I saw a problem on Zhihu. Are people with high emotional intelligence better at making friends?

The following comments are almost all positive, and one of the short answers is very incisive and powerful to illustrate the ability of people with high emotional intelligence to make friends.

"Friends are more expensive than essence. Every friend is very good. This is the ability of people with high emotional intelligence to make friends. "

All the friends you make are bosom friends and mentors. This is the person who can really make friends.

So how do those powerful people make friends?

0 1

I once saw a video on the Internet, which was a lecture video given by Chen Guo, a teacher from Fudan University.

The student asked a question: "How can I make friends?"

Chen Guo replied, "When you want to make friends with a shining person, first of all, you must become a shining person yourself. Because birds of a feather flock together, people are divided into groups. "

The answer is sharp, but also very wise.

Because this is the reality, San Mao once said: The most beautiful relationship between friends lies in icing on the cake. Only when you are a good brocade can you embroider beautiful flowers.

Friendship between friends is also a "match made in heaven", and people with the same energy can attract each other.

There is a saying in My Humble Room Inscription: There are great scholars in conversation and laughter, but there is no Ding Bai between us.

Gentlemen make friends, pay attention to like-mindedness, love and harmony, talk about poetry and enjoy artistic conception.

There are gentlemen in the mountains, but I hope they will come.

02

Feng Ban, a poet in the late Ming and early Qing Dynasties, said, "Qi and learning are intertwined, and teachers are not as good as friends.".

This sentence means that friends will have a profound influence on a person's personality and knowledge unconsciously.

Therefore, it is extremely important for a person to choose what kind of friends to make.

Zeng Guofan, one of the four famous ministers in the late Qing Dynasty, was a man with rich connections, but his attitude of choosing friends was as cautious as that of a teacher.

Zeng Guofan once said: Choosing friends is the first priority in life. The success or failure of life is related to the merits and demerits of friends, so don't be careless!

Therefore, Zeng Guofan made friends with ambitious people all his life, unwilling to be mediocre and ambitious. Under the influence of these friends, Zeng Guofan also learned a lot.

When teaching his younger brother, he analyzed the place where his younger brother was going to study-Hengyang.

He believes that Hengyang is the birthplace of the Zeng family, but the local learning atmosphere is not good, most of them are perfunctory, and the style of study is worrying and enviable. "All kinds of people are mediocre and have no ambition, and it is best to laugh at others."

If you study in such an environment, "it is not only useless, but also harmful." If you have too many friends around you and are influenced by them, you will become vulgar.

Following Zeng Guofan's advice, the younger brothers chose to study in Changsha.

Later, it turned out that Zeng Guofan's point of view was quite correct. With the help of their tutors, Ceng Guohua and Ceng Guoquan have made rapid progress.

However, what are good friends and bad friends?

From Zeng Guofan's viewpoint of making friends with eight friends and nine friends, we can draw the following conclusions:

Like-minded and ambitious people can grow together and enhance each other's life realm, which is to be useful friends; Those who have different views and flatter will break up without any benefit, even if they make friends, they will not last long, in order to hurt them;

Ambitious and positive people can encourage each other and remind each other to see the direction of their efforts, which is for the benefit of friends;

Arrogant people are willful and have a dark heart, which is not conducive to the progress of life, but for friends.

03

Gorky said: True and rational friendship is the most beautiful and priceless wealth in life.

So, what is true friendship?

When Liang Shuming, a master of Chinese studies, was teaching at Peking University, he tried to find like-minded friends who could discuss and learn from the eastern and western cultures together.

Liang Shuming pays great attention to the spiritual level when making friends. He said: "If you want to regulate yourself, you have to find a good environment. The so-called good environment means that those friends are friends with real interests. "

In Liang Shuming's view, infidelity between friends is as bad as infidelity between father and son, brother and husband and wife.

Therefore, when making friends, we must "know each other's heart and reach a deep and thorough place." If we can't reach it, don't get too close.

Liang Shuming said: Friends should keep their word and keep their word.

Knowing each other's character, conduct and mind is called keeping promise.

Mutual affection, mutual support and mutual trust are trust.

Liang Shuming, Lin Zaiping, Wu Yongbo and others are like-minded, understand each other and have similar interests, so they have close contacts and become lifelong friends.

They discussed philosophy and Confucianism together. Although they have different views, they often talk happily and take pleasure in it.

Respect each other and be friends for life. This is a trustworthy and trustworthy friend.

Like-minded, * * * with support, is the real friendship.

04

Different friends have different influences on life. Therefore, when making friends, we should carefully identify the advantages and eliminate the disadvantages. We should not make intimate friends, nor should we make bad friends, but should only make good friends.

Therefore, in Xie Renyi, Qian Cangcang said: "Fame is very important, and you should not make friends with bandits and make a bad street."

When making friends, gentlemen often prefer to be short of things. They often choose before making friends, not before making friends. They have a bright heart and a bright eye. They are open-minded, advancing and retreating, and getting along with them is often like a spring breeze, comfortable and tolerant.

It is a gentleman's gesture to make friends by being cautious first, then focusing, and following the step-by-step scale.

Rich and gentle self-restraint and flexible wisdom are the wisdom of a gentleman to make friends.

Be strict with yourself and be lenient with others; This so-called gentleman's way of making friends is also the realm that each of us can achieve through hard work.