How to educate students with tense interpersonal relationships? Zhang Aiping, Panchun Middle School, Liuyang City, Hunan Province: My junior high school classmate is still single over the age of 33, with normal super intelligence, but primary and junior high schools often work alone, never take the initiative to associate with others, and drop out of school after graduating from junior high school. Relatives and neighbors also took him to kiss several times. When he arrived at the woman's house, he didn't know how to greet people and sat on the stool without saying a word, which led to being single. Unfortunately, when he was in primary school and junior high school, the class teacher did not interfere with him, and the problem of interpersonal tension was not solved in time, which made his life after graduation very difficult. It can be seen that interpersonal tension is not conducive to students' growth and even affects their lifelong development. This requires our class teacher to pay attention to strengthening the guidance of students' interpersonal relationships and find and help students with tense interpersonal relationships in time. Case reflection "I don't want to stay in this school" "I want to change classes" "I am lonely and can't find anyone to make friends with." "The students in the class are very naive and have nothing to talk about with them." "I hate him (her) to death, and I curse him ..." Students often complain like this, especially primary school students and junior high school students. To tell the truth, these complaints tell me that at this time, students may have problems in interpersonal communication and need teachers to resolve and guide them. According to the survey of "Intimate Sister" magazine, anxiety caused by interpersonal tension has become the second biggest anxiety of primary and secondary school students. The survey also shows that about 30% of primary and secondary school students have interpersonal problems to varying degrees, and about 10% of students have very tense interpersonal relationships. Research shows that in school life, students' psychological contradictions and mental diseases caused by interpersonal tension are on the rise. Some students' interpersonal relationship is chaotic, resulting in bad psychology such as jealousy, suspicion, hostility, inferiority, anxiety and fear, which leads to the decline of learning efficiency and affects their physical and mental health. Some students' mood fluctuates greatly, which has a negative impact on personality development. Some students gradually form hostile and unfriendly characters and are easy to attack others. A few students even have social phobia, fear of contact with people, and dare not look at people. They are cold and shy, extremely introverted and withdrawn, showing poor social adaptability and other personality defects. First, an analysis of the causes of students' interpersonal tension 1. Nowadays, most students are only children, and they are all "little emperors" and "little princesses" at home. The doting of parents and grandparents makes children selfish and never think of others. Most of them are self-willed and arrogant, they have not cultivated the awareness of respecting elders and observing discipline, and they do not know how to respect others when they step into society. Moreover, the only child has no brothers and sisters as companions, and lacks group activities to play with friends when he is young. It is not easy to cultivate the spirit of cooperation with others and lack the vitality of competition, which leads to the lack of ability to cooperate with others, especially the contradiction between boarders on living habits and other issues is more prominent. For adults, a little thing can be laughed off. However, among classmates, no one may want to suffer losses, which leads to many contradictions among classmates and incomprehensible grievances, thus being left out of the partner. There are also some students who become introverted, passive, timid and speculative in communication because of their parents' divorce or long-term absence, family poverty and unexpected events, which also makes them have communication obstacles. I find that children in single-parent families are particularly suspicious and wary of others. For example, when Jingjing's father dies, as long as someone does something bad to him, he will be violently attacked, which is particularly worthy of the attention of the class teacher. Some parents' improper educational methods are also likely to cause interpersonal tension among students. For example, a student in a school was beaten by a classmate. After hearing this, the father told his son, "others made you cry, which shows that you are weak." Regardless of height, we must knock him down and hurt people. Dad will buy you medicine. " Later, the student often fought and it was difficult to discipline. When the teacher talked to him, he said, "My father said,' You have to see a doctor if you are injured, and you have to pay compensation if you are killed. ""I'm afraid it will really go wrong to teach children to deal with interpersonal relationships like this. 2. Lack of communication skills. Lack of basic communication skills is a common problem in student communication. Many students don't know how to make friends with others, how to maintain friendship, how to resolve conflicts, and how to express affection and love at the right time, thus deepening friendship, leading to their failure to be understood and welcomed by others and becoming lonely. The small army in this article mainly belongs to this kind. A fifth-grade student in our school, Liang Liang, is boarding at school. Her classmate accidentally broke his thermos. She just cried and wrote a note, "I curse you and die today." She doesn't know how to deal with small conflicts with her classmates. After my timely guidance, the problem was solved. For another example, the case of "Piano Ensemble" to expand resources reflects that boarding girls "don't want to study" for a small hanger. Students also lack communication skills, which leads to interpersonal tension. 3. Affected by academic performance. Many activities of students at school are inseparable from their academic performance, and interpersonal communication is no exception. Some students are too self-abased because of their poor academic performance. The prominent feature is that they are timid and easy to develop into withdrawn people. Students with excellent grades have strong personalities and high spirits, and it is easy to "stand out from the crowd" and find "bosom friends". 4. The influence of students' own factors. Some people leave the league because they don't pay attention to personal hygiene. For example, Juanjuan doesn't take a bath for two or three days in summer, and it stinks. When she was eating, doing exercises during recess and in the classroom, everyone was far away from her. Slowly, everyone alienated her and she became "lonely". Some of them are grumpy and aggressive, which leads to their separation from the group. For example, students like to harass others for no reason, make others angry, and gradually everyone will stay away from him. Second, the role of good interpersonal relationship for students Good interpersonal communication is the basis of students' mental health and the embodiment of a person's good coordination ability. Good interpersonal relationship and students' mental health; Mental health and interpersonal relationship will be better. Anxiety, depression, paranoia and schizophrenia often mentioned in mental health are all related to interpersonal relationships. Good interpersonal relationships can help students get more information, help students better understand themselves and others, and help students form a healthy psychology. Third, how can the class teacher guide the students with tense interpersonal relationships out of the predicament? Professor Ding Zan, a psychologist, said: "The most important thing for people's psychological adaptation is interpersonal adaptation, so people's mental illness is mainly due to the imbalance of interpersonal relationships." Therefore, the cultivation of students' communicative competence is not a dispensable thing, and every class teacher should pay attention to it. As a class teacher, we should take it as our duty to guide students to communicate effectively, be a guide for students, improve students' understanding of communication, strengthen the cultivation of students' interpersonal skills, and help students with tense interpersonal relationships get out of trouble in time. You can do this specifically: 1. Establish a warm class group. According to a survey, 59.6% students think it is not easy to make friends in new groups. When students arrive in a new class group, the class teacher should pay more attention to the students, treat every student equally, and actively carry out colorful class activities, so that students can increase their understanding, learn and communicate with their peers in the activities and get exercise in the group. For example, let students introduce themselves separately, talk about their hobbies and the origin of their names, let students take turns to be class cadres, and hold class table tennis competitions. It can encourage students to communicate actively, actively, upward and intimately, so as not to feel lonely, and students will become brothers. Case 1: The students in our class get along well regardless of their grades, which is due to my equal treatment of every student. 2. Teaching students basic communication skills At the beginning of communication, the first thing that comes to mind is the instrument. A healthy and beautiful appearance will give a good first impression. Therefore, the class teacher should educate students to dress neatly and appropriately. Communication is talking, and everyone likes people who are gentle and humorous. At the beginning of communication, we should first learn to respect each other, because "to respect ourselves, we must respect others first", so we should always pay attention to polite expressions everywhere. First of all, the class teacher should set an example to impress the students and develop good language habits. There are also skills in talking to people. First of all, we must have a heart to be kind to others and a desire to get along with others. It's hard to imagine anyone willing to talk to someone who hates them. In conversation, we should learn to listen to other people's voices, look at other people's expressions with our eyes, and carefully grasp all the verbal and nonverbal actions of the speaker. If you really care about others, you can get their attention. We should care for and help people with sincerity. "others have the heart, I will measure it first." . Knowing how to use these communication skills, students can gain sincere friendship. Case 2: I set an example in my home visit. My principle of home visit "smile, listen attentively and communicate frankly" has been highly recognized by students and parents. 3. Inspiring students to solve contradictions in communication is the mutual activity of two or more people, and it is inevitable that there will be opinions and differences, not to mention that students often study and live together, and it is normal to have contradictions. The head teacher should carefully observe the students' external and internal performance every day. When you come to the classroom in the morning, during class and during recess, you should pay attention to the students' expressions, so that you can understand the exposed information. Students' compositions and weekly diaries sometimes reveal some information about students' interpersonal barriers, which deserves the attention of the class teacher. In particular, with the growth of age, students become more and more introverted, which requires the class teacher to do everything possible to enter the students' hearts. When there is a contradiction between students, the class teacher should not arrange for it to be solved instead, but should give guidance and inspiration in time, so that students can learn to solve problems through consultation, learn to calmly analyze, and let students change their roles when necessary. For students who often have conflicts with others, please ask psychological counseling teachers for professional guidance. Research shows that some students can't properly handle the contradictions between classmates, which leads to interpersonal tension. This is a common phenomenon, especially for girls, which deserves the attention of class teachers. The head teacher should find out the ins and outs of things, guide students to calmly face contradictions, learn to seek common ground while reserving differences, be strict with themselves and be lenient with others. Case 3: How to resolve students' conflicts and put an end to fighting? Every time I take over a new class, I will explain to my classmates at the first class meeting: "What I can't stand most is fighting between classmates because of a little contradiction." I will tell students: "It is inevitable that there is no friction between classmates. If others infringe on your rights and interests, please tolerate others unintentionally. Please tell me if they did it on purpose. I will take care of it for you. Never use your fist. Our fists can only be aimed at enemies and criminals. Please cherish the rare feelings of classmates and alumni. " Of course, I didn't say that, and the powder keg disappeared. It's just that I found that even if the "powder" explodes in the future, its power will be greatly weakened and the relationship between classmates will be harmonious. 4. Guide students to choose friends carefully and make intimate friends. As the saying goes, "those who are near the ink are black, and those who are near the ink are black." Because primary and secondary school students are in a critical period of physical and mental development, their outlook on life and world has not yet been formed, their ability to distinguish is relatively poor, and their thoughts are easily influenced and influenced by others. For making friends, they often rely on feelings and temporary emotions. They are full of incisive descriptions of the future of life, but they don't know that sometimes they choose their friends carelessly and go astray. The head teacher should pay close attention to his friends, understand the morality and knowledge of his most trusted and willing friends, and can't let them go. Case 4: Like junior high school students, I like to find bullies or social youth as umbrellas. In this way, students can easily go bad, which deserves special attention. In addition, a class is most likely to form three groups: top students, underachievers and average students, which is a bad phenomenon. In particular, the head teacher should guide the whole class to learn from each other and learn from each other, especially to guide everyone not to discriminate against underachievers and not to isolate "students with moral difficulties". In a word, an excellent class group must be a harmonious and warm group. Students and students, students and parents, students and teachers can live in harmony, support each other and trust each other. I expect the class to reach this level under your guidance. I hope that students with tense interpersonal relationships like Xiaojun and my classmate Chaochao can get timely and effective intervention and treatment.