1. I am a person with status. What is a person with status? A person with an ID card is a person with status!

2. Although I am not a celebrity friend We, but countries around us, like Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, and Russia ha-----------------I have never been there~

3. You look so ugly and you still go out for a walk. Just stay at home! Just looking at you makes me hit a tree!

4. Oh my god, I miss my little bag. 320. . . 15% off after discount

5. - I see you look so young. This cosmetics is so amazing. You look like a sixty-year-old. Who can tell?

— -No flower blooms in sixty years.

——Yes, the cactus blooms in sixty years

6. I was going to the night market that day and saw a piece of clothing. I asked, how much does this dress cost?

80

35 can be sold?

Sell!

I said I won’t buy it, let’s go!

7. People say that I look shabby, but my mother is very fond of me. My mother said that when she took me to the park when I was a child, many people gathered around and asked my mother, "Sister, where did you buy this monkey?" ? Now I’m all grown up’

8. Brother, I feel like the ocean when I look at you!

Sister, don’t you care about me? Don't you fall in love with me?

Brother, don’t get me wrong, I have been seasick since I was a child, and I feel like vomiting just looking at the sea.

9. Once you are famous, you still have to develop slowly. Look at the clothes I am wearing. Why, you said that my red and green combination does not look good. Don’t look down on me. My clothes are all from specialty stores. Bought.

10. Four or five old men chased and beat me. As I ran, I ran into a grave circle. They saw me lying on a grave and didn’t move, so they asked me what I was doing. What's going on, I said, I'm home, are you still chasing me? Get scared and run away! After they ran away, I saw an old man next to me digging at the tombstone with a hammer. I asked, "Master, what are you digging for?" Just listen to the uncle say: I don’t know who wrote my name wrong, I’ll come up and correct it!

11. Just friends~ It’s okay... I just love shopping, eh~ I just walk... Hey, no matter who calls me, I don’t look back... I just walk... I’m done He's still bouncing around~~ but he's so naughty~~.

12. - I have had enough with you in this life, I must find a prince riding a white horse in the next life.

——The person riding the white horse is not necessarily the prince. Sometimes Tang Monk also rides the white horse.

——Tang Seng is also better than you! !

——Yes, if you can live with it, live with it. If you can’t live with it, just eat meat.

Valentine's Day is actually short. Every time you pull and loosen your hand, one lover will cry out~~ If you hold your hand again and don't let go, a bunch of lovers will cry~~ The most painful thing in life is What, you know? It's "Valentine's Day without a lover to spend with you!"; you know what is the most painful thing in life? It's "Valentine's Day, all the lovers are looking for you, howl~~" Do you know what is the most painful thing? "The gifts are ready, and the lover is also there, but my wife finds out...how~~~~~?

Valentine's Day, in fact, is short-lived. Every time you pull and loosen your hands, a lover is gone. ~~

If you don’t let go, your lover becomes your wife~~

What is the most painful thing about Valentine’s Day? Do you know that you can’t spend Valentine’s Day with your lover?

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine’s Day? All lovers are looking for you on Valentine’s Day!

Do you know what is the most painful thing about Valentine’s Day? Well? Your lover is spending Valentine's Day with someone else...

Valentine's Day is actually a short day~~~~

Every time you hold your hand and let go, a lover is gone. Howl~~

If you don’t let go, you will become a wife, howl~~

What is the most painful thing about Valentine’s Day?

It’s “spending time with my lover, and I won’t hold my hand”

What’s the most painful thing about Valentine’s Day, you know?

It’s “No hands allowed” I’m done, my lover has gone with someone else.”

What is the most painful thing about Valentine’s Day, do you know?

It’s “holding my little lover’s hand on the street” While walking on the street, I met my wife holding someone else's hand."

The day at work is actually short. As soon as the computer is turned on and off, the day passes, howl~?

The computer turns on and off again. Turn it on and off, and another day has passed, howl~?

Turn off the computer, and it won’t turn on, and the contract has expired again, howl~?

The most painful thing about this day at work? Do you know what it is? It means "get off work, the work is not done yet!" "

What is the most painful thing on this day at work? Do you know? It is "I haven't gotten off work yet, the work is done"

"The most painful thing is , I have no life when I go to work, I’m about to get off work, I’m here to live”

You know what is the most painful thing about the day at work? It’s “I have no life when I go to work, I have no life when I get off work” , I got home from get off work, and I called you to tell you that I have come to work.

I was playing CS in an Internet cafe today. Not far away, there were two non-mainstream players playing Jin5, and they were clicking the keyboard! I was very unhappy. !

So, I also started pressing the keyboard! I pressed hard! I pressed hard! I pressed faster than them! It was louder than them!

They couldn’t help but look over, I deliberately glanced at them with contempt! Their expressions changed and they glared at me fiercely! I immediately stared back!

They continued to play Power 5 with livid faces, but the noise exceeded mine!

How could I be willing to do so? So, I simply slapped the keyboard with the palm of my hand! Slap it hard! Slap it hard!

The two guys stopped showing interest at first glance. 5 Slap the keyboard! The sound is louder than mine again!

How can I give up? Immediately hit the keyboard with my fist! Hit it hard! Hit it hard!

The two people looked at each other. I also started hitting the keyboard! The sound surpassed me again! I didn’t give up! I ripped off the keyboard and threw it directly on the ground! I stepped hard! I stepped hard!

Everyone in the Internet cafe shouted to I gave the warmest applause! The two non-mainstream people were dumbfounded and at a loss!

However, under my provocative eyes, they also became angry! They also tore off the keyboard !Thrown it on the ground and trampled it to pieces! Then they looked at me provocatively!

At this time, the network administrators of the Internet cafe surrounded them! One network administrator looked at the keyboard that had been trampled to pieces by them! , slapped him in the face! Then the network administrators swarmed up and beat the two non-mainstream people!

Finally, the two non-mainstream people were lying on the ground, and one of them pointed at me and asked weakly: "Why...don't you hit him?"

A network administrator kicked him: "He plays CS, so he brought his own keyboard!"

Zhu Bajie While making out with Chang'e on the moon, suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly chased him with a nail rake. After a while, he came back and said: Damn it, Yang Liwei...

One

One day on the bus, a woman left her seat in order to buy a ticket. When she came back, she found that her seat was occupied by another woman. She was very unwilling and said loudly: Laying eggs is not good, occupying the nest is not good. Pretty fast. The woman sitting on the seat heard this, stood up quickly, and said with a smile: I'm sorry for delaying your laying of eggs!

A man kept a parrot, which was so powerful that it killed all the other birds kept with it.

Later the owner brought back an eagle and placed it next to it. When the owner came to take a look, there were parrot feathers hanging outside the cage.

The master said: "I won't do it this time."

But after a closer look, I saw that the eagle was dead, and the parrot was naked and said: "This grandson It's so awesome, I can't beat Ya Ting without taking off my shirt."

A driver drove a truck full of hens and played with his parrot. When a beautiful girl hit the car, the driver took the parrot away. Put it in the cargo box with the hens and ask the beauty to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver asked the beautiful woman tentatively: "Can I kiss you?" The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said, "No." After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: "Can I give you a hug? The beauty still shook her head and said, "No." The driver said angrily: "If you can't, just get off." After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beauty to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver stopped. Reluctantly, she asked again: "Can I kiss you?" The beauty still shook her head, "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head, "If not, just get off." After repeating this three times, they finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw There were only a few hens left, and the parrot picked up one of the hens and asked: "Can I kiss the beautiful woman?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Can I hug the beautiful woman?" The hen still shook its head. The parrot said: "If you can't, get down." The hen was thrown out of the car...

The little white rabbit was walking in the forest when he met the big bad wolf and came towards him. "I gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I will let you not wear a hat." The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.

The next day, she jumped out of the house wearing a hat, and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths, saying, "I Let you wear a hat."

Rabbit was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That same day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one, and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you can beat her up, Tutu. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want a fat one or a thin one?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf's heart sank. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "So, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and said more I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Damn, I asked you not to wear a hat."

The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

The prisoner was executed. During the shooting, due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It's so damn scary...

A primary school student confessed his love to his teacher, whom he had a crush on for a long time. The teacher said it was wrong, but he didn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't bear it anymore and said: I don't want children. The primary school student said: I will be careful! ".

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director convened a meeting with the patients.

The director said: "This afternoon, There are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone should go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate and stood neatly. When I coughed, everyone applauded together, the more enthusiastically the better; When stamping your feet, you must all stop, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is ready, we can have meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember

? "The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember! ”

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this time, as the director coughed, All the patients applauded and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, they applauded with everyone and walked into the hospital.

In the hospital, the dean stamped his foot, and all the applause stopped. It was very neat. Only this leader was still applauding with a smile on his face

The dean was very satisfied. Suddenly, a sick man as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd. He strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily - —“You don’t want to eat steamed buns anymore? ! ! ! ”