"The Power of Others" believes that there are four states of interpersonal connection, and only one of them can really help you grow. What we have to do is to try our best to escape from the other three states and strive to enter the only state where we can exert our full potential. The state of functioning correctly.
Confucius also discussed related interpersonal relationships in The Analects.
Confucius said: "Benevolence is beauty. How can you know if you choose not to be benevolent?" That is to say: "It is better to live in a place with benevolence. How can you be wise if you choose a place without benevolence?" What? ”
People in isolation are often helpless and lonely. Of course, the first step is to live in a virtuous place, and the second step is to take the initiative to get out of your lonely heart.
Confucius said: "Those who speak do not necessarily have to be virtuous, and those who are brave do not necessarily have to be benevolent."
That is to say: "Those who speak do not necessarily have morals, and those who are brave do not necessarily have to be benevolent." Kindness. ”
The second level of interpersonal relationships takes a toll on your ability to perform—when you get lost in negative self-evaluation, people will self-doubt and self-depreciate.
Confucius said: "Friends are friendly, friendly and gentle, friends are sycophantic, and it is a loss."
Confucius said: "There are three kinds of harmful friends. Make friends with flattering people." , It is harmful to make friends with people who flatter people on the surface but slander people behind their backs, and make friends with people who are good at smooth talk. ”
At the third level, you feel very good! Because you are surrounded by flattering people, sometimes you can even feel so good. But they are like analgesics and do not actually cure the disease. There may be people who compliment you all day long, and in the end you get further and further away from who you really are.
Confucius said: "Three friends are beneficial, and three friends are detrimental. Friends who are honest, understanding, and knowledgeable are beneficial."
That is: "There are three kinds of friends who are beneficial: friends with integrity It is beneficial to make friends with honest people, and to make friends with knowledgeable people.”
In this relationship, both parties have no reservations, know each other’s basics, and understand each other. Supporting each other. Either party’s true thoughts, feelings, beliefs, fears, and needs can be shared safely.
Confucius said: "If you don't follow the mean and follow it, you must be crazy and stubborn! The crazy person is aggressive, and the stubborn person will not do anything."
Confucius believed that if you can't get along with the golden mean, When virtuous people achieve the fourth level of interpersonal relationships, they can do the next best thing and choose two types of people to be friends:
One is aggressive and often aggressive;
One is a person who is very low-key, negative and depressed, and even a little cynical.
Choosing these two types of people is much better than those who live a mediocre and stable life. Because of these two types of people, the former has courage and a spirit of hard work; the latter has his own ideas, ethics and quality.