For everyone, friends are a lifetime asset, and children are no exception. Especially today's primary school students, most of whom are only children, lack the company of their peers as they grow up, so they need friends more, are more eager to be recognized and accepted by friends, and get laughter and happiness in the process of getting along with friends, and these We cannot replace it.

However, many only children nowadays are not good at making friends and do not know how to deal with people. As mothers, we should use the correct method to encourage them to make friends.

One day, a mother took her second-grade daughter to play in the community square. There were several eight or nine-year-old children skipping rope there. The daughter stood aside and watched eagerly. The mother said to her: "Do you want to make friends with them and jump rope together?"

The daughter pouted and whispered: "Yes."

"Then go ahead, look. , How much fun they have!”

“But, but, I don’t know them”

“It doesn’t matter, you can say hello to them first and introduce yourself. Then ask them: 'Can I jump rope with you? ' I think they'll be happy to let you join. ”

“Really? ”

"It's fun to play with more people, go ahead!"

So, the daughter did what her mother taught her, and they readily agreed. At first, my daughter seemed a little cautious, but as she played, she got familiar with them and became very good friends.

After that, my daughter and they often met to play in the community square.

Seeing that her daughter was unwilling to make new friends, her mother did not blame her, but encouraged her to make friends and taught her how to make friends, so that she could successfully join the game with her friends. , and became friends.

In most cases, children will not take the initiative to make friends, especially for young, shy, and introverted children. At this time, we can "make connections" for them and let them take the initiative to make friends with other people. Children say, "Can I play with you?" "Can I join your team?" "Do you want to make friends with me?" In this way, the child will be able to make new friends quickly.

It can be said that what kind of friends to make is very important for children. Especially for children who are in primary school, they do not yet have a good ability to judge right from wrong, good and evil. If they do not know how to make friends, it is easy to make friends with poor conduct. Not only will he be adversely affected, he may even be led astray by his friends.

Therefore, we must teach our children the principles of making friends, let them make friends that are truly beneficial to them, and guard against falling into inappropriate social circles.

Encourage children to make friends

Children must first learn to communicate and make more new friends before they can form a correct outlook on making friends. This is very important for today’s children a lesson. Therefore, we must encourage children to make friends.

We must first understand why children are unwilling to make friends, and then prescribe the right medicine. For example, some children do not know how to make friends, so we need to teach them how to make friends, just like the mother in the above case did; some children do not dare to make friends because they are shy, then We need to help him. We can make an appointment with friends and neighbors to take the children out to play or eat together, and take the opportunity to let them get to know each other. We can also invite colleagues and their children to visit our homes. In a familiar environment, it is easier for him to Make friends.

Understand the stages of children making friends and provide guidance

The famous American educator Zeke Robin divides the children's friendship process into four overlapping stages. Children will automatically choose different friends and establish their own circle of friends, and their friendship conditions and principles will also change as they grow older. Therefore, we must give our children correct guidance according to their different stages of making friends.

The first stage: egocentric stage (3 to 7 years old).

At this stage, children often regard children who play together or live close together as friends. He seeks friends for usefulness, that is, the other party has toys he likes or abilities he does not possess. At this time, we can organize some group activities and invite children with the same interests and hobbies as our own children to participate and let them play together.

The second stage: self-satisfaction stage (4 to 9 years old). In the process of communication, children at this stage do not make friends because of their own needs. At this stage, once children like to make friends, we should strengthen the value of friends, value the friendship between them, and do not deny or denigrate the children's friends.

The third stage: reciprocity stage (6 to 12 years old). Children at this stage are characterized by reciprocity and equality in making friends. So, when judging friends, there is a clear comparison: who does what for whom and expects something in return. Because of being in such a relationship, friendships at this stage are limited to one pair, small groups, and are generally mostly same-sex relationships. At this time, we should not just be a bystander. At the appropriate time, we should teach our children some experiences, skills and principles of making friends.

The fourth stage: Intimacy stage (9 to 12 years old). During this stage, children maintain relatively close friendships. They no longer only pay attention to the superficial behavior of their friends, but instead care about their inner qualities and happiness. Many psychologists regard this stage as the basis of all close friendships and believe that if a child cannot find close friends at this stage, he will not find a true close partner by adolescence or adulthood. When children are in the intimacy stage, we must pass on to them correct values ??and encourage the development of their interpersonal relationships.

Don’t use your own likes and dislikes to help your children define their circle of friends

What kind of friends should your children make? This is an issue we are most concerned about. Many mothers feel that their children are young, lack life experience, and lack the ability to judge right from wrong, good and evil, and are afraid that they will make bad friends, so they will always interfere with their friendship issues and help them define their circle of friends based on their own likes and dislikes.

Indeed, we always hope that our children will make friends with classmates who study well, and hope that they can learn from their classmates and improve their academic performance. As long as we find that children make friends with classmates with poor grades, or make friends with classmates who are naughty, weirdly dressed, and love to play, we will prevent them from interacting with each other. As everyone knows, when we place too many restrictions on a child's circle of friends, it will lead to him being unable to make friends.

If a child does not do well in school, or is naughty, dresses weird, or loves to play, it only means that he has problems in these aspects, but it does not represent everything. He is likely to be excellent in other aspects, such as being friendly to others, Thinking of others, being honest and trustworthy, loving labor, etc., aren't these things worth learning from other children?

Instead of worrying that our children will be negatively affected, we might as well teach them to identify which aspects of our friends are worth learning and which aspects must be discarded. In this way, even if the child makes a friend who is defective in some way, he will not be adversely affected.

If a child makes bad friends, we should not use rough methods to solve the problem, otherwise it will make him feel antagonistic. We should understand the situation first, then communicate with him in a respectful manner and tell him What kind of friends should be made? I believe he will judge whether that friend is worth keeping.

Teach children the criteria for choosing friends

For primary school students who are not deeply involved in the world, we must consciously teach them the criteria for choosing friends. We want our children to make friends with upright, honest, and knowledgeable people, and not to associate with people of low moral character and bad habits. When children know how to choose friends based on the criteria of "harmful friends" and "beneficial friends", they will naturally not fall into misunderstandings in relationships.