The picture comes from volunteer Ren Yiran’s father

The article "Son, I Don’t Owe You" caused a series of discussions and thoughts, which made me think about myself and my children. There has been a turning point in understanding, from outpouring emotions and blindly complaining, to thinking about the reasons for the current situation, with "Exploring the Reasons Behind Children's Reluctance to Study".

Then I tried to change the reasons. My emotional state and parent-child relationship improved unexpectedly, but it was still far from what I expected (well, compared to my requirements Gao, I must admit that I still lack some patience. Now start putting awareness and patience first)

How can we turn negative emotions into life energy, nourish each other, move forward calmly, and pursue. The road ahead was still long, and then on March 25, 2018, we unexpectedly encountered the One Yuan City Urban Survival Activity.

1. Before leaving for ****: A little worry

On Saturday afternoon, while participating in the British TNS musical organized by Songzi’s mother, the child started to have diarrhea, which was quite serious. Understand the situation of clear water. I didn't take it to heart. The child didn't eat when he came home at night and fell asleep.

I got up early the next morning and repeatedly confirmed with my child whether he wanted to give up the one-yuan city survival activity. I told him about the difficulties he might encounter and that it would require a lot of physical strength and endurance. His physical condition was not good enough. He must be able to bear it, not to mention he only has 1 yuan available for the whole day. It is not that easy to work to make money.

The child said without thinking: I will participate, I can.

Although I am a little worried, I still respect my child’s wishes.

Due to physical discomfort and poor appetite, I couldn’t eat, so I basically went hungry.

It feels like the child has some blind confidence. But what the heck, he chose him to be responsible. Reality will teach him a lot of lessons about "you can listen to your mother's words but not listen to them", haha, forgive me for being unkind.

2.**** Live report from the front: twists and turns

Originally, I was not too worried about my child. He is very independent and has a good sense of safety, so I I went home peacefully, read and coded, and took a nice hot bath. The time when the baby is not around is like heaven.

I unintentionally checked my phone and found that many volunteers sent pictures of the front and real-time reports of children. After reading for a while, I lost my composure and could no longer read the book. I reluctantly made a weekly plan and my attention was completely attracted by the condition of the children.

Based on the requirements of each group's mission statement, the children selected the "President", "Vice President", "Financial Director", "Diplomat", etc. of their team, and then acted according to the requirements in the mission statement.

See the pictures and information of the children sent by the volunteers in front:

3. Result: **** There is a bright future

In the afternoon, the children The test is the most difficult to practice. Many people have experienced being rejected by businesses countless times (group A4 looked for opportunities 45 times and was rejected 42 times), walked at high intensity for most of the day, had an empty stomach at noon, or only ate very little food, leaving them hungry and tired. I was tired and suffered a huge mental blow.

If I had been rejected so many times in one day, I would have given up long ago, or I simply would not have had the courage to persist for so long, nor would I have given others so many opportunities to "hurt my glass." "Heart", but the children were not discouraged. Despite their physical and mental exhaustion, they tried repeatedly without giving up, and finally found a job opportunity and earned 20 yuan and bread. Their smiles at this time were so bright. My heart is surging.

Early in the morning, I saw many volunteers in the group pointing out the advantages and disadvantages they found in the children they served in the form of words. It was impressive that they were thoughtful.

I just communicated with volunteer Ren Yiran’s father about yesterday’s situation. The reply from this caring and attentive father made me think more deeply about the future training of my children, or helped me point out the The direction:

4. Awareness: ****A leaf blinds the eye, and the mountain is not visible

I don’t know when, the child in my heart is no longer the one who can inspire me to "kiss" at any time. "Hug and lift high" little cutie always makes me feel tired and disappointed, and makes me explode and collapse at any time. I often can't help but think to myself, if there is no homework, we will still be the happiest mother and son in the world who cherish each other the most. Bar.

It seems that homework has become the enemy that kills the parent-child relationship.

I am stuck in the whirlpool of homework every day and cannot extricate myself. Because of procrastination and procrastination on homework, I turned a blind eye to other advantages in my children. It seems that he is a completely problem child, basically hopeless.

But yesterday’s activities finally made me discover the shining points of my children that I had almost forgotten.

After yesterday’s activity, I respected my son’s request and played with an electric boat and floated on the lake for 30 minutes.

On the bus back, the child was so tired that he lay on my lap and slept for more than an hour. After getting off the bus, he felt very refreshed.

After arriving home, the child sat on the sofa. I held his hands and said sincerely: Your performance today was so unexpected. When I was your age, I had never seen a bus. I didn’t understand and didn’t have the guts to negotiate with merchants for work. I had no sense of teamwork and organization, and my ability to survive was not a little bit worse than yours. You are now a group of people who arrived at that time. Mother.

The child kept giggling: Mom, are you serious?

I gently shook the child’s arm, looked at the child seriously and said: Of course it is true. When my mother was a child in the countryside, she didn’t know anything except what was in books. If I were released all of a sudden, In the city, I was immediately dumbfounded. Today, my mother discovered that you children are really amazing. You have been rejected more than 40 times without giving up. Your knowledge, vision, thinking and cooperation consciousness have surpassed us by countless ways.

However, if you can do better at studying and reading, you can make your knowledge and abilities more comprehensive, have more methods when you encounter difficulties, and be more effective in the team. Play your part well, and you will be more powerful.

The child's eyes were shining thoughtfully.

Before going to bed, ask your children to take out their weekend homework, check it again, and fill in the gaps. I didn’t expect to be particularly cooperative. I have checked and corrected myself, and I have pointed out any problems that have been missed and I am willing to correct them. This has never happened before.

Finally, he found that he had forgotten to write his English homework, so he completed it seriously and quickly.

I couldn’t help but ask him: Why were you so cooperative today?

The son said: I am very happy today. It turns out that I am so good. Of course I can do my homework well. I want to become even better. You see, how much progress I have made today.

5. The truth: **** I made my child grow up to be what he is today

I am dissatisfied with my child’s current situation and have always complained about my family of origin and my child’s father. They are irresponsible and complain that their children are not serious enough... They are just unwilling to admit their own responsibility in this matter.

Songzi’s mother and my friend Yan saw my struggle and specially gave me a place to attend teacher Zhou Yi’s charity lecture on “Satir Model Family Communication” on Saturday afternoon.

The most profound sentence is: Many parents always complain that their children are not good or bad, but they don’t know that their children grow up to be what they are today according to your way of raising them. If you give your child an environment that allows him to grow straight, he will grow into a straight, towering tree; if you give him an environment that forces him to twist and turn to survive, he will grow into a crooked shape.

Teacher Zhou also said that the biggest problem encountered by the young visitors she receives is not the guidance of the children, but that after they have tried their best to regulate the children, the parents quit - I pay I wanted you to help me make my child obedient to me, but you made him become more and more disobedient.

I was shocked after hearing this. I have always preached "respect children and let them grow up according to their original appearance".

But in life, especially in study, I give my children a lot of control, so that they have to submit and distort. This is not the child's problem. It is clearly my mother who forces the child to grow up like me and him. They don't like the look.

Realizing this made me aware of the hints my subconscious gave me during meditation a few days ago: You are not honest enough with yourself.

If you are unwilling to admit your own problems and accept your bad sides, you will not be able to achieve real growth.

6. Convinced in my heart: ****It turns out that ****my child is so good

Last night’s discussion with the child, in addition to survivability, also involved genetic inheritance. The child said that he has inherited the leadership skills of his parents (I can only laugh at this point with the child), and I said that your genes also carry all the excellent qualities of your father and mother, such as: honesty, integrity, kindness, Diligence, excellence, responsibility, honesty...as long as you are willing to let these excellent qualities flow out of your body, they will come out.

It turns out that I can admit that I am excellent so frankly and straightforwardly.

As I gradually explored inward, going deeper and deeper, and constantly making changes according to the guidance of my subconscious, I found that my children also changed accordingly, which gave me great encouragement.

Before yesterday, all my encouragement and acceptance were based on theory and consciousness. Last night, my acceptance and love for the child was based on reality and unabashed appreciation on the subconscious level. Let the child feel his mother's full appreciation and admiration for him, and let him feel full of energy and value.

When I make a vow to give my children a sense of security, self-confidence, self-esteem and worth, I know that these are not far away from me and my children.

The road to growth is long and long, and it has just begun, but as long as it starts, everything will no longer be out of reach.

Every child is extremely good, even outstanding, so is every parent, and so is every person.

PS:

Thank you to Mother Songzi and the Blackboard Eraser Charity Organization for providing such a good opportunity to the children. Thank you to all the volunteers for their hard work and support, especially to the A4 group volunteers. Dad Yiran and volunteer Hulan continued to send reports from the front. I would like to thank Liu Yucheng’s father for carefully organizing the information of the A4 group for easy storage and use.

I look forward to more exciting activities and more growth with you all.