In modern society, social interaction plays an important role in daily life. Traditional criteria for selecting friends such as wealth, family status, and experience have been abandoned. People enter social situations with a frank and honest personality. Therefore, the subjective psychology of choosing friends has become the main factor in social success or failure. To sum up, there are three main methods of choosing friends in modern society:

1. Intuitive method

An encounter, a coincidental move, a few plain chats, or even With a nod and a smile, the two parties gained a good impression of each other, and then they started talking. As expected, they hit it off immediately and regretted meeting each other so late. This kind of friendship promoted by a strong desire to make friends and a magical emotional impulse is extremely romantic. This is the result of the mutual attraction of the temperaments of both parties, and is the natural choice of one's own personality in social situations. This way of making friends actually reminds us: what kind of friend you want to make, you must first become that kind of person. The higher your hope, the higher your requirements for yourself. The success of this way of making friends can cultivate people's feelings, make them admire friendship and praise life.

2. Rational approach

This is a kind of friendship based on like-minded cooperation and produced after a long period of rational accumulation. Everything is done in a quiet and gentle atmosphere. It seems like a glass of water, but in fact it feels like Mount Tai. The friendship of Marx and Engels serves as a model for this approach. When Engels first met Marx in the editorial office of the Rheinische Zeitung in Cologne in 1842, they only exchanged a few polite words. The scene was not pleasant. Two years later, when Engels met Marx for the second time in Paris, they reached complete agreement on their views on the current situation, politics, and the future, and a great friendship was born. This friendship, which has lasted for more than thirty years, is sincere, noble and stable, and combined with the revolutionary cause, it has become the glory of history. A rational way of making friends takes the same career goals as mutual interests, which requires constantly discussing new topics and seeking new starting points in the career. The stagnation and laziness of either party will become an obstacle to friendship. Therefore, the result of this way of making friends is always that each party encourages the other party more and is stricter with themselves.

3. Complementary method

This method of making friends is based on the desire to find personality differences to make up for one's own personality weaknesses, and adopts a close relationship. This method is very likely to occur between opposite sexes or among women. I am mature, profound and rational, but I like to make friends with people who are lively, lively and full of emotions. I may be shy, quiet and gentle, but I like bold, rough, brave and tenacious people. I am quick-thinking and respect down-to-earth people. This way of making friends influences each other's personalities, takes the strengths of friends to make up for one's own shortcomings, and uses choosing friends as a means to enrich and improve one's own personality. However, this difference generally cannot be a gap in thought and conduct. If a person with noble thoughts and good conduct and a person with low thoughts and bad conduct become complementary friends, the effect is often not good; at the same time, this kind of intersection, Identification is also very important. What you need to truly learn is the other party’s strengths to achieve your goal.

The above are only the three most common ways of selecting friends. In fact, the way of selecting friends is not single, but comprehensive, coherent and complete.

As the saying goes, "Those who are close to vermilion are red, and those who are close to ink are black." Some students have experienced positive and gratifying changes because they have made good friends, while others have harmed themselves and made themselves more troubled by making careless friends. Therefore, choosing friends correctly and carefully is an issue that students and friends who are not experienced in the world should pay attention to.

1. Friends should be multi-level and all-round

We should make friends of various types to meet our needs in all aspects. For example: friends who can directly state their mistakes and make criticisms; mentors who can guide themselves and avoid detours; friends of the opposite sex who can help each other in learning, comfort each other emotionally, and complement each other in personality; friends who can help each other A friend in times of crisis and difficulty; an entertainment-oriented friend who can engage in recreational and sports activities of interest with you, etc. Thereby creating good external conditions for one's own development and improvement of personality. Among many friends, special attention should be paid to making friends with classmates who can help and encourage each other in their studies.

2. Grasp the criteria for choosing friends

Make more friends with similar ambitions, interests, noble moral character, be able to meet each other heart to heart, treat each other sincerely, and be honest , reliable, upright, knowledgeable, and better than his friends in one aspect.

Since there are very few ideal people who meet several conditions in real life, it is not advisable to pursue perfect people, otherwise it will be difficult to gain friends. For some people with different personalities, different interests, and certain shortcomings, you can also get in touch with them appropriately. This will not only help you deepen your understanding of all kinds of people, cultivate your ability to deal with all kinds of people, but also help you Make up for some of your shortcomings and find friends to make. In short, the standards for making friends should be flexible.

3. Correct understanding and in-depth understanding of each other

Establishing a certain type of friendship with others must be based on a more comprehensive and in-depth understanding. This can be done through direct contact. Inquiry sideways, observe people's words, look at their past history and other ways and channels, and their consistent attitude towards others to achieve a true understanding. Pay special attention to observe and understand the other party's true behavior behind your back, and grasp the other party's true motives to avoid misunderstanding others or being deceived.

4. Be proactive and proactive, rather than passively waiting

Making friends requires two-way communication and interaction. To make friends, you must have a certain initiative. You can use your after-school and spare time, especially during holidays, to talk to your classmates more, exchange situations, information, thoughts and feelings, and gain mutual understanding and trust.

5. Cherish friendship and develop feelings

Some people make friends like "a dragonfly touches the water" or "a black blind man breaks off the corn". They cannot go deep and are satisfied with casual acquaintances, or they may change their minds when they see different things. They like the new and dislike the old; they ignore the emotions of their friends and are self-centered; some are pragmatic, being friends when needed and strangers when not needed; turning against them and becoming enemies if there is any conflict. No matter when you are, you must be kind to others and cherish friendship. You must understand: "Having many good friends is better than having a lot of wealth."