1. What should I do if I see my friends leaving one by one but can’t do anything about it?

Recently, a girl came to me and expressed her confusion about friendship, hoping to get some comfort.

The reason why I posted this is because I happened to think more or less about this issue.

Her general situation: 26 years old, has been working for several years, and does not have a small family yet. Most of my friends are in similar situations, and some of them have already started a family.

Let me ask, do you feel that other people’s hearts are getting farther and farther away from you, have you ever taken the initiative to get close to them? What actions have you taken to redeem yourself? Have you made any new friends since entering society?

She said, no, worrying is useless no matter what you do. It's like watching a train go away. No matter how you chase it, it will go away after all. It's sad, but there's nothing you can do about it.

This feeling is not unique to her. Who has not experienced this kind of loss after working for several years?

At first, I was too busy and neglected it unknowingly. Suddenly, I looked back and realized where my friend had gone. Then we will gradually get used to it, and it turns out that we are greeted and sent off like this all the time.

Most people can only be companions on a certain journey in life. When the bus arrives at the station, they say goodbye gently, or even worse, they disappear into the crowd before they have time to say goodbye.

Whether you remember it or forget it, what we can do is to cherish the things and people in front of us, say goodbye to those who are far away, and leave warm memories in our hearts.

Even if time flies and things and people change, no one except Alzheimer's disease can take away the memory that belongs to you.

When she hung up the phone, she said, thank you, I'm much better.

I know that I haven’t done much. All she needs is the listening and comfort of strangers. Because there are some things you can’t say to your friends. You can't be like my five-year-old child who said to a friend who was tired of being together yesterday: You are no longer my best friend. From today on, you are my worst friend.

Finally, I reminded the girl that if you don’t want to lose a friendship, it’s best to tell the other person and let her understand your feelings. Maybe the other person is just like you.

When people reach middle age, they are not as good as dogs.

Keeping in touch with friends has become the most luxurious thing, and it is no longer possible to go back to the green years.

I asked Binghe, what would you tell your former friends: Why didn’t you contact me? We are all estranged.

He said, are you sick? Won't.

I said, will you be sad?

He said, what's the use of being sad?

I said, why don’t you take the initiative to contact your friends?

He said, what should I contact if nothing happens?

I am not like the Buddhist youth Binghe, who can make you see me or not see me, I am here. I was more restless than he was, getting to the bottom of things.

In 2017, I traveled frequently between Nanjing and Shanghai. But every time I came and went in a hurry, I could see some friends above, but there were two people I had known for more than ten years who never saw each other because they were busy with each other.

That day, when I saw them discussing where to get together in the group again, I reached a new level of LOW and half-jokingly asked one of them: Why don’t you ask me to meet every time you go back to Nanjing? When I'm not around, do I see you guys shouting and getting high every day?

What will happen if you spread it out? I haven't thought about it.

Thank you very much, she answered seriously. ▼

You didn’t say you wanted to come back.

I have to go back to see the kids after get off work.

You are not coming back for the weekend.

I feel that we have known each other for so long and understand each other...

Yes, I understand. This means that I did not make an appointment alone, but just posted a message on Moments. The reason.

Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if we made appointments one after another and ended up disturbing everyone? It is much more comfortable to post on Moments. People who see it will contact you, and those who pass by will like it.

I want to see you, not that I have to see you, but I just hope that you also happen to want to see me.

Otherwise, wouldn’t this meeting be a burden?

The feeling of meeting each other but not wanting to mention it alone is very similar to Simone de Beauvoir's letter to her lover:

After saying this, I didn't feel any better. Instead, I felt stingy, childish, embarrassed, and ashamed of myself: just like the idiot next door.

I asked myself: What are you doing? Are friends lovers? Do you need a friend to be at your service at all times? Why do you ask for friends like this?

On non-weekends, it is perfectly reasonable for people to go home after work to look after their children.

Besides, when you grow up to this age, shouldn’t such words be kept in your heart and not spoken out?

In the end, a friend who was watching stood up and came to the rescue: You are angry because you care in your heart, you care about our friendship!

As soon as these words came out, the smell of gunpowder disappeared immediately. Later, we met quickly. happy ending!

I remember after visiting Laomendong in the south of the city, I saw her taking the child out in a stroller, bringing water, milk powder, diapers...

After sending her to a taxi in the afternoon, I Still he said something to her: I shouldn't ask you that.

In the future, I may never say that to others again. Mostly, I still keep her deep in my heart as I always did, and occasionally have sweet dreams with our past in them.

Then send her a message telling her that I dreamed of you yesterday. Or be more subtle and post on Moments, I dreamed about a friend yesterday.

3. No matter how close you are, there are times when you don’t want to be seen.

In the adult world, it is often impossible to let go.

When I was a student, I would tell my friends if I held hands with a little boy, and I would tell my friends if I had a fight with my boyfriend. After getting married, even things like divorce don't seem worth talking about. Who would easily tell their friends about their little sorrows?

We have all reached the age where we don’t like to show off in everything. We dare not show vulnerability for fear of being looked down upon by others, and fear of disturbing the other person. I would rather bury my heart in the deepest place until the sunshine shines into my heart again, then I dare to stand in front of others and show my friends the sunny side.

Nietzsche said that every day without dancing is a failure of life.

I increasingly find that every silent day we spend may be self-healing.

People ask divorced friends, why didn’t you tell us?

She said, I felt that I had recovered, and then I had the courage to speak out.

We say that we want to share the difficult times.

She said, I didn’t want to tell anyone at that time.

We didn’t say that when you were sad, we weren’t there, but did you still treat us as friends?

Of course we are still friends, but even our closest family members and friends have a look that they don’t want them to see.

Just like the heroine of the Korean drama "For the First Time" that I watched not long ago, a trainee screenwriter escaped from the den after being raped by the screenwriter and director one night.

I wanted to call my best friend since I was a child, but when I was about to dial the other party’s number, I saw myself in the street window: pajamas, slippers, disheveled clothes, and messy hair.

She immediately put down the phone and decided to walk aimlessly in the tunnel alone. Where to go, I don't know. Then I just didn’t want my friends to see what I looked like at that time.

We all have a defensive instinct against vulnerability. We believe that there are some roads that only we can walk on. As long as we are strong enough, we can go a long way by gritting our teeth.

Maupassant wrote in "A Life":

However, psychologically, friends are an important social support force. We don’t realize this when we are young and healthy in all aspects, but in old age, friendship becomes more and more precious.

This is obvious with my dad.

In the past two years, his sense of self-worth has been low. He always feels that he is useless, that his children don't need him, and that he has no sense of existence.

In addition, he has been wandering around outside in his middle age and has no time to take care of his old friends, so his acquaintances are half scattered. I was terribly lonely for a while.

After returning to his hometown for a while in the fall, a group of old comrades found him. One of them said that he had been looking for him for more than ten years and was finally able to contact him. He was very happy.

The two of them drank and fought, sold clothes in the Northeast, carried milk powder in the Northwest, and drank goat milk in Xinjiang. After the party, the two discussed traveling together in the future.

Not long after, the other party said that his cousin in Xuzhou asked him to bring a leg of lamb to drink. He didn’t want to be lonely on the road, so he invited my dad. So, two old men in their 60s took a train to Xuzhou, carrying a goat on their backs. This picture is too beautiful to imagine.

Winter has just entered, and an old friend in Shanghai came to me through me. He also asked me to take my father to meet him on the Bund, but before I could spare the time, my father went quietly by himself, and before leaving, he brought a bucket of crucian carp to my sister. It pissed me off.

In the past six months, because of friendship, I have seen that his sense of presence has increased significantly.

Of course, the friendship between older girls is even more passionate.

Once when I went to Purple Mountain for an interview after a snowfall, I saw a few aunties holding red umbrellas above the white snow and under the wintersweet trees, laughing and taking photos of each other. I actually thought of "A Dream of Red Mansions" and the Grand View Garden...

I couldn't help but be envious. At that age, would I be able to hold the hands of the little sisters from the past and wander around the "ends of the world" to live the most beautiful sunset?

However, friends generally don’t pop up suddenly when they are old like my dad’s comrades. Is it possible to wear reading glasses and go to a dating website to find someone?

Take advantage of now to make more friends, and we will go crazy together when we are old. Or, forward this article to your old friend and tell her you miss her. Hoho~

Speaking of this, Amway is a Korean drama "My Dear Friends".

And the new drama "The Most Beautiful Farewell in the World" written by Noh Hee-kyung.

Four episodes of short drama, produced by TVN, with a Douban score of 9.3.

The best reminder I can give you is: find a deserted corner and prepare tissues!