? This time, the second-level feeling connected all my past experiences, and I became more and more clear about my own patterns. The second level is particularly in-depth this time. Whenever something happens now, it feels like there is an invisible force arranging it. Whatever state and position you are at at this stage, there will be corresponding homework coming. There is no deviation, and it is just what you can do. What I have endured is so perfect that I cannot accept it~ His arrangements are beyond our ability to guess. His plans for us are far grander than our plans for ourselves. We are so narrow, so small, and yet so so. Unaware arrogance and arrogance.

? In this class, I felt relaxed and at ease. I saw my own support and control. I had never noticed this part. I saw it so clearly in this class. As I write this, tears well up. I feel so sorry for myself. Surprisingly, I am wrapped up in external peace, tolerance and generosity. Being so strong and needing to control and express yourself are two completely opposite skins, causing such a tear inside. God, how did I survive all these years? At this moment, I just want to hug myself. I have wronged myself for so many years. The moment I finally see it, it hurts so much, and I feel so happy at the same time. It hurts and makes me happy at the same time. happy! Finally, I can actually feel pain! It's really coming soon! Feel the reality at this moment, no matter what it is, it is real. The reality is bloody, but it will not lie to you.

? The self-introduction part was not as nervous as before. I was still surprised at the time, huh? Why am I not nervous anymore? When I look for that tension, the tension comes again. Haha, just come when it comes. With it, I feel nervous and comfortable. I am not so reserved. My sense of self begins. rising. The teacher played the song "The Long March" and he looked at everyone. I used to be afraid of the teacher and didn't dare to look at him. This time I opened my heart and looked at him without any projection or flinching, just two people. The look between two souls may be a little timid, but that's what it is. After looking at each other and listening to this song, I saw the truth. We are the warriors of shen. We come to this world of duality to experience pain and separation, and then we can experience unity and return to unity. Returning to Shen's arms, we are his children, and we came to this world for him voluntarily. We have been avoiding pain and resenting why He made us experience so much suffering and torture. Little do we know that we came to the earth voluntarily and suffered voluntarily. If we avoid these, we will always be stuck in our minds and have no way forward. day. If we open our arms to experience, experience, and fulfill the purpose of coming here, the truth will automatically come to you, and perfect unity will appear after experiencing pain. Shen has always been there, and he loves us in his own way, which is beyond our comprehension.

? Dynamic meditation

? These two dynamic meditations feel different from the ones I did in the past. What I did before was really holding on~ I was obviously very weak, and I had to pretend I can do it, I can do it, and if others can do it, I can do it too, but I still have to compare with the best. I remember when I did it before (one time there were men in a row), I deliberately stood next to the men and wanted to compete with them. If they could do it, so could I. In fact, I clearly feel that women and men are not equal. In order to combat this inequality, I have to compete with them to prove that I am better than them. If you do this this time, you will follow your inner energy and will not be completely carried away by the environment. When you feel weak, you have an extra permission. Since you are weak, you don’t have to hold on. Accompany it and the weakness will slowly pass. If you feel that you are very energetic, then you can pump or jump with all your strength. How long can you hold on? It doesn’t matter how long it takes, and if you get bored again, then allow it, as long as you don’t stop. I also saw the power of the pattern, the feeling of powerlessness, the belief that I couldn't do it, pulling me, just seeing it, just accompanying me.

? During the rest period on the first day, I felt stomach churning, nausea, cold sweats, and general weakness. Then there was a voice saying, I can’t survive, it was too uncomfortable, so I lay down. I still felt so uncomfortable, shaking my body back and forth, and heard Brother Anping saying: Allow your body to feel whatever it is. I suddenly realized that I was fighting against this discomfort, so I relaxed, and the uncomfortable feeling slowly disappeared. I was so happy that I sat up. I also stood up and danced during the dance, feeling a celebration of life. When pain comes, feel it. When it goes away, be with the present moment without holding on to it. Come as you come, leave as you go, as it is, as it is, without moving.

? Breathing meditation

? On the first day of breathing meditation, the first thing that came out was my confrontation and anger, the struggle against not having a self. After this confrontation passed , I discovered my numbness. After uncovering my drama and playing with pain, I found that I was so numb, indifferent, and so desperate. I couldn't even breathe. I found that I couldn't even breathe. My diaphragm was knocked twice, and the first time it hurt a little. The second time, Xu Na hit me hard, and she shouted in my ear: "Shout out if it hurts!" But I really can't feel the pain. It's not that I don't feel anything at all. I feel it, but it just doesn't hurt that much.

I feel especially sorry for myself. The anesthesia on the 9th really included anesthetics in my body. I remember that I didn’t feel that much pain when I gave birth. When I saw other people getting anesthesia, I felt that it was unnecessary and it didn’t hurt that much. I can bear it, I am silent, I can bear it!

? During the breathing meditation on the second day, I lay there and took a big breath. I didn’t know when someone would hit me, but I knew someone would definitely hit me. This feeling was just like what Xu Na shared. The feeling she had when she was arrested and quarantined was the fear that you know death will definitely come, but you don't know when or how it will happen, and you also know that you can't fight it, and you don't want to fight it. The fish and meat on the knife are ready to be slaughtered. My breathing slowed down, someone covered me with a blanket, and I felt a pair of hands covering my forehead. It should be Xu Na's. I felt treated with tenderness, and there was a surge of energy in my Dantian. I felt myself, I felt seen, I had myself, it was just me who hid her. Thinking of how I felt at the first level, I saw that I had frozen myself, a real picture. The ice that wrapped me was like a diamond, thick, multifaceted, light blue, and I curled up inside holding my knees. Just like a baby in the womb. Now I feel that the ice surrounding me is slowly melting, like a new life.

? Spiritual massage

? I partnered with Aunt Zhao, and I massaged her first. I could feel her nervousness, as if she was ready to cooperate with me at any moment. If I lift her hand, she will lift it by herself. If I lift her foot, she will lift it with all her strength. I felt a little distressed and couldn't relax, as if I was ready to give at any time. There was only the sound of snoring for a short period of time in the middle, which was relaxing. I was very happy to see her relax. I was not completely ready for the trust and fall part. Aunt Zhao suddenly fell down. I was a little surprised and a little touched. She trusted me so much and surrendered completely. I was nourished by her. It was Aunt Zhao's turn to massage me. To be honest, it was really uncomfortable. She later asked me for confirmation, and I told the truth. But I could feel the heart she wanted to give me. She worked so hard and was so eager. I was very touched. I saw my mother, exactly the same, and I saw her love for me. I no longer cling to what I want, but see that what they want to give is actually the same, but the way to express love is different. I fell completely backwards, and I felt that Aunt Zhao was very happy to see me fall down. I felt that she was supporting me, and I also felt that my mother had always been supporting me, supporting me unconditionally. Aunt Zhao hugged me on my back and said to me: Your shoulders are so hard and your knees are so cold. How much have you endured? Is it hard for you to hold on? I collapsed all of a sudden. Yes, I kept holding on and pushing on, as if I was pushing against a cow anytime and anywhere, like a stubborn stone, invulnerable. Aunt Zhao, thank you for seeing me, thank you for supporting me, I have been nourished by you and love you.

? Many people hugged me from behind and talked to me. I felt so much strength supporting me. Some people recognize it, some people don't. One person said, you don’t have to hold on so much, you can express your needs, and you have the right to ask for what you want. Another sentence that made me collapse ~ Thank you for seeing me, meeting you, and meeting yourself.

? Inner child

? This time I am doing exercises with Brother Xuping. We are all of the same model, we have similar childhood experiences, and we can all see each other's pain. This reconciliation was so natural, without any confrontation. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw him sitting on the ground with his back to me, and I felt myself getting closer to him with a smile on my face. He turned his head, glanced at me, and immediately looked back. I'm so heartbroken. He doesn't believe he can get love. He can feel my love and acceptance, but he doesn't believe he can get it. I walked into him, approached him, and sat down. He turned around and our eyes met. He still didn't believe it. I took his hand and I saw him relax and gradually accept me. He asked me, will you always stay with me? I said: Yes. He said: I'm not good. I said: I know. He tried again and again, and I patiently accompanied him and answered him. He finally accepted me, I saw him cry and we hugged each other. I saw how much my inner child didn't trust herself and needed to be tested over and over again, and I felt so sorry for her. Later, when I communicated with Brother Xu Ping, our feelings were the same. Suddenly, I felt that each of us has the same sensitivity. Regardless of one-on-one, self-preservation or social interaction, we all have the same sensitivity and the same life. Brother Xuping always says that he has no feelings. I want to say no. Your feelings are very keen. You are a living person with vitality.

? Reconciliation with parents

? I still remember this part of the second stage last year. I was very intense and had some acting elements. Compared to this time, I was too quiet. In a word Didn't say anything either. Facing Brother Xuping's expression of anger, I couldn't say a word. I grabbed my clothes with both hands and felt a destructive energy in my Dantian. This force is uncontrollable. If it is allowed to come out, I can feel that I can destroy the world. After the destruction, only the ruins of the world will be left, with wind and sand and rocks, and desolate. This must be close to the ultimate fear. After class, I asked the teacher - presence and companionship. Later, I felt anesthesia, just like the teacher said there was a ball of cotton on my chest. I felt like there was a ball of mulberry silk on my chest. It was not thick, but it was hazy and wrapped around me. I knew I was anesthetized and diverted—spiritual escape.

My parents and I have reconciled, and I no longer have to do homework or express my feelings. Just like this, they passed by one by one with their mouths shut, and finally ended here with Fan Jianyi. Later, when I communicated with her, she said that she felt like I was like a stubborn child who didn't say anything, which made me doubt myself. Later, when the teacher talked about the mechanism of anesthesia No. 9, I made the connection and knew what was going on with me. .

See yourself in the collision

? This time I had some conflicts with Liu Jia. In these conflicts, I saw my own pattern and claimed my own responsibilities, and the transformation was also quiet. occur.

? The feedback she gave me was that she always felt that I was suppressing her and stepping on her. I didn't want to face it at first. Faced with her accusations and anger, I began to anesthetize myself and use cold violence. It felt like it was over at that time, we were done playing. Later, I was very grateful to her for coming to "harass" me and force me to face it. I saw the one-to-one pattern of my 9w8, and I remembered what the first-level teacher said about a plant in South America that entangles and strangles. That's right, I saw it clearly this time, that's what it was done. The teacher said that one-on-one is to catch "people", and I saw it this time. For example, if I don’t do a very simple thing, I’ll just wait and see if someone comes to do it for me. If someone comes, that’s great (the purpose is achieved), if not, it doesn’t matter (but in fact There is also anger at not achieving the goal). Liu Jia was always the one who paid for me. Later, she couldn't bear it and she had a conflict with me, saying that I was ungrateful and couldn't see her efforts. But I used "I didn't ask you to do it, you did it yourself" as an excuse. An excuse to avoid the responsibilities I claim. This model is so smart. I set a "trap" (fit). If I have a need, I don't take the initiative to ask for it. I just sit back and wait. I don't have to take responsibility when the time comes. I can also shift the responsibility to others, making others feel uncomfortable but can't fault it. I made a substantial mistake. When I "hook" people here, I want them not only to take care of me in all aspects of life, but also to be controlled by me. The method I use is suppression. In name, I want to help the other person, but the method I use is to deny and suppress the other person. To express yourself and exercise control. I hope that the other person can not only rely on me, but also be controlled by me. This is contradictory in itself.

? After the lid of "love" was lifted, I discovered the indifference in my heart - no heart. No one lives in my heart, including myself, there is only ruins.

When I saw the truth, I naturally took the initiative to do something the next day, and I could also do something for the other person. The transformation really happened naturally. After I did it, I was still surprised, huh? How have I changed?

The performance of the "drama queen" in the classroom

? This time I can see my "acting" more clearly, and I want to laugh when I talk about it, haha. When each model had an interview session, I wanted to go up and share it, so I started my performance. No. 9 shared that after I had a conflict with Liu Jia the night before, I saw my own pattern and really wanted to go up. So, I started "fishing". Immersed in my own emotional world, I am hopeless again. I stay alone and don't talk to anyone. When the teacher plays songs, he will exaggerate his emotions (actually the feelings are there and real, but he will exaggerate them). I sit close to the teacher, so I want to attract him and convey a message: I have grown up, I see It’s the truth, please choose me to share it. That day, I basically participated in every aspect with this purpose in mind.

? I originally wanted to raise my hand, but halfway up, the teacher chose Sheng Fang. I was disappointed at the time, but I immediately changed my mind. There must be some enlightenment in this arrangement, or in other words, this arrangement would be more rewarding than me sharing it. I chose to stay in the moment and listen carefully to their interview. A similar situation happened in the May Day healing class last year. I couldn't accept it at the time, and the teacher wouldn't let me take it. So my body cooperated with my consciousness and achieved my goal. I feel like I am really acting with my life, and every cell can be mobilized by me. This time I was able to come out quickly. At that time, the teacher also explained why Sheng Fang was asked to come up. He said it to me and made a gesture to me. I was really touched. The teacher saw me and Accept. This harvest is really much more than what I would gain by sharing it. I realized this truth when a quick song was played after sharing on the 9th. I still remember that I sat up straight, raised the corners of my mouth, and smiled happily.

? Xu Na’s sharing made my feelings follow her, as if I had experienced it with her. I can relate to what she said. A few days before I came to the second level, I had an experience similar to the body for two days. Although it was not as in-depth as hers, I knew what she was talking about. As she shared, my soul seemed to be cleansed and my inner mind became clear.

? After Versailles, the Sophie Spin was really a piece of cake for me. I could do it easily from the first experience. But this time I was really freer, especially in the later waltz. I danced casually to the music, and I could do whatever I wanted. I was so free and boundless.

? This time I feel myself opening up. Before, I was really immersed in my own world and had no contact with the outside world. This time I am willing to communicate with others. Although I often only want to express myself and do not listen to others, it is already a great improvement for me.

? The long road, walk slowly, let’s go together...

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