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Good interpersonal relationship is very important for personal success and the development of the unit. The study of successful people by Carnegie Education Foundation in the United States found that "a successful person, 15% depends on professional knowledge, and 85% depends on interpersonal relationships and life skills". Therefore, every comrade must learn to establish good interpersonal relationships.

When dealing with interpersonal relationships, the world generally agrees with two basic rules: the "golden rule" and the "platinum rule". The essence of the golden rule is: "treat others as you want them to treat you." The essence of the Platinum Rule is: "Treat others as they want you to treat them." Many principles and methods of modern interpersonal relationships are derived from these two laws. In addition, we should also pay attention to the following issues:

Equality-the most basic modern concept and the foundation of interpersonal relationship. For gifted people, knowing how to treat others equally is the greatest and most valuable quality. To adhere to equal communication, we must put others and ourselves on an equal footing, treat others with courtesy and meet each other sincerely. Each of us has our own independent personality, personal dignity and the rights and obligations entrusted by law. Regardless of position, seniority, knowledge, wealth, physical strength and age, we are all equal in personality and relationship. One of the important reasons why our army is particularly effective is that officers and men are United, United as one, and United as one. Therefore, comrades-in-arms should not show special respect for people because of objective differences such as academic qualifications, family, experience and appearance; You can't be arrogant just by seeing your own advantages, and you can't blindly feel inferior just by seeing your own shortcomings; Only by strengthening self-cultivation, modesty and respect for others can there be equality.

In place-psychology is called "psychological position exchange", which means empathy, thinking from the standpoint of others, being good at understanding each other's thoughts, understanding each other's emotions, discovering each other's personality way of dealing with problems from each other's perspective and situation, and realizing emotional communication and emotion. Some officers and men can't handle interpersonal relationships well. They always blame others without reviewing themselves. They always want others to understand themselves and not others. They are always used to interacting with others from their own subjective judgment, while ignoring the value judgment of others. They always like to guide others according to their own experience, regardless of their psychological feelings. This is not good for interpersonal relationships. If we can understand each other and deal with problems from each other's perspective, contradictions will be resolved and relations will be harmonious.

Tolerance —— the "lubricant" of intimate and harmonious interpersonal relationship. "There are hundreds of rivers and rivers, and there is great tolerance." People should have a broad mind and revolutionary soldiers should have an atmosphere. People always like to make friends with people who are tolerant and kind. As the saying goes, "Forgiveness will win many people." There are no two identical leaves and no two identical people in the world. When dealing with interpersonal relationships, we should not insist on consistency, but seek common ground while reserving differences, understand each other and not seek perfection. "If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if people look at it, there will be no disciples." Since we are not perfect, how can we expect others to be perfect? "Take a step back and broaden the horizon", if "the right time, the right place and the right people can be harmonious", disputes and conflicts can naturally be eliminated.

Honesty-the foundation of good interpersonal relationship. The basic meaning of honesty is keeping promise, keeping promise and not being unfaithful. The communication between people must be based on the relationship of mutual trust, which is the basis of communication between people. Confucius said, "People without faith don't know what they can do." Honesty is an invisible "business card". The ancients said that "the friendship between people is based on trust." Being sincere and trustworthy is the basic requirement of communication, the premise of gaining others' understanding and trust, and the best way to obtain sincere friendship and promote the success of communication. Honesty and trustworthiness are essential qualities for soldiers. Only by stressing honesty can officers and men establish a friendship of unity and mutual assistance, life and death, and form a good relationship of mutual support and close cooperation.

Respect-everyone's basic psychological needs. Respect is full of wisdom in dealing with people, which shows the nobleness of personal conduct. Everyone wants to be respected. Respect everyone's personality, respect people's legitimate behavior, including respect for people's different personalities. Respect should be treated equally, pay attention to equality, and you can't greet your superiors with a smile and dictate to your subordinates; Respect should have a healthy mentality and noble moral character, and should not be proud of leadership, humble by soldiers, arrogant by wealth, and humble by poverty. Respect is a flower that blooms in the heart. It warms people's hearts with humility, generosity, understanding, tolerance and friendship.

Reciprocity-the law of attraction in interpersonal communication. In fact, the process of interpersonal communication is a process of mutual hope to meet needs, which is manifested in various forms such as mutual comfort of feelings, mutual respect of personality, mutual promotion of goals, mutual help of difficulties, mutual forgiveness of mistakes and so on. If one party only takes and doesn't pay in communication, the communication relationship can't last long; The higher the mutual benefit in communication, the more stable and close the interpersonal relationship. Paying in communication is not all material wealth, for example, when others talk to you, listening is paying; When others greet you, nodding and smiling is paying; When others are in a bad mood, a greeting and relief is giving; When you find the advantages of others, a compliment is giving.

Cooperation is the condition of success. With the continuous expansion of human living space and communication, the ties of cooperation are increasingly strengthened. In modern society, with the refinement of division of labor, the increase of scientific and technological content and the proportion of intellectual components, many tasks can not be completed by individual strength, but by teamwork. This is especially true for the military. Modern operations talk about integrated joint operations, which are systematic operations based on information systems. All operational elements need to be "seamlessly linked", and services, troops and comrades need to cooperate with each other. Only by cooperating with each other can we make up for the limitation of personal ability and achieve the expected goal. A sociable person must be a cooperative person. Therefore, we should cooperate more and destroy less; Consult more and be less stubborn; More communication, less closure.

Appreciation-a way of communication to meet the psychological needs of others. It is a psychological need to hope for others' attention and affirmation, and appreciation is the best gift for others. Appreciation is the adhesive of emotion, the stimulant of life and the catalyst of work. American psychologist Slay said: "Praise inspires the human soul like sunshine. Without it, we cannot grow and blossom. " Generally speaking, everyone has his bright spots. The key is to look at others with appreciation. As long as you are good at appreciating them, you can find all kinds of bright spots in them. Carnegie, a master of interpersonal relationships, said: "The way to avoid being disgusted with others is to find out their strengths." Wise men are good at discovering people's strengths and making use of them; And fools often stare at a person's shortcomings. As long as you treat everyone with appreciation, you will become a popular person.

Isometric-a way of communication that can prevent yourself from being hurt or hurting others. Biologists have done an experiment. In the cold winter, a dozen hedgehogs were placed in an outdoor open space. Hedgehogs had to snuggle up to each other to keep warm, but they were stabbed by each other and ran away. However, they can't stand the cold and lean against each other to keep warm. The stabbing pain when they leaned together separated them. Finally, they kept a moderate distance, so that they could keep each other warm without being stabbed. Hedgehog rule tells us that equidistant communication is a kind of protection in interpersonal communication. Isometric communication is to keep equidistant contact in interpersonal communication, not to engage in intimacy. You are far away from me. In the military camp, everyone is a comrade-in-arms and should get along on an equal footing. You can't get close to some people and alienate others. More can't engage in group gangs, divided into small circles.

Elasticity-avoid or reduce collision or extrusion between objects. It is necessary to establish an "elastic isolation belt" in interpersonal communication, so that you, the other party, or both parties can gain more room for manoeuvre, which can not only ease contradictions, but also eliminate misunderstandings, thus reducing or avoiding unnecessary friction or injury. For example, when you first communicate with people, you should be moderate in hot and cold, and determine the depth of communication and the degree of relationship through gradual contact. You can't make people feel impure because you are too close, and you can't make people feel arrogant or pretentious because you are too cold. When interacting with comrades who are in conflict or estrangement, we should be cautious, take the initiative to approach and keep a proper distance. You should not only "observe words and observe emotions", but also master each other's psychology. Don't be too sensitive, catch shadows and make random suspicions, so as to avoid further deterioration of the relationship between the two sides and create conditions for getting to know each other again and eliminating misunderstandings. Don't say too much when you promise others. Once it cannot be fulfilled for objective reasons, it is easy to leave the impression of "breaking your word" to the other party. When you refuse others, don't refuse them bluntly, but express your meaning euphemistically, so as not to hurt the other party and leave yourself room for manoeuvre.

Initiative-a positive way of communication. We should cultivate a positive communication attitude. Good interpersonal relationships belong to people who often take the initiative and conform to the principle of interaction.

Communication-an effective way to maintain good interpersonal relationship. Communication is important because people are full of differences and differences, and their understanding of the same behavior and motivation is different. Everyone wants the support of others, but if others don't understand you, they won't understand you, and naturally they can't support you. Therefore, if you want to get others' understanding and support, you must first let others know about you, and communication is an important prerequisite and means. Communication should be timely to avoid accumulated contradictions and misunderstandings. Pay attention to the timing of communication. Only when the other party has free time and is willing to communicate with you can the purpose of communication be achieved. Communication should be specific, let the other party know the reason and purpose of communication, and help the other party understand your behavior and requirements. The tone of communication should be tactful. You are just expressing your opinion and winning others' consent and support, not forcing others to accept your opinion.

Smiling and listening-the simplest and most direct way to be friendly to others-are important magic weapons for the success of interpersonal communication. Smiling and listening include "You make me happy", "Nice to meet you", "I agree with you" and "I admire you very much". This will not only change the mood of others, but also change your own mood. When old and new comrades get along, when cadres and soldiers meet, one more smiling face is worth a thousand words. When there is a conflict between comrades-in-arms, a smile is a fire extinguisher, which can extinguish anger, turn an enemy into a friend, and "take revenge with a smile." When comrades-in-arms and colleagues speak, they should be attentive, attentive, face each other squarely and often exchange eyes with each other, show interest in listening, and avoid small moves, lest the other party think you are impatient; Nod approvingly, smile, gesture, or use "oh", "right" and "yes" from time to time to repeat something you think is important, indicating that you are paying attention to listening and encouraging the other party to continue; Respond to each other's conversation with a natural and sincere expression; Try to consider the problem from the other side's standpoint, show concern and understanding to the other side, don't argue or comment with the other side easily, and don't interrupt others' conversation easily without reason.

Language is a bridge of interpersonal communication. A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June. Expressing the same meaning in different tones often produces different reactions. When talking with people, you should pay attention to the discretion of your words, and you should not be outspoken and careless. When communicating with comrades-in-arms, you should be sincere and not contain false elements, but you should not expose others' shortcomings in public at will. You must pay attention to the ways and means of expression. Confess when you should confess, and be tactful when you should be tactful, otherwise the communication effect will not be achieved. Don't interrupt each other's conversation at will, interrupting others' speech is a sign of disrespect; Don't be a good teacher. You always seem to know more than others, which will make people unhappy. Give others the opportunity to speak and the right to express their wishes. If it is not a matter of principle, don't judge others' right or wrong casually, and don't doubt the content of others' conversation casually. Don't correct unprincipled mistakes in others' speeches in public to avoid embarrassing situations.

Care-only by caring for others sincerely can you get the same return from others. Everyone wants to be concerned, which is the normal demand of human beings. If you want to get along well with your comrades-in-arms in life and work and gain their respect and trust, don't ignore the difficulties encountered by your comrades-in-arms in daily life and give them as much help as possible. People who can help others in small things will show extraordinary spirit in big things, get people's respect and praise, and others will be willing to make friends with them. Every member of our revolutionary army is a like-minded comrade-in-arms, a comrade-in-arms who share weal and woe and live and die together. We should give selfless and generous love to our comrades-in-arms, and we should not hold grudges because of personal grievances, let alone repay them with resentment; Be considerate of others, don't force others, especially those comrades with difficult family circumstances, comrades with diseases, comrades with temporary difficulties in training results, and comrades who have made mistakes, love, understand and enthusiastically help; Never ask your comrades to care about yourself, but think of them first. It is better to care about your comrades than yourself, and always keep their interests and sufferings in mind. Only in this way can comrades and comrades-in-arms be intimate, brotherly and close as brothers.

Gratitude-a "catalyst" to cultivate moral conscience, enhance personality charm and enhance affinity. Every comrade in our barracks should respect and be grateful to all people, including those who don't like you, because having grateful contacts every day not only makes them have positive ideas, but also makes others feel happy. The military camp is a big family, so we should associate with comrades around us with a grateful heart and lend a helping hand when others need help. When others help themselves, express their gratitude with a sincere smile. Gratitude can trigger a chain reaction and change the people around us and ourselves. If you sincerely thank your comrades and colleagues who have helped you, they and more people around you will be more willing to help you; If you don't appreciate them, or you don't express your gratitude, there is probably no "next time".

To create a harmonious interpersonal atmosphere in the military camp, we still need to grasp such problems.

First, establish a correct concept of communication. We should establish the concept of active communication. Active interaction with comrades-in-arms can not only relieve work pressure, promote work and study, create conditions for their own achievements, but also lay the foundation for overcoming difficulties and defeating the enemies of the same party. Unwilling to communicate can easily lead to eccentric personality, headstrong, suspicious, unconventional thinking and irrational behavior, which is not conducive to troops or individuals. We should establish the concept of sincere communication. In communication, don't be insincere and insincere, but treat people with sincerity and impress people with true feelings, so that comrades-in-arms and friends will treat each other with true feelings. We should establish the concept of careful communication. As the old saying goes, "It is black when you are near Zhu Zhechi, and it is black when you are near ink". "When you enter the room of Lan Zhi, you will not smell its fragrance for a long time; When you enter abalone, you won't feel its stench for a long time. " Associate with upright, honest and knowledgeable people, and over time, you will become a noble person; If you associate with people who are flattering, dishonest and narrow-minded, over time, you will become a person with bad conduct. We should establish the concept of making friends. Keep in touch with those who dare to criticize themselves and point out their mistakes and shortcomings. You know, the person who criticizes you bluntly is your true friend and the person who deserves your sincere communication. Because they really care about you.

The second is to pay attention to reading and learning. Reading and studying play an important role in establishing good interpersonal relationships. "Self-effacing with poetic spirit", learning embodies a person's spiritual quality and shows a good temperament. Only by constantly learning and optimizing personal moral cultivation can we respect, tolerate, appreciate and trust others, and consciously put ourselves in others' shoes and get along and communicate with them in a friendly way. Only by continuous learning can we renew our concepts and ways of thinking, broaden our horizons, broaden our minds, avoid haggling with others, be criticized once and be mean to leaders, be considerate, make people feel amiable and respectable, and win more friends.

The third is to strengthen character cultivation. Good interpersonal relationship is based on good personality and sound personality. To shape a good personality, we must constantly reflect on our own behavior, constantly review our own personality, overcome our own weaknesses, strengthen self-cultivation, and improve the level of self-regulation and self-control. Social psychology believes that cunning, deception, selfishness, cruelty, dishonesty, hypocrisy, affectation, unreliability, disloyalty and greed are the most unpopular personality characteristics in the establishment of interpersonal relationships. In addition, unhealthy personalities such as being too self-centered, too grumpy, too self-respecting or self-abased, too sensitive, arrogant, possessive, eccentric and withdrawn are also obstacles to the formation of interpersonal relationships. To live in harmony with comrades-in-arms and colleagues, we must first optimize our personality, strive to overcome bad personality tendencies, and make others accept ourselves more easily. We should pay attention to cultivate good personality qualities such as self-esteem, sincerity, frankness, friendliness, trust, restraint, humor and helpfulness, and improve our personality charm.

The fourth is to cultivate team spirit. China's traditional culture has always respected the group and advocated the supremacy of the group, such as "the world is happy but not doing it, and the world is worried and worried", and "everyone is responsible for the rise and fall of the world", which are all manifestations of group values. In interpersonal communication, individuals must integrate into the collective and share joys and sorrows with the members of the collective. The military camp is a fighting collective, and everyone should strictly observe discipline, control their words and deeds, and fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. Our comrades come from all corners of the country and have different hobbies and personalities. We should tolerate each other, care for each other, love each other, help each other and achieve common progress through unity and cooperation.

The fifth is to maintain an optimistic attitude. The western proverb says, "A pessimist sees difficulties in every opportunity, while an optimist sees opportunities in every difficulty." Optimists infect and inspire people with their life beliefs and enthusiasm, cheerfulness and humor. When dealing with people, we should have a peaceful mind and a sunny mind, and strive to be proactive, self-confident, modest and inferior, trusting and admiring, and jealous of cooperation. Everyone's best psychiatrist is himself. As long as we consciously exercise and control our weaknesses, we can treat others with a healthy attitude and establish good, harmonious and pure interpersonal relationships with others.