The following are some basic principles that we should master in interpersonal communication, which are all derived from the most basic principles of interpersonal communication. In modern society, the basic principles of establishing personal network are mutual assistance, peace, sincerity, sharing and maintaining the self-esteem of others.
Reciprocity and mutual assistance In the process of establishing interpersonal relationships, "reciprocity" mainly refers to the exchange of human feelings. Homans, a famous social psychologist, pointed out that interpersonal communication is essentially a process of social exchange. In our communication, we are always exchanging something, whether it is material, emotional or other. It is this social exchange nature of communication that requires us to attach importance to interpersonal communication and make others feel that it is worthwhile to associate with us. No matter how close the relationship is, we should pay attention to the "investment" in material and emotional aspects, otherwise, the original close relationship will become alienated, which will make us face difficulties in interpersonal communication.
First of all, we should make clear the purpose of establishing a network of contacts here. Interpersonal relationship is not a public meeting to show love, but a relationship formed to meet the continuous needs of both parties. You pay, you get; No pains, no gains.
While we are actively paying, that is, "investing", we should also be careful not to rush to get returns, not to be afraid of losing money, and not to be reluctant to suffer some losses. In fact, there is always a reward for giving, and loss is actually a wise and positive way of communication.
A tourist travels to a place. He was a little hungry on the road and wanted to find a Hunan restaurant. He asked a clothing store owner, "Where is a Hunan restaurant nearby except this street?"
"Biyun Hunan Restaurant, No.28, West Hunan Road."
"How far is it?"
"It takes about a quarter of an hour to walk," he said, "but you know what? It is the best Hunan restaurant in this area. " When the tourists arrived at the Hunan restaurant, the hall was crowded with people. However, the waiter found a nice table for him. He spent nearly 200 yuan there.
When he finished eating, the waitress enthusiastically said to him, "thank you for coming, sir." It's rare to come here. Don't you want to bring a suit home for your girlfriend? " The clothes bought here have different meanings. Your girlfriend will love it. Lili clothing store is a cheap clothing store in this city. This is their business card. "Say that finish and handed him a business card. The business card reads: "Li Clothing Store, the northwest corner of Golden Times Square, a place where you will regret if you don't come. "Maybe tourists will go, maybe he won't go, but there is no doubt that someone will go.
This is the principle of interdependence. If you are starting a business, you should consider how to find some potential and interdependent alliances in the competition. Perhaps, many customers come to visit your company.
Equal people always have to adapt to the new environment. This adaptation process itself is a process of gradually realizing self-control over the environment. In an unfamiliar environment, people are often in a state of high self-defense. It is not until you are familiar with the surrounding environment and know the people you often contact that you can truly relax and adapt.
In the process of interpersonal communication, if we want others to accept us from the deep heart, we must ensure that others can achieve self-control over the environment when they get along with us. In other words, let others communicate with us in an atmosphere of equality and freedom. If the two sides' control of the situation is unbalanced and one side is bound to be restricted by the other, then this relationship is doomed to be unable to go deep and will inevitably lack deep emotional connection.
If you are a leader, when you appear in front of others as an authority, no matter how strongly you want to know their inner world, it is difficult for them to really trust you and not expose their inner things.
Peace * * * Peace * * means to handle conflicts and solve conflicts in a peaceful, dialogue, consultation and non-violent way. If you want to achieve something, you must try your best to prevent conflicts with others, so you must do the following:
(1) We should be broad-minded and far-sighted, stress the overall situation, style and unity in everything, mobilize all positive factors and strive for common goals.
(2) Pay attention to investigation and study, keep abreast of other people's ideological trends, try to resolve various contradictions, and reduce or completely eliminate the gap between people.
(3) Look at others with an understanding eye and understand that the world is colorful and people are all kinds. Others can't have exactly the same interests as us. We can't ask others as we ask ourselves. Everyone has his own personality and characteristics, and has different strengths and weaknesses.
(4) tolerate other people's mistakes and understand that there are no perfect people in the world, including yourself. Everyone has shortcomings and everyone may make mistakes. Giving others a chance to correct their mistakes is just like hoping others will forgive their own mistakes.
(5) Don't blame others, be confused about small things, understand big things, and remember that clear water means no fish. If you ask too much of others, you will become arrogant. If you are too hard on others, you will be rejected by people thousands of miles away If you criticize others, nobody will want to work with you.
(6) Unless it involves a matter of principle, we must make it clear about the right and wrong, and don't take some unimportant things too seriously, roll with the punches, roll with the punches, or even deliberately play dumb. Don't complicate simple problems. It's no big deal, but we should get to the bottom of it and find out who is right and who is wrong. The result can only be nothing in the world, much ado about nothing.
(7) Friends should make up and don't get married. If there are contradictions, we should try our best to seek understanding and communication, deal with the matter as it is, and do not expand the contradictions. Be brave in self-criticism and exchange your sincerity for others' understanding. To resolve conflicts, we must first start from ourselves, and remember that others will treat you as you treat others. If you want to enter other people's hearts, you must first open your mind.
Honesty and sincerity are the most basic requirements of interpersonal communication, and all means and skills of interpersonal communication should be based on sincerity and mutual trust. Sincerity is not written on the face, but from the heart. False sincerity is more annoying than deception.
Respect others. People have faces, trees have skins and everyone has self-esteem. They all hope that other people's words and deeds will not hurt their self-esteem. Professor Dewey once said: "The desire for self-esteem is the most urgent requirement in human nature." Dr. James also said: "The deepest part of human nature is the desire to be valued." The level of self-esteem is measured by self-worth. A strong sense of self-worth leads to a higher level of self-esteem; If self-worth is not strong, self-esteem will be low. People's sense of self-worth mainly comes from the process of interpersonal communication and feedback from others. Affirming others will increase people's sense of self-worth, while denying others will directly threaten people's sense of self-worth. Therefore, people are particularly sensitive to negative information from the interpersonal world.
In interpersonal communication, we should pay attention to play an active role, support others' sense of self-worth, and safeguard others and self-esteem. You know, if you respect others, others will respect you.
Sharing is the best way to build a network. The more you share, the more you get. Two things in the world are being shared more and more. One is wisdom and knowledge, and the other is strength.
When you are willing to share your best things with others, you will get the following two benefits:
(1) What you share with others is useful and helpful, and he will thank you.
(2) You are willing to share with others and have the willingness to pay. Others will think that you are an honest and sincere person and are willing to make friends with you.
Weaving a network of relationships is to create a harmonious living space for yourself and others. Because giving important information at an important moment or giving help in the right place is an important factor for the success of companies and individuals. Without a well-functioning interpersonal network, you can hardly achieve great success in your career.
In the process of weaving personal network, in addition to following the above basic principles of interpersonal communication, you can also use certain methods and skills to make yourself feel at home in interpersonal communication.
In fact, our "network of people" is much wider than you realize. The network we actually have extends beyond the people we contact every day, and more contacts include people we work with and have worked with. Classmates and alumni, friends, members of the whole family, and people we meet at seminars or other meetings will all be members of our network. Our network members also include those we know in the network and those who have contact with them.
Harvey mckay, an American expert, explored a good way for us to build a network of contacts and deal with so many interpersonal relationships.
When MacKay was young, his father taught him, "MacKay, if you want to succeed, you should care about everyone you meet from now on." "He remembered, since then he saw everyone, he is very concerned about, write down the name first, and then understand his other situation. On each other's birthday, he sent a New Year card, and on their wedding anniversary, he sent a bunch of roses to congratulate them. Later, he simply designed a system called McKay 66, which means that everyone has 66 blank questions, including name, gender, age, birthday, constellation, blood type, hobbies, and where to go to primary school, middle school and university. Where do you work? And his wife, as well as his children's names, gender, birthdays, constellations, blood types, hobbies ... Once, MacKay went to visit the boss of a large enterprise and asked the enterprise to buy his envelope. However, no matter what MacKay said, the boss refused to buy it. Mackay still updates his Mackay 66 file, adds new records and keeps in touch with his boss. One day, he learned that the boss had gone to the hospital, and the staff told him, "The boss's son had a car accident. ".He immediately opened the file and saw the boss's son 1 1 years old, worshiping basketball star Michael Jordan.
Mackay is very popular. He happens to know Mike Jordan's coach of the Bulls. Mackay bought a basketball and gave it to the coach of the Bulls. Ask the coach to ask Jordan to sign with all the players. The coach of the Bulls gave MacKay the signed blue ball. MacKay sent the basketball to the hospital. When the child saw it, it was signed by Jordan. That's great. The child ran around with the ball in his arms, so happy that he couldn't sleep at night.
When his father came to see him, he was sitting there happily with the ball. His father asked him, "Son, why don't you sleep?" "He said," Dad, what do you think this is? "As soon as his father saw it, he asked," How did you get the basketball signed by Jordan? " He said, "Dad, Uncle MacKay gave it to me. Hearing this, his father said, "Isn't MacKay the envelope seller?" I never bought his envelope. "At this moment, the son said," Dad, you should buy MacKay's envelope. He cares so much about me that you should care about him, too! "The next day, the boss found MacKay to thank him and ordered many envelopes from him.
MacKay's job is just selling envelopes, but who would have thought that he made friends with famous people in American politics, journalism and sports by selling envelopes. His experience is that when you associate with a great man, you should make him feel surprised, novel, amazing and admired. He said it was called "attacking the heart is the best." So he can know whoever he wants, because before he knew it, he had studied everything about this person, and then surprised others and liked it. When a person knows you very well, but you know nothing about him, who can not seriously look at this "mysterious" figure in turn, make friends with it, establish your interpersonal relationship file, and seek help from others? This is the best way for McKay to establish such a good network of contacts. When you set up a personal relationship file, you can satisfy and surprise the person you want to meet when you need it most, or add icing on the cake, or send charcoal in the snow. This is not a calculation, but a basic principle of getting along with others: if you think of others, others will appreciate you and help you when you need it. Even if they don't know your care and love now, once they know that you have been caring for them, they will be more grateful and repay you doubly. So it can be said that when you set up your personal relationship file, you have already built the skeleton of your relationship network, and then you only need to complete one necessary thing.
In addition, when we weave our personal network, we should pay special attention to those relationships that are very important to us. Anthropologists believe that the number of pleasant and important interpersonal relationships that a person has established is limited. Regardless of geographical location, degree of socialization or cultural differences, all people's important interpersonal relationships are similar, and interpersonal relationships also conform to the "28 Law".
Using the 28 Law, the experts came to the following shocking conclusions about interpersonal relationships:
In all our relationships, 20% gives us 80% value.
80% of the value of our interpersonal relationship comes from 20% of the relationship.
-We pay much less attention to the 20% relationship that generates 80% value.
We can draw a conclusion that the most important decision for a person in the process of starting a business is to carefully choose partners or allies. They know how to find people who can help them the most, spend time on important interpersonal relationships and cherish key partners or allies. Such a good network of contacts has brought rich returns to these entrepreneurs. Without close partners or allies, it is difficult to make great achievements in your career.
Of course, the world is constantly changing. While dealing with old friends and old friends, we should constantly deal with many new faces and make new friends. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly update personal network files and refresh personal networks. This requires us to constantly improve and add new content when maintaining the old network, so that our network is in the best state at any time. Let's see how MacKay established a good network of contacts and used it to run his MacKay envelope company.
Before working in Pinyuan Envelope Company, McKay was familiar with the operation process of the envelope industry, understood the operation mode, learned the sales skills, and established his own personal network. Later, he started his own envelope company, and his previous contacts became the key to his career. After he started his own envelope company, he needed high-level advice, but there was no provider of high-level advice in the network he established in his previous work. This requires him to expand his personal network.
Mackay himself is a first-class salesman, but he basically doesn't know how to organize production. He asked members of his network to recommend a consulting company for him. Most network members recommend Spencer Tucker.
Many years later, MacKay Envelope Company still adopted the cost system provided by Spencer Tucker. This system has earned a lot of money every year since it was installed. The consulting company has now cooperated with more than 75 envelope manufacturers, and in McKay's view, it has become a leader in this field. With the help of this company, MacKay Envelope Company became a famous envelope company in America.
MacKay's personal network can't provide the technical answers he needs. But I invited the best experts and got the best answer.
Maybe you need someone to help you plan your career, or the industry you want to join, or find an office building or factory building to provide investment advice and improve your professional skills. It would be great if you can get it for free from the internet, but sometimes it may not be possible. At every stage of career planning, it is best to seek the best advice possible. All this requires you to start weaving a good network of contacts.