Tell a joke about my husband: Last Valentine's Day, I asked him to buy some steaks. I wrote him a note for fear that he would forget it before going out. At dinner, he said that when he went to LOBLAW to buy steak, he told the clerk two T-steaks. The clerk was shocked. He thought the clerk didn't hear him clearly, so he repeated, "T-bone steak, please!" Hearing this, the clerk was stunned! My husband saw the clerk standing there and quickly handed me the note. The young man looked at it and wrote: T-shaped steak! It's my husband's turn to petrify, which is embarrassing.
3. When I first came here, I saw that there were no cigarettes in front of many buildings ... I sincerely lamented ... Canada is good, smoking is free ... my friends are sweating like a pig. ......
4. The first time I called a taxi ... The other party asked where you came from ... I answered China, but I was still surprised that taxis were divided into nationalities. The other party may think I'm joking and say, I'm sorry, we can't do this ... when I hear it ... I'm angry ... how can there be racial discrimination? I asked: why ~? The other party stared blankly for a long time and hung up the phone. .....
About my friend, once, she went to buy pizza and was asked to choose ingredients. She asked for mushrooms, but she said MashMaro (rogue rabbit), and she was crazy ~ ~
6. Tell an interesting story
A friend who just arrived in the United States went to new york and wanted to see the Statue of Liberty, but he didn't know the way, so he caught a white man on the side of the road.
-Hey, do you know where that free woman is?
White old leng along while, prevaricated.
I ... don't know ... let me know when you know.
7. Write a letter backwards and return home after two days of mailing. ...................
8. I went to KFC one day and asked for mashed potatoes, but I couldn't say it. Right there, the cashier shouted potato sauce.
She thought I was an idiot,
Then, Julia gave me seven or eight ketchup. ........
Despise ~ ~ ~
9. I cupped foreigners in Canada, but cupping is easy to drop and my English is not good. I explained that you have too much hair. Hearing this, he smiled: this is hair, not fur, and fur is for animals. I laughed too.
10. One day I saw a personal photo racket inserted in front of the house where I lived, thinking that the landlord was going to sell the house. The man in the photo is a real estate agent.
The next day, I suddenly found that the same brand was inserted around, thinking that this agent was powerful. It doesn't feel right to go out for a day Everywhere he went, he was selling his house. It's too NB I haven't seen all the houses in the city monopolized by a broker overnight. I didn't know ...................................... until I studied. Shit, the election advertisement .......... Khan.
1 1. My friend's father quarreled with a ghost, and the ghost scolded him. He replied: Double fucking fierce ~
12. My friend didn't know anyone when he first arrived, so he tried to make friends in class. One day, he thought a white buddy was very nice, so he wanted his phone number. He wanted to be friends in the future and asked, What's your phone number? The white man said: Ten. (The Canadian number is ten digits)
13. A man came to pay back the money and went to the bank to say that he would transfer money directly from him. He said, "Put the money in my card into her card" || ................................................................................................................... Very funny
14. When I first came, I went to Burger King for dinner. After ordering hamburgers, people asked me if I wanted sauce. I said yes, and people asked, what kind? I forgot I said something about ketchup. I thought for a long time and came up with a jam. People still don't understand it. Finally, I said in anger, it's up to you.
15. I went to a bar when I first came to Canada. . I brought a beautiful one. She stayed abroad for a long time. . . I saw her hanging, so I pretended to be handsome and went over to ask her for a drink. I asked her what to drink, and she said. . Sex on the beach ... but it's so noisy that I don't even know the name of the wine in the bar. Sounds like a son of a bitch ... I froze, and then the sexy bartender at the bar was waiting for me to order wine. I turned around and shouted, can I have a son of a bitch ... I don't want to recall.
16. I live in a homestay and want to take a bath. After talking to the landlord, the landlord said go ahead. I was wondering if I could go.
Hahaha! ! ! ! ! !
17. once I bought a ticket, the staff asked me one way? I replied: no, two ways ... he asked me several times, and my answer was still the same. . . As a result, the man looked at me very depressed ~ ~ ~ only later did he know that he was still thinking in Chinese ~ ~ ~ I interpreted his meaning as One way= one? We are two people, so two-way equals two.
18. When I went to Chinatown for porridge for the first time, the waiters all spoke Cantonese. I ordered a fruit (fried dough sticks) and a bowl of porridge. Soon the waiter brought a glass of orange juice. I thought it was delivered, but I didn't say anything. The porridge is ready, but the fritters haven't come yet. When you are ready to check out, complain to the waiter that you didn't eat fruit. The waiter said, didn't you drink your "juice"
19. It suddenly occurred to me that another friend told a joke about a little brother in Northeast China when he was in a language school, but the boy meant well. .
My little brother almost got home after class that day, but when he saw two cars colliding, he called the police out of kindness. "Hello, my name is XXX, and one car is fucking another. I saw the red water, and PLZ Cal Wuli Wuli is here."
Explain that a car fucked a car is a car accident, red water. He wants to say blood, wuliwuli is an ambulance, because that's the sound of an ambulance. . .
In fact, what he wants to say is: there was a car accident here, and someone was involved. PLZ called an ambulance. What's the worst? The police actually know that police cars and ambulances will arrive soon. . . Cow! ! !
20. A friend of mine said that a friend who doesn't know English just arrived in Toronto, went out alone and got lost. Call him. He said it doesn't matter if you spell the name of your place for me. His friend spelled "S-T-O-P" letter by letter, and my friend was overjoyed on the spot!
2 1. One that comes to mind is that a classmate went to McDonald's for the first time.
As a result, when I went in, I nervously said loudly: I want this Han Baobao, pointing at me while talking.
The other party was at a loss, and my classmate repeated it n times. ...
22. A friend came to Canada for steak for the first time. The waiter asked how would you like your steak? My friend didn't understand. When he listened to others' orders, he said it was average, and he thought, "I can't learn from them."
He just told the waiter, RatchPlath.
The waiter paused and said, sorry, we don't have that. Then he said, give me a small one, please.
The waiter was shocked again and said, sorry, we don't have this.
All his friends around him are worried. Tell him how you want your steak done. He casually said, 80%. The waiter said blankly, sorry, we don't have that. ............
23. Not long after I came here, BMO called me and introduced many things about banking services. I kept saying "OK, OK, OK", and then she kept saying 10- 15 minutes. It seemed that I didn't understand the meaning at all, and then she said, "I'm sorry, I didn't understand."
24. When I first came to Canada, I didn't know anyone at school, and then I ate by myself at noon. I heard from my classmates that the coffee at home was very good, and then I wanted to buy it. Then I went to a French restaurant in the wrong place and sat down to order the cheapest one.
I don't know how to pay the bill after dinner. Then I saw a man at the next table say ... Bill.
I heard the word bill, and then I called the waiter and said
I'm finished, Bilbil ~
Then he made a pistol gesture with his hand to show the woman.
Then people got scared. . . Then I called two people over and scared my friends, too.
I explained it for a long time before I went out. . .
25 .. It seems that many people have made jokes in the mail. Therefore, when I was in class, our teacher wanted to send us an email, so we said the email addresses one by one, and it was my turn. I'll just talk about msn dot com in XXXX circle, and then several China classmates around me will sweat ~ ~ ~ ~
26. When I went through the customs, the customs officer asked me what happened because I brought two contact lenses of different colors. At that time, I couldn't speak contact lenses, so I went straight down to show him.
Everyone around you looks depressed.
27. I remember not long after I came to CA, I went to the local farmers' market with some good friends at the weekend and went back to school in two days. The teacher asked us what activities we had at the weekend. A friend who went there dared not compliment her English pronunciation, and she was a girl. She doesn't know English swearing at all, so she said directly to the professor, "We went to the supermarket at the weekend. I almost vomited blood after listening to it. " .........
28. When I first came to McDonald's, I went to dinner without a napkin, and then told others that I wanted paper. The man later gave me a blank sheet of paper and asked if he needed a pen. I fainted for a long time, and then went to the bathroom to wash my hands.
29. This also happened in McDonald's. One of my people is reporting for the first time. He went to Miji to buy bread. He was a good boy until the waiter asked if he wanted to take it here or take it away. When I first came into contact with the word take-away meal, I was lucky. I reacted quickly and understood it immediately, but my mouth was tense. I shouted "Let's go!" "... after the waiter petrified 1 second, he said oK.
At that time, the school forced me to go to church on Sunday, and I couldn't understand the priest. After the service, my teacher kindly told the pastor that my new students should be blessed. Then the priest put his hand on my shoulder and said a bunch of # $% $ #, and I didn't know how to react ~ ~ ~ I put my hand on his shoulder ~ ~ ~ The teacher's mouth became O-shaped.
3 1. A friend told me.
When he first came, he went to M.C. and said, "I want a combo 1".
Just listen to the cashier say "@ # @ ...% ..." (because I'm not used to it).
My friend said "yes"
Then Cash said! #￥%@#￥%"
My friend said "yes"
Later, a China man couldn't help it.
Tell him, "He asked if you want to pay by credit card or cash. What are you talking about? "
anxious
32. And what I heard from my friends. They went to ESL together. There is a big brother who sits in the front row every day and listens to the class very carefully. Then one day the teacher looked at him so seriously that he took the initiative to talk to him in class. The teacher said: How are you? He said: Twenty-two. The teacher put up with it and said, What did you do yesterday? He said: yes ... since then, the teacher has never spoken to him again ~ ~ ~
33. In the second year, I went to the store to buy shoes, and then took them and asked the clerk: Is this beef or pork (I mean pigskin or cowhide). I still remember the expression on the shop assistant's face.
34. I just arrived and went to seneca Gymnasium to play badminton. I can't speak badminton or even gesture, but the doorman still doesn't understand. Urgent! ! !
Say loudly: I want a flying ball, like a bird. Please.
The doorman told me a lot with a confused face. I still don't understand. My friend who went with me told me that she was not responsible for catching birds.
35. My uncle had an accident shortly after he came to Toronto. The police came and asked him how he was doing. He said I stopped, but he didn't, so "Feng"! * BONG* That's the sound of a crash
36. I just came here and went shopping with my father. I bought it and found it cheaper next door. I want to return it. People ask me why I want to return it. My vocabulary is limited, so I pointed to my father and said, "He just wants his money back."
37. When we first arrived, there were three of us, good friends, two women and a man. One day, he went to the market in partnership, and the boy wanted to buy eggplant. He came up and asked, "How much is a kilometer?" Another girl and I felt so humiliated that we quietly avoided him and pretended not to know him.
38. A friend came to Britain to register with the police. My friend's English was not generally poor at that time, and he didn't even know what the police said. But he is still brave, and he plans to go to the police station to register alone. Walking on the road, he grabbed an old man casually and wanted to ask where the police station was. However, his pronunciation is not standard. He uses "please" to describe the police. The old man struggled for a long time and couldn't figure it out. So he was anxious: "Please put on your hat and use your gun!" " As he spoke, he gestured. Finally, the old man understood and replied, "Do you want to call the police? They are everywhere! " He was more anxious, so he said loudly, "no, no, no, I want a group of people to ask them to stand together ..." The old man really understood this time. It turned out that he was looking for a police station! So Grandpa took him to tell the police that the young man from China had poor English and needed help.
39. My friend's boyfriend is fierce. When he first came, he went to the supermarket. People asked him if he wanted to cash back. He thought he still had money to buy things, so he agreed! When people asked him how much he wanted, he told them: the more the better!
40. She went to the store to buy a cotton swab to pull out her ear and asked if you had a condom. The clerk was confused and stood with his hands together. What? My friend immediately took out his ear, condom, condom stick ... After a long performance, the clerk suddenly realized that you were referring to the cotton Q tip? (condoms: condoms)
4 1. When I first came, the boys living in the host family insisted on inviting me to dinner, so they went to McDonald's.
He asked me what you wanted, and I'll give you some.
I said I want the first meal. He said yes, I eat the same as you. As a result, my brother went up and said, "$ Number one tael." The white man who ordered the food didn't understand. He repeated it three times loudly and was very angry.
42. I remember a classmate who came to Britain for the first time, and the entry and exit inspection was very strict. Her mother asked her to bring a Jinhua ham to a friend here, but the dog smelled it and took it to the office. ...
Then the police officer asked her to explain what was wrapped in the newspaper ...
My classmate said that leg ... ...
Then the police officer looked scared and asked "forgive". ....
Then my friend repeated his legs loudly!
She said that I thought at that time that the officer didn't even know ham, and he even drew his legs for a long time. Legs are legs. ...
43. I saw a man telling a joke that his classmate had just gone abroad on the Internet, so I asked him what he was doing recently. He said that he had gone to the movies, and then asked him if there were any good movies. He said there was a movie called Coming Soon in two days.