As for the wife of an alcoholic, how do you help your husband quit drinking? We alcoholics who have quit drinking and have a new life will tell you:

First of all, no matter what your alcoholic husband says, What, try not to condemn him. Because alcoholism is a disease, a disease that keeps getting worse. The cause of this disease is due to the body's sensitivity to alcohol, coupled with the psychologically difficult to get rid of the compulsive desire to drink. No matter what adverse consequences this psychological effect may bring, it cannot be overcome by the power of one's own will alone. If possible, treat him as a patient with pneumonia.

The problems you are struggling with usually fall into one of four categories:

1. Your husband simply drinks too much. He drinks frequently and may drink too much only on certain occasions. His drinking was deteriorating his physical and mental condition, but he didn't realize it. He always believed that he could control his drinking and that drinking would do him no harm. He believed that drinking was necessary for his business, and he was even proud of being able to drink. He would feel insulted if someone called him an alcoholic. A considerable number of such people will become real alcoholics before long.

2. Your husband often loses control when he drinks. His work and career may have been affected. He sometimes drinks in the morning and during the day, always using alcohol to excite himself and eliminate tension, depression and depression. After being seriously drunk, he will regret it and tell you that he wants to stop drinking, but he still wants to stop drinking. We believe these are the characteristics of a true alcoholic.

3. Your husband may have been the same as the second one, but then he became worse and worse, spending almost all day in the company of alcohol. His friends have all left him, his family is on the verge of being broken up, and his position cannot be kept. He admitted that he couldn't drink like other people, but he wanted to stop drinking but couldn't.

4. Your husband may make you completely lose hope. He could no longer work normally, drank alcohol every day, and was sent to one hospital after another. He behaves violently when drunk, or acts completely insane, almost like a psychopath. Sometimes he would drink on the way home from the hospital, and the doctor would shake his head and sigh.

What should we do about these men who are trapped in a sea of ??alcohol and unable to extricate themselves.

The first principle of success is that you must not be angry. What you need most to help your husband quit drinking is patience and a good temper.

You must not nag him too much about his drinking, as this may make him bored and use it as an excuse to indulge in more drinking. He will tell you that you don't understand him, and he may go to someone else to comfort him - not necessarily a man.

You should be convinced that he needs your company and help. Even if your husband continues to drink, you should not make any deliberate efforts to reform your husband. You should ignore him, of course, this is just the skill of our actions - you are biding your time.

If you do this, your husband may come to appreciate your rationality and patience. This sets the stage for you to talk kindly about his drinking problem when he's sober. Try to get him to initiate the conversation. Never criticize him in this discussion, but put yourself in his shoes and let him see that you are trying to help him, not criticize him.

Once the discussion begins, you can suggest that he attend a sobriety bar and talk to recovering alcoholics, or read AA's book, at least the chapter on alcoholism; tell him that you just hope He takes care of his health. Also show him that you have confidence in his ability to stop drinking or to moderate. In this way, you may successfully draw his attention to his drinking problem.

If this method fails to attract your husband's attention, it is best to drop the topic first, but after you have a friendly conversation for a while, your husband will usually take the initiative to reopen the topic soon.

For the second type of husband, he probably really wants to stop drinking. , explain to him that the authors of this material are alcoholics, and that he might be interested enough to continue reading.

If he is lukewarm and does not consider himself an alcoholic, we suggest you let him be. Don't force it, the seed has been planted in his mind - he knows that thousands of people like him have recovered. You may find sooner or later that he is already at the bar, communicating with others or reading AA information. Wait until he falls repeatedly and becomes convinced that he must act, because the more you push him, the more likely you are to delay his recovery.

If your husband falls into the third category and you are convinced that he wants to quit drinking, you can introduce him to quit drinking and show him AA information. He may not be as eager as you are, but he will almost certainly take action and probably start a sobriety program right away. Likewise, you can't put pressure on him. Let him make his own decision. He calmly watched him indulge in alcohol again and again. Only talk to him about his situation when he brings up the subject. In some cases, it may be helpful to have someone outside the family urge him to act to avoid resentment.

You would think that the fourth type of people would be hopeless, but that is not the case. Everyone has lost confidence in them, and failure is a certainty. However, as long as we persist in carrying out the previous actions with confidence, such people often achieve amazing and powerful recovery. Because after falling to the bottom, people usually try to climb up out of survival instinct. They are more likely to successfully stop drinking.

As for yourself, you may be worried about what others will say, so you don’t want to see your friends, or even talk about this topic to your parents, and you don’t know how to explain it to your children.

In fact, you don’t have to talk about your husband in detail with others, but you can quietly let your relatives and friends know the nature of his illness. However, you have to be careful not to embarrass or hurt your husband.

Once you explain to these people that they are the patient, any barriers you may have had between you and your friend will disappear as empathy and understanding grow. You will no longer feel embarrassed or feel like you need to apologize, as if your husband has bad character. He may have many faults, but he is by no means a bad character. Your courage and calmness will do wonders for your social life.

The same principles can be applied to children. Unless the child really needs the father's protection, if he gets into an argument with his children while drinking, it's best not to take sides. Use your energy to create an atmosphere of understanding around yourself. This way, the tension that exists in every alcoholic's home will be lessened.

When your husband is drunk, you often feel obligated to tell his boss or leader and friends that he is sick. If they have a right to know where he is and what he is doing, even if you want to protect him, you should not lie to those people. Asking him what you would do if you were put in this situation again when he is clear-headed and in a good mood will help him see his situation clearly.

There is also an overwhelming fear - you may be afraid that your husband will lose his position; maybe you have already done so several times. If it happens again, feel free to look at it with new eyes. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise! The intense stress may make your husband decide he will never drink again.

The drinking problem awaits a solution, and if you and your husband find a way out, you will certainly be happy. However, no problem is solved instantly.

You will encounter some obstacles, including anger, hurt feelings, and resentment. Your husband will be irrational at times, and you will be ready to criticize him. Even the smallest things in family life can turn into a thunderstorm of arguments. These family disputes can be dangerous, especially for your husband—and never forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to alcoholics. Of course, you don't have to do what your husband says; you just need to be careful not to argue with him in a resentful or accusatory manner. Mutual tolerance is a rule, and there is no need to criticize each other if you both show a desire to remedy shortcomings.

Your husband knows that he owes you more than just staying sober. Once his drinking problem is resolved, he wants to succeed as a person. But you can't expect too much. His thoughts and behavioral habits have been accumulated over many years. So you may need new interests and big life goals just like your husband does. You, like your husband, should think of what you can contribute to life, not how much you can get out of it. In doing so, your life will surely be more fulfilling.

Perhaps your husband has made a good start, but just when everything is going well, he comes home drunk again, which makes you very discouraged. If you're convinced that he really wants to overcome his alcohol addiction, there's no need to panic. It would be great if he never relapsed, but from the experience of many of us, sometimes a relapse is not necessarily a bad thing - your husband will immediately realize that if he wants to cure the disease, he must redouble his spiritual activity and continuous of learning. You don't need to remind him of his mental shortcomings - he will know them.

Never try to arrange his life. He will be aware of any attempts you make to guide him on dates or errands to avoid temptation. It is important that he should feel absolutely free to come and go. If he's drunk, don't blame yourself. Then, you and your husband can immediately pay attention to the underlying problem.

In short, we need to arouse men’s own strong desire to quit drinking and try to get them to change their ideas. Once they are on the road, we must abandon the idea of ??continuing to be their crutch, because quitting drinking will, after all, It's their own business, and it's a lifelong matter.

This is a bit wordy, but what we talk about is a summary of our own painful experiences. We learned this the hard way, at great cost. Because of this, we urgently hope that you can understand and avoid these unnecessary hardships.

With persistence, hard work, and attention to technique, I believe that most alcoholic husbands will succeed with the help of their wives.

Take action

The more we try to stay away from alcohol, the more the thought of drinking lingers. So simply staying away from alcohol (or not thinking about it) isn't enough.

Once you stop drinking, how do you spend the free time? Most of us have formal jobs to do, but there is still a lot of free time that must be filled. Therefore, we must develop new hobbies and arrange colorful activities to fill these times, and at the same time find appropriate outlets for the energy that was once addicted to alcohol.

There are many things we can do that are suitable and meaningful for us.

1． In the early stages of quitting drinking, you can take a walk or brisk walk. Especially going to new places you’ve never been before. Go for a leisurely stroll in a park or country lane, but not a tiring march.

2． read.

Although some of us cannot make up our minds to read books, we should really read some books to broaden our horizons, increase our life experience, and be more attentive.

3． Visiting a museum or gallery, some people choose photography is also a good idea.

4． Swim, run, bike, yoga, or other exercise recommended by your doctor.

5. Tackle those long-neglected household chores. Organizing wardrobes and dressing tables, filing documents into categories, or dealing with things we have put off for a long time. But when we do these things, we should not be greedy for more and act within our capabilities. Instead of cleaning out the entire kitchen or organizing all the files at once, clean out one drawer or file folder at a time and do the rest another day.

6. Try taking up a new hobby. Choose activities that are not too expensive or demanding, that are purely recreational, that are refreshing and invigorating without the pressure of competition. For example, singing, writing, tropical fish, carpentry, basketball, cooking, bird watching, amateur performances, wood carving, gardening, guitar, movies, dance, stone carving, potted plants, collection, etc. Many people find that the activities they really enjoy now are hobbies they never considered trying.

7． Rediscover the fun of the past. A watercolor painting, billiards or Go game, reading notes, etc. that you have not polished for many years, to continue these hobbies. But if you feel it is no longer suitable for you, just give it up.

8． Go to class. Studying Japanese or English? Love history or math? Want to learn about archeology or anthropology? Or cooking, computer operation, then take correspondence courses, TV universities or adult education (just for interest, not necessarily with a credit certificate). There are also many places that offer classes that only take one day a week, why not give it a try? Taking classes can not only broaden your horizons, but also broaden your areas of life. If you get bored of the class content, don't hesitate to quit immediately. Only by learning to give up activities that are not beneficial to us or have no positive, positive, or healthy meaning can we muster up the courage to face it again, and only then can we have the opportunity to experience a new dimension of life besides drinking.

9． Volunteer to do some useful service. Many hospitals, children's service agencies, and social welfare groups are in great need of volunteers to provide various services. We have many choices. When we can contribute to others, even if it is just a trivial service, we will feel particularly useful. We will even feel very interested when talking about the process of participating in these activities and related information. And particularly devoted.

10． Dress yourself up. Most of us know that there are many ways that a new haircut, new clothes, a new pair of glasses, or even new teeth can have unexpected and pleasing results.

11． Play with ease! Not everything we do in our daily lives must be proactive and innovative. We also need to do some activities purely for fun, such as your favorite kites, zoos, comedy movies, soul music, detective novels, etc.; if you don’t like it, find other fun activities that have nothing to do with drinking, purely To reward yourself.