Stage layout: service desk.

A small classical coffee table and several small classical wooden chairs.

Boss Zhang (cleaning with a feather duster): I can't rely on any young people. They are all tanned and haven't come to work yet. This one is a daughter and the other is a nephew. If I were an outsider, I would fire them.

Liu Shi (come here and whistle): Hey! Did you hear me right, uncle? Who are you going to fire, me or my cousin?

Boss Zhang: When did one of the two workers arrive and not a hair was seen? After a while, the guests will be anxious.

Liu Shi (taking the feather duster in Zhang's hand and patting Zhang's shoulder): Uncle, the doctor has told you many times that people with high blood pressure should not worry, don't worry, don't be angry, don't be dry, don't worry, and be calm. It's quiet inside. Have a rest. I'll take care of all the hygiene problems.

Boss Zhang: Hey! It's rare that you still have some conscience, thinking about my uncle's high blood pressure (boss Zhang has left).

Zhang Xiao (singing while walking): We ordinary people are really happy today, and we ordinary people are really happy today.

Liu Shi (blowing on his mouth with his hand, pausing): Stop singing. You are so happy to pick up the gold ingot. My uncle wants to fire us. You are happy, and neither he nor I are happy.

Zhang Xiao: This is not the first time. I'm telling you, I won't do it until I dig the first bucket of gold and he leaves me. I want to be my own boss and earn my own money.

Liu Shi: OK, have backbone, cousin. Don't forget my poor brother. I will work for you.

Zhang Xiao: You, I have to think about it.

Liu Shi: Then I wish you can't dig the first bucket of gold in your life and be a wage earner like me.

Zhang Xiao: A dog can't spit ivory. My first bucket of gold is coming soon. Do you know why I was late today?

Liu Shi: Either online dating or being robbed halfway.

Zhang Xiao: I am going to buy a fund.

Liu Shi: You are so filial. You know my uncle has high blood pressure and can't eat monosodium glutamate. Go to buy chicken essence

Zhang Xiao: bully, I say you are stupid, I buy funds.

Boss Zhang (coming up): I don't eat monosodium glutamate and I can't eat chicken essence. You want to hurt me.

Liu Shi: Well, revenge is regarded as a donkey's liver and lung. "Our people are really happy today."

Zhang Xiao: This is casting pearls before swine. You don't understand.

Boss Zhang: What's the matter? You said I ate more salt than you. I don't understand.

Zhang Xiao: I went to the bank to buy a fund.

Liu Shi: Banks also buy chicken essence. After the bank reform, it seems that the supermarket business has also been started.

Boss Zhang: You can't eat chicken essence from the bank.

Zhang Xiao: Two cows are missing a tail. What I bought was not the chicken essence you mentioned, but the products of the bank.

Liu Shi: Hey, cousin, the more you talk, the more confused I am. Banks don't save money to withdraw money. Now they still buy products. Are those products on sale?

Zhang Xiao: The fund is a wealth management product launched by the bank and a product issued by an agent fund company to make money through investment.

Boss Zhang: Ah, have you invested your money in the foundation? I can't help it A few years ago, the foundation closed down overnight, and many people were unlucky. It is precisely because of good national policies and efforts to raise funds that these talents have saved the day. (Boss Zhang holds his head in his hand, and Liu Shi quickly holds Boss Zhang. )

Liu Shi: Uncle, are you sick? Cousin, take out the money from the foundation quickly, and don't let my uncle worry.

Zhang Xiao: Dad, don't worry. I will definitely take out the money. Liu Shi, don't help my dad rest.

Boss Zhang: I'm fine. (Boss Zhang leaves)

Zhang Xiao (taking Liu Shi): You are a pig brain, and you don't even understand the funds bought by the bank. I don't know why you Liu Shi won't be poor all your life.

......

Liu Shi: You can't get a mortgage without my uncle's consent.

Zhang Xiao: You can borrow it as long as you are willing to help me. I have got the real estate license and ID card. Look at that. (Show your ID card)

Liu Shi: If you don't go in person, you can't go through the formalities.

Zhang Xiao: You're gone. Aren't you a lot like my father?

Liu Shi: That's what outsiders say. This is called nephew staying at my uncle's door.

Zhang Xiao: You are only a little younger than my father. Just make a little change.

Liu Shi: My uncle has white hair, but I don't.

Zhang Xiao: I'm done. It's painted white. Just press it (Zhang Xiao sprays it on Liu Shi).

Liu Shi: My uncle has bags under his eyes.

Zhang Xiao: You will have bags under your eyes after crying.

Liu Shi: OK, can I cry?

Zhang Xiao: Think of other people's piles of tickets, but you are too poor to wear pants. Won't you cry?

Liu Shi: I'll try, try. (Pretending to cry loudly) I still can't cry.

Boss Zhang: What are you whispering about? Liu Shi, why are you crying until your eyes are swollen?

Liu Shi: I just had a terrible stomachache.

Zhang Xiao: My cousin has a cramp in his stomach. I'm afraid his intestines will be perforated.

Boss Zhang: Then hurry to the hospital.

Liu Shi: Uncle, I'm so cold. Please put your coat on me. (Boss Zhang takes off his coat and puts it on Liu Shi. )

Zhang Xiao: Liu Shi, you are just like my father. You are so much alike. Dad has no guests at this time, so I will go with my cousin, just in case.

Boss Zhang: Go quickly and call me if you need anything. (Zhang Xiao, Liu Shiye)

Boss Zhang wandered around: Are these two boys hiding something from me? Why do they have stomachaches? People with stomachaches only shout. How can his eyes be red and swollen? No, I have to call to see where they are. (Boss Zhang calls) Daughter, where are you? Get me some antihypertensive drugs. Come back early. I feel a little dizzy.

Liu Shi and Zhang Xiao walked onto the stage, and Zhang Xiao put her handbag on the table.

Zhang Xiao: Dad, are you all right? This is your antihypertensive drug. Zhang Xiao: I have an idea. I've done it for you. (Take out a big onion from the handbag, peel it off layer by layer, and aim it at Liu Shi's eyes. )

Liu Shi: Cousin, you are so clever. (Liu Shi starts to cry)

Zhang Xiao: Rub your eyes desperately, and rub the key points, quickly.

Liu Shi: My eyes are blurred.

Zhang Xiao (laughs): I finally have bags under my eyes.

Boss Zhang: Liu Shi, you don't want to hang salt water, do you? How did it get better so soon?

Liu Shi: The doctor said that I didn't have diarrhea or dehydration, so I don't need to hang salt water.

Boss Zhang: Then you got an injection. What kind of injection?

Zhang Xiao: Atropine, Demerol.

Liu Shi: Yes, atropine.

Boss Zhang: My daughter pours some water and I take medicine. Liu Shi, go in and have a rest. (Liu Shi and Zhang Xiao leave)

The boss opened the handbag, took out the real estate license and ID card, and a mortgage agreement.

Boss Zhang: These two little animals deliberately piss me off. Zhang Xiao Liu Shi, come out, come on.

Zhang Xiao and Liu Shi rushed out in unison: Did the old man have a stroke? (Zhang Xiao Liu Shi looks at the real estate license and mortgage contract and lowers his head. )

Boss Zhang: What's the matter? Are you angry with me for renting the Happy Teahouse?

Zhang Xiao: Dad, the bull market is really the best time to invest now, but I don't have any money and you won't take it out. I have to think it over with my cousin.

Boss Zhang: You also said that the three-three-four strategy of house deposit and mortgage investment should be too risky.

Zhang Xiao: I know you have 200,000 yuan in the bank. I borrowed 70,000 yuan to buy a fund according to the 3-3-4 policy.

Boss Zhang: You are poisoned. You forced me to take out money to buy you a fund.

Liu Shi: Uncle, please help my cousin.

Boss Zhang: You don't have a stomachache. You are still lying down.

Liu Shi: I-I'm all right.

Boss Zhang: This house can't be reached. In case of loss, the bank will take over the house and all three of us will be laid off. It seems that I have to take out the deposit slip and give you 70 thousand to buy the fund.

Zhang Xiao: Dad, don't worry. We'll talk tomorrow. You don't have hypertension. Take a break.

Boss Zhang: I don't have high blood pressure.

Zhang Xiao: Dad will cheat, too.

Boss Zhang: As long as you can lie to me, I can't lie to you.

Three people get off together. Zhang Xiao: We take money to buy funds. Singing: We ordinary people are really happy today.

Script 2

Script: circulation of counterfeit money

First, a happy appearance.

Poor and happy: I am really happy when others are happy, and I am really poor and happy when I am happy. Whether you like it or not, Happy Teahouse is fun and must be happy, don't you think? .

Audience: Yes.

Second, live performance part

Poor and happy monologue with a fake hundred-dollar bill: You said that people are unlucky, the salt jar is full, drinking water fills their teeth, farting hurts people, twisting their feet when walking, and when did you mix a counterfeit money? ( 100).

Poor and happy patted his face with his palm and scolded him: a pair of goldfish and leopard eyes were white.

Poor and happy show a sly smile: the road is one foot high and the devil is ten feet high. There is a way.

Old happy, old happy standing on the service platform smiling to meet poor happy, poor happy sitting on the coffee table, stretching his legs.

Old Happy: Little Sister serves tea.

Poor and happy: the best Biluochun in the world, plus a plate of pistachios.

Xiao Xinkai carries tea: boss, happy teahouse, drinking Biluochun, chewing pistachios, happy, happy today, happy tomorrow, happy every month, happy every year, happy eating, happy drinking, happy sleeping, and everything will always be happy.

The poor happy hand touched the little happy hand: happy! Happy! It's happier to have a little sister (secret) to drink with you.

Small happy angry stay: indecent aunt, open your head.

Poor Happy stepped forward and poured tea for poor Happy: Boss, I will accompany you.

Poor and happy: you accompany me, bark face, hay head, grasshopper waist, violin belly, iron pickpocket, and happy teahouse, disgusting.

When you are old and happy, touch your face, look at your hands and pat your stomach: just enjoy it if you don't mind.

Poor happiness: check out. (Take out the fake 100) and give me a refund of 80 yuan.

Happy old bow took 100 yuan and turned to prepare change. Poor happy and proud face.

Lao Happy: Sorry, this money is fake.

Poor and happy: I said that you are lying with your eyes open, talking in your sleep in broad daylight, and talking without teeth. Obviously, you gave a real ice (100), you switched the bag, cut the stolen goods and framed them.

Old happy: I didn't take the money, my feet didn't move, I didn't turn around, I didn't go into the drawer. I'm not a juggler, let alone a the Monkey King who can change seventy-two.

Poor and happy: I don't care I gave you real money. You have to change to 80 yuan. (Be happy when you are poor, but be happy when you are old) Look for it, look for it.

Always happy: keep the change.

Relax: What's so noisy?

Old Happy: You can't expect me to give you eighty dollars. I don't charge, you eat and drink for free.

Poor and happy: hey! You look down on me, you look down on me, I am a big boss, and I am a respectable person. How do you say you can't find 80 yuan for free food and drink?

Xiao Xinkai: You ate Xiong Xin leopard gall, and you dare to mix counterfeit money here. Call the police again.

Poor and happy: good alarm, good alarm, good alarm. I said you are happy in the teahouse, in prostitution and in marketing counterfeit money to make money.

Old Xin Kai: Forget it, little sister. It's too troublesome to call the police for frozen tickets (100). At least you have to smoke and drink tea with the guests. Please sit down and eat. Forget it. Give him a refund of 80 yuan to avoid disaster and not delay business.

Poor and happy: this is the best policy. (Leave proudly with 80 yuan. )

Xiao Xinkai: We can't be fooled for nothing. (Small is fake 100. Carry a bag and dress up as a "taxi" on the street. )

Poor Happy is driving a taxi, and Little Happy beckons him to get on it.

Poor and happy: Little Sister goes there.

Xiaoxiao: Drive ahead and go where I want to go.

Poor and happy: Little Sister (Mi) is really funny. How do I know where you are going? Hey, is this the place?

Xiao Xiaoxin dressed up in lipstick in front of the mirror. Xiao Xiaoxin looked back at Xiao Xiaoxin from time to time in front of the mirror: Little sister is really beautiful, and she is ashamed to fall into the wild goose. Is that the one who went to the teahouse, bar and massage room?

Xiao Xinkai: The dog's mouth lifts the curtains, the rooster pecks at the mouse, drives your car and makes your money. ,,,, Cough! Stop in front. (Xiao Xinkai puts his hands in two wallets, hesitating whether to take out real money or fake money. Xiao Xinkai blushed and was so nervous that he finally took out a real coin. Poor and happy, looking at nothing, changed money. Xiao Xinkai turned away with a guilty conscience. Waiting for the bus to leave, he took out the fake ice (100) and looked at it.

Xiao Xinkai: It's really useless. Just now, if I took out that counterfeit bill to pay, the driver didn't even look at it.

Xiaoxin adjusted the driver's change and was surprised to find that the driver had found a fake fifty, gnashing his teeth with anger.

Xiao returned to the teahouse.

Always happy: business doesn't go there.

Xiao Xinkai: Don't mention it. One fake one didn't mix out, and another one came in.

Lao Kuai: I said I couldn't stay full, but 100 yuan. Admit bad luck.

Xiao Xinkai: Why are we doing this? People treat me well, and I treat them well. When others misjudge me, I am mistaken.

Xiao Xinkai left: Yes! I have an idea.

Old happiness shook her head: alas! Counterfeit money hurts people

There is a mahjong table on the stage. Two men and two women are playing mahjong. There was a "Hu" sound, shaking his head slightly, and Aunt Cui gave the opposite aunt a holiday 100, and the aunt shuffled the cards without giving change. Xiao Xinkai smiled proudly.

At this time, there was movement, the door was about to open, and everyone put away the money on the table. Aunt couldn't wait to put the money under her waistband, and a small pimple broke out in front of her abdomen.

Two policemen stepped forward: freeze! Gather people to gamble.

Xiao Xinkai: Uncle policeman, without money, we are also poor.

The policeman pointed to the aunt: Take out the money, and hurry up.

Another policeman took out a fine receipt. Little happy eyes looked at my aunt's abdomen from time to time, and my aunt blushed.

Policeman: Everyone will be fined 500 pounds.

Aunt: I have no money, really.

Policeman: No money, really. (The policeman points to his girlfriend's stomach) What's that?

Aunt: That's the belly.

Policeman: I know it's the stomach. What's stuffed outside?

Aunt: No, I'm pregnant.

Xiao Xinkai: Uncle policeman, she is pregnant. I accompanied her to the hospital for a B-ultrasound this afternoon.

Policeman: She is pregnant. A rooster can lay eggs. She is a man and a woman.

Aunt: I haven't reached menopause, you! you

Xiao Xinkai: It is illegal to do sex identification. You lured us into breaking the law.

The policeman roared: I saw it. It's dishonest to stuff money into your stomach.

Girlfriend slowly searches for money from the lower abdomen.

The policeman licked his saliva and counted the money.

Xiao Xinkai grimaced in a hurry: What's the taste of money picked up by a woman's private parts licking in her mouth? Is it sour, sweet, fragrant or stale?

The policeman put away the money and spat on the ground. The police are gone.

Aunt is very depressed: unlucky, I just won some money today and became Yang Bailao again.

Xiao Xinkai: The police are still angry today. I gave you counterfeit money.

Aunt: What, you are so bad, where did you come from?

Xiao Xinkai: I know the man who choked to death by drinking water, ate through his stomach, somersaulted, overturned his car, drowned in a boat and crashed his plane.

Aunt: You are cursing yourself, so you gave it to me.

Xiao Xinkai: Then you were scolded, too. You didn't hang out with the police.

Both Xiao He and Aunt laughed: Ha! Ha! Ha! Counterfeit money harms people, and one should be deemed invalid.

Happy old man: You are right. Let's leave this task to the police.

Xiao Xinkai: So we didn't tip off the police today.

Always happy: You should be happy. Everything has a bright side, because you have done a good thing.

Policeman: You just happened to find two counterfeit coins in the fine. Recently, counterfeit money has been circulating in our city. Please go back to the police station to assist in the investigation.

Everyone looked at Xiao and Aunt happily.

Aunt Xiaohe said to Lao: We are innocent victims.

Lao Xing: Hi! Counterfeit money kills people.

Always be happy to face all the audience: good evening, boss, master, big brother, big sister, little sister and little brother.

The audience applauded: OK!

Old Xin Kai will hold a publicity activity here today to voluntarily identify genuine and fake currencies. There are prizes in the activity, and everyone is welcome to participate.

Relax.

Old happiness was dumbfounded: why did you come back?

Xiao Xinkai: What's wrong with me? I am a victim, and the victim should be protected by the people's police.

Old happiness: you have no conscience.

Xiao Xinkai: I want to make up for my work by promoting anti-counterfeiting activities.

Xiao Xinkai: Grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters sitting here, have you ever been cheated by counterfeit money? Please join our anti-counterfeiting activities. Let's do a quiz to identify genuine and counterfeit money. 100 face identification mark. If you answer correctly, you will be awarded 10 yuan, the second prize 20 yuan, and all the bonuses 100. I hope this activity can improve our ability to identify counterfeit money, make counterfeit money yell like a street mouse, and let real money earn more into our pockets.

Xiao Xinkai asked several male and female guests at different levels on the spot: How can you tell the truth from those parts?

The audience raised their hands to answer questions:

Always happy to present awards on the spot.

Finally, I am happy: the audience who won the prize today made money, and the audience who didn't win the prize learned knowledge. Are you happy?

Audience: Happy.

Xiao: Happy Teahouse, which happily welcomes happy guests from all over the world.

Poor and happy, the audience shouted, get him, get him. Small happiness, old happiness, poor happiness.