You're just in a blind spot.

First of all, your behavior is misleading:

First, your behavior of resigning from other places and returning to the countryside is puzzling. Rural girls leave the countryside to work in cities even before they reach adulthood.

Second, the rural unmarried young women in your question, this group almost does not exist in rural areas. In my hometown, a natural village with less than 2000 people, there are more than 30-55-year-old bachelors 100. Nowadays, finding a wife in the countryside can really be described as "a family with hundreds of women asking for more happiness";

Third, returning from the city to the countryside in his thirties left too much suspense and imagination for people who didn't understand. Not to mention others, I see this problem and think that you must be a man with a story after working in the city for all these years and not getting married in your thirties.

Second, do as the Romans do, and do not pay attention to:

First, finding a partner in the countryside will not be as romantic as the environment in the city. The peasant brothers are honest and have a few confessions that know sweet words;

The second is the peasant brothers, who work hard, and some still follow the production mode of "back to the loess and back to the sky". Can they be elegant and polite?

Third, there is no full-time matchmaking agency or full-time marriage introducer in rural areas;

Third, let go of your worries and live a good life.

First, since we have returned to the countryside and want to look forward to it for a long time, we must put down our ideological burdens and put ourselves in the position of a modern farmer. You have travel experience and richer social experience. Take root in the countryside and truly return to the previous rural life from the depths of thought, and you will certainly achieve yourself.

Second, since we have returned to the countryside, we should look for love based on our mentality in the countryside. This is a simple and simple emotion. Go to the countryside to have a "love dream" with the mentality of a city dweller, and maybe you will feel extremely lost;

Thirdly, since we have returned to the countryside, we must have the simplicity, simplicity, frankness and simplicity of rural people, forget many habits in urban life in the past, open our hearts and embrace rural life, and we can get out of the "misunderstanding" of our thoughts, and naturally there will be happiness knocking at the door.

Fourth, since you are back in the countryside, don't blame your mother. When you become a mother one day, you will realize that it is not easy to be a mother. Her nagging and strength reflect her concern and love for you. Poverty inherits the wind!

In real life, everyone's emotional life is different, each with its own merits. However, everyone's wish is the same, that is: longing for love and pursuing happiness. This is human nature and knowledge. You are over 30 years old, and I believe you are more capable of live high, winning love and striving for happiness. Everything comes from belated love.

(Note) I passed by here, saw this problem, thought about it, and then expressed some personal opinions. I never meant to attack others, just a "propositional composition". Please forgive my insincere and unsatisfactory words.

Personal views, if biased, should be fabricated.

How to overcome such psychological barriers?

Hello, I feel your feelings. It's really annoying to have such a strong mother forced to get married. Causing you to have psychological disorders.

How to overcome such psychological barriers?

First of all, be aware of your emotions. When people are afraid, they want to suppress it, because the experience is uncomfortable and is considered bad by people. I hope not to be afraid, not to be afraid. But the more you suppress this feeling, the stronger it becomes. Every emotion has its function, such as fear, which will make us aware of the danger and take measures to avoid being hurt. The same is true of other emotions, such as moderate anxiety will make people prepare in advance.

However, sometimes emotions will not bring us benefits, but will make things worse and worse. For example, if you are overly anxious, you will be unable to do anything because of anxiety.

So at this time, you need to be aware of your emotions. Don't judge it, but face it and accept it. Tell yourself that I'm scared now.

So pay attention, fear, fear of what? I'm afraid I won't be photographed on a blind date. What happens if I don't get photographed? What will happen at the stage? I don't want to be surrounded by a group of people What if I'm surrounded? Don't want to go on a blind date, don't go if you don't want to, what will happen if you don't go?

Second, because fear and the result of fear appear, we are afraid in advance. Until the results come out, your worries and fears are just an idea, right? Ideas are ideas, not facts. An idea is also a guess. Since it is a guess, it may be right, it may be wrong, and the guess may be wrong. However, you are trapped in the result you want and ignore other possibilities. So when you have an idea that scares you, ask yourself, are there any other possibilities? Nothing is the answer.

What can I do to avoid this bad result?

Third, what if what you think may be true, or something bad happens? Do something. It's already like this. It's no use worrying and being afraid. I believe I can handle it well. There is always a solution to things, and I can handle it.

We often fall into two kinds of dilemmas. One is to overestimate the harmfulness of things, and the other is to underestimate one's ability to cope.

Fourth, because of fear, I can't sleep and always think about it. When you figure this out, it is estimated that insomnia will be much better. If it still doesn't work, solve the problem of insomnia first, otherwise poor sleep will affect the body, and then affect the mood, a vicious circle.

Insomnia is usually caused by thinking too much. So some measures can be taken. 1. Go to bed early and listen to some comfortable light music before going to bed. 2. You can learn some mindfulness breathing exercises. Audio and explanations can be found online. Insomnia can be solved under the guidance of a doctor.

Finally, have a good talk with mom. If you feel a little afraid to say it in person, then write a letter or chat on WeChat. Tell her your feelings and situation sincerely, and I'm sure my mother can understand. You can also talk to other relatives and convince your mother. At the same time, you can also participate in some outdoor activities, which helps to adjust your mood.

Your current state of mind is related to the influence of your family background, especially your mother. Your mother is very strong. She wants to take care of your life. On the issue of blind date, it may be because you are old and you are in the countryside. Your mother is anxious for you to get married quickly, so she doesn't choose a blind date, which makes you very disgusted and afraid of blind date.

I think you should jump out of your present living environment and get out of your mother's control first. Although she meant for your own good, she didn't help. You said you longed for love and marriage. You can try to change your working and living environment and take the initiative to find your own happiness. For example, finding a job in a factory in a nearby county and city can not only relax your mood, but also expand your interpersonal circle and create more opportunities for your future.

On the other hand, we should adjust our mentality and get rid of the fear and rejection of blind date. You are not young. Love at first sight may be hard to meet in a short time. Maybe your fate will need a blind date in the future. In fact, many beautiful marriages are also concluded through blind date, so you should adjust your cognition. You hate the blind date imposed by your mother, but you can't exclude all blind dates. Open your heart, maybe fate will come inadvertently. Also, after you are independent for a period of time, your mother's intervention in your affairs will be reduced, and you can decide your own marriage and love. But if you choose a person, you have to listen to your parents' opinions and get the recognition and support of your elders. After all, getting married is a big deal. As long as the person you are looking for is worthy of your support, your parents will be at ease. Finally, I wish you a happy home soon!

Have a strong mother, such as a rebellious child.

There are two kinds of rebellion here.

One is external, which is manifested in antagonistic emotions, fierce quarrels and family conflicts.

The other is emotional internalization, showing inferiority, weakness and confusion. Obviously, that's your face.

In rural areas, generally speaking, people get married earlier. Girls don't get married when they are older, and traditional rural ideas may be gossiped, so your mother is in a hurry to let you get married.

Maybe it's because her cultural level is not high. Long-term farm life makes her think that a woman can find a similar marriage, but ignores the progress of the times and the improvement of people's requirements.

At the same time, the general rural areas prefer boys to girls and pay insufficient attention to girls.

1. You can only change your mind by yourself. You must realize that you have grown up and you want to be the master of your life. Since you don't like being pushed around, think about what kind of life you want.

2. After thinking about the decision, realize it step by step. Weakness is a sign of powerlessness to reality. If you want to change, you can only strengthen yourself

If you don't want to do what others ask you to do, you should learn to refuse. Learning to refuse is also a kind of growth.

4. Love yourself to get love.

Marriage is a lifetime thing, don't worry, blind date screening is what you have to do, not what your mother has to do, so before blind date, you have to be clear about your bottom line.

Older women often have the following kinds of psychology:

Inferiority: This kind of women think that it is disgraceful to be alone in the boudoir over 30 years old, so they are most afraid that others will talk about marriage and ask about their marriage in a caring tone, and they will be pessimistic and disappointed with themselves, thinking that love will never come again, and they will never have love again. They either gradually close their hearts and stop pursuing, even if a real man comes, they will "knock on the door nine times"; Either go to the other extreme, succumb to the pressure and influence of society, parents and friends, follow the crowd and find someone to make do with it.

Closed psychology: This kind of women are naturally unsociable, unwilling to take the initiative on marriage issues, or even unwilling to associate with married colleagues. They lock themselves in their own land in Xiaotian, preferring to be alone, with a very narrow range of contacts. This kind of psychology actually greatly reduces their chances of choosing a spouse. Their willingness to wait for the bait will only make them "lofty" and discourage a considerable number of men who are interested in them. Moreover, marriage is a two-way choice. If you don't move, two-way becomes one-way. Isn't there a half chance at once?

Rebellious psychology: Some older women have lost many opportunities because they were too demanding of mate selection in the past, so they should learn a lesson and become realistic. But they set a higher standard, thinking that "I can't make people laugh now", which makes them more selective and must meet the ideal requirements. They idealize love and lack realism. They always want their love to be as romantic as described in the novel: the moon is white and the wind is clear, and Prince Charming suddenly falls from the sky; Love at first sight, the flower of love suddenly miraculously bloomed. It should be noted that marriage is to live a real life and choose a spouse in a down-to-earth manner. Why waste youth in dreams? Although older women have psychological barriers of one kind or another, there is always a psychological tendency hidden in their hearts that is difficult for ordinary people to perceive, that is, they need sincere caress from the opposite sex. At this time, if there is a suitable man, careful consideration and meticulous care will surely ignite their buried love fire and open their hearts.

People's demands for life partners are getting higher and higher, which not only completely abandons the traditional custom of parents giving orders and matchmakers' words,

In recent years, the love and dating festivals of TV stations are extremely popular, and various types of love and dating websites are attracting people's attention more and more. Second, why do we need such stimulation now? Why do men get married when they are older and women get married when they are older? First, because people are busy at work, there are fewer and fewer marriage partners to choose from, and they have no time to fall in love; Secondly, people's requirements for life partners are getting higher and higher, which not only completely abandons the traditional custom of parents giving orders to be matchmakers, but also infinitely expands the radius of finding life partners. On the stage of Jiangsu Satellite TV's If You Are the One, there are girls from four countries and boys from all corners of the country at most, including boys from Vancouver, Canada and the United States. On the one hand, there seem to be more and more problems of marriage and love. On the one hand, more and more people openly look for life partners for themselves. Of course, only a few women will participate in blind date programs in front of hundreds of millions of viewers to find life partners. Most older single women are silently worried or distressed about their single problems, and do not want their marriage problems to be put on the agenda by relatives and friends. Among them, some women even have psychological barriers and cannot face their marriage problems correctly.

In short, the psychological barriers of older single women can be summarized as three points. First of all, older single women are either self-abased or arrogant, or belittle themselves because they don't deserve others, or they don't put all men in their eyes because they feel good about themselves, which eventually leads to their unmarried age and anxiety among their relatives and friends. Therefore, older single women or people with superior conditions, that is, people often say "white" or "three highs", or people with extremely poor conditions, have gone to two extremes: on the contrary, those ordinary and moderate women found husbands early and married themselves happily; Secondly, there are many autistic people among older single women. Some of them have witnessed the unfortunate marriage of their parents or other relatives, so they don't believe in marriage at all. Some of them have been hurt by their previous love experiences, so it is difficult to accept other men. Finally, with the growth of age, older single women are even more unwilling: "Anyway, they are so big, why not wait?" If you can make do at this time, you will inevitably be sorry for the waiting of a good young man? " It is precisely because of this psychology that many older single young women are unwilling to lower their standards. They always feel that since they have persisted for so long, they should persist, which is why many older single young women insist on celibacy. In fact, in this world, love at first sight and earth-shattering love are really rare. When fate comes, it will come naturally. Most people's marriages are long-lasting, just like people in the fifties and sixties. Although arranged marriage was no longer popular at that time, their marriage largely referred to the opinions of parents or leaders. Now living a mediocre life, still calm, bitter, bitter. So, if you meet someone, if everything doesn't suit you as you think, older single women should also relax their strict requirements on their lovers and give themselves a chance? If we can cross this hurdle in our hearts, the marriage problems of many older single young women will be solved.

Ya Juan is 32 years old this year. Looking at the old prostitute in the waiting room, her parents were so anxious that they mobilized their relatives and friends to introduce her: In fact, the reason why Yajuan became a "leftover woman" was not that the conditions were bad, but that she was too picky. Yajuan is an English major. After graduating from college, she went to work in other places, with a good working environment and high salary. She is a typical white-collar worker. Ya Juan's tall figure, fair skin and big eyes look like a beauty embryo? However, seeing that all the ugly ducklings around her are married, Yajuan feels that she is in a good state and is not worried. In this way, she picked and chose 30 years old. Looking at the girl in her thirties, mom and dad began to worry, but Ya Juan came back and told mom and dad that she didn't feel much after dating several times. When mom and dad advised her not to ask too many questions, she would slowly say, "I've been waiting for so many years. If you don't meet someone who suits your heart, wouldn't it be a loss! " In this way, Yajuan is 32 years old. If it weren't for her mother's earnest, Yajuan might still be alone, but her mother's words changed her mind. Her mother said, "Ya Juan, in fact, marriage is not so perfect. A person, no matter how good, can't completely meet your wishes. I felt a little lost when I was with your father, but after a period of contact, I found that your father is a responsible and good man, although he has no great ability. Secondly, I think if you marry such a man, although he is neither rich nor expensive, his life will be stable and he will be good to me: your father and I are really happy, which you have seen with your own eyes: "Mom smiled:" Silly child, marriage is like shoes, and outsiders' comments are secondary: when I married your father, the whole family opposed it, thinking that your father was not good enough for me, but your father treated me for so many years. "I tell you this just to let you know that a man, no matter how excellent, has shortcomings, and so do women: don't you have many unsatisfactory places yourself? Why do you ask so much of men? As long as you have a psychological balance. " After listening to her mother's heartfelt words, Yajuan established a love relationship with a mature and steady man on her sixth blind date after the age of 32: although this man looks ordinary, he is very enterprising and has a sense of family responsibility, and most importantly, he is very kind to Yajuan!

If Yajuan insists on her own ideas and continues to wait for the appearance of Prince Charming in her mind, then happiness will probably be far away: as a woman, the most beautiful youth will last for more than ten years, so we should cherish our good times and seize the opportunity to enjoy the sweet taste of love. Not everyone can meet the earth-shattering love in Qiong Yao's love novels. As ordinary people, we should keep a correct attitude and treat love and marriage in a down-to-earth manner.

What can be overcome? It doesn't take a few minutes to find something. Older young men, not more, have to overcome psychological barriers. When can they find a wife? Girls really don't need it. If they find the right one, it's over. What is there to worry about?

Mother's autocracy makes you psychologically reject and fear blind date; The disharmony of family environment makes you lack autonomy and sense of security. You want to get rid of your mother's control, but you can't.

I have learned some psychological knowledge, and I know that there is a method called systematic desensitization, which is mainly to induce patients to slowly expose the situations that lead to neurosis anxiety and fear, and to fight this anxiety through psychological relaxation, so as to achieve the purpose of eliminating anxiety or fear. Specifically, when you want to communicate with your mother, you'd better choose a place to relax yourself, get along with each other one-on-one, try to relax yourself, slowly eliminate the fear of blind date and liberate yourself, so as to get a happy blind date process.

The biggest pressure still comes from your mother. Let's find an opportunity to sit down and talk with her first, so that her mother can understand the pain and pressure she has caused you and let her go properly. There is no knot between mother and daughter that cannot be solved. Who doesn't want their children to be good?

Finally, give you some confidence, come on! What's wrong with fighting for your own happiness once?

Stop looking. It is time to do it. Think about what,,,,,

First of all, I might throw some cold water on the landlord. ...

What if I have a holiday alone? If a woman marries a man she doesn't love just because of the pressure of age and the eyes of others, and then gives birth to a child she doesn't love, and then she doesn't want to cultivate the feelings of mutual love and spend her life in a boring, depressed, dissatisfied, complaining and indifferent family, I don't think anyone will think this is a happy life.

Whether single or married, this is just a way of life, and all lifestyles serve the pursuit of happiness! Life and lifestyle have the possibility of happiness, but at the same time, of course, there is also the possibility of depression. Some problems are emotional problems, but in the final analysis, they are lifestyle problems. Therefore, if you want someone to accept your way of defining a happy life, you must first tell that person honestly and tell yourself that any lifestyle will have very, very unhappy times.

One person has one person's chic and loneliness, and two people have two people's happiness and embarrassment. How to live is an art, of course, it can be analyzed in detail. But which lifestyle to choose is a question of Tao. Seeing only the good places but not the bad ones, or seeing only the bad places and not wanting to cultivate the good ones, is called "I don't want to compromise because of different ways".

On the premise that there is no difference between good and bad lifestyle, only suitable and unsuitable lifestyle, and whether to cultivate or not, if this friend really seeks help on the premise of looking forward to love, then of course, he can advise that love between men and women is definitely worth trying, although it is not a necessary experience in life. Emotion exists in running-in, which requires experience and wisdom, just like you want to eat a pot of braised hooves. You should not only know how to cook, but also look for hooves-it's not delicious to burn hooves with shredded pork, and you don't know what seasoning to put. Good people don't fall from the sky The hoof bone of this applauding person may be recognized by several pigs first, or it may take several hoof bones to taste. Don't be afraid, take your time. From the beginning of knowing strange men, have a pleasant meal or a cup of tea with strange men, and be honest, optimistic and honest with others during that meal and that cup of tea.

Besides, I think you need to give your friends some courage. If you even hint at lowering the requirements for a 32-year-old ugly woman, then I don't think anyone will have real motivation to pursue a fake one. We should pursue a happy lifestyle, which is definitely not false. We should explore a person's good points, not make do. All getting along with him is based on exploring the advantages, or on cultivating the wisdom and mentality of exploring the advantages, on expanding the base to find people who are suitable for and appreciate themselves, on cultivating a better self and looking for a broader life-not making do. Even if we expand the base, we still can't find the man. We don't have to make do. Even if you don't get married, everyone should live happily, smartly, freely, responsibly, have friends, love, know how to love and love, and have various hobbies and financial planning.

At the age of 5.60, a happy grandmother went to the street garden to dance and watch the sunset. What are we worried about? We can despise each other strategically and attach importance to each other tactically-on the survival line, we can find ways to live happily at any time. Don't be afraid, don't panic, don't be confused, don't lower your requirements, but at the same time, look more, give each other more opportunities and give yourself more.

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The above is the part of Tao. Let's talk about the technical part first.

1. From now on, go to bed early and get up early every day, and exercise for 40 minutes in the morning. It doesn't matter how you exercise for forty minutes. You can walk at a certain speed, not to lose weight, but to let yourself know that you can change. Of course, if you have a hobby of exercising for 40 minutes, you can learn a new skill, such as driving, swimming and assembling models. . . . Actually, I don't know what skills to learn. Anyway, I'm only here for one purpose, and I can change myself.

3. Exercise your character: If you reject someone at first sight, it means that she is not in a hurry, but a snob. Comrades, snobbery is a bad thing in intimate relationships. You can recommend her to read more books and watch more movies featuring gentle and beautiful women-I suggest reading books and movies in a neutral way and watching less YY stories with female porn stars. In short, I think most women are not good-looking, and they are all good-natured. A neutral book and movie can make us look at ourselves differently. If you don't lower your requirements, you don't lower the requirements of inner fit, instead of taking a man as a bag and having a LV if you have no money in your pocket. Remember that men and women are equal souls, material conditions are created by themselves, and spiritual harmony is the most important thing. Of course, I don't suggest finding one around the organization itself. Institutions like this are really like leveling, which is really fucking annoying. Anyway, while exercising your gentle and atmospheric personality, you can go to forums and chat tools. It's 2 1 century. How come there are no men online? Talk about marriage. If marriage is not suitable, practice. Let's talk about it in about a year.

This year, I was asked by my parents to go on a blind date, and I began to understand that "even I need to rely on blind date to solve the single problem, so the girl opposite may be more innocent than me." So every time I have a blind date, I am very serious. From the beginning, I will tell each other that I am actually looking forward to blind date, and I am very willing to believe that you are all excellent girls. It may be because of some shortcomings or even bad luck that your light is obscured, so I would like to take the opportunity of blind date to get to know you, although it is impossible.

20 12 years, I had five blind dates. Judging from the results, it was very unsuccessful. However, because I showed due sincerity in the process, I have maintained a very clean friend relationship with most girls, but everyone knows that I will not be together, which may be due to mental reasons, and of course I am not very strong physically. Those neighbors like me very much, after all, although the blind date failed. . But I really didn't embarrass them. .

I believe that for most people, two people can't be together, which is not necessarily inappropriate or disliked. Maybe I just didn't get a chance. As far as blind date is concerned, whether you can look at the problem from the perspective of "opportunity" determines whether you can face each other sincerely. Personally, I would argue that we should grasp every detail of happiness, make preparations before it comes, learn to cherish it when it comes, and don't let it go so easily when it leaves … I met a great girl in the company this year, a little withdrawn, but the tutor is very good. Unfortunately, we didn't make it to the end. . But everyone, move on! Let go of your own inherent ideas first! If you are a "person in a condom", the warmth of others can't be sent into your heart! Maybe your self-esteem should have been shattered a long time ago.