Looking back on my daughter's childhood, I always like kissing her little face. I named my child "not enough", and I named myself "not enough". Now she is taller than me, and kissing her face is out of reach. We are not used to playing kissing games with each other.
What impressed me most when my daughter was growing up was junior high school. When my children were in junior high school, my work suddenly became tense. Taking a day off every week is not enough to deal with some chores, let alone spend less time with children. And ignorance of me, I didn't realize that the child had entered adolescence.
At that time, my daughter was the key child. No matter when she gets home, there will be no one at home. Soon, a wave of children that parents have no time to take care of gathered around her. They played together in the nearby university playground, skipped classes together and even went to KTV to sing together.
My heart is very big, and I think children should have their own circle of friends when they are older. Dad is always saying that children are careless in making friends and playing with some bad children. I don't like his argument. I retorted that he looked at people with colored glasses. Every child has a bright spot. Why do you say he is a bad boy? We often argue about it. They didn't consider their children's feelings and thoughts at all.
It was not until the final exam results came out that my heart ached badly. Daughter, she used to get excellent grades, but now she drops out of the key class at grade 50. I just realized how much influence the circle of friends has on an adolescent child.
From Diapers to Dating is an educational guide for parents. The core content of this book is how parents provide good sex education for adolescent children. According to the stages of children's growth, it is divided into four parts: junior high school, senior high school, late senior high school and post-senior high school to explain how parents face and guide their children's sexual topics in different periods.
The author Debra W. hafner is the former chairman and CEO of the American Sex Education Committee; More than 30 years of experience in sex education and research; Received a master's degree in public health from Yale University School of Medicine and a doctorate in public service from Widen University. It can be seen that this is an absolutely authoritative sex education book for adolescent children.
Because of the differences between nationalities and national conditions, some problems may not be suitable for parents in China, but the educational ideas in the book can be used for reference. At the beginning of this article, I mentioned my differences with my lover about making friends with my junior high school daughter, and I also found the answer in this book.
Although hafner talked about the attitude of most American parents towards teenagers, she is exactly like my Chinese mother. I think if I trust and respect my children, I should let them drop everything. However, for a child who has just entered junior high school, this is not the right approach.
Author hafner said,
Seeing these words, I realized that I was wrong. I put my children down because I didn't have more time to spend with them because of my work, but I told myself that when my children grew up, I didn't need to worry about it any more. It's just a reason for me to pass the buck.
I am not integrated into the child's life, and I am gradually moving away from her life. I judge the quality of children completely by the little information given by the teacher, and the standard of measurement has become a report card. On the contrary, I put down my self-righteousness, argue with my lover, and think that there is something wrong with his values, and people will always think of the bad side. In doing so, I chose sesame seeds instead of watermelon, focusing on small problems, but I couldn't see the real problems.
It is not enough to recognize mistakes, the key is to know how to do it. I have a second child. My brother is going to junior high school. What should I do? Advice on everything from diapers to dating:
After children enter junior high school, parents and themselves think that they have grown up and are more willing to be with their peers than their parents. I remember when our children were in primary school, we all went to the movies together. In the first semester of junior high school, she asked me to go to the movies with her classmates.
Think about your child's close circle of friends at that time. It happens to be six children. They care more about their friends than their parents. In their eyes, friends are bigger than the sky. They trust their friends more than their parents.
I remember one day, my daughter and I just agreed to go shopping together. The classmate called to say that she wanted to meet, and she immediately agreed. I looked at her, speechless. She feels that the agreement with her parents is not important at all. As long as a friend says a word, she will put everything down.
At this time, if parents completely let go and don't pay attention to their children's friends, it is very likely that their children will be biased by bad friends. They will smoke and drink, make friends with boyfriends and boyfriends, and their thoughts will not simply focus on their studies as they did in primary school.
Whether it is a boy or a girl, this is a young and ignorant age. They have not yet a correct view of right and wrong, and their values are forming. Parents should actively convey your values of sex education to their children. What do you think is appropriate and what must be avoided? These right and wrong questions must be told to the children.
Maybe your family is the same as mine, and husband and wife have different views on a certain issue. At this time, don't just focus on arguing and quarreling with each other. As parents, we should unify our thoughts in time and convey a consistent view to our children. Whether I think every child has a bright spot or my wife thinks that children who don't study hard should stay away, there is no absolute right or wrong. The point is that we just need to send a message to the children.
Discuss the problem of making friends with your child head-on, don't avoid it, don't let it go completely. When you open your heart to your child, she is willing to be close to you and talk to you about things between him and his friends.
Like my father, he looked down on his children's friends and showed a critical attitude. This is definitely not feasible for a junior high school student whose friend is bigger than the sky. She doesn't believe everything her father says, but hates her father because he accuses his friends, which makes the parent-child relationship very stiff.
The correct way is to approach the children's friends actively, specifically understand their behaviors and ideas, and then discuss with the children what shortcomings these friends have, so as to establish correct values in the children's hearts.
China's parents are generally conservative and passive. If they take the initiative to connect with others, they will be suspected of flattering others. In fact, in many foreign novels, it doesn't have to be like this at all. There is always a plot of inviting neighbors to be guests at home. Looking back at myself, I have little interaction with my neighbors. At most, I just say hello after meeting in the corridor, and there is no more communication. Actually, it's completely unnecessary.
Parents of children and classmates should also take the initiative to link, because many people have become very good friends because of their children. For the sake of children, we should also take the initiative to let go of that unnecessary reserve, take the initiative to contact the parents of our classmates and learn more about their behavior.
It's the weekend, and we can invite our children and classmates to go for an outing. You can also invite your classmates' parents to your home. Of course, you can also take the initiative to visit your classmates' parents. In any case, we don't need to wrap ourselves up like a person who doesn't attack me and I don't commit a crime.
The child who has just entered junior high school is not completely an independent and perfect adult, and he still needs to move on under the traction of his parents. At this time, his parents can't let go completely, which doesn't mean that you don't trust the child, but better guide the child to the right path.