1. Opportunities saved:
After three days of recovery, many people still don't know what they want because of negative emotions. 3 to 10 days is still in the emotional buffer period, and 10 to 30 days is not handled in time. The other person may think that you don't want to save it, and it may be completely cold after 30 days.
Generally speaking, there is no optimal storage time. Any stage will encounter problems at that stage, which varies from person to person. Some people don't like to spend the night in conflict, while others need space. From the time, we can't judge which day is the most efficient. From another perspective, the best time to save is actually the time for emotional preparation. My emotional preparation should be that I have just passed the sad and angry stage of breaking up, I can vent my negative emotions to a certain extent, and I can objectively look at the reasons why the two sides broke up.
There are some situations that can judge that the other party can be redeemed, such as keeping contact information, normal social dynamics, habitual fake breakup, learning from a third party that the other party has moved out of the breakup mood and negotiating to be friends.
It is difficult to judge each other's emotions, but what is certain is that emotions are the goal of saving the opportunity to enter the market, and you can do a test before judging.
2. The main requirements at this stage:
(1) Major love needs under 25 years old: mature and powerful opposite sex.
Love at this stage is full of idealism, and the understanding of love is still very shallow. Both men and women attach importance to sexual value and long for someone who is more capable and attached to themselves. This aspect reflects the desire for self-reinforcement. So they need moderate dependence, affirmation, initiative to be kind to him, and give strong advice when necessary.
(2) Emotional needs of 25-35 years old: sense of identity and companionship.
After entering the society for a period of time, the existence of lovers is largely the source of self-identity. In work and life, they are often denied and questioned, and young people need recognition and companionship. At this stage, the conflict of values between the two sides is the most intense. For example, some people love to struggle, while others are content. Some people have detailed plans for the future, some people are drunk today, and it is easy for them to disagree with each other's lifestyle.
(3) The main needs of people over 35 years old: tolerance, comfort and value demand.
There are two kinds of emotional needs over 35 years old. One is the need of survival value in marriage, the matching of family, personality and material conditions, and the other is spiritual needs. At this time, the emotional requirements become deeper, and respect and tolerance will make the other party feel comfortable. For example, respecting women's right not to have children, allowing men to be selfish to their parents occasionally, and so on.
In short, the main needs of the same person at different ages will continue to evolve. At different stages, understanding each other's general needs is an important prerequisite for recovery.
3. How to break the deadlock:
(1) Convey positive emotions: Imagine your ex crying and complaining to you. Do you want to talk to him? Of course not. We all like beautiful things and positive emotions, which can soften each other's attitude. Simply put, you share the moments of happiness, enterprising, inspirational and gratitude in your life, and the other person will gradually change your face. The important thing is that you have been conveying a positive emotion, but you are not deliberately showing a positive state, but really changing your life state, so that the other party can feel that you are a positive person between the lines.
(2) convey stable emotions: many people are divided when they are saved, and they feel hopeless when they are happy for a while. If the other person doesn't reply, he will chase after the question and pass on this state. The biggest thunder to avoid when saving is emotional repetition. It must be remembered that before the deadlock is broken, the other party's emotions can only show a kind of stability of their own emotions if they are completely accepted. For example, if the other party doesn't return, he won't return. Of course, the other party has the freedom not to reply. If you can accept his repetition, he can feel your steady and reliable energy. Whether he comes back or not, it is enough for him to feel your emotions.
(3) Convey consistent emotions: What mentality is tested in the ice-breaking stage? You are always conveying consistent emotions. Only when you are steady at the beginning can you lead the other person to follow your rhythm. If the other person gives you bad feedback, such as refusing to chat with you, giving you a cold response or emphasizing the fact of breaking up with you, then this is just a waste test of the other person, and the other person is testing whether you are a stable person with consistent emotions. From a biological point of view, the test between men and women has never stopped, because genes are driving us to find goals with higher emotional value and survival value, and those who pass the test can be screened out and left.
4. How to chat with each other:
The way and content of chatting depends on each other's preferences, so that you can interact.
The differences between men and women in communication are different. Men care about the results emotionally, and the purpose and orientation of men's chat are very clear. For example, most boys like to show their advantages, like to brag in front of the opposite sex, or talk about things with their sisters in games, because this can gain a sense of identity that is not easy to get in real life. His favorite way to chat is to worship and show weakness to each other, and he doesn't like you crying. Don't argue with a man, he has a potential dominant consciousness in chatting, and he will feel intimidated if you argue with him.
And women care more about feelings. Women often ignore the facts and only express their emotional feelings. Security, comfort and belonging are the necessary emotional needs of women. She told you right and wrong, not to prove that she was wrong and you were wrong, but to express her negative emotions and tell each other that I was wronged and I needed comfort.
So when chatting with a girl, she is most concerned about the attitude of the other party to admit her mistake and coax her. A woman's emotional feelings need to be recognized, and communication with her needs to be based on understanding. I understand your feelings, your pain and your past difficulties, and I want to make it up to you.
5. Take the initiative:
Don't pander to each other blindly in the process of reunion. No matter when, everyone should have their own ideas. When I say mastery, I don't just mean mastery of feelings. I want everyone who breaks up to have an ideological growth after breaking up and take control of their own life. We all know that love will not last long, but a long-term love that attracts each other. If you are too humble to face each other, it seems that self-compromise is your only attraction. This is terrible. You can love each other all your life, but they can't love you like this all their life. No matter what kind of emotional repair, the final repair will be self. A person's understanding, understanding and recognition of himself is the basis for you to take the lead in love, and also the source of your self-confidence and self-healing.
The so-called efficient recovery is just a recovery that focuses on the essence of intimate relationship. At the same time of lightning protection, self-demand is also discussed in depth. Only by breaking your own barriers can you break others' barriers.
Every one of you who wants to save, don't think about taking shortcuts to let the other person accept yourself quickly. Only by loving someone down-to-earth can you get the redemption of love.
6. Effective communication:
The emotional crisis may be because it violates the other party's bottom line, so at this time, the other party's resistance to you has reached an unprecedented peak. No matter what you say or do, the other person will choose to block it, and you may force the other person to escape from you as soon as possible. So the only thing you can do at this time is to minimize the resistance and preparedness of the other party. However, disconnection is not to sever contact, but to give the other party a buffer time and space, and then communicate effectively after the emotions calm down.
7. Enhance charm:
Once the other person would fall in love with you because of a bright spot in you, but now he will be bored because of a shortcoming you exposed, and some love will disappear inadvertently. The core of saving love is to save yourself who is not good enough, find out your shortcomings and correct them, and enhance your personal charm by other means. The most important thing you have to do is to create a form that can show your self-worth, so that the other party can truly feel the changes you have made and give them recognition.
8. Create a comfortable relationship:
On the road to saving love, it is inevitable that there will be a moment of hitting the wall. Remember not to rush for success. After re-establishing contact, you can share more life, care more about each other's mood and state, and gradually reduce each other's resistance to you. A little more interaction can also add a little comfort, make the other party enjoy chatting with you more and more, and the acceptance of you is also rising. Remember to control the rhythm and frequency of chatting according to the change of specific situation, and don't express too strong sense of demand and purpose.
9. Take the initiative to invite to meet:
Face to face communication is always the most direct and effective method. Now that you have made a change, you are no longer the annoying appearance you used to be, so boldly show it on the other side. Be bold and cautious in the process of meeting, and warm up your feelings through some natural physical contact. Intimacy, passion and commitment are the three elements of love. At the right time, express the promise that the other person wants, express that you can really understand and satisfy the other person's inner desire, impress the other person, and let him fall in love with you again willingly. At this time, love will be successfully saved. ?
10. Surprise him:
Let him find the feeling of being in love. First of all, since you want to save your feelings, it shows that their feelings are not very stable, that is, they have lost some feelings that are very important to each other, so you should start from recreating these feelings, that is, how you fell in love at the beginning. Now you can try to find the attraction to each other from this aspect and fall in love again.
Ten secrets of emotional recovery:
1. The first thing we need to do is to have a strong heart, because the road to recovery will not be smooth sailing.
2. Try to change yourself and let the other person see your change.
Even if you contact each other now, he will ignore your love, but let's not give up. It is necessary to greet every day.
During your separation, there was his birthday, and you carefully prepared gifts for him.
If you break up because he doesn't like you because you are not romantic enough, then it is necessary for us to prepare some romantic surprises for him.
6. If you want to save your feelings, the most important thing is to face up to your problems and find out why you broke up.
7. On your way to redemption, you must know how to listen to each other's ideas.
8. If you make a lot of efforts for your relationship, but he always ignores you, then there is no need for us to continue to entangle.
9. Disconnect and keep.
10. The mentality you give to the other party is infatuation, which makes the other party constantly doubt that the other party will be more violent to you.