When Mr. Ji was very young, he was clever and naughty, and often made the teacher laugh and cry (the teacher's surname was Shi); One day, Ji Xiaolan took a little yellow bird to school to play. Just as he was having fun, Teacher Shi came in. Ji Xiaolan immediately hid the bird behind the loose brick on the wall. Teacher Shi also saw it. He pretended not to know and went to class. However, when Mr. Shi walked to the wall with a poem, he suddenly pushed the brick back with his hand, and the poor bird was crushed to death. The teacher also proudly sings:
"Good feathers and good birds die after bricks."
Ji Xiaolan thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, can I give you a word? The teacher still proudly said, "Of course. Ji Xiaolan said, "You read JIA Yu's fine birds. I will give you a coarse-haired beast, your bricks, my stones, my first time and my life.
"Rough-haired beasts and stones rank first."
When the teacher heard this, he knew that Ji Xiaolan was cursing him with homonym. His nose was crooked, but he was right or wrong!
Second, Su Dongpo and Fo Yin.
Su Dongpo is in Hangzhou and likes to make friends with monks in West Lake Temple. He and monk Fo Yin of the Holy Mountain Temple are best friends. They often make jokes while drinking and reciting poems.
Monks in Fo Yin are delicious. Whenever Su Dongpo treats guests at a banquet, he always comes uninvited. One night, Su Dongpo invited Huang Tingjian to visit the West Lake, and many tables and drinks were prepared on board. When the cruise ship left the shore, Su Dongpo smiled and said to Huang Tingjian, "Fo Yin will come to every party. Tonight, we will go to the lake by boat to drink, sing poems and have fun. He can't come anyway. " "Who knows, Fo Yin monks have long discovered that Su Dongpo wanted to swim with Huang Tingjian, so they hid under the deck when they didn't get on the boat.
The bright moon is in the sky, the cool breeze is refreshing, and the lotus fragrance is full of lakes. The cruise ship slowly arrived at the Three Towers of the West Lake. Su Dongpo raised his glass and smoothed his beard. He happily said to Huang Tingjian, "Today, without Fo Yin, we are quiet. Let's start by ordering wine. The first two sentences should be immediate and the last two sentences should end with the word "in". " Huang Tingjian said, "All right!" Su Dongpo first said:
What can the sky say when the clouds are parted and the bright moon is in the sky? What did heaven say?
Huang Tingjian looked at the lotus full of lakes, and then said:
Li Anping separated and swam out of the fish, which she deserved! Get what you want!
At that time, Fo Yin couldn't help getting off the deck. Hearing Huang Tingjian say this, he pushed the deck away and climbed out to say:
When the boards were separated, Fo Yin came out, which was really frustrating! Suppress people!
Su Dongpo and Huang Tingjian were startled to see a man suddenly climb out from under the planking. When they looked carefully, it turned out to be Fo Yin. When they heard him say such four poems, they couldn't help laughing.
Su Dongpo took Fo Yin and sat down and said, "You hid well. You are right. You ate again today! So, while enjoying the moon, the three men swam around the lake, talking and laughing.
One day, Su Dongpo instructed the chef to use a live grass carp from the West Lake, wash it, cut it open, split it with five knives, and steam it with ham, onion and ginger. The cook made it and sent it to the study. Su Dongpo looked hot and delicious, and the knife marks on the fish were like willows. He repeatedly shouted, "What a mullet!" Just want to eat chopsticks, suddenly, I saw a flash figure outside the window, Fo Yin monk came. Su Dongpo thought, "Hey, what a monk! He didn't come early or late! I was about to eat fish when you came. I won't let you eat today. What do you do? " I reached out and put this plate of fish on the shelf.
Fo Yin has seen the dish of fish outside the window and thought, Well, you have hidden it well! I want you to take it out, too Su Dongpo greeted Fo Yin with a smile and sat down. He asked, "The big monk is not in the temple. What do you have to say here? " Fo Yin replied solemnly, "I came here today to ask you something." "What word!" "Your name is Sue, how do you spell' Sue'? Su Dongpo's brow wrinkled. Knowing that he was so learned that he couldn't even write the word "Su", he pretended to be serious and replied, "Oh, this word" Su "has a grass prefix on it, a word" Fish "on the left and a word" Wo "on the right. Fo Yin also asked in a confused way, "Oh, what if there is a' valley' on the left and a' fish' on the right under the grass prefix? Su Dongpo said, "Let's say' Sue'. Fo Yin also said, "How about putting the fish on the grass?" Su Dongpo quickly said, "Oh, that won't do!" Fo Yin smiled and said, "Good! You say it's not good to put the fish on it, then take it off! Su Dongpo suddenly woke up! Fo Yin said, eating his plate of mullet.
On one occasion, when Fo Yin was in the temple and knew that Su Dongpo was coming, he steamed a plate of mullet. Su Dongpo just came in. Fo Yin thought, last time you played a joke on me, I'm going to give you a hard time today. There happened to be a chime beside him, so he put the fish in.
Su Dongpo saw it long ago and pretended not to know. As soon as I sat down, I sighed on purpose. Knowing that Su Dongpo was optimistic, Fo Yin asked doubtfully, "Taishou, why are you so sad today? Su Dongpo replied, "Alas, monk, you don't know. In the morning, I want to write a couplet. Who knows, just after writing the first couplet, the second couplet will be difficult. I can't think of it all the time, so I'm very upset! Fo Yin asked, "I don't know what the first part is? Su Dongpo replied: "The first part of the couplet is' Spring Arrives at Xiangyang Gate'. Fo Yin was amused when he heard this: This couplet was pasted on every family, but he used it to make fun of me. I don't know what medicine is sold in the gourd of Su Dong. So he said quietly, "I'll give it to you, right?" The bottom line is "this is not just a celebration to accumulate outstanding talents." Su Dongpo even shouted: "Oh, a talented person is a talented person! So you have fish (surplus) in Qing! Come on, take it out and eat it. " Fo Yin this just suddenly enlighted, obediently took out the fish from the hands of the qing.
Third, when Yu Qian was a child, he tied his hair into two buns, and a monk laughed at him.
"Niutou is happy to have a dragon horn."
Yu Qian immediately answer:
"Can dogs produce ivory?"
But after Yu Qian came home, he told his mother that she would comb him into a triangle immediately; Yu Qian went out and met a monk. The monk laughed at him again.
"The triangle is like a drum stand"
Yu Qian replied:
"Bald people are like a hammer."
The monk was speechless.
Third, Chang 'e loves Green Lang.
Once upon a time, there was an aide who had a beautiful daughter, and Shang Feng motioned to her many times to marry her as a concubine. The assistant didn't dare to disobey him, but he was afraid of wronged his daughter. He is hesitating with his wife. When he was sad, his daughter came to meet him. When he saw it, he asked his parents what they were thinking. Parents must tell the truth.
The daughter was brilliant and filial to her parents. She had a brainwave and said to her parents, "I have three conditions. First, I have not only the orders of my parents, but also the words of the matchmaker. I should ask the maharaja to act as matchmaker. " Second, the bride price should have treasures such as rose gems and yellow pearls; Third, before entering the bridal chamber, you must make a pair. If one of the three is missing, I will never marry him. "
Father nodded and said yes. The next day, I reported to the senior officials, who answered them one by one. On the wedding day, the luxurious style is self-evident. After the guests dispersed, the official stepped into the bridal chamber, but was stopped by the maid-in-waiting and let them pair up. I saw on the red note: bamboo reflects peach blossoms, and gentlemen are greedy for red powder. The big officer looked at the font of son, but it was not worthy at the moment, so he moved to the yard. Just as I was looking up at the bright moon in the sky and chanting, a subordinate came over and asked, "What's wrong with adults not entering the bridal chamber and singing poetry in a good mood?" The official told him about the claim. After listening to it, the subordinates praised it again and again, and the couplets were unique. Bamboo is called a gentleman, and pink peach blossom is a pun. Inevitably, it is also conceived silently.
At this time, the stars and the moon were shining and the shadows were dancing, which suddenly touched the inspiration of subordinates. I saw him shaking his head and chanting: The moon wears willows, and Chang 'e once loved Tsing Yi Lang.
The official company said, "Great! Wonderful! There will be many rewards tomorrow. " Then go directly to the bridal chamber to hand in the papers.
The maid-in-waiting sent a picture, and the girl pondered it. She raised her pen and criticized, "I'm afraid I didn't mean it from my heart, because I was born in the second place in the public sector." The official was ashamed when he saw the comment on writing. He thought for a moment, then resolutely left the bridal chamber, went to the subordinate, called him into the bridal chamber, and gave him all the dowry as a gift.
Fourth, Mr. Li Songer has wooden feet.
It is said that during the Qianlong period of the Qing Dynasty, there were two scholars in Guangdong who thought they were very talented, Li. They traveled together, seeing the mountains and enjoying the scenery all the way, which was very uncomfortable. I was tired and thirsty after swimming for a long time. I saw a monk in his seventies enjoying the cool in the shade in front of him, with a gourd beside him, and went forward to beg for water to drink.
The old monk looked at the two men and said, What are your names? There is water, but you have to match it before you can drink it. The two scholars readily agreed and introduced themselves as Li and Song. Hearing this, the old monk embedded their surnames in couplets and said that Mr. Li Songer was a wooden foot. After hearing this, the two scholars laughed at themselves when they saw the couplets, but they didn't get them right for a long time. Not only did they have no water to drink, but they got bored and left.
This story has been circulated among the people for hundreds of years. In the 1980s, a reader of Guangdong Farmers' Daily made up this story and threw it into the newspaper. There are 36 lovers of couplets, among which only Huang Wenchang, a reader from Yangchun County, is right.
His bottom line is: Miss Gong Pang, the dragon head and the dragon body.