Recently, the program "Little Joy" has become a hot topic. The topic of family education and college entrance examination is always a pain in the hearts of parents and children.

Every parent hopes that their children will be top academics and be admitted to Peking University and Tsinghua University.

Haiqing Huang Lei plays the parents of a child who is a poor student. After Fang Yifan was almost suggested by the teacher to repeat the grade, the teacher sent a message to the parents: The most common thing about top students.

There are almost ten: 1. The family is full of love and nourishment; 2. The passion is learning rather than thinking; 3. Love learning more than life... 10. Believe in things that are more important than grades There are many more.

Comparing these ten items, the couple said: Our family has all these, why is his performance still so poor?

Yes, if you search on the Internet, you will find educational articles like this overwhelming...

Parents look at such articles and compare them with their own education. The result is growing anxiety.

What is the key point in educating children?

There is a very popular video on Ted "The key to success? Grit". The guest speaker is Angela Lee Duckworth (Angela Lee Duckworth), a Chinese-American research psychologist.

When she was 27 years old, she quit a promising job as a business management consultant in New York and chose to teach mathematics to seventh-grade students in a public school in New York. At first, like other teachers, she would give students quizzes and exams and assign them homework. After collecting the test papers and homework, she would calculate their scores.

She said in her speech: What shocks me is that IQ is not the only difference between top students and poor students. Some students who perform very well in homework do not have high IQ. IQ scores, some very smart children do not perform satisfactorily in homework and scores. This phenomenon got me thinking

She soon realized that IQ was not the only criterion that separated those students who succeeded from those who struggled but failed.

I discovered that the difference between my best and worst students was not just IQ. Some very good students do not have particularly high IQs; some very smart students do not have very good academic performance either.

After teaching for several years, I came to the conclusion: What our education needs is a better understanding of students and learning - from a motivational perspective and a psychological perspective. .

In education, the metric we’re best at testing is IQ, but what if doing well in school and in life depends on more than just whether you can learn well and quickly?

So I left the classroom and began studying how children and adults perform in a variety of difficult challenges.

In every study, I focus on: Who will succeed? Why is it successful?

My research team and I went to West Point; we studied new teachers working in very difficult environments and predicted which teachers would be on the job at the end of the school year. And, of course, which teachers have the most significant improvements in student achievement?

We work with private companies to predict which salespeople will keep their jobs? Who can make the most money?

? Across these very different contexts, we found one trait that was a good predictor of success.

It is not social skills, not beautiful appearance, not healthy body, nor IQ, but willpower.

Willpower is the enthusiasm and perseverance in facing long-term goals. Willpower is an expression of endurance. Willpower is continuing to believe in the future day after day, not just this week, not just this month, but year after year, working hard to achieve that future you believe in. Willpower is about seeing life as a marathon, not a sprint.

Next, Angela began to conduct research on the trait of "grit" in Chicago Public Schools and conducted a survey on perseverance among thousands of junior high school students. More than a year later, we will see which students will graduate. , the results prove that students with more perseverance have an absolute advantage in the probability of graduation.

Even taking into account equally quantifiable external factors, like family income, scores on standardized achievement tests, and even how safe children feel in school, it is still easier for students with grit to graduate.

Perseverance is required not just at West Point or the spelling bee, but also in school, especially among kids teetering on the edge of dropping out.

How to cultivate children’s perseverance?

How to mobilize children’s long-term enthusiasm?

Talent does not make you gritty. Our data makes it very clear that there are many talented people who fail to follow through on their commitments. In fact, according to our data, grit Often independent of other factors and even contrary to measures of talent.

So far, the most effective way I have heard of cultivating children's resilience is called "growth mindset"

Professor Carol Dweck of Stanford University proposed a point of view. He believed that people's learning ability is variable and changes with your effort.

Professor Dweck said that when children read and learn about the brain and how it changes and grows when faced with challenges, it is easier for them to persist after they fail because They don't believe they will continue to fail.

Therefore, a growth mindset goes a long way toward developing perseverance. But we need more, we need to bring out our best ideas and our strongest intuitions, and we need to implement them. We need to evaluate the success of all this, but also be eager to fail and make mistakes, learn from these failures and start again.

In other words, only by becoming more perseverant can we make our children more perseverant.

In other words, when it comes to strengthening children's willpower, parents and teachers themselves must have unremitting will and use a growth mindset to educate their children.

So what is a "growth mindset"? Your basic abilities can be developed through your efforts. Even if people have various differences in innate talents and qualifications, interests or temperaments, everyone can change and grow through effort and personal experience.

The true human potential is unknown (and unknowable); there is no telling what a human being can achieve after years of passion, hard work, and training.

In the first few episodes of "Little Joy", the grade director suggested to Fang Yifan and Ji Yangyang that several poor children should stay in class (repeat a grade). Fortunately, the principal stopped this plan in time; then, a thorough examination was conducted to divide the students into into sprint classes, parallel classes and basic classes.

This phenomenon is so common in today’s schools that students and parents can’t help but feel like they are being labeled, even by their teachers. They feel that students in basic classes are poor students, while students in sprint classes are the guarantee of college entrance examination rates in prestigious schools.

At the swearing-in ceremony, Song Qian asked Yingzi to ensure that her college entrance examination score was above 700. Because Yingzi ranked second in the final exam, her mother Song Qian could not accept this fact and canceled all her entertainment time and items of interest.

Children with a fixed mindset are labeled and feel that they are poor students, and children in sprint classes are even more unable to accept their slightest differences.

When I was in my senior year of high school, a female classmate from the top class entered Fudan University as she wished. Half a year later, she died of a brain tumor. The doctor said the patient was caused by excessive self-stress.

When I was in physical education class with her, I discovered that she was extremely thin. Whenever she did mat exercises, her classmates would not dare to hold her arms, for fear that her chopstick-like arms would be accidentally hit. We break. Gradually, information about her spread: the daily test rankings in the top class made her extremely frightened, which inadvertently caused huge pressure. Although she was finally admitted to a prestigious school, she was crushed by the long-term pressure and passed away in her best years.

Professor Carol Dweck said: In addition to being amiable to students and children, a good educator is also very tolerant.

They create a trusting, judgment-free learning environment. The atmosphere is "I will teach you" rather than "Let me judge your ability."

What will a growth mindset teacher teach students? Teach them to love learning, teach them to eventually learn to learn and think on their own, and work hard to learn the basics.

When students do not need to know how to do something that everyone else can do and cannot bridge the gap, teachers with a growth mindset will tell students the truth and then teach them ways to narrow the gap.

A good teacher is one who can grow with his students, because he is not interested in teaching, but in learning.

In the popular TV series "The First Half of My Life" the year before last, Ma Yili played Luo Zijun's mother, Xue Zhenzhu, who has a typical growth mindset.

After Luo Zijun's divorce, when faced with the choice of two jobs, Luo's mother, who was born in the urban market, made a career analysis based on female instincts.

Buying women's shoes in high-end department stores: The work is easy, but the customers are mostly female, or men accompany women to buy shoes. There are few single men, and the possibility of marriage is slim.

Research company: Although it is hard work, there are many male colleagues and more marriage options.

I have to admire Luo's mother's growth mindset. Her rational analysis of her daughter's marriage is well-founded.

Parents who have a growth mindset reflect it through their behavior. She gives her children methods that not only set high standards for them, but also empower them to reach this standard.

Luo Zijun succeeded in counterattacking in middle age by relying on his growth mindset.

In order to obtain custody of her son, she immediately looked for the most basic service job.

After being rejected at the first stage of his job search, and being fired from a supermarket convenience store due to inexplicable complaints from customers for the second time, Zijun was not discouraged.

With the help of He Han, the experience gained from purchasing luxury goods allowed her to obtain a white-collar position in the service industry.

In life, it is difficult for most women to do this. After a few interviews, they usually go home.

Although I was not a princess in my past life, I already had the heart of a princess. The princess in the sky suddenly turned into a Cinderella in the world. The huge psychological gap is not easily bearable.

In the department store, in order to get rid of Lao Jin's entanglement, Luo Zijun decisively resigned without finding another job. He did not continue to develop in the same industry, but went to a more challenging one. The consulting industry has completed a qualitative leap in life.

Usually, after a person reaches the age of 35, his thoughts solidify, his working environment is fixed, and his life circle is stereotyped. People are always full of fear of the unknown world.

People with a growth mindset not only seek challenges, but also grow in challenges. The greater the challenge, the greater the room for growth.

Nowadays, a common conflict issue among middle school children is mobile phones. Once parents see their children playing with mobile phones, they get angry.

What do parents with a fixed mindset usually do?

Whenever parents see their children playing with mobile phones, they will first advise, scold, and confiscate them; the children will naturally refuse to manipulate them at will, start arguing, and the conflict will escalate.

The result is: children peek at their mobile phones; or have a spare mobile phone; or even passively resist academic work because their mobile phones are confiscated.

Faced with this situation, parents are miserable and looking for tips.

How should a parent-teacher conference with a growth mindset be conducted?

Understand the motivations behind children’s behavior of using mobile phones:

Academic pressure is high, and they need to play games to relax and meet their need for rest

Understand games, in order to communicate with classmates There are more people in the same language to satisfy the need for making friends

Watch social news and celebrity gossip to satisfy the need for exploration and curiosity

If you have no motivation to study, you can use your mobile phone to kill boredom. Satisfy the need for meaning

......

When parents understand the precise motivation behind their children's behavior of playing with mobile phones, they can guide them in a targeted manner.

Children need to rest and relax, and parents can make an appointment with their children for play time;

Children need to socialize, and parents can consciously look for these information materials to provide their children with more talk topics; or satisfy them Children's desire

Children are curious about the outside world. Parents can collect various information from Weibo, various self-media, and official media, and discuss it with their children;

Children have no motivation to learn. Parents often take their children to participate in various sports and lectures to capture their children’s inner interests;

...

Every behavior in children’s growth can inspire Parents discover, change and grow.

When you decide to change, think about the thing you want to do, the knowledge you want to learn, or the problem you want to face.

First determine your goals and then develop a specific plan. When will you implement your plan? Where will you implement your plan? How are you going to implement it? Consider the specific details.

These concrete, conceivable plans involve when, where and how you do things.

This will allow you to maintain efficient mobility and increase your probability of success.

Song Qian, Yingzi's mother in "Little Joy", when she learned the truth about Yingzi's truancy every morning, she did not understand the real reason behind her child's truancy, but allowed her emotions to erupt like a volcano.

When Yingzi told her mother that she was under a lot of pressure, Song Qian howled: "Am I not under a lot of pressure?" Then a lot of complaints poured on the child like an overwhelming river, using the so-called "love" "Emotions control the child again.

What if she could understand the reasons for the pressure behind her children, appreciate and protect her children’s persistence in their interest in astronomy, set up a study plan for their favorite university together, and become an assister on their children’s growth path, helping them When the child achieves the goal in her heart, it is naturally too late for the child to be happy. There is no need for her father's so-called refuge.

Deng Chao in "Galaxy Tutorial" plays a father with a growth mindset.

He said to his son: We study not for Tsinghua University and Peking University, but to cultivate the habit of thinking and the courage to face life.

After the father and son were separated in heavy rain, the son was trapped in the fierce floods. The father's usual growth mindset came into effect. He found a basin, tied a flashlight, blew a whistle, and finally Be saved.

A growth mindset will stimulate people’s potential at all times.

When NASA screens astronaut applications, they will reject those who have simple, smooth sailing experiences and instead select those who have experienced major failures and stood up again.

For people with a growth mindset, failure is also a painful experience, but it cannot define you. It is just a problem that you need to face and solve and learn from it.

There is a survey of 143 creativity researchers:

Outstanding people have a special talent, which is the ability to turn setbacks in life into future successes.

This spirit of perseverance and perseverance, which we also call "grit", is the product of the growth mindset.

When parents use a growth mindset to educate their children, the child will accept this mindset and will not stay away from himself. Instead, he will use the same mindset to consider problems and face the future, which will make the child more capable. Get closer to your true self.

Moreover, parents with a growth mindset know that it takes a certain amount of time for their children’s potential to blossom.

As long as parents and children continue to grow together, poor students can also become the ones who determine their own future direction.

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