First, listen to each other's troubles.
Because of different life experiences, family backgrounds and life experiences, everyone has different understandings of distress. Therefore, when trying to comfort a person, we must first understand his distress. When comforting people, listening is more important than speaking. A depressed heart needs gentle listening, not a clear-headed and glib mind. Listening means listening to each other's voices with our ears and hearts. Don't ask the cause and effect of things, and don't rush to judge. Give the other person space so that he can freely express his feelings. When listening, we should feel the same way, so that the other party will be aware of our inner fluctuations. It is the best help and comfort for the comforted if we can "mourn what he has suffered and enjoy what he has enjoyed". Allow another person to cry. Crying is a way for the human body to try to expel emotional toxins, while shedding tears is a healing process. So, please don't give the other person a tissue in a hurry, just let him know that you support his mind.
Second, accept each other's world.
The biggest obstacle when comforting people is that the comforted person can't understand, appreciate and agree with the distress that the parties think. People often limit the definition of distress to what they can understand. Once it exceeds this range, it is unreasonable to "suffer" again. Because they don't agree with what others call "suffering", the comforter often resists in the process of listening and can't wait to put forward his own opinions. Therefore, the comforter needs to give up his deep-rooted ideas, admit his prejudice, and really look at the problems he faces from the other side's point of view. Psychologists say "let go of your own world and accept others' world", which is the truth. The best comforter is to let go of himself for a while, go into the other person's inner world, and look at his experience with his eyes without making arbitrary judgments.
Third, we should explore the other side's path.
Comforters often feel obligated to propose solutions for each other and help them find the right way. As we all know, almost everyone who is tortured by distress has had a series of unsuccessful exploration experiences before seeking comfort. Therefore, what we have to do is to explore the road that the other party has traveled, to understand his struggle experience, to make him heard, understood and recognized, and to tell him that he has done enough and is good enough. This is a comfort.
Psychologists remind comforters of an important concept: "Comfort is not the same as treatment. Treatment is to make people change and cut off their distress through change; Comfort is to affirm its suffering, not to try to break it. " In fact, in the process of comforting people, any solution provided may fail or be inapplicable, which will disappoint the other party again. Therefore, non-interference, non-expression, listening, understanding and recognizing their distress are the highest principles of comfort.
In addition, it is also a comfort to accompany each other for a ride. The other person will feel safe and warm with your company, so he will pour out his pain, tell his resentment, remorse and regret, and tell everything he wants to say. At the same time, you can make a few phone calls to each other to connect people; You can also find relevant books to show them; Or simply provide an escape space for them to find their own answers calmly. When he experienced the storm, his heart gradually calmed down and faced his own experience frankly, he would sincerely thank you for your company.
Often shy in communication, what should I do?
In interpersonal communication, be relaxed and lively, behave generously, and be honest in words and deeds. However, some students are always timid or shy when dealing with people, especially strangers. When I meet someone, I don't say anything and my face is red. As a result, I don't know what to say, let alone successful interpersonal communication.
So, what can we do to overcome shy communication psychology? Generally speaking, we have the following methods:
First of all, we must enhance our self-confidence
Let the voice of "I will always overcome it" ripple in your heart forever, so that you will not be discouraged by failure and believe that you will succeed. Park Jung-soo, a great orator in ancient Greece, stuttered when he was a child and was afraid to talk to strangers. Later, through hard work, he became a world-famous speaker. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and weaknesses can be transformed into their opposites. We must never be bound by our own shortcomings.
Second, we should strive for more exercise opportunities.
At first, you can choose the easy one. For example, you can talk more in class or in front of acquaintances, read aloud and sing in front of family and old classmates to cultivate your resistance to shyness. Then try to associate with strangers. This will gradually expand the scope and increase the difficulty.
Third, the expression should be natural and the emotion should be true.
Smile, so you will feel relaxed and comfortable. In addition, don't hide your true feelings. Don't hide your joy, disgust, etc. A person who is often depressed and concealed will be regarded as hypocritical and indifferent. Who would like to be friends with an "ice" mountain?
Fourth, learn to control your thoughts.
Whenever we associate with strangers in a strange place and feel shy and nervous, we should hint ourselves to calm down, remind ourselves not to think about it, and treat the strangers in front of us as our acquaintances. In this way, our shyness can be reduced by more than half.
In addition, psychologists put forward six suggestions to people who are too introverted to eliminate shyness:
First, find the source of shyness by keeping a diary.
Writing records is a simple and easy method. In fact, each of us knows more about ourselves than we think. You might as well write down your shyness, your thoughts and the reasons for shyness, and the result will be very surprising.
Second, create a "role" that you are not ashamed to act on.
In some public places, you can imagine yourself as an actor and try to separate the so-called real you from the role you play. This pleasant role you play will be of great help to social life.
Third, make some preparations for communication.
If you are going to a party, you'd better find out who is going, what they are going to do and what they are interested in first. If you want to deal with someone you've never met, get to know his background first. In addition, take part in more activities that interest you, and make friends with people who have the same hobbies as you.
Fourth, change your body language.
Shy people always unconsciously show signs of indifference or retreat to others. When interacting with people, you can try to make the following gestures: smile, keep an open posture (for example, don't clumsily overlap your arms or legs), make forward gestures as much as possible, shake hands with people and make friendly contacts, convey your meaning with your eyes, and nod your head (indicating that you are listening and understanding others). In addition, when talking with people, you should react from time to time, such as "yes", "I agree" or "very interesting" When the conversation is difficult, ask some popular questions, such as "How did you get into this industry?" This will give the impression that it will be a friendly gesture.
Five, let others get involved in your secret.
A shy person needs one or two intimate friends to accept him and understand his psychology and thoughts, instead of telling him what to do. A friend who can listen carefully but never express his opinions will be of great help to shy people.
Sixth, imagine the worst consequences.
When you don't have enough courage to do something, you can first imagine the worst possible consequences. For example, when you are ashamed to speak in front of people, you can ask yourself, "What am I afraid of?" "I'm afraid I can't say it well because I'm nervous." "What's the worst that can happen?" "The audience will laugh at me!" "What would that be like?" "Either I laugh with them, or I will never give a speech again." It can be seen that even the worst consequence is not the end of the world.