Vaguely abandoned by her mother since childhood, only she and her father lived alone. Father and daughter live in a brick house without a gate, and make a living by farming and collecting junk, so the house is full of all kinds of junk. When taking a bath, there is no door in the toilet. I am vaguely afraid that passers-by will mistakenly think that no one is breaking in and sing loudly while taking a shower; I studied hard at school, but I was always bullied and framed by some girls and expelled from school twice. Finally, I was admitted to the university with good grades, thinking that the good days were coming, but I suffered from moderate and severe depression. Universities have been on the verge of extreme collapse for countless times in four years. ...
But fuzzy also has her own dreams. She is eager to be a writer and publish her own books one day. Now, she is getting closer and closer to her dream.
The origin of the pseudonym "faint light"
One night, she went for a walk in the wild. It's cold outside and it's dark all around. She saw vague and undulating shadows in the distance. In her memory, it was a huge grave. The idea made her nervous and sweaty. Suddenly there was a light in the distance. Maybe it's a family that gets up at night and turns on the light. This faint light made her feel at ease, so she had a flash of light and named herself faint.
"I hope that my words, like this light, can give off a little warmth when others are most desperate. Even if this light is weak and warm, it will not make people fall into the night of complete despair."
Writing is my salvation.
Vaguely, I started writing this year. At first, I wrote more diaries and twittering ideas, and not many people paid attention to them. "At first I wrote it just to express my feelings, and then if one day, I can't stand depression and commit suicide, then my words will be seen by some people. Maybe a few people who know me will know that I am not cowardly enough to commit suicide. I'm really fed up with despair of life. You see, I even care about the evaluation after death. "
Later, the faint story was known by more and more people. Many people, like me, read all the articles she wrote in one breath, and they felt distressed and respected this girl from the heart. Many people began to encourage her and comfort her, and vaguely found that their mood was getting better. "That's why I would say that writing is my salvation."
Someone once said to me, "I always have a hunch that if you can persist in your present suffering and get through this fucking day, you will shine brilliantly, so you must persist." To put it simply, that's how she supported herself all the way up to now.
A sudden burst of red
I once wrote an explosive article "What was I thinking when I was 27 years old", which gained more than 70,000 readings, nearly 5,000 likes and 350 people's appreciation.
When I mentioned this red explosion, I vaguely said that red and red explosion are actually two different concepts. Red means that this person is famous, and red means that this person is suddenly famous. She prefers the former because it is more precipitation and lasting. "I think the best state of writing is that I can write what I want to write, but at the same time I can make money."
Vaguely speaking, most people are not great men, and neither is she. "Maybe many people think it's a bit tacky to associate words with money, but it's not. In today's society, the standard for affirming a person is to see if he has money, and everyone can't avoid customs. But in fact, there are conditions for writing to make money. There is no shame in trying to make money by writing. It's a shame that you write just to make money. "
The torment of depression
It took me several years to get out of depression. Although it still recurs from time to time, the most painful years have passed after all. For faint, the deepest feeling during that time was pain. "That kind of pain now happens occasionally, and it will break me down in just a few hours, but a few years ago, I always felt that kind of pain. I feel that I am dying all the time, just like being immersed in a night that will never dawn, just like being surrounded by ice and snow. "
The vagueness of depression is not useless. Most of the so-called depression is caused by their own psychological reasons. If you can get out of depression, you will meet a better self. "I hope that all people who are troubled by depression, whether you are five years or ten years, will firmly believe that they can come out and never give up hope."
She had just resigned from her last job when the interview was dizzy. Because of depression, she didn't do every job for a long time, which also added a lot of resistance to her later job search.
Referring to the present situation, she vaguely said that she was not very satisfied. Not only am I unemployed, but I also have no money. I'm hard up everywhere, and I live by borrowing money from my friends. "Fortunately, writing can improve my mood. When I am in a bad state, I clean the room, do housework, cook, pack things, or take selfies to distract myself and divert my bad mood. "
However, she still has her own plans for the future. She hopes to find a new job, adjust her mood, insist on writing articles and find a boyfriend. "This kind of life is very difficult, but I have to go on."
Although faint words sometimes give people some negative energy, I can always see the faint light behind her negative energy. Although this light is very weak, I know that it can light up some people's hearts, which is great enough in itself.
I also hope that I can get rid of depression completely one day. I also hope that people who are suffering from depression can get inspiration from this article. I hope that there will be more sunshine and less smog around us.
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