I am luckier than most of my peers. Fortunately, I heard about Buddhism in my childhood. I was able to shave my head and become a monk in my youth. I lived a life of being comfortable with being uncomfortable in a pure Sangha. I like to see the crystal drops of water on the flowers when I offer them in the temple in the morning; I also like the free and easy way the monks put on their cassocks; I also like the "chacha" sound they make when they kowtow... …As time goes by, I gradually get used to the life in the Sangha, and I like this way of life that takes discomfort as comfort.

I remember clearly: It was 1996, when I was still in the first grade of primary school in the south. The teacher asked me about my ideal, and I replied without thinking: "I want to be a monk!" As soon as I finished speaking, the whole class burst into laughter. From that day on, some classmates called me a monk for four and a half years until I transferred back to my hometown in 2001. Before returning home with my mother, Master Dabao specifically taught me: I must always maintain a mind of renunciation. When I was 12 years old, I was scared. I didn’t know if I could come back or when I could come back...

When I arrived at the school in my hometown, looking at the unfamiliar faces, I felt that the distance between me and them was difficult. Measurement. He has always maintained a taciturn and mysterious image in the class. In junior high school, only a few classmates with similar hobbies could talk to me. I don’t know what kind of people they are and what role they play on campus, but I know that they are the bridge that leads me to cheerfulness and optimism.

On the weekend morning, at dawn, we went to the park to climb mountains. They sat on the top of the mountain and listened to me talk about the cultural characteristics of the South. I also spoke fluent Southern dialect to them. They smiled, their smiles were so innocent.

Time passed quietly and we went to different high schools. It's a new school, some new classmates, and new faces. Over time, I discovered that high school students have some characteristics that elementary school students and junior high school students do not have, and the dividing line between the two is extremely clear. High school students learn to smile at people they don't know and don't like. And it seems that I haven't grown up yet, I still have things to say to people I know well, and I ignore people I don't know or don't like.

I like to walk home alone during self-study next night. Looking at the neon lights decorating the floors, they are like the smiling faces of those classmates, hypocritical and dazzling. Only the music playing in the headphones made me feel a little bit of fun. Looking at the pedestrians walking back and forth on the road, they play different roles in society, but they all seem to be busy for the same purpose.

During the first winter vacation of high school, several of our junior high school classmates got together. It’s still a weekend morning, it’s still that park, it’s still that low mountain. We stood on the top of the mountain and lit the double-shot cannons we brought with us and threw them desperately down the mountain, as if to block the oncoming enemy. We screamed hard to wake up the sleeping people. I gradually realized that they lacked their original innocence and instead had the characteristics of adults.

Their hearty laughter, their manners when answering the phone, and even their actions of lighting cigarettes are all so commercial. I was shocked by their strong interpersonal skills and communication skills!

I blame myself a little, why haven’t I grown up yet? Why is there such an obvious gap with them? I always seem to be the weak one in front of them. Who is right and who is wrong? It was like a fierce tug-of-war between me and them. They were on that end and I was on this end. They pulled me forward with all their might, and I didn't know in which direction. I also want to grow up and be more mature. But if I follow their mature approach, will it violate the promise I made in 1996? I remind myself not to get too close to the dividing line. I know that if the stalemate between the two sides continues like this, I will definitely lose.

At the end of 2007, the journey of 19 years old was coming to an end. I know I will no longer be a teenage owner. I suddenly realized that age seems to be directly proportional to worldly habits. I learned to play chess, billiards, listen to music, sing, play games online, and wear nice clothes. I feel like I'm gradually being assimilated by them.

Once I stood in front of the mirror, looking at the man with the weird haircut across from me, and I silently asked him: "Do you still want to become a monk?" He didn't know how to answer, so he could only try to avoid this problem. To be honest, I'm a little scared. I was worried that this game would end in failure. So I tried my best to pull the rope in my own direction: instead of riding a bicycle to school, I could walk to school, so that I could gain more time for spiritual practice. In addition, try to observe the impermanence of the human world and the suffering of animals as much as possible.

One morning, a burst of miserable crying replaced the alarm clock and woke me up from my dream. I went out to take a look and saw that a middle-aged man from a nearby small shop was dead. Just yesterday he sold me a notebook, but now his hands are empty, only karma is following. I suddenly felt that human life is so fragile and short. He was young once and had colorful dreams, but after running around for most of his life, his final destination was a small box.

Once in the classroom, I was flipping through a middle school student magazine aimlessly and saw a short article. It describes a person's process from birth to death in humorous language, and all the characteristics of each stage are depicted extremely realistically. I feel like this short article was written by the author to educate me.

I really don’t want to be its hero, a slave to my own worries.

During this period, news about the Wenchuan earthquake was reported on TV throughout the day. The entire country and the world focused on the ruins. In the few minutes before the earthquake, people may still be enjoying the so-called happiness. There seems to be no death in their minds, or they think that death is only for the elderly. But when these countless buildings collapsed, the mark of "death" was left in their hearts...

They can't wait any longer! Who can withstand the ruthless changes of time? Who can be sure that death is the preserve of the old? I think of the promise I made: "I want to be a monk!" I want myself and all sentient beings to gain ultimate happiness!

As a monk, I know that yesterday was like clouds, today is like thunder and lightning, and tomorrow is like colorful clouds. Everything is illusory and impermanent. Think of the young people in the world who regard their young lives as a kind of indulgent capital! I advise my peers: please take advantage of your youth.