Text/Lan Ma talks about parenting

What should I do if I want to be friends with my children but are afraid of being challenged? Drawing clear boundaries is to make the rules clear

Many people say that "being friends with children is the best education." However, when we really get along with children with the intention of being friends, you will find that children are not Frequently challenging boundaries is an expression of "no fear of heaven and earth". Therefore, whenever someone talks about the parenting philosophy of "making friends with children" and "reasoning with children", many parents will say, "It doesn't hurt to stand and talk." Easier said than done”!

In fact, parents and children must first have a sense of responsibility and rules before they can become friends and friends of their children. Many people say that the image of teachers is too old-fashioned and difficult to get along with, but Many people don’t know that a teacher who is easy to get along with is always challenged by students and treated as a soft persimmon. The Chinese teacher at Lanma Junior High School is a gentle female teacher. She seems to feel the breath of maternal love in her class. Her comfortable accent is very enjoyable to listen to, and there is no scary roar even when she is angry. However, it is this easy-to-talk personality that makes it difficult for her to control the order of the classroom.

Especially those students sitting in the back row are always making noise, pretending not to hear the teacher’s reminders, and even talking back to the teacher from time to time. One time, the teacher was so angry that he cried and ran away from class immediately. into the office, the sudden loss of control caused many students to blame the group of students in the back row who deliberately made the teacher angry. Although there were many students who supported the female teacher, it was difficult for her gentle personality to make her class orderly. Her gentle voice It is always easy for people to feel sleepy and distracted. On the contrary, teachers who call names from time to time and provide some stimulation and punishment are more likely to control their classrooms and improve the quality of teaching.

Many times, it is not that teachers are unwilling to get along well with students, nor is it that parents are unwilling to treat their children as friends, but that teachers, parents, and children are always involved in the responsibilities of educating and educating. , because of their responsibilities, they take more care of themselves, and their children run away faster, and wanting to "make friends" with their children naturally becomes complicated. This is why many parents are opposed to the educational concept of "making friends" with their children. In fact, we can get along with our children as friends, but this relationship must be based on a sense of rules. Only in this way can we educate children with a sense of boundaries, instead of just doing whatever they want. What to do.

What should I do if I want to be friends with my children but are afraid of being challenged? Only by letting children have a sense of rules can they have boundaries. Only by doing the following things can we draw clear boundaries and make rules clear:

1. When making friends with children, you must first let them feel awe. Heart

Many parents say that if they become friends with their children, they will be asked for unlimited things. In the name of lax tutoring, "I want this today, I want that tomorrow." This situation of unlimited demands is actually a lack of boundaries. Awe of parents. In fact, even ordinary friends need to respect each other for this friendship to last long. Many parents may question: "If children are allowed to fear themselves, will there be any friends left?" In fact, here Awe is not to make children afraid, but to make children obey discipline.

How to make children have a sense of reverence for their parents? We can start with daily communication. Although communicating with children requires a lot of patience, communication is the easiest way to understand children. We can remember the following tips about communication:

1) Just talk, don't try to threaten the child to be well-behaved

2) When correcting, talk about the present, don't endlessly talk about what happened in the past

3) Don't interrupt when you speak. Let the child state the matter completely before expressing opinions

4) Before making a decision, ask for the child's consent before implementing the decision

5) Ask frequently " "Why", use more interrogative sentences and guide children to state more facts

2. Freedom comes to freedom, but life must have a sense of rules

For children in their childhood, their understanding of freedom The desire is deeper than the passion for toys, but to give children freedom and a free life requires a sense of rules. Once when a boy accidentally broke something in the supermarket while shopping, his mother learned about it and gave the boy some verbal education. sentence, the children "ran away" angrily, and there are many children who punch and kick their parents when they encounter something they don't like. I don't know if these parents really understand the meaning of freedom, the deep meaning of being friends with their children, and the lively The truth lies in cuteness, the truth in friends lies in punches and kicks.

If your child punches and kicks you from time to time, it is not the affection of a friend, but the typical doting image of his parents as a "child slave". How can you make your child have a sense of rules in his life? This needs to be integrated into every aspect of life. For example, when a child is eating, we have to tell him, "Eat when you eat, and you can't play with toys or watch TV." Many bad tempers are caused by habits since childhood. Only by letting children have a good sense of rules can they show that the overall environment is orderly.

3. A child’s true feelings lie in the degree of concern of the parents rather than the purpose of discipline

There are no parents in the world who do not love their children, and there are also no children who do not love their parents. There is no doubt that the feelings between people are affectionate, but more often than not, the subsequent display of care distorts the visual communication. For example, parents’ love for their children is usually expressed in actions, such as dressing their children in the warmest clothes, giving them the best food and the most useful things. Nutritious things are given to the children, and many tutoring classes are arranged for the children to help them learn better...

However, all the above love makes the children feel depressed, and the parents also love too deeply, so that they often It interferes with children's visual communication and makes them think that their parents love their achievements more than themselves. Under such visual communication, the parent-child relationship becomes more and more cautious. Therefore, the child's true feelings lie in the degree of care of the parents rather than the purpose of discipline. Parents should also care about their children's feelings when educating their children. It's not that we can't help children when they fall, comfort them when they cry very sadly, and give visible encouragement to children to make them brave. "Stand up" instead of relying on crying to force parents to compromise and do things for themselves!

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