Many people often fall into this misunderstanding when making friends: There is no need to pay attention to politeness between good friends. They believe that good friends know each other well, trust each other closely, are like brothers and sisters, and enjoy happiness and wealth without dividing their property. It is too formal and unorthodox to pay attention to politeness. In fact, they do not realize that the existence of a friendship is based on mutual respect and does not tolerate any imposition, interference or control. If they have similar tastes and ambiguous tempers, they will be together or friends. On the contrary, they will be separated or separated. No matter how familiar or close the friends are, they cannot be overly casual or disrespectful. In this way, the tacit understanding and balance will be broken. , friendly relations will cease to exist.
Everyone hopes to have their own little world. If friends are too casual, it is easy to invade this restricted area, causing estrangement and conflict. For example, not asking whether the other person is free or willing, arbitrarily controlling or occupying the other person's precious time that has been arranged, "butt sinking" as soon as he sits down, completely unaware of the other person's difficulties and inconveniences; insisting on asking the other person's deepest feelings They keep secrets that they don’t want to share, blindly inquiring into each other’s secret private affairs; they forget the ancient saying that “people are friends but not money”, they ignore the fact that friends are an emotional one rather than an economic one, they spend money without remembering you and me, and they use things without distinction between each other. All these are bad phenomena of disrespecting friends, infringing and interfering with others. Occasional negligence is understandable, tolerated and tolerated. If things go on like this, gaps will inevitably arise, leading to alienation or disgust from friends, and the weakening and deterioration of friendships. Therefore, good friends should also pay attention to politeness and abide by the way of making friends.
Generally speaking, there are three misunderstandings to avoid when asking friends to do things:
1. Indistinguishable from each other and violating the contract
The most important thing between friends is Careless handling of friends' belongings, often thinking "what's the difference between friends?" Taking things from friends without permission, without caring for them, sometimes delaying or not returning them, once or twice because of feelings, Sorry to accuse. Over time, your friends will think you are too presumptuous and become defensive. In fact, in addition to friendship, there is also a subtle contractual relationship between friends. In terms of physical objects, friends' things can be borrowed at any time, which is beyond the relationship between ordinary people. However, you and your friends should first have an idea about each other's things: "This is a friend's thing, so you should cherish it even more." Brothers, settle the accounts clearly. "Pay attention to the rules of courtesy and treat friends' things as important as cherishing friendship.
2. Go back on your word at will and break the promise
You may not value certain agreements between friends so much. You are always late for friends’ activities and you are always late to ask for friends. I readily agreed at the time, but later changed my mind midway. Maybe you really had something to do that delayed a scheduled gathering or failed to complete a task that a friend asked you to do. Maybe you explained it lightly afterwards, thinking that friends should be understanding and tolerant of each other, and trivial matters are not worth mentioning. Little did you know that your friends would be upset because you missed the appointment and leave in disappointment. Although they won't accuse you face to face, they will definitely think that you are playing with your friend's friendship, that you are acting on the occasion, and that you are capricious and untrustworthy. Therefore, you must treat promises or entrustments made by friends with caution, keep your promises on time, and never break your promises.
3. Taking advantage of someone who is unprepared. Forcibly requesting
When you need someone for something, your friend is of course the first person to turn to, but you don’t notify him in advance, come to ask for something at short notice, or force your friend to go with you regardless of his or her wishes. Participating in an activity can put your friends in a dilemma. It will be even more embarrassing if he has already arranged activities and it is difficult to change them. If he agrees to your request, he will mess up his plans, and if he refuses, he will feel sorry for the situation. Maybe he is happy to do it on the surface, but he is a little unhappy in his heart, thinking that you are too domineering and unreasonable. Therefore, when you ask for something from a friend, you must tell it in advance, speak in a discussion tone, and try to make the request under the premise that the friend has nothing to do or is willing to do so. At the same time, remember: do not do to others what others do not want you to do to others, do not do to others what you want done to yourself. If you don’t want it, don’t force it.
Go to the opposite door when worshiping gods, and find the right person when doing things
Asking for people is like worshiping gods. Which god do you pray for? Which temple do you want to enter? If you want to worship Lu Zu, don’t go into the temple. God, don't enter the Taoist temple. Each of the gods has his own duties and his own temple. If you don't care about trivial matters, don't care about the right things, bump into doors whenever you see them, pray to gods whenever you see them: when you see Buddha, say "Immeasurable Heavenly Lord"; when you see God, say "Namo Amitabha" , I’m afraid you won’t be able to get things done and will be blamed by the gods.
Similarly, if we go to the Buddhist hall to offer incense, you should praise the Buddha with words such as "My Buddha is compassionate" and "The Buddha's Dharma is boundless". Of course the Buddha has to listen. It should be noted that gods and Buddhas are also human beings and have their shortcomings. After hearing three words of flattery, a monkey would dare to dominate the mountains, let alone gods and Buddhas.
Suppose you scold the monks and bald men in front of the Buddha, saying that they are all falsely compassionate and pretend to save all sentient beings. Secretly not following the rules. This is really the case. Stop worshiping this god, and stop asking for help from people. Go home to avoid disaster!
The common relationships in life are nothing more than the relationship between superiors and subordinates, the relationship between colleagues, the relationship between neighbors, the relationship between relatives and fellow villagers. And these types of people are the people you often ask for. What should these people ask for and what should they say? It’s something you need to hold on to.
1. Leadership
In the unit, you cannot help but ask your immediate superiors and leaders for work-related matters. Ask for these people to promote you and make you rise to the top. These are the people we often ask for.
The weakness of human nature determines that humans are the most irresistible animals. Especially for superiors, when you ask for help from them, be respectful to them, and they will respect you and value you in turn. You need to understand that a person who is respected will not ignore the other person's problems.
In this society, people who put honey in their mouths will definitely be more popular. It is natural to ask the leader to do things smoothly. When the leader hears compliments, he often says humbly and with a smile: "No, I'm not that good. You are really flattering me." But he is happy in his heart. Sometimes even though he knew that the other person was speaking compliments, he still couldn't erase the joy in his heart.
Therefore, when asking your boss, you must master the skills of complimenting. You must speak nicely and properly, especially in public. A compliment will give your boss enough face, and he will take the initiative to find you afterwards to help you solve your work difficulties.
In addition to complimenting in front of the leader, you also need to learn to be soft. Shedding tears can often touch the other person's heart. "Tears are the best weapon." Women especially have a profound understanding of this sentence. When a woman bursts into tears, even a hard-hearted person will inevitably be moved. Cry appropriately in front of the leader and let the tears and your complaints become weapons to impress him or her.
When you cry out your difficulties and difficulties in front of the leader, even the leader who is as hard as iron will be moved by you, and at least he will not block your request.
Leaders control our food, clothing and rice bowls. Our work transfers, job promotions, bonus assessments, and benefits distribution...all require leadership. Even if we ask others for these things, it will not make any difference. If the leader is moved by our "weakness" and agrees to our request, there is no harm in "crying" at the critical moment. Be eloquent and eat well. This is especially true in units and companies. No leader likes to deal with bad guys. Furthermore, if you let the leader be taller and really enjoy the addiction of playing "God", he
2. Colleagues
In the work unit, besides the leader, there are colleagues. Major events require leadership, while some trivial and trivial matters inevitably trouble colleagues. If asking for leadership is mainly about work matters, then asking for things from colleagues involves both work and life matters. My colleague is a treasure and I cannot live without him.
When we ask our colleagues for help, we must seize the right time. When the other person has plenty of time and is in a good mood, when we ask for help, the possibility of getting his consent is very high. On the contrary, when the other person is upset about something and is in a bad mood, even if you ask for help politely, you will often get a rejection.
You are colleagues, both competitors and partners at work. He is thoughtful when asking for his help. If you don't speak sincerely and ask for help, the other party will definitely not be happy to grant your request.
Using a humane word to ask a colleague is far better than all the truth and endless nagging. People still value friendship, not to mention colleagues who are with you most of the time. Therefore, when you ask your colleagues to do something, you must speak sincerely, be moved by emotion, and be honest.
Colleagues who work with you will know you more clearly and know your ins and outs. The tasks entrusted to them must be targeted and clear. Don't ask them for something with unclear or general purpose. You should ask your colleagues to do things that are not too difficult, have clear goals, have significant results, and have no conflict of interest. This kind of thing will also help you express your gratitude to him.
The minimum requirement for a colleague is not to lie or deceive the other person. But in real life and complex society, there is a certain difference between ends and means. Colleagues are the people you deal with every day. Once a lie is exposed, you will be unable to hold your head up or straighten up in front of your colleagues in your workplace or company. Therefore, when you ask your colleagues for help, try not to tell or lie as little as possible.
When asking colleagues to do things, you must pay attention to politeness, use words carefully when talking, and choose the language of conversation based on the other party's accomplishments, so that you can appreciate both elegance and vulgarity, be able to be elegant and vulgar, and use it freely. When entrusting people to do things, they only talk about their own affairs and keep saying words such as "please help, please help", which will make people feel extremely disgusted. Therefore, you must pay attention to etiquette when asking colleagues.
To get things done in society, you must first leave a good impression on others and establish a good popularity. People with good popularity will have a good image in society and have a high social evaluation. And the formation of this good popularity is achieved by our eloquence. Entrusting others to do things can directly reflect an individual's ability and level in society.
Colleagues eat from the same bowl. If you take one more bite, he will take one less bite. Therefore, there are scruples and wariness between each other, which is normal. If you don't pay attention to making friends and are not popular with others, it will be difficult to ask your colleagues to get things done. When you are in trouble, they will not reach out to help you, but will stand by and watch you laugh.
Since popularity is so important in interactions between colleagues, you should pay attention to building a good rapport with your colleagues in your speech. Things depend on popularity, and success depends on popularity. Without good popularity, I don’t know how many opportunities for success I will lose at work, and how many things I will do in life will be half the result with half the effort. If interpersonal relationships are the universal law of success, then this is even more important in China.
China’s historical tradition has created human relationships. Some people say that the primary basis for whether certain things should be done for you is not laws, systems and rules, but the relationship between them. This is a bit excessive. However, under the same conditions, who gets priority generally depends on the relationship. This is a phenomenon that everyone has witnessed.
Everyone has feelings, and the key to communicating feelings is eloquence. Eloquence is an invisible magnetic line, and mutual affection can only be communicated through eloquence. To connect people, there must be someone who takes the initiative. If you take the initiative, you will be the first to make a good impression on your colleagues. If you have a way to connect, other people's feelings will be inclined towards you. If everyone is willing to do things for you and be used by you, then you can be invincible, become a person who can do things and get everything you want, and win good popularity among your colleagues.
3. Neighbors
Everything in life and daily chores cannot be separated from your neighbors. As the saying goes, "a distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor." As neighbors, we have to constantly ask each other for certain things. If you beg me today, I may beg you tomorrow. Therefore, maintaining good relations with neighbors and living in harmony is particularly important in our daily lives. If the relationship between you and your boss is very tense, or there is "neighborly disharmony", a small quarrel on 1, 3, 5, and a big quarrel on 2, 4, 6, and noisy and quarrels on Sundays, continuous fighting, and not telling outsiders' jokes, it will also affect your mood. Create opportunities for villains to take advantage of.
In interpersonal communication, how to live in harmony with neighbors? This also depends on eloquence. Good eloquence is a red ribbon that connects neighbors. When asking your neighbor to do something for you, you need to be generous, don't be fussy, and use the "soft exchange" method.
When your neighbor is in trouble, try to help him, so that when you ask for something, he will try his best to help you. If you have never helped him when he is in trouble, but just sit back and watch, I believe that no matter how good your eloquence is when you are in trouble, he will not lend a helping hand.
“If we try our best to take care of others, we will be richer ourselves. If we try our best to give to others, we will be richer ourselves.” This sentence is most appropriate for how we deal with the relationship with our neighbors.
When you ask your neighbor for help, you should be able to speak your mind. Because neighbors are different from your immediate boss, and they are also different from your colleagues. Get along well and save time and effort. When you go to ask for help, there is no need to go around in circles about some ordinary trivial matters in life, it is okay to speak directly. Because it is normal for neighbors to ask each other for help. Saying some trivial things too grandly only shows that you and your neighbors are not very harmonious, and you need to make up for it more often.
4. Relatives
We cannot live without relatives. Because of our blood relationship, we have a lot in common with many people, forming three relatives and six relatives. Communicating with these relatives is also an important part of social life.
This specific relationship also establishes the intimacy of the connection between them.
When we have difficulties, the first thing we probably think of is asking relatives for help. As your relatives, the other party will also enthusiastically lend a helping hand to you.
When asking relatives for help, good eloquence is one aspect, and it is also another aspect to keep in touch with them frequently. If you have little contact with each other and only visit when you need something to ask for, over time your relatives will become very upset and feel taken advantage of, and they will feel that you, as a relative, will only cause trouble.
Because we are relatives and are closely related to each other, how to speak when you ask for something is also a skill. You can't talk too casually and don't know how to use skills just because of the affection between each other. This is a big misunderstanding when asking relatives for help with speaking skills.
"When one person attains enlightenment, chickens and dogs ascend to heaven." Relatively speaking, if a relative of yours becomes prosperous, when you go to ask him for help, he will take care of you because of the family relationship between them, and will not take care of you. It's so embarrassing for you. Talk about family affection, this is the key to your conversation with him. Finding the common ground of family ties, writing skillfully, and speaking skillfully are the foundation for your success.
5. Fellow Countrymen
"Meeting an old friend in a foreign country" is listed as one of the four great joyous events in life. The sentence "When a fellow villager meets a fellow villager, his eyes well up with tears" further illustrates how close the family ties between fellow villagers are. "Kiss or not, we are from the same hometown." Because we are from the same hometown, we can make friends smoothly and fulfill our trust.
“Fellow Associations” are common in universities, regardless of whether the school leaders prohibit them or not. This fellow villagers' association is endless. Every year in September and October, when new students arrive, the search for fellow students begins. This kind of fellow villagers' association has indeed brought "benefits" to most fellow villagers and solved many difficulties. This kind of cohesion that uses "nostalgia" makes it much smoother for us to ask for help.
When asking for help from a fellow villager, you should make the other person feel at ease. You need to use your speaking skills skillfully. Being able to speak does not mean being upright and straightforward, nor does it mean being eloquent and being mysterious. When entrusting work to fellow villagers, you should know their likes and dislikes. If you want a fellow villager to agree to a certain request, you have to say no directly, but you have to tell the truth in a straight way; if you say no directly, you have to say the opposite; if you say truthfully, it won't work, but if you say it falsely, you will succeed. People's main purpose is to do things, not to ask what you say.
Remember, when asking for fellow friends, a strong "local accent" will evoke a sense of intimacy in the other party. The magic weapon of local accent is a great trick when you ask fellow villagers to do things. You have to be able to use it. Sometimes you should avoid talking to them in local accent in public places. Because some people don’t want others to know the details about them. But in most cases, local accent is one of the important tools to connect people emotionally.
What kind of thing should I do and who should I ask for? If you ask the right person and say the right words, you will get things done and your chances of success will increase. If you ask a monk to kill a chicken for you and a Taoist priest to recite the Diamond Sutra for you, you have no chance of success. "Value for money, different relationships", you must be good at using different people to complete your different requirements and ask different people to help.
Go to the right temple door and worship the right god. If you ask the right person and say the right words, it will be much easier to ask for help in interpersonal interactions.