Confucius said: People who have no friends are not as good as themselves.
This is the basis of making friends, but it is also the most easily misunderstood place.
Some people think that since I don't make friends with people who are weaker than myself, people who are stronger than me will think so and don't make friends with me.
In fact, people are divided into three classes, each with its own height. This is not the standard for making friends.
People who have no friends are less inclined to subjective idealism than themselves. They are friends who do not take the initiative to disagree with the three views. The emphasis here is not initiative, and the three views are inconsistent. If the underachievers take the initiative to learn from the advanced, know that they learn from Siqi, persist in choosing the good, and learn from others, then people who are better than me will be happy to be my friends. The inconsistency of the three views refers to the different understanding and cognition of things other than themselves, which has nothing to do with the material itself.
Zhu Mu, a poet in the Eastern Han Dynasty, was a friend of Liu Bozong. He was not arrogant and rude because of Liu's humble position, but took care of him everywhere and recommended Liu to be an official. However, after Liu came to power, he lost his noble and honest qualities and became greedy and mean. Zhu Mu's visit was also rejected. All the old friends have gone, leaving only an abomination. I wrote angrily and broke up with Liu.
A friend is a person who needs encouragement and then walks together because of the coincidence of three views, but each has its own shortcomings. If the initial heart changes, it will not be the same. As the saying goes, there are different ways, shortcomings and solutions.
In the Southern Song Dynasty, Lu Xiangshan warned his disciples that what people mean is what they have learned and what they have learned. When you meet people, you must first listen to what they say and how to say it. Understand his habits from his words and perceive his ambitions from his habits. Know his habits, his nature, his ambition. You can choose your friends easily.
During the Three Kingdoms period, Yuan Shao raised the banner against Dong, and Guo Jia, a famous man, went to help. Yuan Shao is very respectful to him and treats him as a guest of honor. But Guo Jia saw from Yuan Shao's words that Yuan Shao was not a reliable person. He said to his counselor Guo Tu, "Yuan Shao is obviously imitating Corporal Li Xian, the Duke of Zhou, but he didn't focus on what he said. He often talks about his family. He likes to ask his advisers for advice, but it is difficult to make a decision. Such people are too ambitious to achieve great things. " Soon, Guo Jia left.
Language is the expression of thinking, and the characteristics of speaking are the characteristics of being a man.
When choosing friends, we should know people not only from words, but also from actions. Specific to something, we can start from these three angles: for what purpose, in what way, and whether this person is at ease.
Their motives and intentions can be seen from the purpose of doing things; It can be seen from the way that his behavior tends to be psychological; Whether you are at ease or not can show whether your will is firm or not. From these three angles, this person is more real.
Since friends support each other and strive for progress, don't blindly obey and do what you like.
A gentle friend is usually considerate and willing to help others. But such people often have no clear subjective judgment and don't like to make decisions. When you get along with them, try to inspire them to think independently and encourage them to make choices.
Firm and persistent friends are usually independent and self-reliant, but they also have the habit of sticking to their own opinions. Treat them, don't forcefully refute them. From their point of view, clarify the advantages and disadvantages and respect their choices.
Friends who are not good at words can't be forced to talk. You can ask him about a topic, or express your opinion on something. If they are interested, they will naturally talk to you.
In fact, as long as you treat each other sincerely and care about each other, how friends get along is similar.
When you are alive, choose three or five friends to support and encourage each other. Isn't it beautiful?