at some letting go techniques that can help you When answering this question, maintain the image of a great person.

First of all, just like in the naked city, when a stranger asks this breathtaking question, never throw out an answer casually. If you just say a title: "I am an actuary, I am a lawyer, I am a writer, I am a physicist...", when the other party hears this, they will be like a tortoise flopping over on the floor and struggling to turn around. helpless. Please be merciful and they won't act like a stupid layman and ask, "What kind of actuarial science/writing/physics do you do?"

If you are a lawyer, just Don't let the average person try to figure out what you're doing. Add some spice and tell a short story about work so that the other person can understand it immediately. For example, if you're talking to a young mother, you could say, "I'm a lawyer, and our firm specializes in employment law. I recently had a case where a female employee took additional maternity leave because of medical necessity. , but ended up being fired from the company. "Of course mothers understand this.

What if the other party is an entrepreneur? "I'm a lawyer, and our firm specializes in labor law. I recently had a case where a business owner was sued by an employee, accusing her of asking personal questions during a face-to-face interview." Of course, bosses can also respond quickly.

Tip 5: Taboo: bare introduction

If the two people introducing strangers know each other, do not throw out the fishing rod, forget to lay the bait, and then stand aside , smiling like a big fool. The two strangers were so anxious that they didn't know where to start. You can arrange some topics so that two people can talk freely. Once the mission is complete, it's up to you whether you want to stay and join in, or find another place to foster relationships.

"Zhou Yu, this is Tao Sha. Tao Sha, this is Zhou Yu." This kind of introduction? What can you expect two people to say?

"Zhou Yu, is this Yu the rest?"

"Taosha, right? Well... this is a good name, not bad."

If you If you want to introduce two people to each other like this, I think it’s better to forget it. Tao Sha and Zhou Yu failed to create a spark. The fault was not theirs, but the introducer's way of introducing them. This is the most common mistake most people make - just stating the names of both parties and that's it. The fishing line is put down, but there is no bait. The fish have nowhere to bite, so of course it is useless.

Some born winners may not talk much, but unless they deliberately do so, they will never let a conversation get to them. They use this technique to keep the conversation going. When they take on the role of introduction, they add a few extras to help move the conversation along.

For example, "Tao Sha, this is Zhou Yu. He has a great yacht and took us out to sea last summer. Zhou Yu, this is Tao Sha. She runs a KTV. She is the one who runs the KTV in Golden Years." Take care of it.”

With this content, Tao Sha can ask Zhou Yu about his boat or where he went last summer. Zhou Yu also has an opening speech. He can talk about his concern for entertainment, or how charming his singing is, etc. The topic has naturally expanded, and may extend indefinitely.

Starting from the second part so far, we have introduced 5 techniques. The first two techniques can enhance your personality charm, and the last three techniques can open the door to dialogue, resolve embarrassment, and keep the conversation going. Go down. Now, we’re going to take it to the next level and elevate small talk to meaningful communication. This next tip is guaranteed to keep your partner completely engrossed in your conversation.

Tip 6: Language Detective

Learn from the detectives who handle cases and listen carefully to what the other party says. Every word may be a topic of interest to the other party. Clues are sure to jump out. Seize the opportunity and get to the point neatly. In this way, like Sherlock Holmes, you can find topics that will make the other person excited.

Know that when you are talking to someone, you should not ask, "Did you enjoy this conversation?" It's just that you may be asking this question in your mind. To be honest, every one of us has this question. In fact, as long as you use the following tips, you can sit back and relax. Detective Sherlock Holmes uses his magnifying glass to carefully examine every link, so no matter how small or difficult the clue is, he can quickly find it. A natural winner in life is like an infallible detective who can grasp the smallest clues and find the appropriate topic. How did they do it? It all depends on this technique.

I have a friend, Peng Shuang, who recently fell in love with a beautiful girl, but encountered some resistance. He said that he really couldn't get along with this girl.

Peng Shuang told me that he asked the girl to play in Yuelu Park yesterday. As a result, the girl replied rudely, "Don't touch places that are tasteless!" So I asked Peng Double touch reaction.

"What can I say? This woman obviously doesn't want to talk to me." Peng Shuang replied.

"Have you ever thought about asking her if she likes going to concerts, or asking her what a tasteful place is?"

"Since the other party has made this request, , then just ask her~" I told Peng Shuang, and he readily accepted my suggestion.

As a result, they had a pleasant conversation the next day, and the girl agreed to his date.

Many communication experts know that every thought must have a reason. As long as the other party speaks out, you must know how to follow up. When talking to anyone, remember to open your ears and look for clues like a detective. Pay careful attention to any unusual words the other person mentions: any off-topic places, times, names. Just ask questions in this direction, because these are what the other person likes to talk about.

Now that you have stimulated the desire to talk, let’s take a closer look at how to make the conversation wonderful and exciting.

Tip 7: Rotating Spotlight

When you first meet someone, imagine there is a giant rotating spotlight between you. When you simplify, the spotlight shines on you. As soon as the new friend opens his mouth, the light shines on him. If the spotlight is strong enough, the other person will lose sight of the fact that you have barely talked about yourself. The shorter the spotlight is on you, the more interesting you will be to the other person.

I have a friend who uses this trick very well. He told me: "Every time I meet people and ask them about their lives, I always learn something. So I always turn the spotlight to others. On the body." This is the style of a truly confident person. They know that listening is more rewarding than speaking. Apparently, they are also very capable of winning over the speaker.

One time I was chatting with my friend, Deng Ting. She is a sales executive who specializes in training outstanding sales personnel. She told the salesperson that the huge spotlight shining on the products is not as useful as shining on the customers. The moment the salesperson successfully shines the spotlight on the customer, the business may be closed. Remember, don’t shine your rotating spotlight on yourself. It can occasionally shine on the product, but most of the light should be aimed at your buyers. This is more useful than trying to sell yourself or your product.

Tip 8: Parrot the words

From now on you will never be at a loss for words. Like a parrot, you can repeat the last words of your conversation partner. In this way, it's like playing tennis. The ball representing the right to speak bounces back to him, and you just need to listen easily.

Of course, there are times when even the best communicators hit a wall. Some people speak with no cadence at all, and have no idea what they are mumbling. Even experts who are proficient in language skills cannot find the topic.

If you feel that the conversation between two people is like a fire with only ashes and you can’t fan it (and you want to continue the conversation for political reasons or compassion), here is a trick: It can make the fire of conversation burn brightly again. Even a fool can do it. It is called parroting.

Because a beautiful tropical bird like the valet can fascinate people just by repeating what others say.

During the conversation, a ball kept bouncing back and forth. First you talk, then the other person talks, then you talk again... just touch in alternating order. Every time, through nods, smiles, gestures, expressions, or various answers, the other party knows that the ball is in your court again. These are your signals, telling him, "I'm going to hit this ball," and that's the rhythm of the conversation.

Let’s go back to that familiar yet fearful moment. Every time it’s your turn to speak, your mind goes blank. Don’t worry. This time, you don’t have to tell the other person with words or actions, “I’m going to fight this.” "Ball", just repeat the last two or three words he said, like a parrot, but say it with emotion, like asking a question, and then pass the ball back to the opponent's area.

One day, a friend of mine told me that he had watched a movie. At that time, I had just learned the skill of parroting, and I just wanted to find someone to try it.

"Movies?" I said.

"Yes, it's a great movie." He replied.

"Great movie?" I continued to imitate.

He was surprised that I was so interested, and he went on to say, "Yes, that movie stars Schwarzenegger."

"Schwarzenegger? "I repeated.

At this time he started to get excited, "Yes, the liars he plays are all hard-core, exciting..."

"Exciting?" I continued to repeat. These responses are enough.

For the next half hour, he told me the content of the story and so on, but the plot of the story didn't really appeal to me, so I decided to repeat what he said and introduce him to another topic.

"You just said that the music in this movie is great?" This trick really worked, and then he kept talking to me about music, and imitated a few words from time to time...

Now, do you want to rest your throat and stop talking? Just repeat what he has said, and you can make the person you are talking to talk like a river and get out of control. Just relax and be a listener.

Tip 9: Wonderful!

The most beautiful sound to a performer's ears is the roar of "Wonderful, wonderful, let's hear it again!" from the enthusiastic applause of the audience. To the person you are talking to, it comes from your mouth. The most beautiful sound is to say in front of a group of people, "Just like that time they said you..."

Every time you go to a gathering or a party and are with someone important, think about him/her What story have I told you? Choose an appropriate story that you think your audience will appreciate. Then put the spotlight on him and ask him to give a wonderful performance.

At a friend's gathering, I invited Zhou Wei to introduce him to everyone. "Zhou Wei, tell everyone how you defeated your competitors and achieved the target that time. I guess everyone would like to hear about your heroic deeds." Wow~~~ I feel like a magician, Zhou Wei's tongue suddenly seemed to be several times more flexible, and he kept talking about the experience with everyone in a fluent voice... Then I followed the same example, and the party was very successful.

But one thing to note: Make sure the story you ask for can make the person telling it shine. No one wants a repeat of how they lost their business, crashed their car, or got into trouble and ended up in jail. The wonderful performance you ask them to do must make the speaker a big winner, not a mess.

The next tip is about sharing positive stories from your life.

Tip 10: Promote good and hide evil

When you first meet someone, lock up your secret cabinet temporarily and discuss your flaws later. You and your new friend can wait until the relationship is deeper before you share your scandal and laugh about it together. However, at this time, it is necessary to promote good and hide evil.

Many people believe that if you know someone, you will like and should share some little secrets with them, talk about your private affairs, or confess your past shortcomings. After all, no one is a saint. Reveal your scandals. - Like bed-wetting, teeth grinding as a child, or some minor problems now - should be able to bring you closer to others.

It depends on the situation, sometimes it is possible. A study shows that if someone has a higher status than you, he or she can make you feel closer to him if he reveals some small weaknesses. U.S. presidential candidate Stevenson had a hole in his pants, but it made the country famous. President Bush got the nation talking when he admitted that he was afraid of eating cauliflower.

If your position is very stable, for example, a superstar wants to make friends with fans, you might as well talk about the time when you were so poor that you had no food to eat. If you're not a superstar, it's better to take a conservative approach and take your time to reveal your flaws. People who don't know you well enough may form wrong impressions of you. Your new friend hasn't had time to understand that you are being kind and generous in sharing your thoughts with him.

In this section, you have learned how to get to know people and chat with them.

Are you ready to enter another level? Let’s go now!