On the bus, an ugly girl accidentally stepped on a man's foot. The man was furious: Try stepping on it again and I will make you look good! The ugly girl was overjoyed and hurriedly stepped on her foot again and said: That's great, brother, now you don't have to spend money on plastic surgery.

2. In class, the teacher asked the students to write an essay. The title was - If I were a manager. The students gradually began to write, but only one boy leaned on the back of the chair with dignity, crossed his legs, and cut his fingernails. The teacher walked up to him and asked: "Why don't you write?" The student said indifferently: "Wait for the secretary!"

3. One time my father and I watched "Pearl Harbor". The ship sank, and many soldiers were fluttering and struggling in the sea. I felt strange, so I asked my dad: "Dad, why can't the navy swim?" My dad glanced at me and said, "Have you ever seen the air force flying in the sky?

4. Son I was sleeping when I suddenly touched my chest and said, "Little girl, I'm back." I was instantly petrified, and three black threads hung from my head to my feet. I quietly told my husband: Don't watch those messy TVs. My husband laughed like crazy. Said: What? That’s the line from Big Big Wolf in "Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf": Lambs, I’m back!

5. In high school, my classmates ate breakfast in class and took the last bite. A mouth full. In fact, the sharp-eyed teacher had already stared at him and asked him to answer the question. He couldn't chew it anymore and just finished it in front of the class. That bite. After finishing the meal, the teacher asked him to sit down. The teacher's move was so cruel~~

6. Today, a tricky young woman brought her son, who was about 8 years old, to the orchard to buy cherries. The young woman tasted one. Said: "What kind of cherry is this? It doesn't even smell like fart!" Before I could respond, her son said, "You're not paying for farts, of course they don't smell like farts!" ”

7. One day, my boyfriend was sitting on a train bound for New York. He was the only one in the carriage at the time. Suddenly, a big man rushed in from the rear carriage and held a knife against Larry’s chest. neck, threatening: Money or life? The boyfriend was trembling with fear and replied: I... I don't have a penny on me. Then why are you shaking? I... I thought. You are the ticket collector!

8. A male customer was eating in a restaurant. When he finished his meal and asked for the bill, he was surprised by the bill the boss brought him. "3,000 yuan is too expensive!" He said: "You should give a discount to your colleagues, right?" The boss said: "So you also own a restaurant?" ". He said: "No, I am robbing money. ”

9. I bought a can of chili sauce just now. I said to the monitor: What do you think this is? The monitor replied: Old Godfather Me: Hey, good son. Monitor:... After a while, monitor I took the chili sauce to the next door room. Asked A: I don’t know, what is this? Mr. A: Hey, good boy. p>10. My buddy received her call again. The weather was very cloudy. My buddy was thinking about the beauty of his first love. He hesitated for a long time and answered the phone: "Hello...", thinking she would say something, but there was just silence on the other end of the phone. "Are you okay? he asked. Still no answer, he said frantically: "Do you know how much I miss you!" "A distant and familiar voice finally came from the other end of the phone: "Baby, don't play with mommy's phone, be good..."

11. A cyclist ran a red light, and a truck suddenly stopped beside him. The cyclist shouted to the truck driver: "I'm going to kill you!" "The truck driver was stunned and couldn't say a word...

12. Girlfriend: How stupid! Your watch was robbed, why didn't you shout for help? Me: If I open my mouth and shout for help, They would find out that I still have four gold teeth, which would be even worse.

13. Yesterday, the man who was baking eggs at the door accidentally knocked over the stove. I hurriedly helped to pick it up. The kind-hearted sister also helped to pick it up. Suddenly, a private car came from behind and hit the egg on the ground. The elder sister shouted, "Oh my God! It's my uncle's egg!"

I just heard a clicking sound, and two of them were crushed. The sister said, luckily it wasn't too much, so I just crushed two balls... The uncle was messy in the wind thoughtfully! !

14. This afternoon, a classmate in the class was caught by the dean because of puppy love. His parents were notified that his father was here. The teacher asked, "Are you XXX's brother?" His father smiled and said, "I It’s his dad.” The teacher said, “You can’t tell, he’s a dad at such a young age.” His dad said, “What a big deal, I had him with my mom when I was in the third year of junior high school.”

15. A company was recruiting employees, and hundreds of college students rushed to report themselves: "I am Peking University." "I am Jiaotong University." "I am Zhejiang University." "I am Tsinghua University." Suddenly a girl shouted: "I am Botswana University." "The chairman slammed the table and said, "It's up to you, come to my office to talk." As soon as she entered the office, the girl showed the Ningbo University certificate to the chairman. . . .

16. The Chinese teacher said that if you love someone, you don’t buy water for them after class, you don’t send text messages back and forth, and you don’t go out to sing and chat and eat together on weekends, but you do it as a person. Excellent people. In the future, there may be others who love her. What you have to do is compare yourself to others. You have to be good and be better than everyone else. Believe that the future is not just unknown, love can change reality. I instantly felt like I was weak.

17. One day, a drunk man walked out of the Portman Hotel, got into his boyfriend's taxi, and told his boyfriend to get in the Portman. Then he fell asleep. The boyfriend was stunned and hurriedly pushed the drunk man to wake up and said: You are in Portman now. After hearing this, the drunk man took out the money and handed it to his boyfriend, saying: There is no need to look for it. Before getting out of the car, he said to the driver with concern: Don't drive too fast in the future, it's dangerous.

18. The final exam was taken in advance. Although the teacher who came to supervise the class did not know the students, something strange happened. There was a classmate in the class who looked very old-fashioned and sat at the end. One row, wearing a suit for the exam, just like the teacher. Ten minutes into the exam, he didn't do any questions. When the supervisor saw why there was a teacher behind him, he went to the office to ask the department secretary what was going on. When he came back, the students had almost copied everything.

19. My husband was bored in the car, so he sent a text message to joke with his wife: "Girl, give me a smile for my uncle!" After a while, my wife replied: "Guest, please respect yourself, little girl can't sell herself. Showmanship! ”

20. A man was anxiously waiting for his wife to give birth outside the delivery room. After a long time, a female nurse came out pushing a stroller with three babies in it. The man ran over and looked at the three babies carefully, and said solemnly to the nurse: "I want the one in the middle...

21. After my husband had an affair, his wife discovered it! The wife discovered it! She sadly said to her husband: "Why did you betray me? Am I not as good as that vixen? "My husband said earnestly: "There are no couples that cannot be broken up, only mistresses who don't work hard. "

22. The wife went out to collect debts, but returned empty-handed a few months later. The husband scolded: "You are so incompetent! The wife said dissatisfiedly: "Although I didn't ask for the money, the boss's child was taken hostage by me!" The husband was overjoyed and asked, "Where are the people?" The wife patted her belly and said, "It's locked inside!" ”

23. At the party, a beautiful woman had a small airplane ornament hanging on her chest. When a man saw it, he admired it greatly and stared at the beautiful woman intently! The beautiful woman felt a little embarrassed and asked He said: “Do you think my little plane looks good? "The man praised: "The small plane is really beautiful, but the airport is even more beautiful...

24. The mother, two daughters and grandma unfortunately crashed into the sea while flying on the plane, and four people were killed. Fortunately, I landed on an island.

When I arrived on the island, I found a group of strong men on the island! At this time, a strong man took my mother away by force! The little daughter hugged his legs and said, "Don't take my mother away!" The strong man kicked her away and said, "What do children know?" At this time, another strong man came and took his sister away, and the little girl again She hugged his legs and said, "Don't take my sister away!" The strong man also kicked her away and said, "What do children know?" At this time, another strong man came over, and the little girl was about to rush over. , the grandma kicked the little girl away and said: "What do children know!"

25. The big bad wolf knocked on the door and said: "Little rabbit, be good, open the door!" Little rabbit After hearing this, he quickly went to open the door: "Come here!" Mother Rabbit shouted to the little rabbit: "Don't open it! It's the big bad wolf!" The big bad wolf sighed at the door: "Hey, it's easy to deceive a girl, but it's easy to deceive a woman. It’s hard!”

26. A boy actually had three balls, but he didn’t know if he was normal! Because he was embarrassed to ask his classmates, he decided to ask his brother. When eating the next morning, he asked his brother: "Brother, would it be weird if we both grew five balls at the same time?" After hearing this, his brother was shocked and asked him: "Ah ? Did you grow four? ”

27. A group of young people chatted and guessed riddles. Someone asked: "Ten men peeked at five women taking a bath, what is an idiom?" In fact, many people know this idiom, it is colorful. But a girl pondered for a long time, suddenly her eyes lit up, and she asked shyly: "Is it a two-pronged approach?" (This girl's thoughts are very evil!)

28. A beautiful woman was making out with a man in the house, and suddenly The beauty heard her husband's footsteps coming back. In a panic, the beauty quickly opened the window in the house and said to the man: "Quick, quick, jump out of here!!" The man looked out the window and begged in a hoarse voice: "This is on the 14th floor!" Beauty He said angrily: "Jump! What superstitions are there at this time!" (It seems that jumping from the 14th floor is not a matter of superstition but of life)

29. A beautiful woman participated in a dating event and filled in her personal information as required. information. After returning to the dormitory, the beauty complained: "Oops, I wrote my occupation and zodiac sign backwards!" Her friend comforted her: "What's the big deal? Most people can understand." The beauty said with a slight cry: "The key is I’m a Rooster!”

30. The man has a crush on a female colleague in the company. But his female colleagues didn't take him seriously. The man mustered up the courage to send a text message to his female colleague: "Are you free tonight?" After receiving the text message, the female colleague responded cautiously: "What do you want to do?" After a while, the female colleague received a text message from the man. Text message: "Think!" (Look carefully and you'll understand the point of the joke)