Playing twelve piano pieces is my birthday wish.

He is about to turn 24. I thought about what kind of birthday gift is the most meaningful and novel. I thought about it for many days, until I went shopping with him and passed a musical instrument store, and suddenly I had inspiration.

Give you twelve piano pieces. I smile and wish you a happy holiday.

Also, you hold my hand with a smile, and I miss you every minute.

It was autumn and the leaves had just begun to rest. His birthday is the last day of the year. I'm looking forward to the winter when it may snow. In that distant day, I have carefully arranged happiness sustenance. People always have a sustenance and live for it. I believe.

I have been practicing these twelve piano songs all autumn. There is no interruption. From Beijing to Manchester, from the cold in early autumn to winter.

raindrop

We met at the press conference. The press conference will be held at nine o'clock in the morning. The taxi I took was stuck in a long queue on the road, and there was no seat when I arrived at the scene. I was a rookie reporter at that time, and now I'm a little embarrassed. I stood in the aisle between two rows of seats, at a loss, just like the teacher did something wrong and dragged me to the school auditorium, facing everyone to review and admit my mistakes.

You came over and patted me on the shoulder, pointed to a vacant seat next to me and motioned me to sit down. Like a savior, I immediately sat in this corner, took out my computer and information, and put on my glasses. The person in charge of the company on the stage talked for a long time, but I forgot to say thank you, and I just took notes tirelessly.

You've been standing behind me.

I didn't know you were a photographer until the end. There is no chair where I sit, but you move the chair there and ask me to sit down.

prologue

I take the red envelope of the press conference and invite you to the restaurant downstairs for dinner. What a coincidence! We all like the same assorted fruit salad and spaghetti with meat sauce. When eating, you smiled and said that we even put the same amount of pepper. What a coincidence.

I smiled happily.

You still look like a student. You said, you should be in the business soon, right?

I smiled. I'm still an intern. Comb your hair, really like a student?

You nod. I'm a little discouraged. It seems that my appearance and temperament have not changed since I was seventeen, and I have grown up. Forever ponytail, plain clothes, and small size, even people often don't believe that I am graduating from college, and always ask, "What grade is high school?"

I never care about these little things. Until today, I don't care if you say so.

What is this? I'm a little uncertain and can't measure my mood at the moment. I may have just remembered a bunch of economic reports, and my head is a little numb. I ate my meal quietly, only thinking that the time of this meal was really too short.

Daydream

Since then, we often come out for tea and chat. Like ordinary and friendly friends. I feel that strange and beautiful feeling has become more and more firm in the dull party and tea fragrance. Maybe I did it unilaterally. Yes, because in your eyes, I have never seen a star as bright as myself.

That day, my roommate Kangkang and I went to the Electronic City to buy consumables. I saw you leaning against the phone booth across the street, looking pale. I was just about to call you, but I saw a beautiful woman coming out of the pavilion and holding your arm.

I stood across the street. Behind it is a bakery, which seems to be baking a very sweet bread, and the thick sweetness permeates half the street. I was wondering if I should go over and say hello to you. You have seen me and pulled the girl towards me with a smile. It's too late for me to hide You came to me like a match made in heaven. Even Kangkang whispered to me, "Are you a friend? They are all so beautiful. "

I smile. I expected my smile to be a little bitter, difficult and reluctant, and I also expected that you wouldn't notice my look. Because your eyes only belong to her beside you. Compared with the girl who laughs like a flower, I look like a gray clay sculpture. The wind is blowing gently and shallowly, and you say with a smile, "It's so cold, shall we all go for a drink?"

The four of us went to a cafe on the street together. There are many people. I ordered a hot latte and held it in my hand. I saw the girl's face as smooth as porcelain, shining in the sun. I felt a little inferior and quietly put my feet in old shoes under the chair.

Summer has passed, and autumn seems to be coming. People all over the street are dressed casually, with short skirts and long sleeves, smiling, as if they were the souls of rich people wandering on the border of happiness.

I know. I think too much. When you are unhappy, you usually like to entertain foolish ideas. You usually think that anyone around you is happier than yourself. I have been warming my face with a cup. My face is warm and red, but my heart is getting colder and colder.

Song of dreams

We haven't contacted each other for nearly half a month. I pray every night, wishing you happiness, you and her … happiness.

Kangkang and another girl and I rented a small house in Chongwenmen. I didn't tell you about moving. My friends tried to help me move the heavy piano to my new home. My room used to have a balcony, and the half wall separating the balcony from the main room was opened by the owner, so the whole small bedroom looked spacious and bright. I put the piano there. During the day, the sun shines thinly on the dark mirror-like piano surface. I raised another cactus and put it next to the piano. I love it so much that I can't help watering it often, but Kangkang says it is different from other plants. If you water it too much, it will die. I can only leave it alone in the corner of the balcony, waiting for the dusk to disperse and the moonlight to be like water. From a distance, it looks like a stubborn and lonely fluffy green single-ball ice cream.

It's not that no one is chasing me, nor is it that there is no way out. But there always seems to be a strange voice in my heart. When I was thinking about others, the valley suddenly echoed: "Wait a minute, wait a minute, someone will come to your side." So I waited quietly day by day.

I have never fallen in love with someone so easily. In front of this person, I am as timid and flustered as a little girl who is not familiar with the world. I don't know if everyone who has a crush or is in love is like me. I think my world is a dull sky, and only you are the rainbow in my life. Rainbow can be carefree, even if it is too far away to touch, it will be the only surprise and the only light I am destined to have.

Autumn songs

You reappear, and the smell of early autumn has swept the wind and cloud. Throughout the year, most love seasons are autumn and winter. I dreamed of walking hand in hand with my beloved for a long time, walking on the fallen leaves all over the floor, or listening to a warm piece of music back to back and sharing a box of sweet ice cream.

My requirements for life are surprisingly simple. However, it is surprisingly difficult to achieve.

You wait for me downstairs at my place. It happened that I received a phone call from another boy. He said that he had reserved a restaurant and asked me if I was free tonight. I was on the phone when your shouts came from downstairs. I almost subconsciously threw away my mobile phone, grabbed my coat and ran downstairs.

I just took a nap and my hair is still a little messy. My forehead is Mao Mao. At first glance, it looks like electricity. When you stood under the street lamp and saw me, you smiled brightly and heartily. I hid my surprise and put my hand into my coat pocket.

Why did you come to me?

Would you like to have a drink with me? After you have laughed, there is a faint sadness under your eyes. I think I understand. I know your mind and eyes. So I didn't ask more questions, and I accompanied you to the bar one by one. You are intoxicated in the past, and I seem to see you after drinking, which is another you and another yourself. Since then, you have been my dream.

I remember that autumn evening, leaves poured down like rain, and dusk came like death. You took my hand and walked out of the bar. I lean on your shoulder.

rotate

We also had a good time.

There is evidence of our love in that familiar residential building in Huang Ming.

The hut on that floor is so warm that I want to cry when I think about it now.

The beige curtains that feel numb are bought all over the city. Draw the curtains on a cloudy day, and the indoor light is dim, which is just suitable for taking a nap and drinking tea, reciting recipes in weak light, and preparing to cook the simplest and delicious dishes for you; Crystal vases for flower arrangement are often empty, and there are no flowers in them, only water; The bowl-shaped glass candlestick was taken from the previously rented room by Kangkang and others. At night, we don't turn on the light, just light the candlestick, and I will put my feet on your instep and dance while humming a tune. That kind of thick Iranian carpet with complex patterns, we used to sit on it to drink soup, eat midnight snacks and tell ghost stories with pillows until midnight ... all the beautiful and happy past events and complete memories.

Only the piano, because it is too big, I haven't had time to move here for a while. I took time out that weekend and went back to my old cabin alone. Kangkang took a book and dozed off on the sofa in the living room. I crept to my old house. Black grand piano sparkled in the sun. I know Kangkang regularly cleans it for me. I opened the piano cover and gently stroked the cold keys. Long time no see, and I was good friends when I died alone. I closed the piano cover and leaned my head on it. The sunshine is not as warm as autumn, and the feather gently brushed my right face. So I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I noticed that the cactus in the corner of the balcony was no longer bright green. The thorns of velvet became stinging, and the color became withered yellow and green.

Kangkang said: "It doesn't seem to be dead, maybe it's just old."

Moon River

Would you mind telling me all your feelings and feelings about her? Maybe you think I'm a girlfriend who talks about everything, maybe you think I'm nothing.

Day after day, I play a loyal girlfriend, audience and audience. You had a fight on the phone. For some things before, you stayed out all night and came back drunk. I will sit on the sofa and wait for you all night. Warm red bean soup is only put on the coffee table in the living room for one night, and it condenses into a sticky bowl without putting it, which is difficult to swallow. I went to the kitchen to heat a pot of red bean soup to sober you up. Wearing thick pajamas, I stood by the fire as punishment. When I lost my mind, the sweet soup overflowed from the pot and put out the fire on the stove. I quickly turned off the valve, and the sweet steam came to my face and was very hot. I walked into the bedroom with soup in my hand, and you were fast asleep. I sat by the bed and felt that everything was in vain. Nobody can change anything. Even if god gives us a chance. What is predestined cannot be changed.

Maybe all I can do is spend some time with you. Accompany you for a period of time, the lost and painful time without her.

Eternal beauty, please stay.

You didn't tell anyone when you were together. Except me.

I didn't tell anyone around me either. This silent and lonely secret, I will silently bear it for you alone.

The crystal vase in the living room has been filled with half a bottle of water without any flowers. I always feel that this room has a fragrance. Been away for a long time. This big empty room. It's surprisingly cold at night. I'm the only one holding myself under the covers, hugging my shoulders tightly, chattering my teeth and keeping warm.

Or sit on the sofa and watch long cartoons, crayons, marbles, dunks ... and laugh till you cry. The children next door are playing piano music with gentle notes. One song after another, this is a song for Alice. I opened the window, the sun was warm, and I remembered my promise to play the piano for your birthday.

Close the window, put on your coat, take a walk to your previous residence, sit in front of the piano and start stubborn practice. No one appreciates this piano music anymore. I became more determined.

miss

Choose to go to a distant place to continue your studies, forget you and alienate your memory. In the rainy city of Manchester, I was too cold to hold my umbrella tightly.

This subject is really difficult. Far from being as pure and fun as I thought before. Living in a middle-aged couple's house, life goes slowly. Maybe it's my bad luck. They are not people who can be friendly for no reason. I have the habit of getting up late at night to drink water, so they won't forget to close the kitchen door before going to bed. You can only take a large glass of water before going to bed, and then wake up at night with a cup to drink. Sometimes I can't tell whether it's drinking water or my own tears. After living for a few weeks, I moved out, found a house outside and shared it with a Beijing girl at school. The environment is not satisfactory, but roommates are all from the same place. Everyone takes care of each other, and the days are suddenly enlightened and very suitable. They have learned to swear and defend themselves with cold faces in English as proficient as the locals. It snowed for a day and a night. After school, I had to walk with my roommate on the wet and cold road for nearly half an hour before I got home. During that time, there was no one behind, endless terrible loneliness. Thinking of you is like thinking of a brand left on yourself.

I thought the past was dusty, and I thought space separated my thoughts. Lying on the edge of the window lattice, drinking hot tea to warm up and looking at the snow outside the window, I realized that the farther away I am, the more obvious my thoughts are.

I began to believe a word. Loneliness is not because no one is with you, but because no one is with you.

Forgotten

At the end of the year, I returned to Beijing once.

I have an appointment with Kangkang. When she saw me, she asked me if I had contacted you again.

I held a cup of tea tightly and shook my head calmly.

He came to see you. Kangkang said, doesn't he know that you are no longer in Beijing? He didn't find you when he came, so he sat in front of the piano and played one song after another. Can he play the piano? I haven't heard you mention it before. He took the cactus. I forgot to tell you in my letter, because I thought you were in contact and he would tell you.

We never met again. I looked down and up again. What music did he play?

I don't know. Kangkang shrugged, he said. Twelve piano pieces. I haven't heard of it. Is there a song by that name?

Song of parting

You changed your mobile phone and address and didn't continue to work in the old place. I tried to contact you again, but I completely lost your message.

Actually, there is no other meaning. I said to myself, I just want to play the twelve piano pieces I have practiced for you. That's all.

But I can't find you anymore. No mutual friends can provide me with your recent situation and clues.

It rained very hard that night. I called Kangkang and asked her when you would come to see me, and did you leave any contact information.

Kangkang listened to the phone in a daze. I asked many questions anxiously, but she didn't listen to a word.

What do you want to ask? Can we ask tomorrow? Kangkang muttered something, as if he didn't leave any contact information, so he left playing the piano. I said, what's wrong with you? A person who comes to someone's house to play the piano for no reason and goes home without saying hello is like a ghost.

I hung up and gave up. In fact, if you really want to find someone, how can you not find them? I stopped looking, just because I didn't want to. Maybe all is well, I will slowly forget you, bury the past and discard all my piano playing and promises.

Life is a thing of the past anyway. I'd rather live as lonely as in a strange place than be as neurotic as Kangkang said.

Memory

The subjects I study are very difficult, and I have to work very hard to get good grades; I am used to drinking hot tea to keep warm; There is a wound in my heart, which has been frozen and cannot be melted; The house I shared with my classmates was strangely cold in the middle of winter, as if the fireplace didn't work very well. I can adapt to the people, language and customs here, but I can't always adapt to the weather. Even if I walk for hours in extremely thick jeans and boots, my feet will still feel numb with cold. My old rheumatism prisoner, maybe I shouldn't have chosen this place to study in the first place; I'm getting used to the loneliness that few people always care about. After a long time, it becomes a kind of freedom and grinds out another independent me.

The girl who lives with me plays a song on the old phonograph, singing a sentence over and over again, "I want to forget you, I want to forget you." The singer's voice seems to be crying in a low voice. I leaned against the window and read a book wrapped in a quilt. Houses and cars covered with snow in the distance look like thick cream cakes. The snow has stopped. Your birthday has passed, the piano melody is too far away, and there is such a story that I will never forget, and it is finally over.