Rainy, wet, wet ... every night, you just stare at the cold window and stare at it. I came over and said to you gently, "Wang Cai, go in, the person who sent the bones won't come today.

B toilet couplets: top: hold confidential documents on both sides of the Yellow River, bottom: machine gun fire in front, artillery fire in the back. Horizontal approval: cool

C rice and steamed bread fight. As soon as the rice was crowded, the steamed dumplings wrapped in sugar and meat were beaten, and no one was spared. Zongzi was forced into the corner, and in desperation, she tore her clothes and shouted, "Look clearly, I am undercover!" " "

The lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his shit was thicker than that of the bear, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

The fish said, "I have been keeping my eyes open in order to leave your side." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, surrounding you and holding you tightly." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and there's still so much nonsense."

F (Huang) Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei unfortunately went to a desert island one day.

Three people are hungry, which is really not good.

Zhang Fei got up first, took off his trousers, took out his penis, and quickly ate his fill with a wave of his knife. ...

Seeing this, Guan Yu shook his head and sighed lightly. Third brother is stupid and wise.

Get up and hit the penis quickly. The penis grows bigger and bigger. Zhang Fei was dumbfounded when he ate it quickly with a knife.

Seeing this, Liu Bei got up and said, Why should I be your big brother? It's all because I'm smart. So I quickly beat my penis and let out white water. With a wave of my knife, I ate and said that I could not only eat enough, but also dip in the sauce. ....

Teacher G was giving a lecture when Bob raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to shit."

After hearing this, the teacher taught Bob, "You can say it in another civilized way."

Bob thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my ass feels sick."

Remember Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? The title says, "Ah, the show has started!" " After listening for a long time, I always thought he said, "Ah, wild boar shit!" "

When I was a child, I (Song) learned to sing the theme song of "A Clever Rest" on TV (Japanese), and when I overheard it, I sang it as "Geji, Geji, Geji, Aunt Wash the Spitoon ..."

Legend has it that Bob is cruel. He lay opposite the theater and occupied four seats. When people called him up, Bob just snorted and didn't move. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Which way? Bob gnashed his teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

When K Bob was a child, he looked like a brick and asked his mother, is my head like a brick? Mother was afraid of hurting his self-esteem, so she said that you should take a picture in the well. As soon as Bob arrived at the well to take pictures, he heard someone shouting at the bottom of the well: Don't throw bricks at it!

One day, a MM took a bus, and Bob gave her his seat when he saw her. MM took out a paper towel and wiped the seat over and over again. When she was about to sit down, MM farted, and Bob smiled and said, "Miss is so clean. Wipe it and blow it. "

M

Bob's father was seriously ill in hospital and wanted to see Bob, so Bob came back from other places to see his father. As soon as I entered the ward, I rushed to my father's bed. My father suddenly sat up. The doctor was surprised. Father seems to have something to say, but he can't. He motioned for a pen and paper with his hand. The doctor brought paper and pens. When my father finished writing it, he stuffed it on Bob and died. Bob was heartbroken. After taking care of my father's affairs, my family read his last words, which read: "Go away, you stepped on my oxygen pipe."

O Bob couldn't drink well in the wine field one day, and he stumbled into the ladies' room and vomited in the compartment.

At this time, a lady went to the toilet to pee. Bob heard her urinate and mistakenly thought that someone was pouring beer. He said angrily, "I told you not to drink." Who is falling? "

The lady was shocked when she heard this, so she held back her urine and tried to solve it after Bob left.

Unexpectedly, he farted. Bob was very angry when he heard about it. He patted the partition with his hand and scolded loudly: "I said I don't drink." Who opened another bottle? " Who starts drinking first! "

P Someone shouted, "The president is an idiot!" ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "As a result, he was arrested, but the charge was not' insulting the president', but' leaking state secrets'!

Bob has a bruise under his eye, and his mother is worried. According to Bob, there is an unreasonable classmate at school.

Yes, he said to Bob, "You should make friends with him. Take this cake to him. Shake hands with him. "

Show some friendliness. "The next day, when Bob came back, his other eye was also bruised. His mother asked him with concern:

"What's wrong with that?" Bob cried and said, "That guy still wants cake."

R Tang Priest met a fairy-looking banshee on his way to fetch Buddhist scriptures and wanted to have sex with him.

When the woman looked at it, she exclaimed: My little girl is menstruating, so I'm afraid it's inconvenient.

The Tang Priest said, Amitabha, don't be afraid. I'm here to learn from the scriptures.

■ At a literary evening, the host Bob came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

T Once Bob was driving, the female colleague sitting next to Bob suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

U Chinese class, the female teacher asked; How to pronounce "soft" pinyin?

The boys shouted, "It's too soft.

Teacher: "Your boy's pronunciation is not standard, please ask the female classmate to add an answer. "

Female students will sing "I'm finished-soft"

The instructor said, "No, the correct pronunciation is five nights a day-soft language."

The headmistress said, "None of them are right. It's Friday night-I'm weak! ! "

Bob and Bob's sister go to Li Ning to buy shoes. Bob's sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Teacher W said, "A fool's question can't be answered by ten smart people."

Bob said, "No wonder I always fail in exams."

X cannibal father and son hunted, and the son caught a thin man. The father said, let go, there is no meat! His son also caught a fat man, and his father said, let go, it's too tired! His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, take it home and eat your mother at night!

Y science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Does nobody know? At this moment, Bob stood up and said, that's because he is calm-headed and naturally calm.

There are three people in Z. Let's compete in marksmanship. A black man is holding something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew the muzzle and said, I'm m007.

The third person is Bob. Bob put a sesame seed on the black man's head, then raised his hand at a distance of 100 meters and shot the black man in the head. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry ...

Bob's mother: Little B, you turned on the TV again.

Bob: I don't want to watch TV.

Bob's mother: Then what are you doing?

Bob: I'm checking whether the TV program in the newspaper is printed wrong.

Ben: My mother is a master and my father is a doctor.

Bob: That's amazing!

Ben: Who are your parents?

Bob: My father is a man and my mother is a woman.

Teacher: Now in the first aid class, do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation first. What happens if it is repeated?

Bob: Someone will sue you for sexual harassment.

Bob's mother: Mom and Dad are busy tonight, so they won't be back until late.

Bob: Then I will be very tired!

Bob's mother: Why?

Bob: I'll get tired of watching TV.

Teacher: Bob, how did you steal your classmate's eraser? Don't you think about your parents when you do such a thing?

Bob: I just thought about it. So you don't have to spend your parents' money.

Teacher: Bob, please use "dilemma" to make a sentence.

Bob: I was in a dilemma during the exam.

Teacher: Are you in a dilemma because you can't answer the question?

Bob: No, it's that the left and right students have different answers, which puts me in a dilemma.

Teacher: Bob, your problem is the improper use of words. Now you can use an idiom to describe that your teacher is very happy.

Bob: smiling in the grave.

Bob's mother: I thought you were doing your homework, but you were playing video games.

Bob: It's not my fault.

Bob's mother: Is it my fault?

Bob: That's right. You walk so quietly.

Bob's mother: Little B, what are you doing?

Bob: I'm brushing my dog.

Bob's mother: This isn't my toothbrush, is it?

Bob: That's right.

Bob: I will say a few words instead of my mother who stopped breathing.

Bob's mother: It should be hopeless.

Specially dedicated to the three kingdoms series, I love to watch it.

Liu An killed his wife in the Three Kingdoms.

Liu An bears a grudge against Liu Bei, but Liu Bei doesn't know it. When Liu Bei arrived at Liu Anjia, it happened that Liu's wife died of a malignant infectious disease. So Liu An thought, if Liu Bei ate his wife's meat, wouldn't Liu be ill? You can't get into trouble if you don't know! If it doesn't work out, it will give that guy the reputation of cannibalism, and I'll get even!

So Liu An happily ran to the kitchen to get human flesh. ...

Nagasaka of the Three Kingdoms retreated from the enemy.

Xiahou Jie is really not a soldier. Because you went through the back door, you couldn't have joined the army.

Why can't he join the army? Because he is deaf!

When Zhang Fei shouted at the bridge of Changban, everyone was scared. He won't be afraid if he can't hear, but it's not good to see others afraid, so he began to tremble and accidentally fell to the ground, just like being trampled by a horse ... Amitabha. ...

The case of three kingdoms figures

First, Zhuge Liang

Etiology: rheumatoid arthritis

Symptoms: long-term wheelchair.

Second, Guan Yu

Etiology: There are too many capillaries in subcutaneous tissue.

Symptoms: blush

Third, Zhang Fei

Etiology: eyelid muscle disorder

Symptoms: Sleep without closing your eyes.

Fourth, Wei Yan

Etiology: Posterior cranial hyperosteogeny

Symptoms: One more "anti-bone"

Verb (abbreviation of verb) Miheng

Etiology: Congenital mania with excess fat (another: Chu Xu suspects that he also has this disease).

Symptoms: afraid of heat, like naked.

Sun quan, an intransitive verb

Etiology: hair melanin variation

Symptoms: purple beard

Seven, Cao Cao

Etiology: epilepsy, stroke, hysteria, etc. I had an attack once when I was young, but I didn't pay attention to it and doubted my uncle. As a result, I grew into a giant.

Disaster)

Symptoms: many, such as headache, avoiding medical treatment, talking nonsense, and even dreaming of killing people in serious cases.

Eight, Liu Bei

Etiology: Skeletal dysplasia of limbs.

Symptoms: the ears are full of wind, the hands are over the knees, and the moustache is overgrown.

Nine, Dong Zhuo

Etiology: obesity, hyperlipidemia and hypercholesterolemia.

Symptoms: The light on the navel cannot be extinguished for three days.

X. Liu Chan

Etiology: the most unfortunate example, acquired mental retardation (accident, defending Cao Bing's arrow rain in front of Changbanpo,

Too scared;

Long-term suffocation in Zhao Yunhuai, excessive hypoxia; Finally Liu Bei fell to the ground, causing a slight concussion)

Symptoms: numerous, such as "I don't think about it".

Xi。 Zhao yun

Etiology: Hyperplasia of gallbladder, which is different from ordinary people.

Symptoms: I am timid.

Twelve, Lu Bu

Etiology: narcolepsy

Symptoms: I fell asleep at the most critical time.

Thirteen. Yuan Shu

Etiology: diabetes

Symptoms: I want to drink honey water when I am dying.

Fourteen Wu Guotai

Etiology: Alzheimer's Harmo's disease

Symptoms: I actually married my daughter to Liu Bei. ...

The three kingdoms grass boat borrowed arrows.

Lu Su in the straw boat: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? " Zhuge Liang: "Trust me." Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..." Zhuge Liang: "No need." Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?" Zhuge Liang: "That's a bit hot. Is there anything wrong? " Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..." Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I can't. "

Guan Yu's Thought in the Three Kingdoms Period

Cao Cao's Tongguan steed was so fast that he had to abandon his robe and be defeated, and he couldn't help sighing in the big tent.

Zhang Liao: "Why is the Prime Minister sighing?"

"hey!" Cao Cao: "I'm thinking, if only Guan Yu were still under my command."

"Yes!" Zhang Liao nodded and said, "If there is a cloud here, Ma Chao should cut it."

"That's not what I meant." Cao Cao only brushed his beard halfway and said, "Today Ma Chao shouted,' Cao Cao has a beard, and Cao Cao has a beard'. If Guan Yu were here ... his beard is much longer than mine, do I still need it to be so miserable? "

Kanluoji in the Three Kingdoms

Wu Guotai: "People say that Liu Huangshu is extremely ugly, which seems to be all nonsense. You see, Zhong Mou, Liu Huangshu is so handsome and dignified. He is simply a handsome man in the world ... "

Sun Quan: "Mother, you are wrong. That's Zhao Zilong, Liu Bei's general. The one next to him is Liu Bei. "

"Ah?" Wu Guotai: "So, Liu Bei is really ugly."

Bob: (I told you not to bring a pretty boy like Zhao Yun on a blind date. Take Zhang Fei, for example, to ensure that he is "handsome". )

Sanguo Changbanpo

Cao Hong: "Look, Prime Minister! That enemy general is back! "

Xia Houdun: "Today is the seventh time. Isn't he tired?"

Cao Cao: "Shit ... I have to kill all my troops before I stop!" " ! ? "

Zhao Yun, who fought in the chaotic army, said, "Zhang Fei is a XX! Let me stay behind and don't give me a map ~ ~ ~ Where is the long Banqiao ~ ~ ~ "

The Death of Pang Tong in Romance of the Three Kingdoms

Zhuge Liang's letter: Pang Tong, don't attack.

Pang Tong: Son of a bitch, I won't attack again. That's great. If I don't attack, people will say that he has a clever plan, but the credit will go to him ... there is no way out. Go to war!

Liu Bei: Deputy Military Adviser, I'll lend you my horse.

(An hour later ...)

Soldier: No! The assistant military adviser was shot dead by random arrows!

Liu Bei: How many arrows?

Soldier: More than 4,000.

Liu Bei: Just earn it. Better than borrowing an arrow from a straw boat.