Degang Guo Yu Qian 20 15 latest comic sketch "physiognomy"

A: Let's talk for a while.

B: OK.

A: Crosstalk. Appearance, voice, these two words, we didn't do it.

B: Not enough.

A: The sound is terrible and the appearance is irritating.

B: it doesn't look good!

A: Look at people's looks. Everyone looks the same.

B: Of course.

What do you think the standard should be? It's hard to say, even for one person.

B: Everyone is the same. There are beautiful things and ugly things.

What do you mean good-looking? I thought I was fine.

B: Huh?

A: I don't think I am poor.

B: Aren't you poor?

A: Who do you think looks good?

B: I really can't say how good-looking men are, only how good-looking women are.

A: Women?

B: Ah.

A: Who?

Who ... then I can't point it out. What a woman looks like is the standard, and what a woman looks like is good-looking. I can say this.

What do you think it should look like?

B: This is the best. She has Liu Yeer eyebrows, almond eyes, a narrow nose, a small cherry mouth, a dimple when she smiles, a slim waist and a loud voice.

Who told you that?

That's what I said.

A: The word is wrong.

B: Why?

A: It doesn't matter.

Why didn't you notice?

What do you call this? This is called "beauty praise".

B: what do you mean by praise?

A: Everyone who tells stories knows this set of words-praise. When it comes to saying that this person is good-looking, he uses this set of words: Liu Yeer's eyebrows, almond eyes, nose bridge, small cherry mouth, no laughing, no talking, a pair of dimples, slender willows and the voice of swallows. That's what the storyteller said. The listener thinks this person is good-looking. Actually, it's not. Not good-looking!

B: Not pretty?

Which woman looks like this?

B: Isn't it beautiful?

A: it's not good for women to look like this.

B: Why?

It's too shabby for a woman to look so much. Liu Yeer Mei, let's talk about this eyebrow first.

What do you say?

Liu Yeer, have you seen Willow?

Yes, I do.

Liu Yeer May, it's long and narrow from here!

B: Wow! What long eyebrows! It is too long to look good.

A: That's right.

Liu Yeer's eyebrows are ugly. What about almond eyes?

A: Almond eyes?

Hey, this looks good.

A: Eyes are like amygdala. Are they round and dripping?

B: That's not pretty!

Clean your nose. ...

How's this?

A: It's bulging here.

B: generally tall?

A: Yes.

B: No, no.

Cherry has a small mouth, like a cherry?

B: Ah.

A: Eating is troublesome!

B: Why?

I always have to eat noodles.

B: Why?

A: What a small mouth! A long noodle is inhaled into the body.

B: I'm full.

Noodles are becoming popular. Where is the sauce? It's all in my mouth!

B: didn't the sauce go in?

A: Yes.

B: It's not pretty!

A: Where are the two dimples?

This may be good.

A: Two dimples look like "GREAT GHOST" from a distance.

B: Yo! Waist?

A: Can you live? Like that?

B: Not good either.

A: The most irritating thing is the voice of Yan-language warbler.

B: Why?

Answer: Speak like a swallow.

B: That's not good!

A: Oriole's voice.

Great!

A: How nice? Who knows?

B: Not even?

How fast the swallow's mouth is! The swallow cried, "delicious!" Delicious! " Too soon!

B: That's fast enough.

Answer: Who can hear the voice of Yinger and the soft voice of oriole? Does your wife talk to you like that?

B: No?

A: Yan language?

B: Ah.

A: You go home from work and listen to the radio. When you get home, your wife says to you, "Hey, you're back. Have tea. The weather is very hot. Have a meal and give you hot dishes. " You have to say.

B: Yes.

Yan Yu, talk like a swallow?

B: No?

A: Yinger's voice, oriole's soft voice? You got it?

B: Why?

A: You came home from work on the radio: (softly and quickly) "Are you back?"

B: Yo!

A: "You eat."

B: Oh!

A: What's the matter? What is this?

B: No way.

A: Not at all.

B: What do you think of it?

A: Is it nice?

Hmm.

A: This person is not too tall, too short or too fat. He is healthy and can work. This is called beauty, and this is called beauty.

B: Huh? I remember someone saying, "Look at your face-poor face. Look how beautiful they are-rich. "

A: That's a lie.

B: Why?

What is poverty? What do you mean by lenient?

Everyone says so.

A: You don't understand.

B: Why?

The man you are talking about looks poor and rich. This is the past.

In the past

Who started this? In the old society, the rumors made by the feudal landlord class stood on the standpoint of exploiting the people. He said he was blessed, but he denied that he was exploited. He said he was lucky and should enjoy life. Working people are underfed, inadequately clothed and exploited. He said, not happiness, not luck, not life.

B: Oh.

A: He always says this, and some people believe it and think it is right: "Oh, big officials and big landlords, I am lucky, but I am unlucky. Come on, accept my fate. " Resign, just accept it, come on, the reactionary ruling class and the feudal landlord class are proud of it! Accept your fate, there is no struggle! Recognize their exploitation and bullying. That's how the feudal landlords passed it on.

B: I didn't listen to the feudal landlord. I listened to the faces in the street. They said, "Rich or poor, eight characters matter."

A: What about that?

B: Ah.

A: You don't understand.

B: Why?

A: Who do physiognomists, fortune tellers and horoscope readers serve?

I don't know.

A: They serve the reactionary ruling class, not the working people! By the way, if you do this, you will believe what he said! They have their own written books.

B: Do you have any books?

Who compiled that book?

I don't know.

A: It was compiled by the reactionary ruling class and the feudal landlord class in the past. It is called Xiang Shu Wa, Ma Yi Xiang, Yuan Liu Zhuang, Water Mirror Collection, Xiang Fa Daquan, Xiang Fa Quan Zhang, Chu Gu Xiang, Touch Gu Xiang, and so on. I made up words, 468 sentences, conjunctions, four words and eight poems. I have read thirteen photo books.

Thirteen?

I know this word by heart. I've met people before.

B: what about the face?

A: Impossible.

B: Is it invalid?

A: No.

B: It doesn't work?

A: who are you taking pictures of? Who says it's useless? This makes me a little negative.

B: You should have been negative a long time ago. Just can't.

A: Huh?

B: It doesn't work.

A: Doesn't it work?

B: Ah.

A: There is one thing.

B: What kind?

I want to give you a face-to-face opportunity.

B: Huh?

A: 90.

Give me a soul mate?

Ah, good.

Oh-if you give me a photo, do you want money?

A: No money.

B: No money?

A: Listen, everyone, why is it good to know Zhang Qingsen? You know, it works for this reason, but it doesn't work for this reason.

B: Come on then.

I will look at your face.

B: Ah.

A: Stand still.

B: OK.

A: Look ahead.

B: OK.

Let me show you the face. If it looks right, you are right. If not, you are right.

B: Huh?

A: If you are wrong, you are wrong.

That's relative. I'll talk.

A: Yes.

B: No, why not?

A: Yes.

B: All right.

A: You're welcome.

B: OK.

You are a father, aren't you?

B: Well ... he ...

A: Is that right?

Yeah, right, right.

A: Say as much as you have.

Not much, just one.

A: Just one?

B: That's right.

A: How about that?

B: Ling.

A: It's spirit. The second type: did your parents have you after they got married?

Yes, that's right.

A: The third sample: How many brothers do you have?

B: How many brothers are there?

A: Ah.

Me, brother.

Twins?

B: Ah.

A: Sister doesn't count.

B: Brothers.

A: You either have a brother or a brother.

That's true. I have a brother.

A: How about that?

B: That's right.

Your brother is a little older than you.

Yes, that's right.

Yes, not much. No matter how old he is, he can never surpass your father.

B: That's ... How fresh! Hey! This spirit, too spirit.

A: How about that?

B: That's right.

A: The fourth sample: Do you have a wife?

Me?

A: Ah.

B: Yes.

A: Your wife and you were not born by the same mother.

B: That's ... Yeah.

A: How about that?

B: Yes, she is her son-in-law and I am my son-in-law.

A: How about that?

B: That's right.

A: Are you clever?

B: Great.

A: It's full, right?

B: That's right.

A: Are they all right?

B: Ah.

Hey hey! Do you see it?

See what?

A: This is called ability.

B: is this called ability?

A: Yes.

Hey hey! This is called being scolded!

A: Any news? this is ...

B: What is this word?

A: Hey, don't push!

B: Don't push. What's it like? I want to throw an axe at you, me!

It's not that bitter

It's not that bitter, is it? Does anyone look like you? This is called waste work!

A: Isn't this a joke?

Are you kidding?

A: Why is it so axial?

B: not the shaft. I don't know my face. You're kidding. That would be even worse!

A: Don't be ridiculous. Come again. Heads.

B: Ah.

Let me see your palm.

B: what is the palm method?

A: Hands.

B: Do I have to look at my hands?

A: Hey, the rules of physiognomy!

What are the rules?

Answer: "If you don't look at the claws (read the claws), you will not preach Buddhism."

B: Huh? We are hands. What do you mean, we are claws?

A: Isn't that enough?

B: What's the point?

A: "If you don't look at the claws, you will not be able to practice Buddhism."

Oh, wow.

A: My hand is almost there.

B: Why?

A: If you don't look at your hands, you must have failed to preach. Do not match!

B: If you say "You don't look at your hands, you must have never taught them", is that ok?

A: Well, this will do.

B: That's good. Just for you, my hands are claws!

A: Yes, yes. Read your palm.

B: Ah.

Look at your palm. Only heaven, earth and people can get tattoos. Your tattoo is not good.

B: What style?

A: Here you are.

B: Just a shorter one?

A: Hey, it's called a dash.

Do you have a speech?

A: "If you have tattoos on your palms, teenagers will be lonely and poor. If you ask when there will be wealth, you can go to your husband and marry another man. "

Ah ... huh? I have to marry someone else.

A: You passed the door when you were sixteen.

Me?

A: I got married at the age of 16. Wow, my grandfather died after I passed the door. My mother-in-law and daughter-in-law don't get along Now your husband is gone. You're getting married, aren't you? Marry, it is best to marry a Shandong person.

B: Why?

A: Oriental is a wood. Wood makes a fire, and couples are happy. Better marry a fat man.

What is this for?

Answer: Fat belongs to water, and aquatic wood is better.

B: Hey!

Look.

B: Why?

A: Starting from spring, your husband will come after beginning of spring and beginning of spring.

B: Wait a minute. See if I am a man or a woman.

A: Female.

B: Hey, I'm a man.

A: Female.

B: Why is it a woman?

A: Reaching out face to face, male left and female right. Wow, you put out your right hand. Isn't this a woman?

Who said that? I just reached the left ... ho! You told me I couldn't get my hands on it! My hand is wrong. Why did you ask me to marry a Shandong man and a big fat man? Why am I so cheap?

A: this hand.

B: Left hand.

A: You have a good hand. Hey!

B: Why?

A: You can't leave your fingers.

How fresh! You can't live without it!

A: Duck's paw.

B: Ah. Duck feet? The palm of a human hand

Answer: The fingers should be long, the palms should be square, the lines should be deep, the hands should be thick, the big finger should be the monarch, the last finger should be the minister, the second finger should be the main finger, the four fingers should be the guest, the monarch and the minister should match, and the guest and the host should be at loggerheads. The eight characters are tall, dry, bumpy, rugged, shocking, detached, Kun and Hui. If the palm is hollow, you will get rich, but the palm is not hollow. Turn your palm over and let me see. (Turn hand B outward)

B: Ouch! What is this?

A: This way, this way.

B: Is there such a flip?

A: Not the same.

B: Is it the same? Then it won't fall off!

A: That's right. This way.

B: Ah.

A: If the rubber band is exposed, the elderly will suffer; The rubber band is not exposed, and the old man enjoys happiness, as if it were exposed, as usual. Take your hands off me and look at your five senses.

B: look at the five senses?

A: Face to face.

B: Oh!

A: It mainly depends on your face, which is divided into five senses.

B: What are the five senses?

A: Eyes, nose, eyebrows, ears and mouth.

B: Oh.

Answer: The eyebrow is the longevity officer, the eye is the supervisor, the ear is the hearing officer, the mouth is the cashier, and the nose is the judge. With a good official, there will be ten years of prosperity. If you have a bad official, you will lose ten years. Let me see your five senses.

B: Have a look.

A: Good!

Which one?

A: Where are the five senses?

B: Ah.

A: None of them are next to each other.

Hey, how fresh! They all grow together and don't make buns.

A: steamed stuffed bun face.

B: buns face?

A: The steamed stuffed bun face is valuable.

B: Is it that long?

A: Come on.

How fresh! No more.

A: Your eyebrows don't look good.

B: Why?

A: Broke eyebrows are not good for brothers.

B: Oh.

A: The goal is not straight. Asking questions is more important than listening. Look at the luck this year.

B: Ah-ah.

A: You are old this year. How old are you?

B: I'm forty-five.

A: Forty-five points?

B: Ah.

A: It belongs to cattle.

B: Ah. Huh? Who said that?

When you were a child. ...

B: Wait a minute. Forty-five. How can it be a cow?

A: Huh?

B: how is it a cow?

A: It doesn't belong to cattle. ...

B: No.

Hey, you are a sheep.

B: It's wrong to be a sheep!

A: Is it okay to be a horse?

B: ok, let's discuss it now! I am forty-five, and I am a chicken.

A: Almost.

B: Almost less? Far from it!

A 45-year-old chicken?

Hmm.

A: Born in Guimao.

B: Huh?

You are a local.

B: No! Who was born in Guimao?

A: Yes.

B: Mao, isn't that a rabbit? I am a chicken.

A: A chicken is a chicken.

B: Rabbit!

Yes, you are, aren't you?

How fresh!

A: A: No.

B: Huh?

A: A: No.

No?

A: Ah.

B: You feed there, and I really eat here, okay?

A: You Wei?

B: What do you mean, promising!

A: Yes.

B: What's with the ghost?

A: No ghosts?

B: Damn it!

Hello.

What a pity! I am a chicken. I am a chicken.

A: Almost.

B: Almost less?

A: You are eight years old, eight years old, eighteen years old and twenty-eight. You are lucky. From the top of the mountain to the bottom of the mountain, you have no money and no vault. Both ends are gone. Tang Yin, 30, has been repaired. Wear two ears from one to ten years old, 15 bun, 16 days, 17 and 18 sun and moon angles, and the left and right sides of the sun and moon angles are even worse. When you are thirty ... Ah, thirty is good.

Thirty?

A: Good luck at thirty.

Oh, I married my wife when I was thirty.

That means good luck.

B: Yes, yes.

A: My wife. ...

B: Huh?

Hey, your wife. That is wrong.

B: can this be wrong?

How old is your daughter-in-law?

B: My daughter-in-law is thirty-six.

A: Thirty-six years old, one year younger than me, not bad.

B: Huh?

I wonder what my temper is.

How do you control your temper? Why is she one year younger than you?

A: One year younger than you.

Why are you one year younger than me?

I am one year younger than you.

B: When am I one year younger than you?

I am one year younger than you.

Why are you one year younger than me?

How old are you?

B: Oh! My wife is older than Xiao Jiu.

A: Compared with me?

B: What's in your way?

A: well, don't mention me yet.

How fresh!

A: Your daughter-in-law is younger than you, much younger. This is not good. You should marry an older wife. It is not good to marry a little wife, and husband and wife share the same life. After you get married, you are in trouble.

B: Why?

A: Bad luck. You have a comparison over the years.

Compared with what?

A: The towering building leads downstairs. Your life is getting worse every year, from January to January, from day to day, from moment to moment, from moment to moment.

B: How can I live? Me!

A: Life.

B: Why so unlucky?

A: One step higher and one step lower, one step wet and one step muddy. Wow, the spider web is right in front of the eaves, half blown away by the strong wind, half broken and half recovered. No amount of money can be saved. Making money is like flowing water in the Yangtze River, and leaving is like a storm. It's a false name and a false profit, and the mountain root collapsed. Your ancestors have a good foundation, and you will be fine in your life.

B: That's right.

A: You have been working hard all these years since you got married at the age of 30.

B: That's right.

Answer: Thirty-one takes Lingyun, thirty-two takes Zi Qi, thirty-three, thirty-four, two eyebrows, thirty-five, thirty-six big-eyed horns, thirty-seven, thirty-eight small-eyed horns, forty-one takes Shangen, forty-six, seven, old, longevity, forty-eight, forty-nine Lantai and Yu Ting, in your past.

B: Take a closer look.

You cough.

B: (Cough)

A: Yo!

B: What's the matter?

A: I have no confidence.

B: What does it matter if I'm dying?

Who said you were going to die?

B: How can you say that I have no confidence?

Answer: "Prosperity sounds out of the abdomen, gas is firm and throat is wide, and poverty leaves the lips. I can't talk about this all my life. Words should be peaceful and peaceful, there are many ignorant people, they are silent and uneasy, and they suffer from poverty. " According to your appearance, you have been working hard all your life.

B: That's right!

A: There is nothing left.

B: That's right!

A: I don't know. I think you have saved money. What are you saving? Nothing can be saved.

B: Yes!

A: "Toad came to the fish pond, which made it difficult for him to know. Some people say that you are happy and wronged. " You are a donkey dung ball.

What do you mean?

A: It's bright outside. It's beautiful outside and empty inside. We don't take advantage of a house, nor do we have an acre of land. We have to rent a house and two rooms.

B: Oh.

Your home is more than two miles south from here, isn't it?

B: That's right.

A: There are several houses near your home, all of which are mixed schools.

B: Yes.

A: Three blocks, even your four.

B: Ah.

The house you live in is the north house.

B: That's right.

A: There are two north rooms near the west end, with small inside and large outside.

B: Yes.

A: There are only two people in your family, you and your wife.