1. Sketch - New Beauty Case (funny version)
Characters: Bao Gong, Chen Shimei, Qin Xianglian.
Costumes: Costumes! A chair and a fan for public use!
Bao Gong was sitting in the lobby, and the drum sounded! Bao Gong asked: Who beats the drum to complain? Bring it up!
Chen came on stage: It’s unfair, sir!
Bao: Isn’t this Chen Shimei? What grievance do you have?
Chen: The villain’s wife Qin Xianglian has changed her heart! If you want to divorce me, you won’t give me any property!
Package: Can I have the paper?
Chen took out a roll of toilet paper from his pocket and handed it over! Bring the bag and take a look!
After reading it, I said: Wow! I am so angry! Take Qin Xianglian to court!
Qin came to the stage and said: I’m going to pay homage to the great master!
Bao: You went to sea to do business and made a lot of money? Did you procrastinate? Did you worry about it? Did you send me a message? Did you express your gratitude?
Qin: Sir! I am wronged! I worked hard in the sea and earned a fortune, but he didn't help me and still hooked up with others outside!
Bao: Chen Shimei, is this possible?
Chen: Master, if a man is not bad, he is a bit perverted. If a man is not coquettish, he is a idiot. If a man is not attentive, he must have nerves; if a man is not a hooligan, his development is abnormal. To be honest, being a man is really tiring. It's like being born guilty. You can't be afraid of being tired when doing things. Of course you have to tip when picking up girls. You have to recite sweet words every day. You have to turn in your monthly salary, don’t expect any feedback, any mistakes are your own fault. Why! Being a man is so tiring! I also want to relax myself! Just like you, master, you have to deal with so many things every day, how tiring you are! But there is a blank in your emotional world. I am anxious for you!
Packaging Cry: 55555 I feel the same way! .
Chen: Master, don’t worry. As the saying goes, there are only a few who know oneself. Don’t worry about having no friends in the future. No one in the world knows you.
Bao: But the person I love has his own name, and the person who loves me is miserable. He either becomes bad in debauchery or perverts in silence. Of course I'm not perverted yet.
Chen: Master, you have to think from another perspective: a broken pot only has a broken lid, a monk only has a nun’s love, as long as the love is as deep as the sea, Mazi’s face will shine
Bao: Same. This is worth considering! No, now that idol worship is being practiced, I have to keep up my appearance. How can I be confused with someone like you!
Qin: Master, don’t listen to him, what he does is not very honorable!
Bao: Oh? How disgraceful!
Qin: He didn’t even follow the Four Grass Laws!
Bao: What is the Law of Four Grasses?
Qin clasped his fingers: Rabbits don’t eat the grass beside their nests, good horses don’t eat the grass that turns back, old cows eat young grass when the time comes, and there is no grass anywhere in the world!
Bao: This is interesting. Why doesn’t the rabbit eat the grass beside the nest?
Qin: He didn’t even spare my nanny, Mrs. Xianglin!
Bao: Why does a good horse never turn back?
Qin: He is still in contact with his first love, Mrs. Ah Qing! The most irritating thing is that the old cow eats young grass when he wants to, and he even has an idea for the little match girl.
Bao: Toot! Bold Chen Shimei, are these things true?
Chen: Sir, this is indeed true!
Bao: Do ??you know your guilt?
Chen: I don’t know!
Bao: You are guilty of fooling around!
Chen: Is it a crime to fool around? Is there snow in your head? (Punches the photo bag and knocks the bag to the ground) I want it so bad! Fooling around~~~ Is fooling around also guilty? (To the audience) Friends, do you think it is sinful to fool around?
Qin helped Bao up, and Bao looked like he had been beaten. He took out his cell phone and called: Hello! Dynasty, where did you go? I was beaten. Call someone back. . . . . What? Do you have bird flu? Should! Let you eat chicken butt all day long! What about Mahan? . . .
We’re showing off to others, but where’s my guillotine? . . . .
Have you rented it to Qingkelong Spare Ribs? Nonsense! (Chen ran off the stage during the phone call)
Qin: Master, he ran away!
Bao: I now pronounce the verdict: You and Chen Shimei are divorced, and the property belongs to you!
Qin: Mr. Xie Qingtian! How can a little girl thank the elder?
Bao: Thank you for coming. If you are an official and do not make decisions for the people, it is better to go home and sell sweet potatoes!
Qin: The young woman has no choice but to invite Mr. Bao for a night party!
Bao: What is a midnight snack?
Qin: Waking up late means spending the first half of the night cooking and the second half of the night!
Bao: Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Let’s go!
The two held hands and sang "Belated Love"!
End
Because Bao and Chen had a lot of dialogue, Qin was silent more often! Ask Qin to design his own moves, and he must kneel with his back to the audience! Finally, Chen ran off the stage and Qin came back again!
Chen ran off the stage to say: Scared or something! Play it yourself!
Pay attention to the expression on your face.
2. The script of the musical sketch for the construction company’s party (laughing version)
The script of the musical sketch of "Director Xu and Director Hu"
Based on the bidding quotation of the construction company Work is the theme of the story, and the characters include: Manager Wang (played by Xiao Chen), Marketing Department: He Jing (played by Xiao Li), Xiao Liu, Project Management Department: Xiao Wu, Xiao Yang, and the background is an office. 2 desks. Place a computer or folder and a homemade desk calendar (on Xiao Yang's desk) on the desk. The name of the office is: Director Xu’s Office. Among them, Xiao Chen walked from the outside to the court, Xiao Wu sat in the front row of the auditorium, and Xiao Yang sat at the desk.
l The host declares: This story is purely fictitious and aims to entertain the public. Any similarity is purely coincidental!
Content:
( Xiao Chen waved to greet the guests)
l Xiao Chen said: Hello everyone, Chairman Mao taught us to be polite and to say hello no matter whether we are familiar with each other or not. "Hello, hello!" As soon as the New Year's party came, I took the opportunity to come and get familiar with each other. Just now, Mr. Sun greeted me from a long way away: "Mr. Wang, long time no see, have you gained weight again?" I'm so excited. Our Mr. Sun is growing up. Not fat, but still as beautiful as a tree, chic and suave, with a broad mind and strong arms... (I talked about Mr. Sun with a happy and intoxicated expression,)
l Xiao Yang (immediately put down the (Work in hand) said: So you are also Mr. Sun’s FANS! I admire him so much. He fully expresses the pulse of today’s society and the impact of the new generation’s culture. I really want to take a photo with him!
l Xiao Chen said: I am also a YA. I would like to invite him to have tea. His manager said that his schedule is full and he is not available.
(Received a call suddenly) "Boss Li, what are you doing?" Okay... The signal is not good, sorry to wait for me to move... There is a project... OK. Thank you, I will treat you to tea then..."
l Xiao Chen said: I will pick it up at the critical moment I have a phone call, China Unicom, China Unicom, but why can’t I get through? It’s disappointing. It’s good news----- (looks at the audience around him, points to one of the audience members and whispers in his ear) You want to know, wait and see next time Decomposition. Haha (walking into the office in the posture of a soldier)
l Xiao Liu (walking over with exaggerated model steps) sang: I am a girl, a beautiful girl. . .
I am a girl who loves to cry.
I am a girl who loves to cry.
I am a girl and you don’t understand girls
l Little Chen saw Xiao Liu, went up to him and said: Isn't this Xiao Liu Meimei? (Waving to greet her, looking at Xiao Liu with a surprised expression, then looking closely at Xiao Liu's face) What are you doing? I haven’t seen him for a day, and his face looks patchy (in Changsha dialect), which is not good - it damages the image of China State Construction Engineering Corporation.
l Xiao Liu held his face in panic and retorted in Changsha dialect: NO, this is a young and beautiful Tuo, a manifestation of youth, Mr. Wang, do you understand? (While hurriedly taking out a small mirror from the desk, looking left and right) Then he sang helplessly:
I’ve been feeling annoyed lately, I’ve been annoyed, I’ve been annoyed
In general. I feel like my life is a bit extreme
I guess I’m still not used to it
I’ve never been so ungrateful that some people like it
l Xiao Chen’s duet: I’ve been feeling annoyed lately. It’s annoying, it’s annoying
I always feel that it’s harder to earn money every day
My friends often tease me intentionally or unintentionally
Maybe one day I will change my name to Hu Zhuan
l Xiao Liu sang: I am more annoying than you. Worse than you. . .
l Xiao Chen said to Xiao Liu: Where is your department manager?
l Xiao Li came over and said: Here, here.
l Xiao Chen said: Let’s talk about a project very quickly, multiple factory buildings with frame structures, *** square meters, construction method ***, the bidding will be held on October 15th, and the bidding will be held on October 23rd. Bid opening, you are ready to bid and quote! (Then he touched his cool hairstyle in an exaggerated way, turned around and walked out of the office)
l Xiao Liu (with a very proud expression): I just worked overtime a few days ago to finish a project, look--- -The opportunity comes again. (Looking up at the ceiling, muttering to himself despondently) Fairy brother! Save me, when will my damn young and beautiful Tuo get better!
l Xiao Li came over and patted Xiao Liu on the shoulder and said: Don’t beg, Miss Liu, you don’t know something. The gods are very busy and have all the power. How can you, a few little Tuo, ask for help? Is he out of trouble? So it’s better to be more realistic. Let me give you a music therapy!
Which person
Which face
Doesn’t need a lover? Comfort
If the beans bloom and wither
My face will eventually change forever
Don’t ask me what I should do
to live forever
I can’t see
I see again
Xiao Liu’s cute and beautiful Tuo
(At this time, Xiao Liu came around Xiao Li for a short time The tango dancer made a POS at the end)
l Xiao Li threatened Xiao Yang and said: Can you still see her beautiful Tuo?
l I decided to tell another lie. Although I have told countless lies in my life, this time is the most perfect." Xiao Yang said "No"
l Xiao Liu to Xiao Li said: I am convinced YOU! Please believe me, in order to bid, I fight bravely, not to be outdone, and move forward bravely. A super girl will win as many bids as she grows. Reputation bid "NO PROBLEM:"------ --Mr He "Sayurana" (waved his hand and sat back to his seat and went to work)
l Xiao Li was troubled by himself, pacing back and forth between the desks: Xiao Liu got it done , Xiao Li has completed the business bid, and there is also a technical bid---after a long time, there are still three shortcomings. What is expensive in the 21st century, talent! You must be right to find Xiaoyang of the Project Management Department! -Yuan---Xiao-- Sheep
l Xiao Yang hurriedly put down his work and ran over from his desk, but he accidentally fell down and raised his head and asked: Leader, what are your instructions?"
l Xiao Li said: It’s a matter of three missing one!
l Xiao Yang got up from the ground and asked: Three missing one? Is it Changsha Mahjong or running fast? I hate you guys the most I am a gambler and have no technical content at all.
l Xiao Li: I can tell you responsibly: Uncle Wang is very angry and the consequences will be serious. Regarding the implementation of technical standards this time. The project management department is in charge, you go and do it! (After saying that, he left)
l (Chasing Xiao Li for a while) Xiao Yang said: I originally wanted to pay attention to Mingyue, but Mingyue agreed with the bid.
l sang: I thought left and right, looked up and down, (using Ikkyu’s standard way of thinking, when I saw Xiao Wu) I said: O, I have it.
La-la-la\... la-la
Little god, come over quickly
Please move your feet , don’t stop
I’m busy with the company’s affairs, so I just came here
It turns out that you are also a busy person, it’s fun to watch that show
(Let’s go Go to the audience and drag Xiao Wu onto the stage)
l Xiao Wu asked inexplicably in Xinhua dialect: What are you doing? Men and women do not kiss each other, so don’t do it in public, I I would be embarrassed!
l Xiao Yang was very embarrassed and didn’t say anything, just twisting around.
l Xiao Wu said: What’s the matter? Do you like me? (Trying around with Xiao Yang) Be careful that this may cause internal injuries
l Xiao Yang said: The bidding team has started working. You are responsible for the technical bid, and Xiao Lizi from the contract accounting department has already set up his position. In this bidding, one is to train the team through actual combat, and the other is to inspect the newcomers. Although you have a profound knowledge, if you want to bid, you must not only break through yourself, but also dare to surpass the seniors here.
l Xiao Wu said: Hey----You are careless, you are careless, I didn’t expect to be played by a girl.
For life
We work overtime every day
But at work Haggard
How many years
gathered into this moment
Looking forward to winning the bid... Alas ------- (two songs medley)
Being a man is really hard
You need a strong drink to complain
A good man
The hardest thing
l This Shi Xiaoyang covered his ears with both hands, and at the same time interrupted his singing in protest and said: On behalf of CCTV, MTV, Pepsi-Cola, and finally, on behalf of the audience here, I express my great dissatisfaction with you.
l Xiao Wu said confidently: Are you dissatisfied with me? I compare my height with Pan Changjiang, my hairdressing with Chen Peisi, and my Chinese speaking with President Bush. How can I compare with you? Do you think so?
l Xiao Yang said: O, I’m sorry, I can’t remember the lines at the moment. It’s ---- (burp) and then say ---- it’s --- (burp) --- noisy (burp again) burp)----sound-----that's right!
l Xiao Wu couldn’t laugh or cry and said: Stupid Yang, you don’t understand me, I hate you. Alas - it's been a few long nights to prepare the tender documents.
l The music sounds (Xiao Yang hums): Dae Jang Geum’s song
l Xiao Liu’s monologue: One day has passed, two days have passed, three days have passed, and the day for the bidding opening has arrived (Xiao Yang turns over the calendar on the table)
l Xiao Li said and walked out: There was once an opportunity to win the bid, which was placed in front of me. I didn’t cherish it. I only regretted it when I lost it. .If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to all of you: I won the bid." If I have to add a subject in front of this sentence, I hope it is: A company won the bid!
l Xiao Wu, Xiao Liu, and Xiao Yang gathered together and asked: Leader, don’t regret it anymore. Did you win the bid? Question: Is there any chance? Question: How is it? Question: How is it?
l Xiao Chen came over after picking up the phone, "O, I got it. Thank you!..."
"I have said it so many times, don't speak too loudly when others answer the phone. "
l Xiao Yang: Leader, everyone is eager to know the results of the bidding. Don't go around and tell us quickly.
l Xiao Chen said mysteriously: Want to know? Take the test I’ll test you and answer a few questions. If you get the answer right, I’ll tell you!
l The girl said: If you have confidence, just come over.
l After discussion, the boys sang together:
What kind of fairy is here?
What kind of car do you usually drive?
What do you like to say most
What do you hate the most
l After discussion, the girls sang together:
Here is Chen Shengxian
Usually driving a shabby car
To convince people with virtue
Blowing your mouth is considered a protest
l "Awesome, the response is good.
Another difficult chorus:
What do our secretaries think about
What do our secretaries dream about
What do our secretaries worry about
What do our secretaries worry about? What
l After discussion, the girls sang together:
Our secretary has a beautiful dream
Dreaming about Chen Shenxian
The most annoying creditor comes to the door
The biggest worry is that there is no "money" in the pocket
l After singing, everyone applauded each other with self-satisfaction. YA----
l Xiao Chen said : Good answer or bad answer. We don’t care. I want to ask the audience below. (To the audience below) If you think they are not right about the song, please use your left hand to clap your right hand to indicate. If you think they are right about the song, The song is not bad, how about please use your right hand to clap your left hand vigorously to indicate it?
l (After the thunderous applause) Xiao Chen said: It seems that this MM’s supporters are still more handsome than us. There is nothing we can do! We are all adults, so we have to be responsible when we speak, right? I want to serve my girlfriend with virtue! Let me tell you! (shouting happily) I won the bid, I won the bid. Yes, I won the bid. It’s better than having a stroke
l When the music starts (play a bit), everyone does a Cha Cha dance
l Suddenly, the music stops, and everyone puts up a PS.
l Play: lt;Tomorrow will be bettergt;…. Gently wake up the sleeping mind and slowly open your eyes
l At the same time, Xiao Chen monologues: The new year brings new harvests! On this special day, we wish our company a better tomorrow!
l Men set off fireworks, and girls set off banners.
3. Sketch script: Prequel to Jing Ke's Assassination of Qin (funny version)
Characters: King Qin, Zhao Gao, Li Sisi, Jing Ke, Meng Jiangnu, warriors
Location: Palace Hall
p>Time: 228 BC
When you come up, it is dark, and you look like standing and sitting: wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, blow, blow
My head hurts.
The emperor shook the phone and shouted: Hello (with a twisted expression), hello (look at the two people next to him)
Hello. ! (Hysterical)
The other three people answered the phone: Hello, yes! Hi!
The emperor slapped his legs (no one paid attention) The other emperors continued to say that I am very busy now. They yelled angrily again that they would never go to court
The two were little bitches and the emperor's warrior was still giggling while answering the phone
Li Sisi kicked him over and the warrior immediately raised his sword. The action is very arrogant. . .
Samurai: Hey, hey, (gestures allowed) Yes (stuttering sound)
Li’s cell phone rang
Emperor: Oops! Yeah!
Zhao: A big white face is coming close to the emperor. Your tooth hurts? ()
The Emperor: You have a toothache!
Li: The original words are on the paper
Huang: He looked surprised and jumped up on the stool exaggeratedly. What happened again? wenmi.net So how is the progress of the Great Wall I asked you to build?
The samurai was playing with his mobile phone, and Li stepped forward and kicked him again
The samurai stepped forward and reported: King Qi, four hundred kilometers have been repaired a month ago.
The Emperor: Why four hundred kilometers? Didn’t I ask you to repair eight hundred miles?
Samurai: Yes, it’s four hundred kilometers! (Voiced)
The Emperor: Eight hundred miles! (Yelling childishly)
Samurai: Four hundred kilometers!
The Emperor: Eight hundred miles! ()
Samurai: Four hundred kilometers!
Zhao: Your Majesty, he is playing tricks on you! (Said very slyly)
The Emperor: Oh! (sudden realization) Come here! (Shouting loudly while pulling the bow and arrow)
Samurai: Ah, no~~~
The emperor quickly called the contractor to urge the progress
Zhao and Li said at the same time : Your Majesty, they are in arrears
Your Majesty: They are in arrears? Didn’t they ask you to give them recharge cards? Where's the card? !
Zhao Li gave it away
The Emperor: Did you give it away? Is the little Xiangxiang I gave you all ready?
Zhao Li: No~~
The Emperor: Look at you, you are like a raging army with a raging army.
Zhao: Your Majesty, calm down! I invented a new object
The Emperor: What is it?
Zhao: This new object can achieve communication effects without spending a penny!
The two sang: Two little dolls, let’s talk on the phone together. Hey, hey, hey. Where are you? Ah, ah, ah. I’m in the mall.
The Emperor: Good stuff! What's your name?
Zhao: Line talk
The Emperor: I will remember your great contribution and mass-produce it immediately! For military use and construction.
The warrior's cell phone rang again
The Emperor: Oops! Yeah yeah yeah
Zhao: Your Majesty, do you have toothache again?
The Emperor: Go, go, go!
Samurai: Come forward and report at this time! (Original word)
Li: Oh, that’s just right. ah? Doesn’t that make me cry? What about that woman?
Samurai: We have been captured, please forgive me.
The Emperor: Bring that woman up to me.
Zhao Li: It is said that Meng Jiangnu went to the palace!
Dae Jang Geum’s music and clothes (Korean dance warriors followed her happily and helped her hold up her gauze skirt)
Meng Jiangnu sang: Hula la hula la hula la la. . . .
The emperor followed the beat beautifully at first, but suddenly he felt something was wrong and shouted: Stop it!
Samurai: Your Majesty, it’s her!
Meng Jiangnu: (Suddenly took out chopsticks from her arms and tapped the rhythm) My little girl, I have been very kind since I was a child. I married a man named Wan Xiliang. We entered the bridal chamber three days ago. My poor Wan Lang was arrested to repair the broken city wall. I don't know who started the rumor, saying that if you want to make the Great Wall live forever, you must pay homage to the wise man? Flash? Night donkey groans and kills? Yi dispatches Yi Lai Naizhi to wipe the mark? Shan? Lei Kun? Runzi? Pry? Suppress? Pry? ㄖ Chen ship to participate in the remaining nuclear? Pry? Suppress? Pry? Dredge? He is the one The stinky king who is worse than pigs, dogs, chickens, ducks, toads and cockroaches, the stinky king!
(Others stretched their necks to follow the rhythm)
After Meng Jiangnu finished speaking, the warrior suddenly shouted: OK! (Suddenly realized something was wrong and said again) You are such a bold Meng Jiangnu, you dare to scold the emperor!
Meng: Just scold me, scold me, tyrant, tyrant, tyrant, tyrant. (Make a gesture of contempt)
Zhao: Still scolding!
Li: Just curse!
The Emperor: Yes! She despises me, she is a Meng Jiang girl, she cried down my Great Wall, she is still so arrogant, (Telling to the person next to her, then she took out the dick, the two of them immediately pulled him) I, I, I am going to chop you up! (The emperor was excited) Li was pulling him next to him, but he couldn't hold him back.
Samurai: Report to the Emperor~~~, the contractor Jing Ke wants to see you!
The Emperor: What? Jing Ke, bring me here!
Samurai: Yes!
Jing Ke came on the stage, rushed up and knelt down, with dyed hair, fashionable clothes and gold jewelry, he was very narcissistic and sang in his ears: Please give me a chance, don’t say it doesn’t matter about the salary anymore! I have been in arrears for so long. Will you give me your money? (Putting out daily necessities, toothbrushes and toothpaste, and combing your hair, like a gangster boss)
The Emperor: You. . . . ?
Jing Ke: (speaking in Northeastern dialect very banditly) Let me tell you, if you don’t give me money today, I won’t leave today! (Looking at the alarm clock to adjust the time) I’ll take a nap!
Samurai: (suddenly angry) You are so manly!
Jing Ke: Get out!
The Emperor: Yeah! (To the two people next to him) Then lower his head and dig out the guy!
The two of them knocked down the emperor (the emperor fell under the chair and sprawled on his back), and then took out the guy together
Zhao and Li: walked in front of the emperor to block him, and took out kitchen knives and machetes.
The emperor got up and said: Don’t mess up!
Jing Ke: Give me my wages
Meng Jiangnu: Give me back my husband
(Pause four times. The emperor pretended to be cute and beat time in the middle. Suddenly he realized something was wrong and shouted. Stop! Everyone was stunned. The emperor shouted for money)
(Four Steps of Yangko)
Jing Ke: Give it to my husband
Meng Jiangnu: Pay me back my wages
The people next to him sang along to the rap tune
The emperor snatched the knives from Zhao and Li's hands, took it himself, and shouted: Get up!
Meng Jiangnu Leng Buting gave the emperor a knife, and the emperor asked: What is this?
Meng Jiangnu: The sword is as precious as autumn water
The Emperor: How dare he stab me? Suddenly he fell to the ground!
Jing Ke approached the emperor, ah, he is dead (SHI). Press and play.
Meng shouted: ah! Jing Ke assassinated Qin!
Everyone came closer and said, "Come here, make two blows, and discharge each other." Zhao Li stood up, held hands, "Jing Ke stabbed Qin"
Warrior: Ah, he stabbed Qin! Then run away
Play music