01

A few days ago, my cousin and I complained about a strange blind date guy we met. Except for the first ten minutes of meeting, he spent the rest of the time looking at his phone. I only occasionally raise my head to chat about topics that interest me.

Such a rude blind date man is probably single because of his strength.

And this is not the only strange flower. There was news before that a "love job fair" was held in a certain city, and more than 200 young men and women from the business district came. Most of the people who signed up were young people born in the 1990s.

During the two-hour blind date, the most popular words on the host’s lips were: “Dear friends, stop looking at your cell phones! Whoever lowers his head again, we will let him perform this game. "

As soon as these words came out, many people could be seen raising their heads and showing an embarrassed smile every time.

Such reminders to fight against mobile phones appeared more than ten times in 2 hours, which is comparable to the mantra of teachers when studying in school - "Attention, students."

For modern people, the farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when we sit together and you are playing with your mobile phone with your head down.

This experience is familiar to everyone:

I invited a friend I hadn’t seen for a long time to dinner. I thought I could have a good chat, but I didn’t expect that my friend kept looking at his phone the whole time. It just passed awkwardly. Relatives finally got together during the Chinese New Year, but at the dinner table, the younger ones competed for the crown, while the older ones grabbed red envelopes. Everyone had their own "career" on their mobile phones. ...

There is a joke on Zhihu that says: What are the consequences of playing with mobile phones in front of children?

A netizen said that children will think that the mobile phone is your own.

Coincidentally, some time ago, a primary school student wrote such an essay. There is a sentence in it that reads: Dad, you are almost no longer my dad. You are the dad of mobile phones.

Everyone believes that mobile phones have broken down interpersonal relationships.

But is this really the case?

02

Huang Zhizhong in "Qi Pa Shuo" mentioned a point of view. Those who believe that "without mobile phones, there were more heart-to-heart conversations between lovers and more gatherings between friends." ", children have more communication with their parents" are actually being "socially shamed".

What is "social shaming"? It means that one party in a relationship feels humiliated because the other party is looking at the phone and ignoring him.

However, the person who is socially humiliated often does not think that this is the other party's problem. Because he has a good relationship with the other party, he is unwilling to blame the other party, so he blames the problem on his mobile phone.

But what is the truth? The fact is: many people really want to look at their mobile phones, and they are not passively attracted to them because they are addicted to their mobile phones.

What is the reason why people really want to look at their mobile phones?

Ma Dong said in an issue of "The Weird Congress" that because there has never been anything that allows us to go beyond our natural social circle and see more of the world.

In other words, the emergence of mobile phones gives us the freedom of choice in social interaction. We can choose to chat with friends, or we can choose to go to a more exciting world through mobile phones.

However, when we choose a mobile phone, it will make the other party feel uncomfortable and suffer social humiliation. This humiliation is an emotion and feeling in people's hearts, but people regard this emotion as The fault lies with the mobile phone.

Just imagine, if we go back in time and we are in an era without mobile phones, and everyone sits around the fire, will we definitely hear laughter?

In fact, even without mobile phones, we often have nothing to talk to our relatives and friends.

Just like the post-90s blind date mentioned earlier, many young men and women also gave their reasons for looking down at their mobile phones:

“It’s a bit embarrassing, and I’m too embarrassed to strike up a conversation. So I just lowered my head and looked at my phone. "If no one is close to me, just look down at my phone." "Even if you don't have a phone, there is nothing to talk to about the wrong person."

”

People’s desire to communicate comes from the heart and cannot be blocked by mobile phones.

People’s desire to communicate also comes from the heart, and mobile phones give us A kind of freedom that gives us the power that we have never had before, the ability to transcend the social circles around us, reach those distant, irrelevant, but interesting spaces, and communicate with the people and things we like.

Therefore, we are not actually addicted to mobile phones, but to the freedom of communication

03

In the era before mobile phones came out, communication between people was very important. The communication seems close and the interpersonal relationship seems harmonious, but in fact it is not the case. This is all because there is no freedom of choice.

When we can't leave the village and don't have mobile phones, we probably only have the power to live. Being able to be with those so-called friends

At that time, like everyone who has a mobile phone today, we were lonely inside.

When we really wanted to be with others. When communicating, we are not willing to pick up the mobile phone, and the moment we pick up the mobile phone, it may mean that we really have nothing to talk about.

Therefore, in fact, the mobile phone is not an obstacle to human communication. On the contrary, the emergence of mobile phones sometimes becomes a tool for us to relieve embarrassment.

So, why do we often fall into such embarrassment in communication?

Probably because, In China, a country of etiquette, hospitality is considered polite. People are taught from an early age not to reject others casually and not to be embarrassed by being silent.

Therefore, once the air suddenly becomes quiet, communication becomes more difficult. Both parties will feel uncomfortable, so they will rack their brains to find topics, and either chat awkwardly until the end, or subconsciously take out their mobile phones...

I have to mention here that it has become popular recently because of "lack of enthusiasm" Finns.

When queuing up at a bus stop, Finns will consciously keep a distance of about 2 meters from the person in front of them.

On a travel forum, it was mentioned about the customs and etiquette of various countries. Sometimes, Finnish people will kindly remind everyone: Never talk to anyone casually in Finland.

Why are Finns so unenthusiastic?

Netizens excerpted some quotes from Finns. Explanation:

“We’re not rude, we just don’t really talk to each other. "Two Finns met by chance in the elevator. They couldn't speak, but they weren't embarrassed by it either. They both understand that there is no need for small talk, this is not tutoring or schooling, this is in our genes. "At least I like that I can meet a friend at the bus stop at 7 o'clock in the morning and we say 'hello' and sit next to each other." If you don't want to talk, just enjoy the long silence together. It's completely acceptable to be quiet. ”

They believe that it is better not to say a word than to say something meaningless.

This social attitude of Finns is actually a kind of respect for private space. There is no need for small talk, no embarrassment, no interruption to others, and no need to be disturbed. This way of getting along is the most comfortable and comfortable state of getting along with others.

Zhou Guoping once said: "A good relationship. They must be flexible, neither rigidly possessive nor weakly attached to each other. Only by getting along with tension can we give each other the most comfortable feeling and the greatest freedom. ”

So, next time you are chatting with someone you are not familiar with, don’t be afraid of a sudden silence. When you don’t know what to say, just enjoy the silence quietly.

Life is a life. There is nothing wrong with sharing a little.

Be a little more casual and be more casual. When you can be yourself without restraint, the other person will feel more at ease.

I hope you and I will feel more at ease. Everyone can be themselves freely and inspire better each other with their sincerity.