The first night of first love ended on that night of self-protection. I was born in a poor family in Shenyang. My sister was frail and sick since she was a child. The little savings the family had were used to treat her. We are a family of four. People are crowded into a house of 9 square meters and live in very poverty. When I was 15 years old, I went out to work before graduating from junior high school.

In my initial job, I had to work 12 hours a day. As a young and inexperienced person, I didn’t feel miserable because a boy appeared in my life—Asi (pseudonym).

He is the son of an aunt in our unit. In my eyes, he is a mature and stable boy. At first, I only dared to observe him secretly. Unexpectedly, one day he suddenly asked me out. I was overjoyed and couldn't wait to agree to his invitation. That day I found out that he had been paying attention to me.

We are together, he is a perfect boyfriend, caring and considerate to me, and he has no shortcomings in my eyes. That summer also rained often like this year, but it was the happiest time I have ever spent in my life.

Later, Asi and some of his friends went to the beach for a trip, and he took me there too. It was my first time to go out, and it was with my lover. I was in a very good mood and had a lot of fun. Just the night before we were about to return to Shenyang, Asi took me into his room and asked me to be his woman...

That night, I deeply hurt Asi and faced his strong emotions. I never nodded to the request. Later, he said angrily: "You know what? I have tried so hard to arrange this trip just for tonight."

"But I can't promise you..." "You really love me "Of course I love you, but we're not married yet, so I can't do this!"

That night was so long, we sat with our clothes on all night. , I didn’t give myself to him until dawn. Looking back today, I don't know whether my persistence was right or wrong, but the result was that my persistence brought an end to this relationship.

On the way home, A Si didn’t say a word. When the car arrived in Shenyang, it started to rain. Instead of sending me home like before, Asi left me alone and left. I stood alone in the rain, raising my head and staring blankly at the sky. I didn't know whether the rain or tears on my face at this moment was rain.

We broke up like this. I thought it was enough for me to give him my whole heart, but why did I still lose him?

Before I could get over the shadow of broken love, I agreed to the advances of another man, who later became my husband and ruined most of my life. I didn't like him, but I still married him because I didn't want to squeeze into that small house of 9 square meters anymore; because I was afraid of facing every night alone; because he had a house that was not that big; Because——Asi agreed that I should date him.

Although Asi and I broke up, we are still friends. I still have the habit of asking for his opinion before doing anything. I am willing to listen to whatever he says. One night before I was about to marry someone else, Asi took me back to his house. He said he wanted to possess me before I belonged to someone else. At that time, he used the word "possession".

I still refused. I am now someone else’s fiancée. Even if I don’t love my fiancé, I don’t want to be sorry to him. Asi begged me all night, and I cried all night. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I had to hurt him. Apart from giving my whole heart to him, I couldn't give him anything else.

The same plot happened again for the two of us, with almost the same plot, dialogue and ending. In the end, Asi and I broke up on bad terms again, but this time, we were separated for 15 years.

When I came home with swollen eyes the next day, I realized that my fiancé had been looking for me all night. It turned out that his grandma was critically ill that night, and he wanted to take me to see his grandma for the last time, but I spent the whole night He never came home, and his grandma never saw me until her death.

With apologies to an old man, I got married to a husband I didn’t love. After the marriage, I confessed everything to my husband and told him where I went that night. He was so angry that he wanted to go to Asi to settle the score. I burned myself with a cigarette butt to threaten him: "If you go to him , I will hate you forever!”

This incident passed like this, but maybe it was my actions that made my husband understand that his position in my heart will never be as good as A Si’s. It has laid hidden dangers for our marriage. Maybe that's why he never took our home seriously.

How do I describe my marriage? In my opinion, it is the root of all my pain. I have paid too much in it, but I have never been happy. My husband is uneducated and has no ambition to make progress. We are in heavy debt every year. I give him opportunities again and again, but I never get a return. From the age of 20 until the age of 35, from being young and beautiful until the age of youth is gone, from a simple girl to a mother.

Once, a friend of my husband’s told me to take him to another place to do business. I borrowed 20,000 yuan and gave it to him, but he ended up spending it all. My life became increasingly impoverished, and I even fell into a desperate situation. My family house was sold, and once my child fell ill, I pawned my last possession, my wedding ring.

Life could no longer go on. After her husband fell in love with a girl at work, he finally agreed to divorce.

The divorce is very simple. We don’t have any property, the house is gone, the children belong to him, and the debts are shared between us. I filed for divorce in the second year of my marriage, but it wasn’t until last year that we actually got divorced. I wasted so much of my youth for such a marriage that was devoid of happiness and emotion. After the divorce, I was only 35 years old, but I felt that I was already very old. It seemed that my heart that was once a sea could no longer contain gentle waves, so when Adang (pseudonym) pursued me, I never agreed, especially when I After knowing that he has a family and a wife.

Adam and I met by chance and became friends. He can understand my feelings, and I hope to remain such close friends with him and maintain a pure relationship. friendship. But whenever we are alone together, he always wants to possess me. Just one night not long ago, Adam asked me out, and then kept asking to have sex with me. I didn't agree to him, just like I rejected Asi.

Finally, Adam angrily claimed that he wanted to sever ties with me. I said categorically: "I would rather lose you as a friend than give up my principles of life!"

Result , I really lost my friend Adam. Watching him leave with an angry look on his face, I seemed to see Assi back then. After so many years, he is the only one who has always been in my heart and never left.

It rained again, and another man left my life. I stood alone in the rain, looking up at the sky, and I couldn't tell whether the rain or tears streaming down my face at this moment...

I don’t hate everything that happened to me, but I don’t understand. I just want to fall in love and make friends. Why do things that I think are right make me lose so much?

Editor: Xiao Xiao is a pure and romantic woman. After experiencing so many emotional ups and downs, she still believes in and pursues pure love and friendship. It's a pity that neither Asi nor Adang, who gave her pure love and friendship, really understand her. Their sexual desire is similar in that they just want to possess her body but are unwilling to take any responsibility. Therefore, people who don’t understand you are not worth cherishing. A person who truly loves you will respect your thoughts at all times and will not leave because of your rejection; for someone who doesn't love you, even if you really sacrifice your body to please him, you can't get it back. A lifetime of happiness.

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