Sitting in the child's seat in class and listening to the child's teacher talk about the child's affairs-every parent has the experience of holding a parent-teacher meeting for his child. Nowadays, parents have a special feeling for parent-teacher conferences: they are looking forward to holding parent-teacher conferences to learn about their children's performance in school and the educational content of the school; I'm afraid of holding parent-teacher conferences. I'm afraid that my children can't lag behind others. I'm afraid that parents of students who have been having "problems" will regard parent-teacher conferences as a psychological burden. It should be said that this is a very common "parent-teacher mentality". Today, when the only child almost dominates the whole country and our children are wholeheartedly concerned, the parent-teacher conference has also become a problem, a problem widely discussed by the public and a subject that needs to be studied.
Children's troubles at school have become the talk of teachers' "complaints" at parent-teacher meetings; Parents were humiliated by "education" at the parent-teacher conference. If they are angry, they will be angry with the children.
It's all parents' fault.
Dad came home from the parent-teacher conference, unhappy, and got into his room and closed the door without saying a word. His mother asked him to eat several times, but he didn't answer. This scene makes the child's heart even more hairy. I don't know what will explode next. The air at home seems to be cold all night. Nervous, nervous, uneasy and scared, the children are eagerly waiting for the scene that will definitely appear after the parent-teacher conference. ...
There are also happy ones. Some parents pretend to be full of children after the parent-teacher conference. Seeing children is scolded, reprimanded, and even scolded like a storm. Even if children study well and behave well, it is inevitable to listen to their parents' nagging: "They got 100 in this exam. How did you get 98?" The teacher said that you have been a little slack recently, so you should work harder! ""XX became a class cadre, you should work hard! "
No wonder students often "lose" or "forget" the teacher's notice to their parents, or make up lies such as "Dad is on a business trip and Mom can't take a vacation". Some students even spend money to find someone to pretend to be their parents to hold parent-teacher meetings. Next, the absent parents were invited to the school, and the complaints of the class teacher and the impassioned "gang up and attack" of the class teacher came face to face. Many parents who are usually prominent, like pupils who have made mistakes, cover their faces while listening to lessons in their children's teacher's office, suppressing their growing anger. Outside the office at this time, it is possible to avoid the frightened children who are eavesdropping. There is no doubt that tonight's "blizzard" can't escape.
Li Jing, a young teacher in Yu Ying School, deeply remembers one of her students. At that time, she had just graduated from college and was full of youth. There is a student in her class who is always making trouble and bullying her classmates. She invited her parents several times, but the children always made excuses not to let them come, even the phone number left for the teacher was fake. Later, "the opportunity finally came": in the final exam, he became the last few in his grade. The teacher asked his classmates who lived near his home to invite his mother to have a parent-teacher meeting. At the meeting, the teacher talked about the shortcomings of the students, "Seeing the mother's face became a little gloomy", and complaining also made other parents obviously unhappy. The next morning, I saw the student come to school with a scar on his face. He looked at the teacher with hatred, which he always hated. Later, I learned that my parents divorced when the child was very young, and the family relied on his mother to do odd jobs. He has lived in a loveless environment since he was a child. Teacher Li Jing painfully recalled that the student didn't take the right path in the end and dropped out of school after graduating from junior high school. "I have always felt guilty about him."
Those parents who follow the rules to attend the parent-teacher conference are just loyal listeners of the teacher: the head teacher, the protagonist of the parent-teacher conference, will inevitably talk about the requirements of study, management, grades, parental guidance, etc., and the head teacher will say it after the head teacher has finished speaking. To put it bluntly, in addition to requirements, it is a task and even a complaint. Parents worship their teachers as gods, and they take notes devoutly, because that will be their "program of action" to guide their children in the future. Almost every program of the parent-teacher conference is done in this way, and it is still being done.
So, what are the students' attitudes towards parent-teacher conferences? Yu Ying Middle School conducted a questionnaire survey among 328 students of different grades. The results show that 36.3% students feel nervous and stressed when they hear about the parent-teacher conference. 1 1.3% of students are unwilling to let their parents attend parent-teacher conferences. Moreover, the answer sheet tells us that after the parent-teacher conference, 1 1% students have a tense relationship with their teachers, 20. 1% students have a tense relationship with their parents, and 30.5% students will be severely criticized and restricted from activities after the parent-teacher conference. Some students expressed their hope to "hold as few meetings as possible" and "it is best never to hold parent-teacher conferences".
Change your mind, change your way of thinking, and use some clever methods. There is a new world ahead-
Multi-expression of parent-teacher conference
The parent-teacher conference will still be held, and the key is how to hold it.
The "new model of parent-teacher conference" subsequently entered the research field of China Youth Research Center and was listed as a key topic. In the past two years, 5 1 schools in China have participated in the research and practice of this topic, and the reform involves all aspects of parent-teacher conferences.
"Dear parents: Hello! Your child has been in junior high school for half a semester. Is there any change? Have they adapted to middle school life? You are welcome to come to school this Friday to see the children's performance, talk to teachers and other parents about your confusion, talk about your educational experience and talk about your experience. "
"Parents and comrades: The mid-term exam has just ended. You must be very concerned about your child's grades and his study and life at school. When children grow up, they will certainly behave differently at home, and you may also have some questions that you want to communicate with others. Please take time out of your busy schedule and come to school this Wednesday to attend the symposium I organized for you and your children. I hope that you will bring valuable teaching experience and share it with you. "
"Hello, parents! Your child is growing up day by day and is entering adolescence step by step. This is one of the fastest growing and most important periods in a child's life. In order to help your children spend their adolescence better, we decided to hold a seminar on adolescent education for parents first. We will be at 3 pm on Thursday and Friday respectively.
This is a new notice of several parents' meeting, with a little warmth and consideration. They are no longer the orders given to parents by schools and teachers with a straight face. Teachers should inform parents of the contents of the parent-teacher conference through this notice before the meeting, so that they can come prepared and arrange the time flexibly.
The most important thing in the new parent-teacher conference is the change of the teacher's role-from a "parent" who used to be thirsty but often sang "one-man show" in vain to a teacher, parents or singing with students; During the meeting, parents no longer sit on the podium under the teacher's podium, but sit next to each other in circles. Students are no longer excluded from parent-teacher conferences and become "absentees" forever. Some parents will let students participate, while others will let students discuss and decide the content.
Parent-teacher conferences have undergone a makeover, and a new model of parent-teacher conferences has surfaced in teachers' discussions. China Youth Research Center recently recommended some parent-teacher conferences summarized from experiments:
Communication: theoretical discussion, case analysis or experience exchange on educational issues;
Dialogue and discussion: have a dialogue with parents, teachers and students, teachers and parents on one or two outstanding issues;
Exhibition: Show children's homework, works, award certificates or students' live performances, so that parents can understand their children in the class background;
Expert report: ask experts to give a report on a certain stage or a certain problem after students enter school, and answer questions on the spot to improve the quality of parents' education;
Friendship: teachers, parents and students get together and use cheerful forms such as performances to create a harmonious atmosphere and enhance feelings and understanding;
Sightseeing: Students, parents and teachers go sightseeing together, find problems in activities and promote communication.
We walked into the scene and observed several parent-teacher conferences:
The parents' meeting begins with a game called "Walking for the Blind": parents are blindfolded and students who are not their own children help them through a bumpy and tortuous journey. In the process of walking, you can't communicate with words, you can only use gestures to hint. After this interesting and vivid game created an atmosphere for the parents' meeting, the teacher kindly expressed the original intention of designing such a game: please ask parents to experience the feeling of being helped to walk in the dark, and let the students experience the difficulty of helping-this is a parents' meeting for some students with learning difficulties. "These children are like walking in the dark now, and they need the help of their loved ones. Children and parents should be considerate of each other. " This is the theme of this parent-teacher conference. Then, the teacher took 15 minutes to invite parents and children to have a heart-to-heart talk. After that, several students came forward to talk about their usual problems in study and life, and parents also reviewed their improper educational methods in the past. At the end of the parent-teacher conference, the teacher asked each parent to write a letter to their children to encourage them to build confidence. For such a parent-teacher conference, parents feel relaxed and lively, with a serious theme and a new and good form; Students reported that after the meeting, they had a deeper understanding of learning than before, and had some awareness, hoping to open more in the future.
There is a problem of cheating in exams in the class, and parents need to cooperate with education. Teacher Zhao, the head teacher of Class 8, Grade 2, Beijing School, did not criticize students or find parents as before, but quietly asked each student to keep a small goldfish and bring it to the parent-teacher meeting a week later. Facing the fish tank on the table, Teacher Zhao said, "We are going to hold a goldfish competition today. But it's not bigger than whose fish, whose fish looks good, and we have to compare whose fish is really raised by ourselves. " In a startled look, the teacher led to an honest topic for parents and students to discuss together. Teacher Zhao wants to use this special discussion to solve the problem more peacefully and actively: not only to help students improve their understanding of honesty, but also to make parents realize that "score" is not the most important. They should first care about the shaping of children's personality, guide children to learn to be human and learn to do things with teachers. In their speeches after the discussion, parents repeatedly expressed their demands and hopes for their children's morality and reflected on their neglect in the education process. At the end of the summary, the teacher asked: "Just now, the students exchanged ideas with their parents. I believe you must have made a promise to your parents for the second half of the semester, and you must have made it seriously and responsibly … "Finally, all parents and students shared the words" Honesty is golden ". A parent-teacher meeting that might have been full of gunpowder reminded and educated parents and students in this form.
Parent-teacher conference has changed its face: it is no longer the civilized language "swearing-in meeting" of cold-faced teachers and the "training meeting" of parents, but the tenderness and affection evaluated by experts run through it; Softening criticism and well-intentioned reminders make parents and students more grateful and respectful to teachers, and also make all parties in such a triangular relationship more respectful, understanding and communicating.
A student who has experienced changes in parent-teacher conferences is right: parent-teacher conferences have changed, so have we, and so have parents: we are considerate and like learning; Parents can understand us and forgive us. Parent-teacher conferences have changed our relationship with our parents-
Build the parent-teacher conference into a bridge.
The definition of parent-teacher conference is "a way for schools to contact their parents". The purpose of holding parent-teacher conferences is to promote mutual understanding and support between parents and teachers, so that schools and families "put forward the same requirements for their children and always proceed from the same principles".
The new parent-teacher conference model is approaching this goal. The new form comes from and depends on the new concept that parents should be teachers' partners. Under the new concept, parents' meeting can become a bridge between hearts.
Respect, equality and cooperation are reflected in the whole process of the parent-teacher conference: before the parent-teacher conference, teachers have consulted parents (sometimes including students) about the content and methods of the conference, and carefully designed invitations explain the theme of the conference; In the meeting, teachers consciously give parents and even students time and space to become the protagonists of parent-teacher conferences. In this way, parents will have the opportunity to understand their children's overall situation, change their attention to their children, listen to other parents' teaching experience and confusion, have the opportunity to communicate face to face with their children, participate in students' education, and evaluate class education.
Parents are delighted to feel this change and the gains it brings. A parent said: "The parents' meeting of children has been held many times, but it is the first time for teachers, parents and students to communicate directly face to face. It is really novel and rich, which helps me to understand my children more comprehensively and help me to establish a new concept of educating children. "Some parents wrote down their feelings to the teacher:" I always thought I knew everything about children before, so I neglected to know more about children. "If you don't understand, how can you understand? So we can't understand some weird behaviors of children, and children can't understand the good intentions of parents. Today, I was surprised and happy to hear what my children wrote to their parents. It is shocking that there are so many grievances and complaints hidden in children's hearts, but they don't know that we care about and love children most; I'm glad the child said what he wanted to say. Today is a new beginning. The speeches of several parents are very enlightening to us. Children grow up day by day. The best way to care for children is to make friends with them and create a relaxed and harmonious space for them. "
After changing the previous "performance report", teachers also found a new feeling of the work of the head teacher. Often after the parent-teacher conference, parents hold the teacher's hand and are filled with emotion. When a young teacher in Yu Ying school was the head teacher, her parents often complained to her that the relationship between the teacher and her parents was very tense. Through the new model of parent-teacher conference again and again, parents have seen her care for students, enthusiasm for work, and better understanding, and parents have given strong support to her work. Her class has become an excellent class group; There is also a teacher who has not transferred to another school for a long time. He is afraid that he can't teach the class well, and he is under great pressure. At work, he often adopts a strict attitude and strict training, which makes the relationship between teachers and students tense. The new parent-teacher conference helped her improve her relationship with parents and students. With the cooperation of parents, the student work in this class has achieved gratifying results.
For students, seeing how teachers sincerely appreciate their progress at the parent-teacher conference, how to skillfully guide parents to accept their own shortcomings, and seeing that teachers really hold parent-teacher conferences for their healthy growth, they feel that a heart bridge is unblocked.
"In the past, every time I heard the news of a parent-teacher conference, I always thought of' finished playing' and' dead', as if the end of the world was coming. However, after the interactive parent-teacher conference, we not only didn't finish, but also made progress. I always feel that my parents have nothing to do all day. Through this parent-teacher meeting, we know the parents' distress. At the same time, parents also learned about our distress as students. Such parent-teacher conferences are successful. "
"I used to have a parent-teacher conference. Every time I see my father in the classroom, my heart jumps like a rabbit. And I always want to peek at the' mystery meeting' and imagine what kind of face my father will walk out of the classroom. This parent-teacher meeting conveyed the parents' difficulties to the children, and also changed their views on the' mystery meeting'. "
"In the past, after parents came to the school for a meeting, a reprimand widened the distance between us, and it was even harder to communicate again. This time it's as simple as chatting. Teachers, parents and classmates speak freely, not only about learning, but also about life, as well as educational methods and learning experiences. "
"At this parent-teacher meeting, what I saw most was the knowing smile of parents and myself. That all-inclusive smile made me understand that parents are actually our friends. After the parent-teacher conference, my parents' concern for me increased. For example, our classmates used to talk on the phone for a long time, and my mother will talk for a long time. Now she just reminds me gently, and I realize it myself. Much better in educating me. If I stop worrying, I will beat and scold, but I will ask and criticize in good faith, which makes me feel relaxed and happier than before. "
"The dialogue at the parent-teacher conference has brought dozens of small families together into a big family here."
This is what some students who participated in the new model parent-teacher conference wrote afterwards, describing the changes.
In Beijing Yu Ying Middle School, this reform experiment, from junior high school to senior high school, involves many aspects of students' growth process and has received good results. Every successful parent-teacher conference has touched parents, excited students and benefited the class teacher himself.