Almost all people's troubles come from interpersonal communication, and almost all the difficulties in interpersonal communication come from the control of the sense of boundaries.
Especially in today's Internet age, a WeChat can be chatted among thousands of waters in Qian Shan, and a Weibo can be salvaged in the vast sea of people. Humans have never been so closely intertwined.
After tasting the convenience of contact, what comes to my face is the oppressive feeling as dense as the tide. Independence, freedom, respect ... These words appear more and more frequently in hot search, and we are eager to have our own space.
At this time, the distance between people is no longer geographical proximity, but boundaries.
0 1
Invade in the name of blood
I often hear complaints from my friends. Her mother called her every day since college and asked her to report all the trips and things she did that day. Now that she is working, her mother is still insisting, and even suddenly attacked her apartment without saying hello. Clean and cook when you come, and then nag her at last.
At first, she was studying in a foreign land, and it was very kind to get a call from her mother. She always talks for an hour or two. Gradually, her life circle began to expand, and friends, classes and clubs filled her life. She no longer had time and energy to contact her mother. But as long as she is a little perfunctory to her mother, she learns from her father that her mother is worried and can't sleep well all night.
She loves her mother deeply and longs for a quiet life. She really doesn't know how to solve it.
Blood is born with no choice, which brings us hope and pressure.
What are relatives? They are people with whom we are related by marriage, blood and adoption. To put it bluntly, it is the person closest to us in the eyes of the general public.
However, being close does not mean being pervasive.
Everything goes too far, and those who give us life have no right to deprive us of it.
I remember that a few years ago, the "Life Sequence" with papi sauce caused a heated discussion. She puts herself first, followed by her partner, children and parents. She explained: "First of all, I spend the longest time with myself. I spent the rest of my life with my partner. Children and parents will only accompany you for a while, and the rest will go by themselves. "
I quite agree. Putting parents and children last is not to love them, but to hope that they can have a more colorful life.
As parents, we should control the investment in our children. Children will eventually grow up and have their own lives. The tighter they hold, the faster they walk.
As a child, sometimes I can't bear to watch my parents grow old. However, an overly intimate life will eventually be either "mom treasure" or "old age".
Satisfied the temporary "care" of parents, but let the children go to a point of no return.
Patience communication and helping parents develop hobbies are the only good ways to solve the problem.
In this way, parents and children will not become distant and indifferent, but will become closer. We have more topics to talk about and cherish every gathering. Why not?
02
Separate work and life.
In the first half of my life, I especially liked what He Han said: "You came to work to make money, not to make friends. If you can make friends, it is a surprise. If you can't make friends, it is normal. "
This sentence is, of course, to remind Luo Zijun to beware of intrigue in the workplace. But it also applies to the sense of boundaries in the workplace.
Working together in the same office. When people get familiar with each other, they will inevitably talk about some private things, but this does not mean that they will become friends without privacy. Besides, friends don't mean you don't have reservations.
In fact, I also have a deep understanding. People always have the heart of gossip, and sometimes knowing about other people's private lives will give them a different sense of satisfaction. But whether you can control yourself often determines your popularity and even your height.
The workplace is like the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period. Without the strength of Qin Shihuang, don't take the initiative to wage war to attack cities and plunder land. At the same time, in the face of other people's invasion, we should also hold the city, otherwise our mentality will collapse, our work will not be smooth, and our families will be separated one after another.
In the hit drama "Nothing but Thirty" some time ago, Xu Huanshan first had an affair with female secretary Li Ke without knowing it, and then cheated.
Li Ke and Lin Youyou met at work, cooking together, delivering oranges and eating an ice cream together. Xu Huanshan did not feel that these behaviors have gone far beyond the friendship of colleagues, but continued to enjoy in ignorance. If Gu Jia hadn't discovered Li Ke's crooked mind in time, it would be hard to guarantee that Li Ke wouldn't be the cheating object of Xu Huanshan like Lin Youyou.
Xu Huanshan's failure is largely due to his failure to control the sense of boundaries in the workplace, especially as a married man.
"Trees want to be quiet but the wind will not stop", not all trees are eager for peace. This time depends on everyone's self-control.
Xu Huanshan couldn't control himself, so he lost his job, his wife and children.
Imagine if he just keeps a simple working relationship with others wholeheartedly, then the crisis of blue fireworks will no longer exist, the company will be smooth and the family will be happy.
Imagine that if Li Keruo just works with peace of mind, he may not succeed in his career, but he will rise steadily.
We will meet all kinds of people in the workplace.
And most of them are just passers-by in life. We don't have to force them to leave a heavy ink, because even dark ink will gradually fade in the washing of time.
What really matters is the people who participate in our lives.
Every day, they gently draw their own shadows with pencils, and they are not afraid of rapids, because sand gathers into towers and water drops wear their hearts.
In the workplace, distance brings * * * win, and * * * win brings close cooperation.
03
Law of love intimacy
On the internet, I can brush up on related topics such as "once a day, give up loving the brain" and "how miserable it is to love the brain" every day. It can be seen that the love brain is very common and many people want to change it.
An important manifestation of "loving the brain" is that it is particularly controlling and clingy. This is because there is no sense of boundaries in love.
In love, people certainly long for a sense of intimacy that they can rely on, and boys and girls are no exception. But the closer we get, the closer we get.
In Don't Talk to Strangers, An Jiahe abused his wife many times because of his strong distrust and control desire, which left a deep impression on the audience. So that the actor Feng himself is also suspected of being beaten by his mother-in-law, which makes people laugh and cry.
The "love brain" in life now is probably not like this, but the investment in lovers is the same. If a phone call is not returned, there will be more than a dozen deadly serial calls, "Where did you go yesterday?" "Why don't you reply to the message in seconds?" This is not uncommon.
Sometimes the other party happens to be at work for a meeting, or the phone is out of power, so they have to face accusations. At first, the other party may be patient, but with high frequency, it is inevitable that they will be impatient.
As Zhou said in The Theory of Love Success or Failure:
"Love is not only an adventure in the opposite sex world, but also a surprise of discovery, and it also brings peace to the family around the settlement of a certain opposite sex. But exploration is not curiosity, and settlement is not possession. It is that good love is free and easy for both parties to take freedom as the highest gift, and this freedom will never be abused. "
In love, we have a vast world. We love each other in the intersecting world and are free and easy in our own world. We should have our own heroic dreams, and more importantly, we should allow each other to expand territory where you can't see it.
Don't take love as everything, and don't immerse yourself in self-emotion. Only self-promotion can attract excellent lovers for a long time and make lovers closer.
04
The essence of the sense of boundaries
Whether it is relatives, colleagues or lovers, the sense of boundaries between people can be summarized in three words-love yourself.
If you love yourself and spend the most time on yourself, you won't have the energy to worry about your children, gossip about your colleagues' private lives and care about all the whereabouts of your lover.
Only in this way can we face all the parting in life calmly and look forward to the next meeting.
Love yourself from now on!
Love your vitality, it is the elegant surge of life.
Love your high fighting spirit, which is the eternal light of youth.
Love your independence and self-improvement, which is the background color of maturity.
Love your own richness, which is the trace of time flowing.
I hope that in the years to come, we will be closer in the sense of boundaries and always know that we are valuable in the free world.