Speaking of the inseparability between children and their parents, I think in most cases what we see is that children cannot do without their parents. Just like when parents sometimes have to go out, the children always They may not want their parents to go out; or when their children first enter kindergarten, they will not want to go to school at all, and may even make a fuss at the school gate and want to go home with their parents...

But Recently, Lemon encountered a different question from a parent. She said that her child has started to attend middle school and his academic performance is also good. The teacher suggested that the child can live in the school; because their home is still quite far from the school, the child has to start early every day. It takes more than an hour to go to school by bus, and if you can live on campus, you can save a lot of time for studying, which is also convenient for the children and their parents.

But this parent does not want his child to live in school. She felt that her child would not be able to survive without her. She usually did not even wash clothes and prepared everything for her child in advance. She would definitely not be able to take care of herself if she lived on campus.

I asked her if she had ever thought that this might limit the child's development and be detrimental to the child's independence. She said she knew, but she still stressed again and again that the child would definitely not have a good life without her. It’s the best to be around.

After I got to know them in depth later, I realized that this mother may have developed a "love child complex." After the child is born, some parents turn their attention almost entirely to the child, and their life is basically centered on the child. In this way, over time, they will become emotionally dependent on the child.

Love-child complex, also known as love-child syndrome, is an unhealthy mental health problem that is common in only-child families and families with late marriage and late pregnancy. This situation mostly occurs in the relationship between mothers and their children. , specifically manifested in the mother or father adopting a highly doting, sheltering and overly caring parenting style towards their children.

So although this parent has repeatedly emphasized that the child cannot live without her, in fact it is she who cannot live without the child. She does not know how to live her life after the child leaves. It is under the influence of this fear that parents who suffer from love-child complex will treat their children as children no matter how old they are, and will prepare everything for them. It is called care, but in reality it is control. It prevents children from growing up. It cuts off the child's possibility of independence and satisfies his own sense of need.

In fact, it is not all the mother’s fault that she has a love-child complex. Everyone needs emotional sustenance. Some parents put all their feelings in their lives on their children, so naturally they cannot accept being separated from their children. However, this leads to The consequence is that she has lost herself in life and her children have lost their independence. If the child cannot be weaned successfully psychologically, we can imagine that after the child gets married, the mother will be jealous because of her daughter-in-law, which will lead to huge family conflicts.

If you love excess like this parent, Lemon suggests that you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, try to find a hobby for yourself, or reposition your role. In this way, even if the child leaves, you will at least have other emotional sustenance, and you will not be so panicked that you feel like you can't survive.

Lemon hopes that all parents should be vigilant and learn to let go of their children as they grow up. You must know that your role is not just that of a parent. Try to change roles more often. In your free time, you can also find a hobby for yourself, allocate your love for children to other places, and satisfy your sense of accomplishment and value through other aspects.