Narrator: Zou Ji's first act satirized the loyal minister of Qi! Are you ready? Let's go

(The music begins the prelude to "One Year", and Wu Meiniang and the little pervert appear from both sides of the stage)

Wu Meiniang: No matter what questions you ask us-

Little pervert: We will all answer them one by one!

Wu Meiniang: Insist on love and true evil-

Little pervert: the most attractive villain-

Wu Meiniang: (coyly) Wu Meiniang!

Little pervert: (with a sly smile) Little pervert!

Wu Meiniang: The two people in the rocket pair crossing the Milky Way are-

Wolf: There are still 38 widows waiting for the dark future!

Wu Meiniang: Wait, what makes you a widow?

Little pervert: Just like you, two widows are not bad.

Wu Meiniang: Oh, by the way, what task are we going to perform this time?

Little pervert: Do you know the four beautiful boys in ancient China?

Wu Meiniang: Who doesn't know this? Look for bacteria, cicadas, rare excrement and expensive fat!

Little pervert: (slapping Wu Meiniang heavily) Bullshit, those are the four beauties! !

Wu Meiniang: Oh ~ Who are the four beautiful men?

Little pervert: Zou Ji, Xu Gong.

Wu Meiniang: Two people are still missing?

Little pervert: (slapping Wu Meiniang again) Idiot, the other two are of course me and you ~ ~

Wu Meiniang: Oh (posing with a little pervert)

Little Wolf: This time, we will change history and ruin Zou Ji's satirical story about the King of Qi.

Wu Meiniang: Oh ~ ~ ~ How?

Little pervert: (slaps Wu Meiniang again) Idiot, follow my instructions!

Let's go!

& lt Act II "Zou Ji's Home"

Narrator: Attention all departments, lighting and sound. Act II, Zou Ji's home, action!

Zou Ji: (looking in the mirror ing) (excited) Wow! ! ! Who is this handsome guy! So beautiful-beautiful-beautiful-beautiful!

Oh, it's me. Zou does have a handsome man who is independent from time to time. He cares about the city, then the country.

I'd rather not know the whole city and country, and it's hard to get handsome guys again! (Singing in front of the audience:) The girl across the street looks over, looks over, looks over-

Wife: (coughing loudly) Hum, who is watching you sing?

Zou Ji: When you, of course, look, look over.

Wife: Nonsense, I am eighty-eight, and I am still a "girl". It seems that your boy wants to have an affair, and I must kill you today! Look at my nine-yin white bone claw (read zhua) (shake hands and beat Zou Ji)

Narrator: Freeze! (The wife's hand stops at the place 1 cm away from Zou Ji's face.) At that time, Zou Ji thought that the hairy paw-oh no-the hand was only 0.0 1 cm away from his face, but after a column of incense, this crazy woman fell in love with him completely! Did the wife finally hit Zou Ji? Can Zou Ji still come out alive? What will Zou Ji say to his wife? Don't go away, I'll give you the answer after the commercial!

Wife: commentator, it is very tiring for people to raise their hands like this. Is that all you got to say ! Really, young people nowadays don't know how to be kind to jade-

Narrator: (just finished vomiting) Then let's go back to the plot! 1 column incense time has passed, Zou Ji him-

Zou Ji: (affectionately) Oh ~ honey ~ Listen to me, although you are Xu Niang, you are still full of charm in my eyes. Listen if you don't believe me-(singing and dancing) You are the only one in my heart without her. You have to believe that my friendship is not fake. My tears flow for you, my eyebrows draw for you, never for her.

Wife: Oh ~ I believe it! Sweets, did I just scare you?

Zou Ji: No, I'm afraid now-(vomiting).

Wife: Let me know if you have any requirements.

Zou Ji: Nothing special. By the way, let me ask you a question. Do I know Xu Hongmei well?

Wife: Of course, you are beautiful (bend over and be an innocent girl)

Zou Ji: (Pulling her away quickly) Really?

Wife: Look at you: Andy Lau on the left, Chow Yun Fat on the right, Tony Leung Chiu Wai in the back and Ng Man Tat in the front!

Zou Ji: Madam is really wise!

Wife: nothing else, I'll go down ~

Zou Ji: Take care, madam! (wife exits)

You can't just listen to one family and ask concubines. By the way, she should have come back from burning incense in the temple. Concubine ~ ~ concubine ~ ~

Concubine: (Salute) Concubine is polite.

Zou Ji: I went to the temple today. What did you draw for me?

Yuji: After the lottery, I shed tears. I am a sad person through the ages, but I still look at the present. Inside and outside the temple, suddenly, thousands of small white labels were rolled up. As the saying goes, several families are happy and several are sad. Inside and out, listen to wow. I remember I just got the sign. When I opened my eyes, I saw it was a sign. I was glad, and when I looked again, it turned out to be upside down. Honey, don't blame me for my bad luck. Why don't we draw lots tomorrow, concubines?

Zou Ji: (step by step approaches Yu Ji) (suddenly raises his hand and strokes his hair)

Concubine: (crying) Wow ~ ~ Wow ~ ~

Zou Ji: I haven't hit you yet!

Yuji: (Stop crying) Huh? oh

Zou Ji: Tell you the truth, you won't be beaten if you answer a question correctly.

Concubine: Go ahead, husband.

Zou Ji: Who is more handsome, me or that Xu Gong?

Yu Ji: Xu Gong, of course-(seeing Zou Ji's angry expression) Not as beautiful as you ~

Zou Ji: Really? I want to hear the truth.

Yuji: Look at you, your eyes are as bright as stars, your eyes are as bright as day, your willow leaves are bent and your eyebrows are cherry blossoms, and you are 1.09 meters tall-

Zou Ji: Huh? !

Concubine: Oh, nobody is ugly at a height of 1.9 meters. Well proportioned, beautiful and romantic. After drinking wine at dusk, Dongpu is handsome and oily. Born with a devil face, Beckham bowed his head when he saw it.

Zou Ji: (furious) You are too good at flattery. I have always hated flattery. This is by no means acceptable to an upright person like me! Go down and reflect!

Concubine: I see. My concubine excused herself (hurriedly stepped down).

Zou Ji: (suddenly laughing after seeing Yu Ji step down) Wow, hahahahahaha, I am really charming. No, I have to look in the mirror again and admire my beautiful face.

Guest: (on stage) (on mobile phone in Cantonese) I'm so tired. Yes, it's Mr. Liu from Andy Lau. I'm chocolate, the owner of Zhu Zhu pig farm. The 200 old sows you want will be sent to you right away ~ Oh, right, right, right. There's something wrong with the pig, but I promise I'll be fine soon. Don't worry, all right. Bye. Bye. Hehehe (take back your smile at once) (knock at the door)

Zou Ji: Who is it?

Customer: Oh, yes, chocolate.

Zou Ji: Oh ~ I haven't heard of it!

Customer: You must remember. Look-(singing) pig! You have two holes in your nose. You have a runny nose when you have a cold, Niu Niu.

Pig! Your eyes are black, so you can't see the edge when you look at them.

Zou Ji: Oh, I remember, it's Boss Zhu ~ Please sit down!

Zou Ji: Do you smoke?

Customer: No!

Zou Ji: Would you like some water?

Customer: Bring your own!

Zou Ji: Eat fruit?

Guest: Gross!

Zou Ji:-

Zou Ji: Then why did you come to me? (drinking tea)

Guest: My lovely, beautiful and lovable thing is ill.

Zou Ji: (continuing to drink tea) Dongdong? I'm cute, I'm beautiful, I'm cute?

Guest: No, my stuff is an old sow! (Zou Ji spits out all the tea) I'd like you to have a look.

Zou Ji: Well, answer me a question first.

Customer: Is there a problem?

Zou Ji: I know Xu Gongmei very well?

Guest: (clapping and shouting) Xu Hongmei-(looking at Zou Ji's face) No way. Look! Up and down, left and right, back and forth, etc. This is the hardest thing to distinguish between two handsome guys. He is a handsome man in Qi, but not as good as you. You know, the most beautiful one is Zou Ji's brother. Look at everyone: blushing like a pig's head and tender hands like pig's feet. Really handsome and cool. Dear friend, how can a person be handsome? The devil's face and the angel's figure, this probability, one in ten thousand. Zou Ji, how can it be handsome?

Zou Ji: Gu Limei is really interesting. That old sow, it's my treat!

Guest: Great! Brother Zou is so handsome, I believe that the old sow can get rid of the disease immediately when she sees you!

Zou Ji: That is, as long as it is a maternity, I want it!

Customer: (to himself) It's over. I'm a woman, too! ! !

Zou Jige, leave! (turning around)

And ~ color ~ wolf ~ ah ~ (shouting and running off the stage)

Zou Ji: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. If only Xu Gong had a little childlike innocence in front of me, let him know that I should wear the title of the most beautiful man in Qi. Hey, isn't that handsome guy over there Xugong? What a coincidence!

Xugong: Now the society is huge, and handsome guys know more or less. Last night, the beautiful girl sent flowers (one MM ran to the stage to offer flowers). Hey, this beautiful girl is so beautiful ~ so the charm of the cloud is still bright. I heard Zou Ji is also very handsome, but I have never seen him. Ask him how handsome he can be, just like getting a hundred points on a test paper! -hee hee, two hundred and fifty papers.

Zou Ji: Jasper Xiaojia male, male Zou Ji, North Xu Gong. Step by step, lotus flowers are full of fragrance, hibiscus comes out of the water, and handsome men dance all night. The geese are ashamed of flowers and moonshine in the heavy rain. Beautiful as a crown jade. Looking for him in the crowd, suddenly looking back, Xu Gong is in the light toilet! (Xugong is smelling the flowers at the moment)

Xu Gong: Standing on the stage for a show, looking at the audience, the beauty is like jade. Hey, this beautiful girl, what's your name?

Narrator: during the performance, I took the opportunity to engage in personal relations and ruined the normal performance! Yellow card warning!

Xu Gong: Good guide. I'll pay attention. Eyes and ears are blue, and no one dares to try to compare with others. Beauty is irresistible, wine is a song, and beautiful women match handsome men!

Music reminds me of Dance of Youth, where Xu Gong dances with a MM.

Xugong: Thank you, Mei Mei, for taking the time to invite you to dinner.

Narrator: second warning, don't take advantage of the performance to have sex!

Xugong: (Fadia) Oh, I'll treat you to dinner later.

Narrator: I KO, I'm not a woman! The program continues!

Xu Gong: Countless girls will never regret it. They will be exhausted for me.

Zou Ji: Zou Ji is also charming, which has attracted countless girls to bend over (there is a MM shouting: Zou Ji Zou Ji ~ ~ "airplane" will always support you ~ ~). I pity Hanwu, Qin Huang, who is slightly out of appearance, and Song Zu, Tang Zong, who is slightly taller. A generation of handsome men, Xu Gong in the north of the city, can only play cool and shoot birds.

Xu Gong: (bows) Whoosh ~ ~ ~

Zou Ji: The past is over, including handsome guys, but we still look at the present.

Xu Gong: You really can't find a place to get it. It doesn't take much effort to get it!

Zou Ji: Two tigers are not allowed in one mountain!

Xu Gong: This handsome guy is particularly jealous when he sees you!

Zou Ji and Xu Gong fought for several rounds.

Xu Gong: Shaolin Juexue-Orchid ~ ~ Flower ~ ~ Finger ~ ~

(Zou Ji is lying on the ground)

Narrator: ok, the PK of those two people has ended, please vote by the public judges!

(The two sides tied 2-2, and the last vote was voted for Xugong)

Zou Ji: (painfully) I am often called cool by others, so proud that I forget my manners. I didn't know how to teach an axe until I saw Xu Gong today. Wake up, wake up, stop being stubborn.

Xu Gong: Haha, I won! How are your friends? The friends below speak louder! Hey, can that beautiful lady over there dance with me? What's your name, age, height, measurements and telephone number?

Narrator: Three fouls and a red card! ! (Xu Gong was ousted by everyone)

Xu Gong: (yelling) God, I still have a few lines to read-

Zou Ji: Ah, I finally understand! We must go to the court to see the king.

Act III, in the palace

Narrator: Act III, location, palace. One to three, go!

Qi Weiwang: Hey, Queen, why did you cover your face with a fan today?

Queen: back to your majesty, the faces of male and female servants are all young and beautiful quacks, embarrassed ~ ~ ~

Qi Weiwang: (I don't know where to take out a bottle of moisturizing cream) There are always days every month when my face hurts like a needle, which is a symptom of malignant acne. Use Qiwangpai Cleansing Cream to nourish yin and kidney, detoxify and nourish skin. All the little peas are gone! Look here, look here, look here! Women should be kind to themselves.

Queen: Your Majesty, if you have such a good thing, you won't give it to others ~ ~

Qi Weiwang: Didn't I just find out? Hey, why haven't I seen this maid-in-waiting? Why is she so ugly?

Maid-in-waiting: Your Majesty is observant! The little girl is beautiful from the inside out-(everyone spits)

Empress: Oh, this is my servant's maid who has just been recruited into the palace. It's specially used to pour foot washing water for your majesty ~

Qi Weiwang: Forget it. You'd better keep it for your own use. Oh, by the way, there is a Zou Ji who wants to see you. Call in!

Guard A: Pass it to Zou Ji!

Zou Ji: Long live my emperor, long live my emperor ~

Qi Weiwang: Stand up. what would you like to see？

Zou Ji: (singing Allegro) (everyone craned their necks back and forth with the rhythm) It's a long story/I said it from the beginning/I was born in cloth/I had no money and no power/there were men in Zou's family who grew up/were born in a boudoir unknown/but were blessed by God and could not be concealed/and the makeup in the sixth palace faded into nothing/the face was like a hibiscus eyebrow, and the face was full of beauty/a generation of charming men.

Your majesty, your majesty? (all this just came to my senses)

Qi Weiwang: Well, then what?

Zou Ji: I asked Xu Gong who was more beautiful, or me. My wives and guests all said that I was more beautiful than Xu Gong. But I know it's not true.

Queen: A thousand readers will have a thousand Hamlets.

Maid-in-waiting: Yes, carrots and vegetables have their own advantages. I like you so much ~ ~ ~

Zou Ji: (running away hurriedly) I really know that I am not as good as Xu Hongmei. My wife says I'm beautiful because she likes me better. I said I was beautiful because I was afraid of hitting her; The guest said I was beautiful because she wanted something from me. What they said is not true. From this, I thought of your majesty.

Queen: Dare to rob someone, are you handsome? Don't worry about our old man-oh, no, about your majesty?

Zou Ji: Go back to your majesty, empress. Qi is a superpower, and there are two beautiful women in the harem. Who doesn't like you? There are four court ministers. Who is not afraid of you? Fiona Fang is 100 miles. Who doesn't want anything from you? So your majesty, you have been cheated for a long time!

Qi Weiwang: How alarming! Ok, I'll give the order, say it out loud and listen to public opinion!

Maid-in-waiting: (Shouting) No! !

Qi Weiwang: You little maid-in-waiting dare to have fun in court! Don't take me seriously, somebody, push me out and cut me!

Queen: No! I see who dares to cut him? !

Qi Weiwang: What happened to your face, Queen?

Queen: Who is your queen? Look carefully! !

(The Queen and the Maid-in-waiting lost their decorations-it turned out to be a little pervert and Wu Meiniang respectively)

Qi Weiwang: You-you are-

Wu Meiniang: No matter what questions you ask us-

Little pervert: We will all answer them one by one!

Wu Meiniang: Insist on love and true evil-

Little pervert: the most attractive villain-

Wu Meiniang: (coyly) Wu Meiniang!

Little pervert: (with a sly smile) Little pervert!

Wu Meiniang: The two people in the rocket pair crossing the Milky Way are-

Wolf: There are still 38 widows waiting for the dark future!

Qi Weiwang: Come on, escort!

(There are only two guards left in front of the Minister of Civil and Military Affairs. )

Qi Weiwang: Ah, you two, it's rare to be so loyal and brave! Everyone else has run away, and you are still here.

Guard A: No, Your Majesty, I'm-I'm too scared to run-

Qi Weiwang: What? (Kicking the bodyguard off the stage) I'll walk with you! Useless thing.

And you, you won't also-

Guard b: no, your majesty, I have a firm position and I will serve my country faithfully!

Qi Weiwang: Great!

(Bodyguard B walks up to the little pervert and Wu Meiniang and suddenly plops down on his knees. )

Guard B: Boss, take me away.

Little pervert: Well, he who knows the times is a hero. Stay away and see how we deal with the old emperor.

Guard B: Thank you, boss (running away)

Wu Meiniang: Huh? Where are the old man and Zou Ji?

Zou Ji: Are you talking about me?

Little pervert: Who?

Zou Ji: (Debut) As long as there is darkness, there must be light! Good triumphs over evil, sailor suit, American boy scout, sailor taboo, I will act for the moon and destroy you!

Little pervert & Wu Meiniang: Whether you are a sailor chicken or a sailor duck, we will eat it up!

Zou Ji: The Crown of the Moon ~ Attack! (Taking out two big kitchen knives from his pocket) I'll fight with you!

Little pervert & Wu Meiniang: (on the run) We will come back again.

(The emperor comes out from under the chair)

Qi Weiwang: Ah, Zou Ji, you not only gave me good advice, but also contributed to the escort. I specially appointed you as the general to protect the country!

Zou Ji: Thank you for your kindness. However, I can only be a guard, and I'm afraid I can't do the work of defending my country.

Qi Weiwang: Almost. Just get used to it. Let's go

Zou Ji: Why?

Qi Weiwang: Preparing for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games? Our country depends on you.

Zou Ji: I don't understand any sports.

Qi Weiwang: I'm sorry your face is useless. Tell you what, I'll pack you into the synchronized swimming team today!

Zou Ji: Huh?

Qi Weiwang: Why don't you go? Let's go!