How to face jealousy in friendship
On the road to making friends, we will inevitably make friends with a kind of person, the most contradictory but also the most common person: the jealous friend . On the one hand, this friend is kind, sympathetic to our sorrows, and genuinely wants the best for us. But despite the good feelings between us, we couldn't ignore the dangerous and shady psychology lurking beneath the surface. They always "forget" to thank us when we invite them over for dinner. They didn't seem happy when we were single. When we got a new job they didn't ask how it was. This situation is both sad and unexpected. What should we do?
1. Accept the existence of the problem
Don’t dwell on whether we think too much, as this will only make the problem worse. The facts are just as we thought, and the meanings of those silent moments, missing questions and strange expressions are just as we guessed. Yes, it's jealousy. We should not expect that in any friendship, jealousy, a psychology that everyone has, will not exist, or at least it will not be so obvious. The reason is self-evident. We usually make friends with people who have similar interests and similar views. So, at some point in our journey with our friends, either the other person gets what we've been craving, and vice versa. Whether it’s a partner, a job, a qualification, or housing, the reason we’re jealous of the other person is also the reason we’re friends with them: we have the same pursuit. In this regard, we always deceive ourselves emotionally, but this does not help solve the problem. We deny that we can love someone and be jealous of that person at the same time.
The second thing to do is to admit it in a joking, non-derogatory way. All good friends should talk about their jealousy normally and in a completely well-intentioned way. . The question shouldn’t be whether jealousy exists, but what will be jealous of this week.
3. Eliminate doubts
A large part of the reason why we could deal with jealousy but don't do it is that we think there is only one way to solve jealousy: I have what my friend lacks, so I have to give it away. Of course, we shouldn't give up our spouse, our house, or a position closer to the top of our company just to make an old friend happy, and there's no need to do so. What we really want at the end of the day is not love, a place to live, or a job. What they need most is reassurance. They want reassurance that we will still love them even if we are happy now. They desperately want to hear that even if we win the lottery, make a fortune selling stocks or find a charming person, Our loved ones, we still miss them deeply and care about them, just like before. Unfortunately, admitting our true desires is very difficult. One is that jealous friends are unable to admit their feelings. Second, there is a lack of appropriate time to be honest with each other. Third, we have not collectively learned how to reassure those around us after success. Whenever something good happens to us, we will not forget to fully appease our friends. Even though we are different now, we will love and cherish them as always.