The usual "interstate" has the following characteristics:
The first is "purposeful". Ordinary people make friends for a purpose. This purpose is not necessarily the purpose of the villain's quick success, but may just feel that life is inseparable from three or five friends. "Depend on your parents at home and your friends when you go out", "One fence, three piles, one hero and three gangs". Without friends, you can't stand on your own feet and be a man. So as far as most people are concerned, they will consciously and purposefully find and make friends. Generally speaking, these purposes can be divided into three categories: one is for the cause, or to find a guide for the cause, or to find a supporter for the cause, or to find a consultant for the cause, or to find a collaborator for the cause, such as "recruiting people from all over the world" by ancient great politicians, or "seeking teachers and visiting friends" by literati and poets, all of which belong to this category. One is for the sake of life, such as having a convenience at work, having a care in life, and having a helper in case of emergency and special difficulties (such as being ill in hospital and buying tickets, etc.). ), these all need friends, or they will be unable to move and have nowhere to take refuge. There is also a kind of spiritual communication. Everyone has their own feelings, and these feelings need to be communicated with others; Everyone has his own experience, which needs to be told to others; Everyone has his own secrets, and sometimes these secrets need to be revealed to one or two people, otherwise you will get sick if you keep them in your heart. However, not all family members and relatives can be the objects of communication, talk and disclosure. For example, if husbands and wives are not harmonious, they can't talk to their husbands or wives. Another example is the secret of first love, sometimes it can't be revealed to parents. This requires friends to say something that can't be said to parents and relatives. The traditional culture of China ranks "friend" with "monarch, minister, father and son, husband and wife, brother" as the five most important ethical relationships, which are called "five ethics" and have their own uniqueness.
The second is to "generate interest". It is human nature to "seek advantages and avoid disadvantages", not to mention making friends with a purpose. Of course, we can't completely ignore utilitarian considerations, nor can we uniformly condemn them as "villains" and "unjust". When a person chooses and begins to make friends, there is no "friendship" between two people. He "pursues advantages and avoids disadvantages", how can he say "injustice"? For example, Hou Ying, Zhuan Xu, Nie Zheng, and Jing Ke, who made friends with Xin and Gong Zi in history, all had obvious utilitarian purposes and were not considered "unjust". How can we ask ordinary people to associate completely regardless of interests? Strictly speaking, only * * * can be rich without * * *, forgetting righteousness for small profits, betraying friends for glory, and becoming an ungrateful villain as soon as he has a face; Only those who disregard personal interests or even take risks and still want to make friends in adversity or even difficulties are gentlemen. In between are ordinary people. It is necessary to understand that ordinary people make friends for the first time and seek advantages and avoid disadvantages; It is even more valuable to maintain friendship when the other party is in trouble. It should be regarded as a gentleman.
The third is "multiple clutches". Ordinary people make friends for the purpose of need, so they need to change, and the relationship between friends will also change, deepen, alienate or transfer. Therefore, ordinary people's friends tend to be constantly reorganized, old friends gradually alienate, and new friends follow. This is not only a normal phenomenon, but also a "good thing" because it can expand the scope of communication. Traditional ethics in China regards friends as husband and wife, and emphasizes "one-sidedness" blindly, which is neither realistic nor reasonable. Because there is a process to know people. In the process of communication, if you find that the other person's interests, temperament and path are different, you might as well say "goodbye" and go their separate ways from now on. Those who unilaterally emphasize "loyalty to one's heart" often have a kind of "domineering", regard their own right and wrong as right and wrong, regard their own good and evil as good and evil, and ask their friends to be the same as themselves everywhere and everything is consistent with themselves. If you don't agree, you will be regarded as a "traitor", but it is actually "same but not harmonious." As a result, you will either become a "small partner" or a "loner". Many people have no bosom friends all their lives, which is often the reason. If we want to use "today's people forget the sages" as an evasive word, it is the spirit of Ah Q, and "today's people forget the sages" mostly because of his advanced thinking and unique views. But although sages are lonely, lonely people are not necessarily sages. People who are not sages and lonely people are mostly too narrow-minded. Narrowness is not good. Therefore, we'd better adjust our psychology to a normal state.