Sometimes in retrospect, many people will find that our life is actually very sad. Parents found the choice of school in middle school, filled in their volunteers in the college entrance examination and chose the city where they worked. Even many people's marriage partners are not like it or not. Parents and relatives think it's suitable and perfect, that's fine.
But is it really good to let nature take its course? No, it will make us lose ourselves step by step and finally live as a continuation of our parents' lives.
Cai Kangyong said that if your parents' wishes happen to be your wishes, congratulations to your family. If they have 500 million property for you to inherit, you are willing to inherit, and everyone is happy; They have 500 million debts for you to inherit, and you are willing to inherit, and everyone is happy; They want you to marry the British prince, and you are willing to marry, and everyone is happy; They want you to marry an English frog, and everyone is happy if you are willing to marry. But it is very likely that your parents' wishes are different from yours. They want you to marry an English frog, but you want to marry an Australian kangaroo. Can't everyone be happy at this time?
Cai Kangyong tells you in his new book Because this is your life that you can still be happy when your wishes are contrary to those of your parents.
Because this is your life is a new book published by Cai Kangyong in February, 2065. This book, as conveyed by Kang himself, is really "like a book" after reading it. It helps us find a person who makes us feel like a spring breeze, and at the same time makes us become a person who makes us feel like a spring breeze.
This book mainly describes that in a bar, a good-looking bartender and a washed-up host meet all kinds of drunk people and talk to them, which leads to solutions under different interpersonal relationships. Interesting and lovely cat illustrations and 26 humorous stories teach you how to resolve interpersonal conflicts in a gentle way that doesn't hurt people, heal the painful memories brought by family background, and learn how to love others in intimate relationships.
Many times, we are wronged because our choices are never our own, and this book by Cai Kangyong will tell you how to make our choices our own, live comfortably and make people feel like spring breeze.
If you want to eat bread or fried dough sticks, you can answer that you are not hungry, and you don't want to eat at the moment. When asked whether the other half you like is taller or shorter than yourself, you can reply that it doesn't matter whether you are tall or short, and speaking is more important. This answer means that we have a choice, and the answer is not just a choice. Free choice can make us feel the happiness brought by choice.
When many families are hesitant to have a child or a second child, Kang Hui, a famous host of CCTV, chose Dink. The education we have received since childhood always tells us that it is either one or the other, but few people tell us that there is a third choice for the answer to life. Maybe the third option is what you want.
We often face such moments in our lives, thinking that we can't skip classes, that we can't quit our jobs, and that we can't go through divorce. As long as we have no choice, we will feel pain involuntarily.
This kind of pain itself is a kind of torture, but when you follow your heart and make the choices you want, you will feel happy and happy.
1900 In the famous movie Legend, the hero 1900 was born in the sea and was abandoned. He has lived at sea all his life. When he was young, his stepfather Danny told him that "adults who have no children on land will be sent to orphanages". When he first met his friend Max, he simply said this sentence. Max and piano genius 1900 became good friends and advised him to get off the boat more than once. He described to him the beauty and openness of the outside world, that he could make a lot of money through the piano, and then buy a big house, get married and have children.
Maybe for a man like Max, that's the life people should yearn for, but 1900 told him by refusing to get off the boat and giving his life that piano and music were his choices, and once he left this pure ship, his heart would become impure and he could no longer play the sounds of nature at will. 1900 Legend defended the last soul of music with his own life. This is his choice.
Cai Kangyong said in "Because this is your life" that we were born with no choice, and finally we didn't choose when to die. At both ends of this life and death, we are eager to give ourselves more choices.
And these choices should be your own choices.
Cai Kangyong once said in "The Story of Qipa": "If you want to draw a circle, the inside and outside of the circle will appear at the same time at the moment of drawing the circle. Without the outside, there is no way to have the inside, and there is no way to form that circle. "
In other words, there is no so-called others, and there is no way to form the so-called self.
If we really want to be ourselves, we must be ourselves surrounded by others.
This book describes the self as follows:
And Cai Kangyong himself is a person who interprets this true "being yourself" very well.
Li Dan once commented on Cai Kangyong: Talking and chatting are as comfortable as a sofa. He just lives so comfortably and doesn't suppress his emotions.
Cai Kangyong, whether he is a program host or an interview, or a tutor of Seven Parnassus Tales, most of the time states his views and ideas with faint expressions. Some people may say that it will seem cold, but he himself says that he is being himself. Once upon a time, some people would think that dad looked cold if he followed his story, but later I found that as long as the debater's expression was enough to impress him, he sometimes laughed and sometimes cried.
Cai Kangyong has been being himself, being the most comfortable self, not pandering to flattery, but being comfortable.
Sometimes listening to him express his views is really like a spring breeze. Just like in the book "Because this is your life", the words he uses are different from the chicken soup for the soul that we have been exposed to before. Every time we open a short story, we will be curious about who this "dead host" will meet and what he will teach us.
Not only in the program, in life, and even in books, Cai Kangyong explained to us by "being himself". Only when you have a choice and make your own choices can you guide others to see you, and you can make yourself comfortable and others comfortable. Being able to make your own choices is to be yourself.
You can't be yourself without others.
In our life choices, parents and friends are two indispensable "others".
What kind of people should we choose to be friends with? What if our parents interfere with our choices? These are all problems that we often encounter in our lives. How to use the magic of emotional intelligence to solve these problems and make the other person "like a spring breeze" is the highest realm of self-choice.
0 1 About friends
Cai Kangyong told us in "Because this is your life":
First, making friends is different from shopping. You will carefully choose a washing machine or diamond ring that feels perfect, but you are unlikely to want to make friends with someone who feels perfect.
Secondly, if you want to meet strangers, you can hold such a small belief: "There must be a connection between us, but you haven't found it yet";
Third, friendship can only continue if the other person feels your concern;
Fourth, praise an interesting person. If you want him to look at you with new eyes and be willing to communicate with you more, praise him on the blade.
Fifth, when asking others for help, let them feel that he is the unique and irreplaceable best candidate;
Sixth, when looking for friends, we have a choice.
Because we have a choice, we should learn to be ourselves. We don't have to be afraid of meeting strangers, disturbing friends or pointing fingers at friends. We are good friends and accompany each other on the road of life. We are not alone. So care about each other, worry about each other, share each other's little secrets and become each other's reference objects.
About parents
Parents are the most special existence in life choice, because we can't choose our parents at all.
Many parents regard their children as a continuation of their lives. At this time, parents' expectations often run counter to our wishes.
1. What should we do when our parents' expectations are different from ours? We live to live, not to entertain others. Parents should find their own way to happiness, and we should learn to distinguish between other people's expectations and our own wishes, which is responsible for our own lives.
Second, the happier I am, the more I feel sorry for my parents. When others get something good and we don't, it's hard to simply feel happy for each other. This is the instinct of animals in our bodies. At this time, we should honor the co-pilot of life and let our parents know that our beauty is also because of them.
3. What should you do when your parents try to threaten or induce you? The strange thing about the cold war between parents and children is that it is often not until the end of this war that we realize how unnecessary this war is. If your parents really declare war, you just need to make them realize that there is no possibility of success in this imaginary war.
If our wishes are different from our parents' expectations, we should know how to avoid detours, meet them in small expectations and let them respect us in big wishes. If our parents threaten and seduce us because of their conflicting wishes, we should not compromise easily, but learn to bargain. In short, we should deal with these problems with high emotional intelligence, not rigid and contradictory.
Because, this is your life, it should be dominated by you. There is no other way but to be yourself. Don't let the people in your life come for nothing, let them take you to distant places you don't know, and let them accompany you to become a better self than you thought.
(End)