No one can imagine that now he has become a therapist and has fallen into depression. How did he complete the transformation from a patient to a therapist? How do people with deep depression save their lives? Let's listen to his story, which may bring us more spiritual strength.
It is really hard for people who have never experienced depression to feel that kind of despair and helplessness. Many people think that the outbreak of depression is a specific stimulating event, which actually lies in the unresolved contradictions and conflicts accumulated in the heart. When trying to solve contradictions and get rid of depression, they found that all efforts were futile, and the black hole of depression was too difficult to fill.
Wang Yu has been depressed since the second day of junior high school. The reason is that his parents divorced that year, and he has been living with his mother ever since. In his account, he called his father and mother "the same enemy". It can be seen that the divorce of parents is only the cause of his depression, and the long-term family disharmony is the key to his cognitive problems and inner contradictions.
Maybe he also realized that depression had an earlier source, so he analyzed his past self. In fact, his personality was torn apart. He has a strong self and a weak self in his body.
He is weak at school and always worried about being bullied, but he is strong in front of his neighbors. He is a contradiction. Sometimes he doesn't want to go to school. In order to escape from reality, he always fantasizes about his greatness and brings himself some comfort through this spiritual victory method. But in real life, he still feels inferior.
His past achievements are not bad, and he has won some attention and confidence with his achievements and popularity. But in this year, he collapsed. His self-confidence in the past was won by his grades, which was not solid in itself. He will never find happiness again, and he will be more closed and inferior from now on. He began to lose concentration, didn't want to make friends, was not interested in anything, was depressed, and began to be afraid of going to school. He felt that he would never find himself again.
In addition to psychological sadness, he also has some physical symptoms, such as the muscles in his shoulders are always inexplicably tense and unable to relax.
It is human instinct to escape pain. In order to escape these tortures and pains, Wang Yu became problem of juvenile, who was addicted to games all day. His purpose at that time was to escape from reality, stay away from pain and gain inner peace. But as everyone knows, what he did made him farther and farther away from everything in reality. He feels like an empty shell, with no direction and no future, which further leads him to want to be divorced from reality. He is getting farther and farther away from himself in the past, and he doesn't know himself now.
Besides Wang Yu himself, his family is also suffering. His teachers and mother were disappointed in him, and he had to pretend to relax in response to them.
He also tried to ask for help, but everyone told him: don't think too much, just study hard.
People with depression always fantasize that they will be different in a new environment and everything can start again, but when they really come into contact with reality, they flee from the scene in a hurry. Therefore, it turns out that fantasy and expectation are useless. Only by putting your feet on the ground into life can you know your true appearance.
When Wang Yu was in high school, most people in his class were from the countryside, while he was from the city, so at first, it gave him a sense of superiority, but in a few days, this sense of superiority disappeared.
With the passage of time, Wang Yuben should have become more and more familiar with his classmates, and his interpersonal relationship would be better and better, but because of depression, Wang Yu was afraid. When you are unfamiliar, your unsociable shortcomings will not be exposed, but when you are familiar, these will be exposed. It's like some people with depression always work in one place for less than three months, and then change jobs in a hurry to escape. These feelings are similar, and you will feel safe in a strange environment. In an environment like high school, Wang Yu was afraid of being seen through by others, so he forced himself to make some friends, but not out of initiative, but out of fear.
In this state, Wang Yue has been unable to concentrate on his studies, has a strong sense of alienation from reality, and has become more self-abased, autistic and evasive.
The feeling of inferiority made him suppress himself extremely, which led him to avoid interpersonal relationships more. There is something wrong with his mentality, but his strategy is to escape again and again, and he has become a frequent visitor to Internet cafes. He thought that escaping from reality could solve the problem, but he didn't know that the problem would only get worse.
In fact, at this time, Wang Yu didn't know he had depression.
One day in high school, the school suddenly issued a mental health education manual. Wang Yu saw the manifestations of depression: despair, no interest in anything, physical tension and so on. Only then did I know that I was suffering from depression.
But for this accidental opportunity, he would never know what happened to him. Seeing this booklet, he knew that he could become sunny and cheerful again, and his heart ignited ardent hopes.
However, depression followed. In a small city in Northeast China in the late 1990s, there was no psychological consultation institution at all, which shattered all hopes at once.
Wang Yu began to seriously doubt life. He wants to know why he has this damn depression. He began to struggle and think back to the past. What kind of experience makes him so weak and inferior now?
Once, in his sleep, he vaguely saw his mother combing her hair in front of the mirror, looking pale. She just had a quarrel with her father. At this time, Wang Yu only felt that his mother was like a ghost: an empty shell tortured to have no expectation of life.
Although it is a small dream, it hints at Wang Yu's childhood tone and life background. He also fantasized about disfiguring his father and revenging his mother when he grew up. It can be seen that the unbearable, chaotic and contradictory family relationship has a great influence on Wang Yu. He once wrote that lying, reconnaissance, fighting and divorce were the main themes of his childhood.
In the first month of Grade Two, Wang Yu spent all his time in Internet cafes and video halls. He runs back and forth between the city and the county. One day, when the money was running out, he looked at the pedestrians in the street and asked himself: What am I doing?
At this moment, when he feels the fireworks, he is willing to press the pause button to think about his life. He has been thinking about what the values of escaping from everything for many years have brought him, avoiding inferiority and social interaction. In the end, the problem has not been solved. He still can't see hope, still can't make friends normally, and depression is still controlling him.
Therefore, he didn't want to stay in a daze. He felt that he spent his family's money at school, didn't want to study, and lived a meaningless life. So he wants to drop out of school and earn some money himself. More importantly, he feels that he can start a new life at work.
He made a decision to quit school, but he struggled for a long time because he had to face his mother's disappointment, but he felt that the road to school was impassable, so he made up his mind to enter the society.
At that time, Wang Yu's heart was extremely painful.
"Breakthrough, flash, gloom and despair, I am bound, tortured and torn by this reincarnation ... where is my future? Where is my hope? Who can tell me? Countless shouts have only brought death-like peace, no feedback, no dawn. "
He didn't know what to do after dropping out of school. At that time, a flood in the countryside washed away my aunt's rice fields, so he took the initiative to help and worked for two months. In the past two months, he got up early and got greedy every day, and no longer worried about his emotions. He thinks everything can start over. Unexpectedly, as soon as I got back to the city, everything made a comeback.
Facts have proved that forcing yourself to be too busy to think about things will only achieve short-term results. If the core of pain is not solved, despair will find you sooner or later. This way can't really calm your heart.
After returning to the city, Wang Yu began to look for a job, but he didn't have academic qualifications and skills, and even dared not go for an interview. One day, he finally got up the courage to go to a bar for an interview, but two bars turned him down in succession.
But he didn't give up. He kept looking for a job, and finally found a job as a food delivery clerk in a hot pot restaurant. Working hours are from 9 am to 9 pm. When there are no guests in the morning, I will be responsible for choosing dishes and preparing tableware. After I am busy, I will stand in the lobby to greet the guests and say "Welcome". These words embarrassed Wang Yu. At work, he wants to send food to the guests' table. He always sent it to the wrong place nervously and was scolded by the foreman. Therefore, he can't relax all day, nor after lunch, and he is always worried about work at night.
Simple work is very stressful for him. He always feels that he is not energetic enough, and he is always slow and clumsy, unable to win the favor of others. Society is not easy at all, and Wang Yu feels that he is suffering every day.
If it's just this kind of suffering, that's fine, but there is a new colleague who is glib and everyone likes him very much. Wang Yu felt more incompetent, but at the moment he was still holding on painfully. One day, a colleague deliberately made trouble, and Wang Yu quarreled with him and almost started. This contradiction also cost Wang Yu his job.
After losing his job, Wang Yu became more suspicious of life. He feels that he can't even do the simplest work well, and he doesn't know how to gain a foothold in society.
After losing his job, Wang Yu has been thinking about the meaning of living, because it is the third year of his anti-depression, and he still can't see any hope, but he still persists painfully.
In order to get rid of depression, he used Internet cafes to escape from reality at first. Now, he hopes to start a new life by falling in love with others. But love was abandoned in just one day, which once again gave him a strong self-denial: you are nothing, you are a loser and a poor person.
He hates depression very much. He thinks that depression makes him farther and farther away from his normal life. At this time, he thought of suicide. He thinks that death is the only way to get rid of despair and helplessness.
If his parents divorced, dropped out of school and lost their jobs made him miserable, then being abandoned directly led him to death.
He bought 200 sleeping pills and went home to prepare his last dinner: two bottles of beer and a shrimp. Thinking about his depression and weakness, thinking about his own life, thinking about his mother's future life, he swallowed sleeping pills in one breath.
After waking up, he lay on the kang, and was told by his mother that he had just washed his stomach and slept for a day and a night, but he had no impression at all.
For the sake of his mother, he vowed not to do stupid things again, but he still couldn't get rid of the idea of suicide. He has been brewing "death".
He started his trip to Dalian with 150 yuan and wanted to end his life in the sea.
After the trough of life and death, the window of Wang Yu's soul was opened for the first time. That is, on the train to Dalian, he met several veterans and listened to their experiences as soldiers. He admired and admired them.
After getting off the train, he wanted to take a taxi directly to the seaside to end his life, but he was attracted by the scenery on the road. He watched all this curiously. If he stays in his small city, he may never see such a city and such a scenery.
He fumbled, fumbled and watched, and suddenly he saw a big billboard with the words "psychological consultation" written on it and a service phone.
In an instant, Wang Yu felt saved, and he never wanted to go to the seaside to commit suicide. He got up the courage to dial the psychological consultation phone, and told his symptoms on the other end of the phone: suicide, despair, depression, helplessness ... The person on the other end of the phone said: You should exercise more and get in touch with people more. ...
Although Wang Yu understood the truth, after listening to the words of the professionals, he felt more at ease and firmly believed that he was still saved, so he hoped to rekindle.
So, he decided not to die, and decisively used the remaining money to buy a return ticket. ...
A trip to Dalian made Wang Yu realize that even a painful life can find the meaning of living in pain. After returning from Dalian, he never committed suicide again. Because there is a favorite mother and a love.
Living with hope and despair, finally one day, he saw the dawn, when he had dropped out of school for two years. By chance, he watched a talk show "Favorite, Why Suicide". The interviewees are two Peking University students who attempted suicide due to depression. One of the students wanted to end her life in Taishan. When she arrived in Taishan, she didn't have enough money to buy a ticket. Knowing the reason why she came to Taishan, the staff sent her back to school. Later, after three months of treatment, the female student finally recovered, so she boldly took to the TV and called on the whole society to pay attention to psychological problems.
After watching this program, Wang Yu was excited to think that Beijing can treat depression. So he went to Beijing with his mother. They first went to Peking University to see if they could find these two students, and no one knew about them, but it was normal that communication was not developed at that time. Finally, a kind classmate suggested that he go to Peking University Hospital. After indicating his intention to the doctor, the doctor recommended him to the Sixth Hospital of Peking University to treat depression.
At that time, when Wang Yu went to the psychiatric department of the Sixth Hospital of Peking University, there were many patients, which strengthened his confidence in healing. Peking University Sixth Hospital was one of the few hospitals in Beijing to treat mental illness at that time, so he also firmly believed that he had come to the right place.
When he saw a doctor, his mood was very excited and complicated, as if he would be reborn in the next second. He told his "story" to the doctor and was finally told by the doctor that he was suffering from mild depression. The doctor prescribed some medicine and told him not to come to Beijing specially in the future, and to go directly to the mental hospital in Changchun.
Only some medicine was given all the way to the doctor, and Wang Yu fell into despair again.
After returning to his hometown, Wang took medicine for a month, but his condition did not improve, his mood was still low, his sense of alienation from reality still existed, and his inferiority and self-denial remained the same, so Wang Yu completely gave up seeking medical treatment.
He has been practicing according to the method in the book Out of Depression written by a British psychologist. Wang Yu started a long-distance race, running 5 kilometers every day. Tired as he is, it is nothing compared with despair.
Besides running, he will play football with others. Although it is difficult to be together and he doesn't know what to say, all he knows is that he will never get better if he avoids the crowd.
After doing this for a month, he knocked on the door of his former good friend's house. He was afraid that his friends would look down on him and deliberately avoided his friends for so many years, but as soon as they met, his friends cried. Where have you been? Why can't I find you for so many years?
Wang Yu is breaking through himself step by step. He also told his friends about his psychological obstacles. Although his friends don't particularly understand him, they always support and encourage him.
From then on, Wang Yu was no longer so lonely and autistic. He gradually learned to get in touch with people, encourage himself from small things, slowly accept his shortcomings and deficiencies, and stop criticizing himself in reality with ideal standards.
He also prepared a notebook to record daily mood swings, things that affect his mood, his thoughts at that time, and then evaluate his thoughts instead of completely denying himself as before.
He also realized that the brain's evaluation of himself only represents the brain, not himself, and must not accept the evaluation of the brain in its entirety.
Slowly, Wang Yu began to do what he wanted to do before. Although various unreasonable beliefs and self-deprecating ideas appeared in the process, he learned not to believe them easily, but to work hard to verify whether these ideas are reasonable with facts.
He also began to become no longer escapist, no longer immersed in fantasy. He often goes shopping and plays cards with friends after work. Socialization brought him a lot of happiness and made him feel the real life.
Although there are many bumps and troubles in real life, it is better than being immersed in your own world.
Wang Yu, who came out slowly, began to think about his future. He felt that he could not stay in the factory all his life. At this time, I have been back from Beijing for one year, and I have been out of school for three years, which is not small.
He has been thinking: am I still suitable for going back to high school at my age? Will you be laughed at? Can I stand up from where I failed? By the time I was admitted to the university, all my classmates had graduated from the university.
After a struggle, Wang Yu returned to high school. In order to completely solve his psychological problems, he studied psychology in college.
Once the seeds of hope are planted, they set sail from now on.
Now, it has been more than ten years since he wanted to go to college to study psychology. Wang Yu changed from a depressed patient to a psychological counselor. For so many years, he has never given up his dream and has been firmly alive.
Now, he has found a greater meaning to live, that is, to save more people who are as mired as he is.