people are social people, and they can't live without society and groups. In life, if we don't fit in, it will make us lonely and miserable; Children don't fit in, which will make us anxious; Friends and relatives don't fit in, which can cause us resentment; Others don't fit in, which can be annoying. So what if we don't fit in?
Guiguzi said, "Those who want to fit in use it." That is, if you want to fit in, the first thing is to strive for it yourself. The crux of being unsociable is that you don't adapt to the group, so to adapt to the group, you must change yourself. If you want to change yourself, you should first understand the crux of your unsociable, and find out the reasons: whether you are self-abased and shy, or arrogant and arrogant; Is it lonely and afraid to get into the trap, or stubborn and suspicious and refuse people thousands of miles away ... Dig out the root of the disease, know the harm, and prescribe the right medicine. To be withdrawn, we should know: "There are far from no friends in the world, and there are true feelings in the world"; Shyness should understand that the more attention you pay, the more you can't improve. Don't care too much about yourself. Self-abasement should know that "the world is wide, and those who are inferior are narrow", and self-confidence is the secret of success; Arrogance should be clear that "Mei Xuxun's snow is three points white, but the snow loses a piece of plum fragrance". Arrogance can be avoided, and humility can be learned; Suspicion should know that "believing in yourself and not believing in others is the reason for failure", and we should strive to be realistic, be strict with ourselves, be lenient with others, learn to deal with it coldly, and avoid "reasonable inference" based on doubt ...
Emerson said: "The only way to find friends is to make yourself a friend of others." People who are compatible are willing to be compatible first. "It's up to you to watch the silver mountain beat the sky waves, open the window and put it into the river." Psychologically, it is easy to understand things and get along with people by removing the fence that blocks gregarious.
The "opening and closing" here refers to the opening and closing of words and feelings in communication. People who don't fit in, mostly because the time and place they should open when communicating are not open, such as not participating, not intervening, not expressing, etc., which makes people difficult to get close to; The time and place of the closure are not closed, and if you don't look at the object and occasion, you will be arbitrary and presumptuous, which makes people feel inhuman; Or excessive opening or closing. So what should the gregarious opening and closing be based on?
Generally speaking, the opening and closing of communication should be based on the principles of adapting to the environment, following the law and being reasonable. We should consider the contents, methods, degree, objects, environment and results of opening up thoroughly, say what we should say, do what we should do, and behave appropriately. Pay attention to leave enough room for the opening of others. Closure requires careful handling, taking into account all aspects of closure, and making words and deeds stop at what is necessary and appropriate. Self-discipline or restrain others effectively for the benefit of others, for unity, cooperation and harmony.
people who don't fit in with others should correct their mistakes in opening and closing their words and deeds according to the reality of communication. Please ask teachers to supervise, remind and help, avoid the "minefield" where words and deeds are improperly opened and closed, and learn to be closed, sharp, open and inclusive in communication; Closed to show off, open and humble; Close evil words and open good words; Closed and vulgar, open and elegant; Closed and weird, open and easy-going; Closed passive, open active; Closed indulgence, open restraint; Closed indifference, open enthusiasm and so on. So that on the basis of not deviating from the principle, I can meet with people, follow them, accommodate them, and enter the smooth road of gregarious.
Studying the "plot" and adjusting what role the "role" actors play depends on the needs of the development of the script and plot. If you want to succeed in your role, you must first understand and study the script, plot and characters. When we communicate, we should also know as much as possible about the "script", "plot" and characters of communication like actors, and we must play a role consistent with our own identity and status according to the needs of communication, people's expectations, communication objects, changes in environment and time. We must pay attention to the adjustment and transformation of roles at any time and anywhere. For example, in front of parents and elders, we can play the role of spoiled, cheated and cheap children, but it won't work if we go into the unit and go to the society to spoil, cheat and cheap. For another example, you are an uncompromising authority and leader in the unit, but if you leave the unit, you have no reason and power to condescend and dictate. You must play the role of an equal member of the social group.
In interpersonal communication, only by being in it can we be integrated into the group. Therefore, we should follow the rule of "consistency". "Being in it" and "being consistent" mentioned here means putting aside differences and seeking common ground and doing as the Romans do; It is an inner and outer circle, which adapts to the environment; It is a flexible maneuver that does not deviate from the principle; Is to maintain their own characteristics, and everywhere with interpersonal integration. It requires us to regard ourselves as a member of the whole and strive to be in tune with the group in terms of dress, words and deeds. It requires us to be humble and respectful, not too stubborn, to be good at accommodating, and to treat people with a peaceful attitude and an equal mood. It warns us not to deliberately deviate from the routine, so as not to be regarded as heresy; Words should not deliberately pursue grotesque, to prevent being regarded as heresy and so on.
because people who don't get along well with others, being among strangers at once often makes them even more uncomfortable, at a loss as to how to cope. Only by adjusting the sequence of their communication, let them get along with relatives and acquaintances, from near to far, from acquaintances to strangers, from home to home, from understanding to ignorance, step by step, gradually adapt, master the ways and means of getting along with relatives and acquaintances, and get along with outsiders and strangers, and it will be easy to get along with others. In addition, unsociable people should first associate with generous people, cheerful people and tolerant people, so as to learn to adapt, learn methods and learn excellent conduct in communication. "Close to Zhu Zhechi, close to Mexico is black", and they will gradually get together.