If I wasn't obsessed with the internet, I might not have such a fear of AIDS. If it wasn't an accidental cold, I went to Baidu to search for cold symptoms but the initial symptoms of AIDS popped up. I may not have forced myself to be related to AIDS so far. As I saw in the fear lighthouse of Chengdu AIDS Intervention Center, it may be doomed that I will encounter a disaster and be reborn after the baptism of despair. Looking back now, I really feel ridiculous. When I was most helpless, I met a teacher online and asked if there was any risk of contracting AIDS. I got different answers, which made me confused and contradictory, but forced such doubts and contradictions to the possibility of HIV infection. When I was most helpless, I left my hope on the internet and repeatedly analyzed AIDS with friends who shared the same fear of AIDS every day. I always thought it was the only way to get rid of my fear, but I didn't know that I was drifting away on the road to get rid of my fear, and I could hardly come back.

Let me talk about my personal experience first. One night nine months ago, I got together with my college classmates. I haven't seen them for a long time. It is inevitable that I will say something about going to school before, and I am a little disappointed. Although working in a bank is an ideal position, it is still far from my expected goal. I remember when I was studying, I was high-spirited and had a clear goal, that is, I wanted to go to the United States for development after graduation. In order to achieve this goal, I am worried and I am afraid. During the whole university and postgraduate period, all my classmates and men flew around in the rain of bullets, and I was the only one who masturbated occasionally in the blue light. I always feel that if I give up this, I will be able to achieve greater self. I don't know, I still didn't go to America, but left to work in a domestic bank. That night, after being a virgin for 28 years, I was sober. I think God is so unfair to me. Why should I take the so-called pious road set for myself?

After returning to the hotel, I could actually hear the movement of the young couple next door. Is this still a five-star hotel with such sound insulation effect? The sound of kindness and love came to my ears, which was really unbearable, especially for an hour or two, which completely turned me from Confucius into an evil spirit. I don't know where I got the courage, so I ordered a supreme package on the dating software and naturally had sex. I was very tired and slept soundly that night. I used to chat with those women with dating software just to satisfy my spiritual comfort, but I didn't expect to lose my virginity after drinking to the dating software, the women who made money. They were really dirty, and so was I. At that time, I was a little disappointed in myself, but I was a little excited.

As the article said at the beginning, if there was no online search, maybe this nasty thing would have passed. I didn't know that the next few days would be the beginning of my nightmare. I don't know if I caught a cold after working overtime, but I still have some cough symptoms, and then my tonsils are inflamed and my lymph nodes are swollen. At that time, I used Baidu to search for symptoms, and suddenly I felt that the sky was falling. What caught my attention was the content from the good doctor website, which was a doctor's message. The content is that cough and lymphadenopathy may be the first symptoms of AIDS. At that time, people suddenly lost. Aids is a terrible word. I never thought that such a word would come into my life, and I never thought that death was only one step away from me. I don't know how to get home. As soon as I got home, I couldn't help looking up the information about AIDS. I continued to search for the early symptoms of AIDS on good doctors and began to compare myself. This is a little better. After comparison, I found that I had more symptoms that I didn't notice. For example, I have a lot of little red dot, and when I look in the mirror, I find that my tongue coating is white, so many symptoms are gathered together. This is definitely a scam. The woman on the dating software must have deliberately come to retaliate against society. Maybe on the one hand, she wants money, on the other hand, she wants to get back at society, and the more she thinks about it, the more she thinks about it. Contact the girl on dating software. At first, she plausibly said that she was fine. Finally, she blacked me out. God, I must feel that my secret has slipped away. I have more and more fears and ill feelings about AIDS. I have started to calculate how long I can live, which has seriously affected my work. I have to take annual leave. I don't want to smile every day, but I must devote my mind to serving others.

I really didn't believe it at first. I don't know who to ask about these most private things. I can only search online and chat with other friends who are afraid of it. I just feel comfortable searching and chatting, but I feel why chatting and searching in the back is very comfortable, but it is particularly uncomfortable after a while. I didn't think too much at that time. Online said that if you are afraid of getting AIDS, you will go to the hospital for testing. Needless to say, the taste of waiting is unpleasant. Fortunately, the blood test I got was HIV negative. At that time, I couldn't describe how happy I was. Only then did I discover the harmfulness of online search and chat. I went to fear bar to give good news to other friends, and most of them wished me well. But several people in it said that you haven't passed the window period. What is the window period? The following answers ranged from two weeks to half a year, and even someone directly said such excessive words for half a year, and my happy mood suddenly fell to a low point. This further strengthened my fear. Other friends on the internet said, then bear with it, then keep testing until you detect that you don't want to test, and you can get rid of your fear. At that time, I felt that this statement was particularly reasonable. After more tests, I naturally got rid of my fear and escaped. But in retrospect, how many people on the Internet who said they were volunteers didn't sell test papers, only to realize that they were a little white at that time. Unfortunately, at that time, I still didn't refuse and fight back against the erosion of the network. I have done AIDS testing, and continue to search online as before, continue to talk with other friends about AIDS symptoms, continue to analyze the risk of AIDS infection, and gradually find myself with more problems, such as chest tightness, headache, palpitation, wandering pain, dying feeling, body surface fever and so on. The most serious thing is night sweats and diarrhea at night. This time, I felt the anxiety of other friends, who said they were worried that they would not find out before the window period. Did I really get caught? All the early symptoms of AIDS are reflected in me. After that, my life was ruined like this? The thought of online saying that as long as I insist on testing, I can take it off until I don't want to take it off. Then I continued for four weeks, eight weeks, twelve weeks and sixteen weeks, and every time I checked, it was negative. When I got to the back, I knew I was definitely negative, but I still couldn't help but want to test. Continue to search online and chat with other friends, but I can't find the freshness and excitement when I was afraid of AIDS at first. Only the test can make me feel comfortable for a day or two, but the symptoms have not eased. I still wonder if I'm that scared psychologically. Later, I found that life was getting darker and darker. In real life, I am afraid of injections, wounds, bleeding and so on. Everyone who might be afraid began to be afraid. I really can't stand this kind of life, but I don't want to influence others, so I took a long vacation from my work.

The bank is a good position, and a long vacation means that maybe this job will no longer belong to me. My family panicked, and I confided that I had asked other women on the dating software for fear of contracting AIDS. My family probably understands what is going on, and I know that I have been tested many times. My parents and important relatives at home have given me reasons, but I understand all these reasons, just like other friends who are afraid of AIDS know a lot of knowledge, but they can't get out of AIDS. Later, there was nothing I could do at home. I contacted my collateral relatives to see if I could be saved. My husband, a distant cousin, works as a doctor in a 3A hospital in a city in Sichuan, and happens to be engaged in AIDS treatment. Others are very professional and asked me many professional questions directly, and I answered them truthfully. After he knew it, he told me directly that there could be no problem with my situation. With so much knowledge about AIDS, it was useless to read it online. I still remember the last sentence: you are not sick at all, you have a heart disease!

Later, he recommended the Chengdu AIDS Intervention Center to me, saying that it is a well-known local AIDS treatment institution and has trained their primary doctors. He asked me to go there for professional psychological help. I have heard about this AIDS intervention center from other friends on the Internet and read several articles from them. I didn't particularly care at that time. I thought it was a website where friends who were afraid of AIDS became volunteers and continued to sell test strips. As it is a professional institution recommended by my distant brother-in-law, this time I took a closer look and found a group of real doctors on it, posting their work results and names and phone numbers, which instantly made me feel safe. It really makes me feel different from the internet. In addition to introducing a lot of AIDS knowledge I already know, I also give many ways to solve AIDS phobia. Read the article carefully in combination with my painful experience in recent months, and feel that many puzzles have been solved. Then I suddenly realized that I have been searching online, asking questions online and chatting online are the key to my fear. They put special emphasis on their relationship, so they must know more about them and trust them before seeking their help. I finally found a professional place, how can I give up easily? Now I have decided to contact them for guidance, hoping to get help, and I am willing to spend as much money and time as I want. Unexpectedly, I actually touched a rebuff! When people ask me if I know anything about AIDS intervention centers and teachers, I honestly say that I don't know much about them. Then I was told that I had to know before I could make an appointment with the teacher. What is this rule? I can buy anything I want online, but it's different here. It was not until I made an appointment with Teacher Ye for the first time that I realized that only after knowing the teacher's background and who she is can you truly trust her and listen to her. Everyone who saw this and that on the internet before listened to it, but they didn't really digest it. The reason is that without that kind of familiar trust and understanding, nothing can really be transformed into your own. Sure enough, it is interlaced like a mountain. I always thought that the more I learned about AIDS, the more confident I was to get rid of my fear. Later, I found that the more I learned, the better my mental state. I still worried when I was worried, and I still worried when I was in pain again and again. It turns out that there is a complicated way to eliminate fear.

Fortunately, my brother-in-law is a doctor and became a ferryman. If it weren't for the trust that he is a professional doctor, I wouldn't have the fate to understand the AIDS center seriously, and I wouldn't have the fate to accept the guidance of Teacher Ye. At that time, I really didn't expect that such a little-known institution turned out to be undiscovered talent. Teacher Ye is a professional doctor in the Key Laboratory of AIDS Testing, and many samples of confirmed AIDS patients are checked by her. She told me a lot of professional knowledge about AIDS testing technology, which subverted my understanding of knowledge on the Internet. At this time, I really want to scold those irresponsible articles on the internet, and I have not seriously considered the feelings of our non-professional friends. If we are scared to death, who should we cry to? If I had known Mr. Ye earlier, I wouldn't have broken my fingers there to analyze AIDS. Teacher Ye asked me to listen to her slowly, and everything was based on her experience in AIDS testing. Teacher Ye's speech did not beat around the bush, which eliminated my previous confusion about AIDS testing, and from the perspective of AIDS testing, from the perspective of me as an AIDS phobia, Teacher Ye analyzed my emotions for me. Never before has such a professional doctor been able to understand me, love me and care about me. After such a short few minutes, I seem to have returned to a normal, happy and carefree life. Combined with the self-help methods I learned on the website, I feel much better, but I understand that phobia is easy to recur and needs to be persisted. I kept in touch with Teacher Ye several times, and I was able to go out for activities normally after half a month. Another month passed, and I was no longer afraid of generalizations. I was really happy. Later, I returned to work. Sometimes I just want to habitually search for keywords when I pick up my mobile phone. At this time, I reminded myself that Teacher Ye gave me a lot of advice and I got her help. I can't be sorry for her efforts, nor can I be sorry for my own efforts. I'm sorry about my parents' expectations. Sure enough, after a while, I suddenly found that I don't want to search for AIDS anymore, let alone discuss AIDS. As for the early symptoms of AIDS before, I didn't expect them to be gone soon. Maybe God is another test for me. Later, a friend began to introduce me to my girlfriend. I'm still a little worried, so I have no choice but to agree first. I feel good when I meet you, and my feelings are getting better and better, so there will be some sexual contact. At that time, I still felt a little nervous and resistant. With the encouragement of Mr. Ye, I successfully passed this level again. In the future, I feel that I have returned to the past, especially now. Even if I see pictures and words related to AIDS, words like needles, blood and mosquitoes in reality can be treated with a normal heart. I know it's time for me to leave Mr. Ye. Looking back on my fear of AIDS for so long, I am filled with emotion. Sometimes I think that if I knew Mr. Ye earlier, I might not be afraid for so long, but sometimes I think it may be my life. Without profound lessons, you will know the sweetness of fear, and without long-term suffering, you will know how to really get rid of fear. I remember looking for a circle in the middle and feeling very scared, I called myself a professional volunteer to tutor others. In my opinion, it is really young and ignorant and ridiculous. Fortunately, it didn't cause serious consequences, otherwise it would really make me feel guilty for a lifetime. For many people, the fear of AIDS seems to mean that they really don't want to talk about it. I think I will talk less in the future. Before finding the person you love, having such an experience will make people cherish the hard-won life now.

Special thanks to Mr. Ye for his careful help and professional and targeted treatment. Thank you for taking care of her for so long. I want to express my high gratitude and respect to her by writing about my experience. Finally, I hope this article can provide some reference for some friends who are still afraid of AIDS. I wish you all an early success in getting rid of your fears. Really, no one wants to have that fear of AIDS again.