When I was young, I didn’t know what a “pleasant personality” was. I always felt that it was a lofty term, and I didn’t know what the specific meaning was.

When I grew up and realized that my cognitive level was not enough to meet the needs of society, and I improved my cognitive level through continuous reading, I realized that I was a proper "please". "type personality", I am a good person who does not distinguish between right and wrong. As long as I want to please the people I say or do, no matter whether it is right or wrong, in order to make them like me, I can accept it without any bottom line.

When I was a child, I thought that as long as you please others, others can like you, respect you as you respect them, and like you as you like them. But the fact is that the lower you put yourself, others will think that if I go further, it won't be a big deal if you lower your attitude a little bit more, and they think this is natural and not "excessive".

I have a good friend who I have been dating for more than 10 years. I met her in junior high school. At that time, I was chasing after her all day long, and I felt that I finally met a friend who could accept me. For 10 years, every time she celebrated her birthday, she was never absent from verbal blessings and gifts. Over the years, she has only given me a polite gift in return for my birthday, or I invited her to dinner. The only time she celebrated her birthday, she couldn't even remember the exact time. I am still happy and satisfied. I thought that over time she would respect me as much as I respect her, and like me as much as I like her.

My high school classmate, whom I have not contacted for more than two years, sent me a WeChat message to invite me to be a bridesmaid when she got married, but she politely declined. I just wanted to stop contacting him. What she said is still fresh in my memory. She said: "I haven't contacted you for two years, why didn't you wait for me?"

Paying too much attention to other people's emotions will fluctuate due to other people's emotional fluctuations

I will observe whether the mood of the people around me fluctuates based on a subtle expression or an impatient tone. When their emotions fluctuate when they get along with me, I will not hesitate to think that it is my fault. I often wonder in my mind, "Did I say something I shouldn't have said? Did I do something wrong to make him unhappy?" "Even if someone may be chatting with you happily one second, and then feel unhappy because of receiving a call from your boss about working overtime, you will feel as if you have made a mistake, even if it has nothing to do with you. What relationship. You will say nice things and do some happy things in the hope of making her happy, so as to relieve the pressure to please in your heart.

In fact, you put too much pressure on other people’s emotions on yourself, over-perceive other people’s emotions, and self-righteously shoulder the mission of protecting the emotions of those around you, even if they vent their unhappiness on you. , although you hate this kind of behavior, you will not stop it. Over time, you will suppress your emotions, and all kinds of emotions such as grievance, depression, anger, sadness, and complaint will flood into your heart. You sacrifice your normal emotional needs to please. If you don't do this in the long run, you will feel guilty, and your friends will be dissatisfied because they didn't get your "previous treatment." The result is a lose-lose situation.

You are embarrassed to refuse others, and you respond to other people's requests. I hope that in this way you can improve others' love for you, make others satisfied with you, and please others to realize your own value.

A good friend of mine, the partner of her long-distance relationship, came to see her and asked me to help him find a place to stay for a few days. The requirement is that the price should not exceed 120 yuan a night, and her location should be sent to her. She should not be near home for fear of being discovered by her parents. Take photos of the actual room environment, as carefully as possible. It is best to take photos of what the room looks like intact. Ask for the hotel’s contact information. It is best to compare and find a place with the most suitable price/performance ratio.

In this way, even if all kinds of software support this service, my good friends are not far from my home. Although I wanted to refuse in my heart, I was afraid that she would be unhappy and that she would hate myself for not helping her, so I finally agreed.

I remember correctly that day, I dragged my right leg with effusion in the light rain and searched all the places to stay near my home, and finally settled on a hotel that cost 80 yuan a night.

I paid the money on the first day. The boss said that you also need to pay a deposit for the keys. The girl called the boy, "Don't go ahead and ask you to pay a deposit." Finally, they gave me the first night's room fee after they left without saying a word of thanks. Now think about what other people like? In the unspoken thank you? In others’ unexposed hearts?

Everything is said to be okay. When getting along with others, I dare not express my opinions for fear that others will be unhappy. There is an incorrect understanding in my heart. As long as I agree with the opinions expressed by others, everything will be fine.

There are two strong friends around me. Every time we have a party, they will argue endlessly about where to eat and what to eat, and they will not give in to each other. He wanted to eat spicy hot pot, and she said how delicious the barbecue was and how delicious it was to eat barbecue. He started an argument by eating spicy hotpot, and she started a series of rebuttals by not eating spicy hotpot. They couldn't reach a unified opinion, so the party was abandoned just because they couldn't agree on what to eat. My opinions are basically outside the scope of reference. If I say it, I will be rejected without hesitation. If I don’t say it, no one will ask me what I want to eat. You only need to say that I agree and have no objection after the discussion is completed and the results appear.

You don’t have the right to speak when ordering. You can just eat silently. If you insist on saying I want to eat this, the answer is either that it’s not delicious, or that you order it. Eat it for me. When eating and chatting, it is common for people to ignore your feelings, interrupt you at will, and not listen to the content of your words. Over time, people will think that you are treated like this.

Don’t expect anyone to consider your feelings about where to go and what the activities are. I will usually let the two of them discuss it first, then notify me, and then give me a standard answer, “Okay. I agree".

When you get along with friends, you agree on everything, thinking that if you don’t express your opinions, you will be happy and everything will be fine. Others are happy and everything will be fine, but what about yours? Lost it!

Others say he is considerate, obedient and sensible. It may be because you ignore your own feelings and are extremely sensitive to emotions.

Let’s think about it carefully. In life, do you often follow what others say, especially your colleagues who are older than you in the workplace? You not only have to follow what she says, but you also have to say it. It's good. What's good is that you said it through your flattery. Finally, I got a sentence from the eldest sister, this little girl is really sensible. Even if you suffer a loss, you still persevere and become a sensible child in the eyes of your elders.

When a friend comes to talk to you, you can put yourself in her shoes, express her thoughts to help her, and try to suit her needs by trying to figure out her thoughts and guess her thoughts. Over time, your friends will find you so considerate and often come to talk to you, and you will rack your brains and do everything you can to help them calm down. Gradually, you become accustomed to living in the world of other people's emotions and ignore your own inner emotions.

Just imagine if you blindly try to gain other people's respect, recognition, and liking for you by trying to please others and aggrieved yourself, then you don't need to work hard to get everything in the world, you just need to please. If it is useful, you can get it. What are you trying to do! Your kindness, help, and dedication need the support of the bottom line. If flattery destroys the bottom line, please expel it.

Analyze the reasons for the formation of self-pleasuring personality:

1. It is related to the fact that parents in the original family habitually ignore their own feelings. I have not been taken seriously for a long time, and I hope to obtain my emotional needs through pleasing.

2. It has something to do with the fact that my parents in my original family often hit me. No matter how hard I try, I am always inferior to other children in their eyes. My second aunt's brother was excellent at moving bricks on the construction site during the summer vacation, but I didn't work hard enough as a tutor during the summer vacation. My brother finally washed a pair of socks, which was great. I've done a good job in all aspects of myself, but I still don't get encouragement. Verbal attacks appear almost every day in life, and in my memory, they have never said a word to me properly. Over time, I have had low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and a long-term insecurity. It also affected my confidence in making friends at school. If I don’t have many friends, I will attach great importance to hard-won friendships. If I get them, I will work hard to please them, hoping to keep them.

3. Due to the preference for boys over girls, I hope to gain maternal love through words and actions to please, but I never get it.

The love my mother gave me always came with strings attached. She kept educating me when I was very young: "You must first learn how to love me before I can love you!" Only if I meet their needs first can I be loved.

4. When I was in elementary school, I was isolated and laughed at by my classmates for about an entire semester. During that time, my grandma passed away and I felt very depressed. I still don’t understand why I was isolated and ridiculed.

5. From the second grade of elementary school, the same boy kept pricking his back with the tip of a pencil until he was in the fourth grade. When I told my parents, they called me a waste indiscriminately.

I hope everyone will face up to the pleasing personality and improve their cognitive level, thinking style and behavioral habits according to their actual situation. Give up overly flattering behavioral habits and conduct interpersonal interactions based on your own emotional needs and emotional experiences. Be brave enough to be yourself, everything about you is what you should value the most. The author was born in 1996, and his views are insufficiently expressed. I hope everyone can communicate more.