Confucius said: "Three friends benefit and harm three friends: friends who are straightforward, friends who are understanding, friends who are knowledgeable, it is beneficial; friends who are friendly, friends who are soft, friends who are sycophantic, it is a loss."
Yiyou are people who are useful to us. They can improve your character, improve your cultivation, and enrich your connotation.
First: Tomoe. Straight refers to integrity. This kind of friend is sincere, magnanimous, upright, and has a bright personality without a trace of flattery. His personality can affect your personality. He can give you courage when you are timid and decisive when you are hesitant, so this is a good friend.
Second: Youliang. "Shuowen Jiezi" says, "Forgiveness means trust." It means honesty. This kind of friend is sincere and not hypocritical. Associating with such friends makes us feel at ease and stable in our hearts, and our spirit can be purified and sublimated.
Third: Friends are well informed. This kind of friend is well-informed, or in today’s terms, has a broad range of knowledge.
Friends are helpful, friendship is gentle, friendship is harmful. ”
First: Friends are easy to make. This kind of friend refers to a person who likes to flatter and flatter others. This kind of person is particularly good at observing words and emotions, adapting to the situation, and carefully understanding your mood. In order not to violate your will, he has no integrity and no principles of right and wrong. His principle is to make you happy in order to benefit from it. For example, the minister He Kun in "Iron Teeth and Bronze Teeth" is a typical example. Confucius said that it is too harmful to associate with this kind of person! Why? You will feel particularly comfortable and happy when you associate with this kind of person, just like Emperor Qianlong in the TV series, who knew that He Kun was corrupt and corrupt, but still You can't live without him, but if you listen to too many good words and flatter yourself, your mind will become dizzy, and your ego will become malignantly inflated, blindly arrogant, and arrogant. If you lose the basic ability to reflect on yourself, you will be no closer to causing disaster. Far away. This kind of friend is a chronic poison to the soul!
Second: This kind of person is a typical "two-faced person". They always look kind and flattering to you. , flattering you is what Confucius said: "Smart words lead to beauty." However, behind the scenes, rumors and malicious slander will be spread. We often hear such accusations: Telling that this friend is so kind, his words are so gentle, and his behavior is so considerate. I regard him as my closest friend, and I share my innermost secrets with him. However, he goes behind my back, uses my trust in him, seeks his own personal gain, and spreads rumors about me. My privacy ruins my personality. When I question him, he will deny it and pretend to be a good man who has been wronged. Because he has intentions, he is more enthusiastic towards people than those who have no intentions. People are dozens of times taller. If you don’t pay a heavy price, this friend will not let you go!
Third: Friendly people refer to people who exaggerate and boast. He is what the common people call a person who is "only good at talking." This kind of life is full of eloquence. There is nothing he doesn't know and there is no truth he doesn't understand. He speaks with such eloquence and force that people can't help but believe it. . But in fact, there is nothing else except a good mouth. Of course, in modern society, if you have real talent and are not good at expressing yourself, you will suffer. There are some obstacles in your career and life. The harm is much more terrible if you only speak words but don’t have real skills.
How can we make friends with good people and bad people if they are not written on their faces? What about making good friends and staying away from bad friends?
If you want to make good friends and not make bad friends, you need two prerequisites: one is willingness, and the other is ability. In Confucius' theory, the former is called "benevolence". It is called "wisdom." What is benevolence? To truly love others is to be wise. To know others is to be wise.
It can be seen that if we want to make good friends, we must first have a heart of love. Be willing to get close to others and have the desire to make friends; secondly, you must have the ability to distinguish and have a bottom line to ensure the quality of friendships. Friends are like a mirror, and you can see your own differences from them.