The relationship between friends is weak because there are only memories left.

Cousins and children are good girlfriends who grew up together. Both of them work in other places and go back to their hometown once a year.

Every New Year, my cousin always invites children to get together.

But in the fourth year, my cousin stopped asking the children.

Feeling strange during menstruation, I asked my cousin, "Are you two at odds?"

"No, how?" Cousin said flatly.

"Then why not get together this year?" Menstruation and then ask.

My cousin sighed and said, "The main thing is that I don't know what to say when I meet you. Besides talking about the past, I still talk about the past. The two men looked at each other and wanted to find a topic, but they didn't know what to say. It was really embarrassing. "

I remember there was a topic in Zhihu: "How did the relationship between friends fade?"

A highly praised answer is:

"Why didn't anyone admit that the knowledge gap of social resources status widened, which led to two people having nothing to say but catching up? Until the past, chewing repeatedly, tasteless, and because of feelings, afraid of being accused of snobbery, I had to barely maintain my love for praise.

However, many friends who got into trouble when they were young can only remember that many people who became attached to each other because of kindness are only suitable for repaying kindness. Friends are people who need to exchange ideas, not just feelings. "

The two have no experience in the same way, and there has been no similar situation. They can only take out those old sesame seeds and rotten millet and chew them repeatedly, which is neither fresh nor interesting.

Zhang Ailing, a talented woman in the Republic of China, had a similar experience.

Her good friend Yan Ying once wrote her several letters, but Zhang Ailing didn't reply.

Yan Ying was full of grievances and said with chagrin, "I don't know what I did wrong to make you ignore me."

Zhang Ailing only left a decisive sentence: "I don't like a person always talking to me about things decades ago, as if I were a dead man."

Those who overlap and stay in the past, the same topic, also stay in the past.

Sometimes, the relationship between friends is weak because there are only memories left.

The past days are worth remembering, but always remembering them will make people tired; It is worthwhile to recall the past, but always recalling it will make people lose interest.

After all, life is the future, not the past.

Life is obviously moving forward, and no one wants to talk about the past all the time.

2

If you can't talk together, there will be no tacit understanding at the beginning.

Once, I went back to my hometown for the New Year.

I went to the supermarket to help my mother buy new year's goods. I met a sanitation worker while waiting in line to pay the money.

She greeted me suddenly, and I looked up for a long time and didn't recognize who it was.

She smiled and took off her mask and gloves, patted me on the shoulder and said, "I'm Xiaohui, have you forgotten?"

On hearing the name, I thought of her. She was my best friend when I was a child, but after she moved away, we gradually lost touch.

After a long separation, I was just about to talk to her about my life now, but she started talking about the recent situation.

Her family's economic conditions have not been very good.

Her father worked in a mine in his early years and got pneumoconiosis. Nowadays, when I stop working at home, I have to pay a lot of medical expenses every day;

Her mother is old and her joints are not good, but she still insists on working as a dishwasher in a restaurant to subsidize her family.

She is a sanitation worker herself. She is exposed to the wind or the sun every day, and looks older than people of her age. There were also several enthusiastic relatives who introduced her, but after the other party knew her personal situation and family conditions, they all went away;

Her brother is getting married this year, but he still needs a dowry of 30 thousand yuan. Anyway, her parents asked her to do something for her.

When she said this, she kept sighing. Complain about others, bemoan the fate.

I wanted to talk to her about the fond memories of my childhood, the gratifying changes in my hometown, and the wishes we made together ... but seeing her locked brows and wet eyes, I forcibly suppressed these words.

A thousand words are stuck in my heart.

After such a long separation, the distance between her and me has become closer in space, but the distance between our hearts has become farther.

What I care about is how unforgettable my childhood experience is, and what she cares about is how difficult real life is.

I gradually found that we can never talk together again.

Writer Meng Si once said: "Chatting and making friends is not about the elegance and vulgarity of the superficial words, but about whether the expressions are consistent."

The similarity of two people's life experiences determines the consistency of their cognitive level; The consistency of cognitive level determines the tacit understanding of their communication.

Without the living environment and circumstances, it is difficult to talk with one heart and one mind.

Only when two people can talk can friendship continue.

After all, the intersection of words reflects the intersection of ideas; And the intersection of ideas also affects the intersection of your friendship.

three

Only people with the same frequency can travel together.

In Chinese textbooks, the story of "juvenile decisive victory" makes countless people sigh.

Young Runtu met Lu Xun when he followed his father to help his family.

Because of their similar age, the two soon played together and became good friends who talked about everything.

Runtu is lively and smart. He often takes Lu Xun to catch birds, animals and watermelons, and tells Lu Xun many new things that can't be seen inside the high wall. The two are like brothers, and they once agreed to have the opportunity to go back to their hometown together to catch watermelon thieves.

Twenty years later, Lu Xun returned to his native land, and when they met again, they were middle-aged. What he wanted most was to promise to take him to catch Yan's Runtu, but as soon as we met, Runtu respectfully said, "Sir!" , instantly broke Lu Xun's fantasy.

It's hard for them to be brothers and inseparable.

As the writer Napoleon wrasse said in detail:

"There used to be two little friends who didn't guess, and the true feelings were still there, but there was a river in the middle.

This river is too wide, and it is full of ups and downs of life through the years, so it can't be crossed any more.

Someone in Zhihu asked, "What moment made you want to give up a good friend? ? "

A highly praised answer is: "when two people no longer grow up at the same frequency, their three views conflict." ?

Mistakes can be forgiven, but they are not in a world. What about communication? "

Different frequencies make it difficult to be friends; Only when the frequencies are the same can we get closer to each other.

Later, Lu Xun met his bosom friend Xu Shoushang.

After they met in Japan, they were both fellow villagers and classmates.

When they met, they talked about the shortcomings of China's national character every time. They hit it off and talked endlessly.

Influenced by Xu Shoushang's braiding, Lu Xun also cut his own braid and gave Xu Shoushang a small photo of his haircut, and wrote an old poem at the back: "There is no way to escape the arrow, the wind and rain are like a rock, and my hometown is dark." I wish Lengxing not to check, and I recommend Xuanyuan with blood. "

When the government of the Republic of China was first established, Lu Xun and Xu Shoushang worked together in the Ministry of Education.

The days in the Ministry of Education are also the closest days for them.

They work at the same table during the day, talk in bed at night, talk about ideals and ambitions, talk about national rejuvenation, and visit their teacher Zhang Taiyan together. ...

Understanding each other and keeping pace also make their friendship further.

With tacit understanding, there will be friendship with each other.

Some people say: "Even is an important way to maintain feelings."

You can only go on the same frequency.

People with different aspirations and different views are doomed to be different.

If there is a gap between the growth rates of two people, even the best friendship will drift away.

Only when the ability is equal and the thought is equal can the friendship between two people last forever.

four

The essence of maintaining a relationship is "matching"

Some people say that people with different cognitive levels see different worlds.

Our ideas always run counter to each other, and the communication between us is always chicken and duck. Such friendship is hard to maintain.

Beethoven once said: "The foundation of friendship lies in the greatest similarity between two people's hearts and souls."

You can understand his thoughts, and he can understand everything you say and do. The same rhythm, the same pace, can walk side by side.

In fact, all friendships are about "matching".

High and widowed, not worthy to be a widow; Ordinary, not worthy of Excellence.

Only when we are evenly matched can we move forward in the long run.