B: That's right.

I like listening to your cross talk. One day I will go to your house and ask you for advice on my superb skills.

I dare not. Let's learn from each other.

Where do you live?

B: How dare you be "family"? My family lives in XX Hutong on XX Street.

A: What a coincidence! My family also lives in XX Hutong on XX Street.

B: Living in an alley? Why don't I know you?

A: You go out early and come back late-don't visit your neighbors! No respect, no respect.

B: That's easy to say-I'm careless, too.

A: What number are you at ×× Hutong?

I live on the sixteenth.

A: I live on the sixteenth, too.

In a yard? How could I not know you?

You went out early and I came back late-I didn't visit my neighbors.

B: I was really careless!

Which side of the room do you live in?

I live in a room near the north.

A: I also live in the North House!

What about me? ..... get a room! How careless of me! How could I not know you?

You went out early and I came back late-I didn't visit my neighbors.

B: I don't know anyone who lives in the same room.

Do you sleep on the kang or the sleeper?

I have a backache-I have a kang.

I also sleep on the kang.

B: Hey! On the kang! How could I not know you?

A: You go out early and come back late-don't visit your neighbors!

B: I knew it was this sentence!

What do you sleep on and cover?

I spread a blue mattress and covered it with a red quilt.

I also put a blue mattress and a red quilt.

Well, why don't I ... I won't ask! How careless of me! It's all under the covers! I don't know him yet!

A: Who do you sleep with at night?

B: We are an old couple, sleeping with my wife.

A: I want to sleep with your wife, too!

B: Let's go! Let's go (to the audience) We must get him back. Come back. (to the audience) I, get a prescription to get the medicine! I said, where do you live?

A: I ... haven't found a room yet!

No ... don't! You have to have a place to live!

A: In the temple.

You want me to find a monk? Must be a place to live!

I live in XX Hutong.

B: OK, I live in XX Hutong, too.

A: It's nice there. Let's live there.

B: Hey, he won't argue! You have to ask me, "Why don't I know you?"

Obviously I know you!

B: No way! You have to say!

A: Well, it's up to you. How could I not know you?

B: You went out early and I came back late, so I can't go around. ...

A: What's your address?

I live on the sixteenth. North room ... still asking me?

A: What about me?

B: wait for me to ask! What's your number?

I live in number half.

I live in half ... huh? Do you have a house number half the size?

A: It used to be Gate One. Later, I changed two small doors-one and a half!

B: look at this strength! All right. I live in house number half, too. Which room do you live in?

I live in the north house near the south end.

I also live in the north house near the south ... turn around?

A: First, the north house, and then a hall door was dug-from the backyard, it was the south house, and from the front yard, it was the north house!

This new thing attracted me! All right. I also live in the north room near the south, boss!

A: Oh, it will be cool after a breezy day in summer.

B: As long as you live in one room, you are not afraid of freezing to death in winter! (to the audience) This is going to be asked soon! Do you sleep on the kang? Still lying down?

A: I am a bunk bed on the kang!

B: I was on the kang, too ... Did I sleep that long?

I'm afraid of floods.

B: We hooked up! I also sleep on the kang and make a bed!

A: You still practice your waist and legs like this.

B: (to the audience) He never quarrels! You have to ask, "I don't know you."

Well, why don't I know you?

B: You went out early and I came back late, so I can't visit the community. What do you do and cover when you sleep?

I spread a sack with a mat and a pillow on it. chamber pot!

Me, too ... What kind of bedding are these? I also laid a sack, covered a mat, and put chamber pot under my pillow!

A: Sleeping is comfortable and convenient.

B: Who do you sleep with at night?

A: Well, I have been single for many years. Last Thursday, my friend told me that your widow's sister-in-law was closed-I slept with her!

B: I'm going with my sister-in-law! How did I offend you? Make fun of me!

I have to make fun of you. You are famous, but also "wear new shoes to lift your feet, make a fortune and deny the old folks"! The children's first brothers have all been forgotten!

You really have to forgive me. In our line of work, there are no fixed residences and no prospective friends. People who really remember are sometimes famous, but they are deceived when they see them.

But you should not forget me. Although our brothers can't compare with Zuo, they can't compare with Taoyuan's loyalty. However, it is also worthy of what we often said when we were young: "Birds fly far away with couples, and people have good character." Wow.

B: Why can't I remember it at all? You start with this "bird flies with husband and wife".

A: For example, I am a sparrow, and I have made friends with golden-winged birds like you-you are on an equal footing with the phoenix, and sometimes you are even tougher than them. They will fly to the Western Heaven for two days and two nights, and you don't need an hour to go back and forth! I don't even have to fly, just follow you-with a feather in your mouth-to the west! This is called "birds fly with couples".

B: Well, what about "good company, high character"?

For example, I used to be a stupid person, but I made friends with you, a kind person. Over time, I will be smart!

B: (proudly) Of course, did you meet a "sage"?

A: Yes, have you met a good wife and mother?

B: Oh! I am an old woman! "Virtuous" means that I am honest in my behavior and words. This is called virtuous.

A: Yes, that's why "a good company has a good character"!

Well, this is a friend!

A: No, that's not enough! Really enough, we must pay attention to "one is expensive and one is cheap, and friendship is visible; A lifetime of death is also a friendship! " "play house, my wife won't avoid it, beg her to give it to her son"!

B: I understand some of what you said and some don't. It is easy to understand that the wife does not shy away from rummaging through the house. It means: come to my house at will, and your children and wives should not avoid you. I see. But the first sentence: "one is expensive and the other is cheap. See you in friendship." -How do you say this?

A: "One is expensive and one is cheap"? For example, you are the general manager of Zhongyuan Company, the deputy director of Jardine Pacific Investment Promotion Bureau, the boss of Rui Fuxiang and the chairman of Kailuan Mining Bureau. ...

B: I don't have such a big family business!

A: This is an analogy. When I was a child, my family was enough, but a fire broke into pieces and I had to make a living by selling newspapers.

Too bad!

A: One day, I just came back with a newspaper pocket. I came out of the Times Museum and walked north from Shunzhimen Street, shouting, "Read the newspaper, read the newspaper! Beiping Daily, Times, Ta Kung Pao! " I heard: Ga-!

B: What's the matter?

A car is parked next to me. You jumped off the bus, unlike what you are wearing today. Wearing a suit and full of shoes, he smiled and took my hand: "Hello? Two fools! "

B: "hello, four dogs!" " "

Why do you call me by my nickname?

B: Great.

A: You are making out politely: "Why don't you know me?"

B: I dare not admit it.

A: "I'm XXX-my nickname is Steko."

B: I changed my name with him.

A: You asked me about my experience, and then said, "I'm going to meet someone at the North Hotel." Then he took out his checkbook, signed a check for two thousand dollars and handed it to me. You can take it out at the Bank of Communications and spend it first. Call me if you need anything. I live at No.8 Shi Jia Hutong outside Qianmen. The phone number is three innings 4567. "

B: It's easy to remember. Are my friends interesting enough?

A: I'm making an analogy.

B: Anyway, even if you pretend, you still have 2,000 yuan.

A: Yes, I put it in my newspaper pocket and walked north from the food market: "Look at the newspaper!" " The Times "…" walked to the bridge of the city, and I thought: This 2000 yuan is enough for a tea. Why are you selling newspapers at the top of your lungs?

B: That's right!

A: With this in mind, I took off my newspaper pocket and threw it away-boom! Throw it directly into the moat!

B: The newspaper pocket is upside down!

A: Then I went down, too!

Why are you going down there?

The check is in the newspaper pocket! Take out the check, cash it, do some small business, and life will slow down slowly. I rely on you alone! This is called "one is expensive and the other is cheap. See you in friendship."

B: Then, what about "a lifetime of friendship"?

A: Let's make another analogy.

B: Yes.

For example-you were killed by a car!

You just killed it!

A: Isn't this an analogy?

B: For example, it's frustrating! Am I a dead man?

How did you become rich just now? You can't see friendship without such an analogy!

B: well, I was killed by a car!

Don't worry, it's not serious.

B: It's just that my skin is a little greasy.

A: My body is in Dongdan, and my head has been taken to Chongwenmen!

Oh! Not bad!

A: You're dead meat. There is no one at my sister-in-law's house, so I have to ask a lawyer to sue the troublemaker. It will take more than three months. Get a pension after the lawsuit and give it to my sister-in-law intact. I took legal fees, coffin money and funeral expenses. After that, I took my sister-in-law to menstruation's house, and two people leaned on others to mend, tear down and wash the hard days.

You can finally come back to life. This is "friendship till death do us part", right?

A: That's right.

B: And how to say "entrust a wife to have children"? Not only do you know that there is an idiom called "entrusting your wife and children"-that is, entrusting your wife and children to friends, so that you can rest assured that they can do their own things.

A: This kind of "entrusting a wife to have children" will come true for both of us.

B: I'm still going to be killed by a car.

A: Don't be afraid. This is a good thing.

Then tell me.

You are the most popular crosstalk performer.

B: That's everyone's support.

A: I have a "fixed seat" and come to listen to your cross talk every day. Every game will come, day or night.

Does he have that much time?

A: This permanent seat has a wide network of contacts. He is an alternate governor, and once a position in any province becomes vacant, he will take office. While waiting for the power of attorney, listen to your cross talk if you have nothing to do. Listen, listen, I'm fascinated. I've been listening for over two months.

B: What bosom friends!

A: At the beginning of the third month, the errand came down.

B: No!

A: Governor of Guangxi.

B: Big officer. Are you happy now?

I am very worried

B: What's the matter?

A: The monthly salary is 200,000, with five years for the first phase and ten years for the second phase. You can hold it all you want!

That's a good job!

A: What's there to see? Guangxi! At that time, the government called it "long"! They are all afraid that Miao and Yao people are easy to make trouble.

B: That was bullied by Han officials.

A: So. Officials there have two hands to prepare-grabbing money in one hand and rolling luggage in the other-run!

B: Good! After getting married and having children, can you still run so smoothly?

He has an idea. He doesn't take his family!

It will take a day or two. Five years at a time; Ok, ok, go down in ten years!

A: He was embarrassed, too. He worked for five or ten years at a time. Without his wife, he is so boring! When I think of it, I think of you!

B: Oh, let me be a wife, no!

A: Don't be angry. People mean to let you talk a few cross talks or read biographies of Three Kingdoms, Han Dynasty, Shuihu, Liaozhai and Jigong when you are free-to relieve boredom!

Scared me.

A: Five thousand dollars a month. Are you going?

Well, of course!

A: But there is one thing. The governor will not take his wife with him. Can you bring my sister-in-law?

B: No.

A: However, you have just been married for more than a month. There are no three brothers in the world and no four brothers in the world. A friend like me left a beautiful kannika nimtragol in this place. Who should I entrust it to?

B: Hey! (to the audience) He blocked the door and had to give it to him! (Right) Alas, I entrusted it to you ... Alas. ...

Give me your daughter-in-law-are you at ease?

B: (biting the back molar) ... Don't worry!

Listen to his movements. (learn b) "Don't worry"! Don't worry? I still don't trust!

What are you worried about?

A: After you left, I won't bring your daughter-in-law to my house. I'm afraid something will happen. I'm sorry, my friend.

B: Then ... take you home.

A: Wow! At your daughter-in-law's age, at my age, people are crushed to death under your tongue these days. If it comes out, it's hard to say-am I alive or dead? I need this (pointing to my face).

B: He is also a respectable person.

A: I ruthlessly rented a three-in-one courtyard with a front compartment and a back compartment in an alley. I made an agreement with the landlord to come to my house every month to collect the house payment. Usually let the daughter-in-law bolt the door facing the street-this is called "the front door does not go out, the second door does not go out" to avoid hooligans making trouble.

B: That's very thoughtful of you.

A: At the beginning of the month, I turned off the money. I bought a bag of white flour, 20 kg of rice, 200 kg of briquettes, 50 kg of firewood and oil, salt, sauce and vinegar. I hired a car, unloaded it at the door and shouted at the street door, "Sister-in-law, everything is complete. Open the door and stir slowly by yourself. I'm leaving! "

B: Well, what are you afraid of being sent in?

A: Well, at your daughter-in-law and my age, people these days are under your tongue. If it gets out, it's hard to say-am I alive or dead? I need this (pointing to my face).

B: well, it's good to avoid suspicion.

A: For this 10 half-day baby, I will put ten and eight pieces in a cloth pocket and walk to the bottom of the wall: "Sister-in-law, here are some pocket money, you can take it." -Throw it on the wall! Your daughter-in-law put away the money and threw her pocket out!

B: Open the door. It's much easier to go in and give it to her.

Well, at your daughter-in-law's age, at my age, these days ...

A: The root of the tongue presses people. If it gets out-am I alive or dead?

B: I knew it was this sentence!

A: Don't worry, I won't go in during the day!

B: That's right! You stay out all night at night!

A: No, I have to have this (pointing to my face).

B: Your (fingernail face) is not as good as this (pointing at your hip)!

A: You are really a gentleman's belly with the heart of a villain! I won't go during the day, let alone at night! As the old saying goes, "A friend's wife can't be bullied"!

You have a point.

A: Simply put, it's ten years in a flash! I suddenly received your letter this day, saying that you have saved more than 40 million dollars and will go home next month. You also entrusted me to show you several houses, buy them when appropriate, and go home to support the elderly. Is this a good thing?

Yes, I am very lucky.

A: After reading this letter, I feel this way. ...

B: I am very happy.

Are you sad?

B: Sad?

A: You can't leave your wife's house this time.

B: Huh?

Answer: Go to your daughter-in-law, she is nursing!

B: Breastfeeding?

A: Ah. Little guy, I just hugged him. Wow! After I sat down, I called her, "Hi!"

B: "Hi". What's this called? !

A: "He wrote a letter and will be back soon. We have to discuss it! "

B: "discussion"

A: Your daughter-in-law said, "Anyway, it's up to you ..."

B: Why am I embarrassed when I hear this?

A: Speaking of which, both older children are out of school! My eldest son is eight and my second son is six. As soon as I pick up my schoolbag, I will be called "Dad".

B: "Dad"?

A: I give everyone a mouth: "Don't fucking call dad! Call dad, you'll die! Remember, from tomorrow on, you are not allowed to call me dad. In a month, someone will come. This person looks like this (according to B's appearance). You two kowtow to him and call him dad. If you see me again, you can change your name to uncle, ok? If you remember, I will secretly give you 20 cents each to buy candy every day. If you call away, I'll skin you! "

B: (strange) Three children, the youngest one has to be told.

A: no Just grab your arm and you won't call anyone. Another month passed, and I received your telegram, saying that I would be home in XXX. I rented two cars to take your daughter-in-law and children to meet you at the station. The hot pot at home is ready and the roast duck is called. You sit in the middle, I accompany you on the left, your daughter-in-law is on the right, and the children are opposite, surrounding each other and pouring wine in turn. It can really be called returning home with clothes, a good wife and children, a prosperous population and wealth! You say, can you do without me as a friend?

Really? I have to thank you very much.

A: That's a stranger! Where are we going to pay in the future?

B: Salary? I'll water you with fucking boiling water! (Chatting while playing) Watering you? I'll burn you if I'm short of breath!

What is wrong with me?

B: What's the matter? Let me ask you: How many years have I been away?

A: Ten years!

How old are these children?

A: The eldest is eight years old, and the second is six years old, holding my little daughter for eight months.

Let me ask you, where am I from?

A: Don't call yet. Listen to me. ……

B: (Nail) Say it!

A: If you keep calling, I won't be able to speak completely!

B: (pause) OK, you say it!

A: Let me ask you first. How old are you this year?

B: Forty-two.

A: How about going out for another ten years?

B: Fifty-two.

A: Yes, you were married for more than a month, and then the husband and wife left. It's been ten years since we broke up, and it's been more than half a year since we came back! Getting married for a month can't be a coincidence pregnancy! I made a fortune in ten years! But you should be sad when you get home!

B: Why?

A: This is called "inequality between the rich and the poor"! I don't even have a son and a half girls under my knee. Can I be worried?

Yes, if I am worried to death, I don't need your help!

A: (anxiously) I'm calling again! Can you let me finish my sentence? !

B: Say it! I can't say a "meridian", I can't finish it!

A: (loudly) Well, let me get this straight! You didn't go home until you were 52. Even if your daughter-in-law gives birth to a son next year, you will be 53! Pull the child to seventeen, and you will be seventy-three! Don't mention the benefits of children. The auspicious saying is that "life is 70 years old and rare." What a coincidence! He died before he got a wife! For my friends, I chose three of my four children, a boy and a girl-the big boy is eight years old, the little boy is six years old, and the little girl gave you all her arms. I left my four-year-old boy alone, leaving you both at home (crying) ... so that you can enjoy your family ... unexpectedly ... so that you can even beat and scold. ...

B: Oh, brother, brother is wrong about you!

I'm blind. ...

B: Don't be angry.

A: I'm wronged ... I can't be angry!

B: Brother, if you get angry again, I will kneel down.

A: There's no need ... just to express my feelings.

B: Everything is fine. I'm so impatient!

Do you understand this time? -The baby is mine!

B: I'm relieved.

A: But your daughter-in-law raised it!

B: It's the same!

Remarks: According to Yu Shide's memory, Mr. Zhang Shouchen acted in this program. When B said "I'm relieved", A said to the audience: "What bad luck! I am alone, why bother! " After getting off the stage, the burden didn't ring at that time. After a minute or two, the audience came back and said, Ah, it was raised by B's daughter-in-law! There was a burst of laughter in the room. But because the audience laughed after the aftertaste, it often interfered with the effect of the next program, so Mr. Zhang Shouchen changed to this bottom. "You are a good man-you are a good wife and mother."

"You are driving a thirteen-door Cadillac. -I came by train. "

"You jumped on the Cadillac, and roared off, black smoke rolling. The traffic police shouted at you: Elder Sun, take away the divine power ~ "

"You are lying on the road. A rolling mill came from behind and ran over it. When the driver saw it, he went the wrong way. It's backwards. The driver thought, no, the road is right. In the past ... "

"You are in Beijing's seven elder sister-in-law and six elder sister-in-law are gone. Who did you entrust your wife to? "