Dale Carnegie

(Read a book critically!! Not blindly follow it.)

Dale Carnegie believes , the way to develop self-confidence is to do the things you are afraid of doing and to overcome your fears again and again to achieve your goals.

I had never wanted to read it before because I looked at the table of contents and felt that I understood everything. I thought I knew how to behave. But then I read it carefully and found out that I actually understand a lot of things, but when it comes to real situations, you don’t know what to say or how to do it. There are many cases in it, from which you can learn many specific sayings, practices, processing methods, etc.; And in fact, there is a lot of content in it that I was not aware of and had no contact with, which can be regarded as expanding my coverage; and the people, things, and fields covered in the book are very wide, including company employees, administrators , national leaders, those involved in sales, company cooperation, renting apartments, etc. In the future, when I go out into society, I will meet many kinds of people and deal with different fields. This has also opened up my world, and I will be very helpful to the people I meet in the future. It is of great help in communicating in different communication situations.

Chapter 1 How to get along with others

Stop blaming others

? John Wanamaker, the father of department stores, admitted that blaming others is a kind of stupidity behavior.

? 99% of the time, no matter how obvious a mistake people make, they don’t blame themselves at all.

? Criticism is futile because it makes people defensive and looking for ways to defend themselves. Criticism is also dangerous because it can hurt a person's self-esteem and stir up feelings of resentment in the other person.

? As much as we long for recognition, we fear being condemned.

The safety manager of a construction company said that whenever he encountered a worker not wearing a safety helmet, he would seriously ask him to put it on. Although the workers reluctantly obeyed, they would immediately take off their hats as soon as they saw him leaving. So he decided to try another approach. When he saw the worker without a hat again, he asked with concern whether the hat did not fit properly and was uncomfortable on the head. He reminded the workers in a pleasant tone that safety helmets can protect their heads from injury and it is better to wear them while working, and those workers finally wore the hats happily.

? Human nature: If you do something wrong, you will only blame others, but you will not reflect on yourself. This is true for each of us. Criticism is like a homing pigeon that will fly back to you sooner or later. Those who are condemned will defend themselves and condemn us in turn.

? Lincoln did not send a letter accusing Meade in the end. His youthful experience reminded him that sharp criticism and rebuke are always in vain. The next time we are tempted to teach someone a lesson, take out a $5 bill, look at Lincoln's face on it, and ask yourself: "What would Lincoln do if he encountered these difficulties?"

? When getting along with others, we must keep in mind that people are not absolutely rational animals. They are full of emotions. They may be born arrogant and conceited, and they are also prone to prejudice against others.

? Praise the good qualities of everyone. To be more tolerant and considerate, you need discipline and restraint.

Sincerely appreciate others

? Schwab: My greatest skill is to constantly appreciate and encourage my employees, so as to arouse their enthusiasm and maximize their potential. fully developed.

? Appreciation is different from flattery, sincerity and hypocrisy; generosity and self-interest; inner emotion and lip service.

? The famous saying of the Mexican hero General O'Brigan: "Don't be afraid of powerful enemies, but be afraid of flattering friends."

? When getting along with others, please don't forget us. You are dealing with an emotional animal that craves praise. Praise is the tenderness that every heart longs for. Try to pave a road of friendship with the sparks of gratitude in your life journey. The next time you turn back to this road, you will be surprised to find that those sparks have turned into the flame of friendship and bloomed brilliantly.

? An old proverb: Time cannot be turned back. Therefore, if I can obtain any benefit for anyone, I should do it immediately without shirk or indifference, because once this moment has passed, it will not come back again.

? Put aside your own utilitarianism and desires, try to discover the advantages of others, then put aside your scruples and appreciate them sincerely and sincerely. In this way, they will treasure your words in their hearts and reflect on them from time to time - even if you have forgotten them. ?

Consider issues from the perspective of others

? When interacting with others, you must know how to accommodate them. Discuss their need and tell them how to meet that need.

? Perhaps, tomorrow you will persuade others to do something. Before you speak, stop and ask yourself: "How can I get him to do this willingly?"

? A golden word about the art of interpersonal communication: If there is a secret to success, it is That is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their thoughts.

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? This world is full of greedy and self-centered people Mediocre people, so the very few people who are willing to make selfless contributions will have greater achievements. Quote: "Those who can put themselves in other people's shoes and recognize their needs never have to worry about the future." Each party should benefit from negotiation.

? The most fundamental need in human nature is to prove oneself. When we have a good idea, we don’t necessarily have to present it as our own. The best way is to inspire others to come up with the same idea themselves.

? If you want to persuade others, the best way is to arouse strong needs in others.

Chapter 2 How to win the love of others

Sincerely pay attention to others

? As long as you sincerely pay attention to others, you will make more friends in two months than People who go out of their way to attract attention make more friends within two years.

? If we just rack our brains to make others remember us and become interested in us, we will definitely not have any sincere and intimate friends. Friendships, especially true friendships, are never built this way.

? The famous Viennese psychologist Alfred Adler once wrote: "Those who have no interest in the partners around them will always encounter many difficulties in life and will always give trouble to those around them. "These people are the source of the failure of the entire human race." ? In novels, you must truly care about others, so that the novel can be successful.

? Magic performer Howard Saxton, every move, every gesture, every change in tone, and even every change in expression has been carefully rehearsed in advance, and he is truly a magician. Care about your audience’s needs.

? If you really want to make friends, do your best to do things for other people, do things that take time, energy, selflessness and consideration. For example, remember their birthdays.

Smile, smile

"Smile" can also be conveyed through sound.

An old Chinese saying goes: Don’t open a shop if you don’t have a smiling face.

Remember the other person’s name

An effective way to warm people’s hearts in a company is for managers to remember their employees’ names.

Good habits are formed through trivial sacrifices time and time again.

For anyone, his or her name is always the most beautiful and important sound in the world.

Understand the art of listening

? Sometimes, people don’t need other people’s advice. When they talk to themselves, their minds become clearer and clearer. They just need a friend, someone who can A listener who understands him can temporarily take the pressure off his shoulders.

Talk about other people’s interests

Talking about other people’s interests is a win-win.

Make others feel important

Everyone you meet thinks they are better than you in some way. This is an eternal truth.

Chapter 3 How to convince others of you

Avoid getting into arguments

There is only one way to win an argument, and that is to avoid it.

Let’s stop arguing.

In business, etc.

Arguing may bring you victory, but this victory is meaningless because the other party will not sincerely recognize you.

The most common weakness in human nature can be seen in some people who like to argue - the desire to be taken seriously. Once recognized and respected, they can calm down and become friendly and compassionate.

Sometimes, you have to learn to be tolerant in small things that concern your vital interests. Instead of fighting with the dog, stand aside and wait for it to pass first. Because if you kill the dog, you won't be able to escape unscathed.

Respect the opinions of others

Teach others invisible and call ignorance as forgetfulness, so that people can be taught.

When you try to understand others, you will find that you also benefit a lot.

Usually, we know our mistakes. When someone tells us unpleasant truths and forces them upon us, we resent them and put up a defensive wall within ourselves. But when others comment tactfully and humbly, we readily admit our mistakes and may even feel proud of our candor.

"When I evaluate a person, I look at his principles of action rather than my own principles."

I find that it is easy to evaluate a person in this way, and more The most important thing is to talk about his advantages and show your understanding of him, which will appear very sincere.

Learn to admit your mistakes

Having the courage to admit your mistakes is a matter of pride.

Only a fool excuses his mistakes.

Communicate in a friendly way

Let the other person say "yes"

When talking to people, don't rush to express your differences. Please keep emphasizing which of his views you agree with. If possible, you should emphasize that your original intentions and goals are the same and that your differences only lie in the methods. Let the other person recognize you from the beginning and try to avoid letting the other person say "no." A good conversationalist can always make the other person nod "yes" at the beginning of the conversation, which makes the psychological activity of the conversation partner develop in a positive direction during the conversation.

Listen patiently and humbly to what the other person has to say

Learn to think from others’ perspective

All thoughts and actions of anyone are well-founded. As long as you find the root cause, you can understand his behavior and even see clearly his personality. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about issues more often.

The key to successful interpersonal relationships is to be in harmony with the other person's point of view.

Be fully affectionate with others

Express your thoughts in a dramatic way

Sometimes acting appropriately can help the other person get it better your thoughts.

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Chapter 4 How to change others in a friendly way

Start the conversation with sincere appreciation

Point out other people’s mistakes intelligently

Put “but Removing "" or replacing it with "and" can make it easier for the other party to accept.

Always talk about your mistakes first

Admitting your mistakes, without even having to correct them, will convince others that you have changed your ways.

Never give orders directly

In fact, this cannot be said completely. If you are a high-level figure, you still have to make some decisions, and sometimes there is no need to be entangled. Gathering everyone’s thoughts.

Save enough face for others

Never be stingy with complimentary words

Affirm the value of the other person

Affirm the value of the other person first, so that He will not live up to your expectations.

Learn to encourage others

Make others willing to act according to your suggestions