1: Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid.
Squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.
The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions.
Squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!
Then the man grilled the squid...
2: I once suffered from schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.
3: An international student was taking the driving license test in the United States. The road sign in front of him told him to turn left. He was not sure and asked the examiner:
“Turn left?”
Answer : "right"
So...died..
4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor. He bled a lot and turned into red bean; he kept bleeding pus. , turned into soybeans again; the wounds became scarred, and finally turned into black beans.
5: Xiao Ming had his hair cut, and when he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying~ he flew up...
6: There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked...
7: Little One day the penguin asked his grandma, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, daddy, am I a penguin?" Yes, you are a penguin, what’s wrong?” “But, why do I feel so cold?”
8: A pair of corns fell in love...
So they decided to get married. …
On the wedding day…
One corn couldn’t find another corn…
This corn asked the popcorn next to him: Have you seen our home? Is there any corn?
Popcorn: Dear, she is wearing a wedding dress...
9: The teacher played a piece of Beethoven in music class
Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: "Do you know music?"
Xiao Hua: "Yes"
Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"
Xiaohua: "Piano."
10: Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead people, and what are the living people called?
A: Call for help!
11: Question: What are you afraid of cloth and paper?
Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of nothing.
Reason: Don’t be afraid of ten thousand (cloth), just be afraid of something unexpected (paper).
12: One day, my mother-in-law was riding in a car...
Halfway through the ride, my mother-in-law didn’t know the road...
My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: This is where?
Driver: This is my butt...
13: An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, but it turned into a tea egg; an egg went for a swim in the Songhua River, and it turned out It turned into a preserved egg; an egg ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu (stewed) egg; an egg was homeless and turned into a pheasant egg; an egg accidentally fell down on the road , fell to the ground and turned into a missile; an egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; an egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; an egg became sick and turned into a villain ; An egg got married and turned into a bastard; an egg ran to swim in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb; an egg ran into flowers and turned into a heroine; an egg rode a horse, Holding a knife, it turns out that he is Dao Ma Dan; one of the eggs is female and looks ugly, so he turns into a dinosaur egg; one of the eggs is male, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, so he turns into a dinosaur egg. A bastard; an egg...
14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? Eagle's quick answer: Yes! Moderator: Give an example! The eagle was in tears: That year, when I was asleep, the cat climbed up the tree...and then there were owls...
15: Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. A said: I want to win the jackpot. Buy all the toilets within a 50-mile radius and eat enough every day! B said: You are too vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day!
16: why the chicken cross the street
Answer to get another side
17: A: What is that person doing?
B: He is shaking.
A: Why is he trembling?
B: He is cold.
A: Oh, it turns out that you won’t be cold if you tremble.
A:...
18: There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend. They were walking on the street. The weather was very hot. Mr. Banana took off his clothes. My girlfriend fell down...
19: A sausage was locked in the refrigerator
I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other sausage next to me, which gave me some comfort. , said: "Look at you frozen like this, your whole body is covered with ice!" As a result, the root said: "I'm sorry, I am a popsicle."
20: Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball. After playing for a long time, he said: I am so tired. I feel like my whole body has softened...
21: This diver’s movement was very difficult. He made a turn. A three-week body flip followed by a front somersault, a three-and-a-half-week body flip followed by a back somersault for one month.
22: MM got lost looking for college. Met a gentle professor.
MM: Excuse me, how can I get to the university?
Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.
23: The director and the section chief were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't do it... The section chief was dismissed soon after. The director said at the meeting: You can't take on such big things, so what's the use of you?
24: Miss: It’s hard to do business now!
Boss: Why?
Miss: "Bird flu..."
25: A woman trembled when she encountered a robber: "I am from XX school. I just graduated and haven't found a job. Really?" No money..."
After hearing this, the robber cried bitterly, "Sister, I am also from XX school. Please take your student ID card. The person who robbed you in front of me is from XX school. Don't worry, Allah will never "Steal your own!"
26: I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she said she couldn't do it without taking a shower. She promised to wash "part of it" in the cold weather. After washing, my girlfriend said very shyly: "My dear, you are so lazy. , whichever one you use to wash..." I fainted after hearing this. I just brushed my teeth~~~ (a very taboo joke)
27: A blind beggar was begging on the street wearing sunglasses. .
A drunk man came over and felt sorry for him, so he threw a hundred yuan to him.
After walking for a while, the drunk man turned around and saw the blind man facing the sun to tell whether the hundred-dollar bill was genuine or fake.
The drunk man came over and took back the money and said: "You fucking don't want to live anymore, how dare you lie to me!"
The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said: "Brother, I'm so sorry. I'm here to check it out for a friend who is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am mute."
"Oh, that's it," so the drunk man threw down the money and shook it again. Staggering away...
28: Bird flu - it's all caused by "shit from the sky"!!!
There are two types of people who are extremely likely to get bird flu. ——1. "Beasts"; 2. People who are "worse than animals"...
29: A: Hey, how did you learn to smoke?
B: I learned it when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit~
C: Do you know why Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit?
AB: I don’t know!
C: Because Adam doesn’t have a cigarette! (Hint: homophones for the same word)
30: A man has just been abandoned by his girlfriend. He happened to see his ex-girlfriend flirting with her new love on the street. The more he watched, the more angry he became, and he wanted to humiliate them. So he politely came forward to say hello, and said to his girlfriend Xinhuan with disdain: "You don't mind the second-hand goods I have used!" Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend laughed and said: "Every inch on the outside is old, but everything on the inside is brand new!"